


Comeback

by Ekala, kitarin



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Autumn, Background Bruce Banner - Freeform, Background Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Background Frigga | Freyja (Marvel), Background Heimdall (Marvel), Background James "Bucky" Barnes - Freeform, Background Laufey (Marvel), Background Odin (Marvel), Background Sam Wilson (Marvel), Background Steve Rogers - Freeform, Bisexual Thor (Marvel), Blow Jobs, Christmas, Christmas Party, Clothed Sex, Clubbing, Composer Loki (Marvel), Dirty Talk, Drunk Sex, Drunk Texting, Drunk Thor (Marvel), Falling In Love, Families of Choice, Flashbacks, Frottage, Glee References, Grinding, Happy Ending, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealous Loki (Marvel), Karaoke, Loki (Marvel) Lies, Loki Has a Cat (Marvel), Lonely Loki (Marvel), M/M, Manhandling, Marking, Musician Loki (Marvel), New York City, Other Marvel Characters - Freeform, Past Drug Use, Phone Sex, Possessive Thor (Marvel), Press and Tabloids, Riding, Rock Star Thor (Marvel), Rough Sex, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Singing, Snow and Ice, Song Lyrics, Stargazing, Thunderstorms, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 119,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekala/pseuds/Ekala, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/pseuds/kitarin
Summary: When Loki walks into his latest part-time gig, he doesn’t expect to run into the man who stole his song 8 years ago.But why is Thor, a former rock god, drinking himself to death in a random bar in Brooklyn?Why doesn’t he know who Loki is?  Why does he want nothing to do with his former stardom?Why is there such a magnetic attraction between them?And most importantly… why would Loki want to help this fallen star make a comeback?
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 261
Kudos: 175
Collections: Thorki Big Bang 2019





	1. Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> First, a huge shoutout to our amazing artist [caffein8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffein8), whose graphics will appear throughout the story. We truly feel so lucky to have had such a wonderful time working together!
> 
> You can also find the three of us on Twitter: Kitarin at [@kitarinastala](https://twitter.com/kitarinastala), Ekala at [@ekala71](https://twitter.com/ekala71), and Caffein8 at [@softhorki](https://twitter.com/softhorki). 
> 
> Thank you also to our lovely mods for arranging the 2019 Thorki Big Bang! Be sure to check out the rest of the collection here on AO3 or on twitter at [@thorkibigbang](https://twitter.com/thorkibigbang)! 
> 
> When we first found a prompt by [@szishen](https://twitter.com/szishen) on the Big Bang Twitter for a fallen Rock Star Thor and a Loki who picks him up off his feet, we didn't expect it to grow into this monster of a fic. Thanks so much for the inspiration! 
> 
> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Autumn in The City is always sublime, but tonight’s sunset is particularly colorful, an azure sky overhead with broad sweeps of indigo clouds stretching in ribbons from the rosy glow in the west to the darkening nightfall in the east. The concrete oven of summer is fading, but the chill of winter has yet to set in and the wind that whips through Loki’s hair as he reaches the top of the subway stairs is crisp and refreshing. It’s another Friday, another possible gig, something to occupy his ever-restless mind, and as he rounds the corner towards his destination, he’s absolutely not expecting to collide with an enormous moving object suddenly exiting from a stairwell directly onto the pavement in front of him.

The sheer force of the collision would be enough to send Loki flying backwards were it not for the strong hand that wraps around his wrist, catching him before he can fall and hauling him back to an upright position.  
  
“Ahhh shit. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.”  
  
Loki’s about to snap out something rude in startled response, but then he looks up and into the bluest eyes he’s ever seen, the same shade he’d just been admiring in the sky, and all of his words somehow slip away. The stranger holds onto him with an apologetic half-smile for what feels like a heartbeat or three too long until Loki comes to his senses, yanking his hand free and automatically taking a step back.

“Pay more attention, you oaf,” Loki scowls up at the other man, at least half a foot taller than him, but the stranger doesn’t seem to take offense to the mild insult.

Instead, he tips his sunglasses back up his nose and casually leans against the wall of the building behind them, gesturing one hand out in a wide sweep towards the now clear walkway with a soft laugh. “Nice to meet you too.”

Breezing past him without an answer, Loki stops short a few steps later as he realizes he’s reached the correct address and tries to ignore the second echo of laughter behind him as he yanks open the door to a bar named Thunderstruck.

Inside, the place is less of a dive than he was expecting based on the ad, a fairly large space that takes up the entire corner of the building. It’s typical Brooklyn red brick, the bar running nearly the length of one wall and into an L-shape, stools scattered along it, and there aren’t any booths, but instead a dozen or so small tables scattered around the rest of the room.

Typically a place like this would be a sports bar, but despite some memorabilia on the walls for New York teams – Yankees, Mets, Dodgers, which is _decidedly_ nostalgic – there is only a single TV at the bar and it’s currently off. As Loki steps further into the room, his eyes drift over the old black and white photographs on the wall - Brooklyn Bridge, Flatiron, Bethesda Terrace – until they land on the stage in the very back. It’s small and only slightly raised, but there’s a piano on it and Loki can’t help but wonder if the acoustics will be any good.  
  
“Can I get you something?”  
  
Loki’s assessment of the place is halted by one of the bartenders calling out to him, a woman with dark, curly hair and a sourpuss expression that makes it clear that she’s wholly unimpressed with his loitering in the doorway.  
  
“I’m here about the ad,” Loki starts, but when all he receives is the same blank stare, he continues, one eyebrow raising. “You’re looking for a musician, correct? I’ve been in touch with-”  
  
“YO, SAM!” the bartender suddenly bellows out, cutting Loki off before he can finish. A head appears in an open doorway beside the bar, to which the woman jerks a thumb in his direction, and a moment later, three men file out of what he assumes is an office. The third is carrying a stack of boxes, which he plunks down next to the bartender so the two can begin to restock the shelves for the night.  
  
Sam is friendlier than the bartenders, extending a hand to Loki immediately as he approaches with a welcoming smile. “I’m Sam. You must be Loki?”  
  
“Indeed, I am,” Loki grasps his hand in a firm shake and then follows suit with the second man.  
  
“Steve Rogers, manager,” the blond introduces himself as he shakes Loki’s hand, then points around the room starting with Sam. “Sam runs the music in this joint. Bucky, head bartender-” And here Bucky looks up from his work and lifts one hand in a silent greeting. “And, of course, you met Val.”  
  
Sam takes a seat on one of the bar stools, eyeing up Loki’s black designer suit with unveiled skepticism, as the rest of the them are all in jeans and t-shirts emblazoned with the bar’s logo, a lightning bolt through an old-fashioned beer stein. “Resume said you’re a professor?”  
  
“Among many things,” Loki answers coolly, unsurprised by the question and undeterred by the doubt. He has no problem with looking overqualified in person or on paper, and he knows he has the skills for all of that to not matter a damn anyway, as long as they give him a chance to play. “Gigging pays better.”  
  
“Maybe in Manhattan,” Steve laughs, also taking a seat at the bar, and as he holds out a hand, Bucky slides a beer down to him without either of them meeting eyes. “But we do pay a flat fair price for a gig, in cash, even if the tip jar goes empty.”  
  
“Sounds reasonable.”  
  
“So, what do you play?”  
  
“Piano. Vocals. Guitar. Flute-”

“No, no, though that’s an impressive list,” Steve interrupts with an easy laugh. “I mean, what _kind_ of music do you play?”  
  
“What do you want to hear?”

It’s a bold statement to make after being given the opportunity to list his comfort zone first, but Steve just grins, giving him an honest answer in return. “Big Band. Classics. And come on, every NYer has to know some Billy Joel.”

“Piano _man_ in a piano _bar_ , obviously,” Loki fires back at him with a smirk and the audacity for a quick little roll of his eyes. “New York State of Mind? No, flashier – Angry Young Man? Or, personal favorite - Summer, Highland Falls?”  
  
Steve nods approvingly as he takes a sip of his beer, sets it down on the bar. “Beatles?”

“At least a dozen or two.”

“Contemporary rock,” Bucky suddenly cuts in, his voice carrying easily from the other end of the bar. “Coldplay. Imagine Dragons. Green Day-”

As Bucky continues with his list, Loki holds up both hands, ticking each name off finger by finger until he hits ten, eventually flipping both hands over with a shrug as he drawls out a pointed “ _Y_ _es”_ that almost, but not quite, ends in a hiss.  
  
Thoroughly amused at the banter, Sam can’t help chiming in at this point too. “Marvin Gaye. Temptations. Supremes.”  
  
“Absolutely, but we all know Motown’s much better with harmonies...” Loki trails off, letting his eyes flicker around to challenge each of his interrogation squad, “So, is someone else offering to take the stage _with_ me?”  
  
All four simultaneously become immediately awkward, laughing off the suggestion with mutters of _no thanks_ and _yeah right_ with some pointed and odd glances around at each other. Loki’s tempted to probe further out of mere curiosity, but Val doesn’t give him the chance, tossing out some wild strides in various directions to finish the game. “Indigo Girls. P!nk. Panic. Gaga.”  
  
“Any of the above and happy to prove it,” Loki gestures to the piano, but his eyes are on Val’s, not a shred of fear at backing up any and every claim.

“Alright, alright, give the guy a break,” Steve finally laughs to break the tension, both hands moving into a t-shaped time-out signal. He’s already assessed his team’s thoughts listening to the dialogue, but takes the moment to make eye contact with each one of them before hopping off his stool and offering Loki his hand again. “Go ahead and set up – if tonight’s show is well-received by the regs, then we can talk about a more permanent gig.”

“By regs, he means me,” a new voice calls out, a previously innocuous patron at the bar who now turns around on his stool, beer in hand, to give Loki a small wave. “Bruce.”  
  
“Banner’s here _every_ night,” Val emphasizes the words by cracking the top off another beer and sliding it towards him. “But someday he’s gonna finish that dissertation, right?”  
  
“Watch it! Tonight’s tip is on the line, angry girl,” Bruce answers her with good humor, lifting his beer in her direction, and then at Loki. “Looking forward to the show.”  
  
Loki nods at Bruce as he shakes Steve’s hand again, and then follows Sam back to the stage where they check the lighting and the microphone before he’s finally left to his own devices. There’s not even half a dozen patrons in the bar, hardly any kind of real audience, but Loki’s mind isn’t on them, not on his first night here. That’s not who he’s striving to impress, though he doesn’t imagine it will be too difficult to please the staff, when they’ve already given him their cheat sheets.  
  
There’s no place he feels more at ease than with an instrument in hand, and tonight’s concert will be a treat, a playlist put together on the spot, absolutely meant to cater to both their whims and to share some of his own. Intertwining his fingers, he stretches his hands backwards once in front of him before setting them on the piano, the warm opening jazz strains of New York State of Mind filling the room as he lets himself get a little lost in the music.  
  
Steve whistles in appreciation with an added “That’s what I’m talking about!” as the music starts and then nods at Sam. “Got a good feeling about this one.”

Behind them, the door to Thunderstruck swings open again to admit a string of people, most of them regulars just out of work, and on the tail end of the group is Thor.

Val serves up a few orders as she greets some of the newcomers, but that doesn’t stop Thor from gently elbowing his way in to tease her with an easy grin. “Thought you weren’t working Thursdays anymore, Val?”  
  
“It’s Friday, Thor,” she shakes her head at him, but can’t help a smile in return, not entirely certain if he’s kidding or not. “But I’m glad to see you at least got dressed today.”  
  
“Thanks for noticing,” Thor beams at her, pulling at the t-shirt he’s wearing without telling her he only put it on five minutes ago. “I think the color really brings out my eyes.” He also doesn’t tell her that he only dressed properly because he’s come here looking for someone. No one needs to know that.  
  
Val snorts in response and then shoos him down the bar with one hand before he annoys her customers, “Go on and grab your 6-pack. Bucky should be done stocking by now.”  
  
“Banner! Sam! Cap!” Thor greets his friends with offers of fist bumps as he moves along the bar and each one of them indulges him in turn. “Everything going splendidly tonight, my friends?”  
  
Thor’s usual 6-pack is waiting on the bar top in front of Bucky, but he doesn’t immediately pick it up, his eyes scanning over the room, searching for the man he’d bumped into outside. He isn’t among those at the bar and it’s not terribly busy yet, with only a few people scattered at the tables, and he’s not there either.  
  
Thor wonders if perhaps he’d only imagined the mysterious stranger with the guarded green eyes. Certainly, he’s a little tipsy, but nowhere near the hallucinatory point, so... he must be _somewhere_ in this room.  
  
_Or has he already come and gone that quickly?_  
  
The gut punch of disappointment almost overtakes him until the music suddenly cuts out. With a start, Thor’s ears, attuned to the piano from the moment he’d walked into the room, catch up to the rest of his mind at about the same moment he sets eyes upon his mysterious stranger with the dark hair.  
  
The music is live tonight.  
  
Loki’s smooth voice carries over the room as he teases the audience with the second to last note, waiting until he’s earned a few whistles and scattered bits of applause, and then his long fingers seem to melt into the final chords as he croons the last word in a way that sits solidly as a lump in Thor’s throat.  
  
“On second thought,” Thor finds himself sliding onto a bar stool beside Steve, tapping the bar top with two fingers. “Will you make me a drink, Bucky? I think I’m going to stay and enjoy the show for awhile.”  
  
“Sure thing, Boss,” Bucky chucks the 6-pack back into a fridge down below and pulls out one of Thunderstruck’s signature steins. As soon as he’s certain Thor’s eyes are back on the stage, he catches Steve’s, nodding towards Thor with a look he knows his best friend will read as _Code Red: Thor’s Not Leaving_.

Steve crosses his arms over his chest and gives Bucky a shrug as an answer. If it becomes a Problem, the two of them will handle it together, same as they always do, but Thor seems to be in a jovial mood tonight, so he can’t bring himself to worry about it too much. Besides, their new potential hire picks out Coldplay next and even Bucky can’t help but relax into enjoying the show and hoping for a stress-free night.  
  
_o/~_ _The lights go out and I can't be saved_  
_Tides that I tried to swim against_  
_Have brought me down upon my knees_  
_Oh I beg, I beg and plead, Singing o/~_

Thor’s fingers drum the underlying 3-3-2 rhythm of the song against the bar top as he listens. It’s been awhile since he’s heard this one, but that particular driving rhythm was always a favorite of his to play, and hard to maintain against the vocals. __  
  
_o/~_ _Confusion that never stops_  
_Closing walls and ticking clocks_  
_Gonna come back and take you home_  
_I could not stop that you now know,_ _singing_ _~/o_

The stranger’s voice soars easily above his playing, though, smooth and seemingly effortless, which means he’s absolutely well-practiced. Thor’s initial curiosity about this person quickly slides into genuine admiration.

 _o/~_ _And nothing else compares_ _~/o_ __  
  
Thunderstruck, usually a fairly noisy place, seems abnormally quiet, and Thor can tell he’s not the only one taken in by this performance. What he doesn’t expect is the funny little twist in his heart near the end, but one word swirls around inside his head when this man sings it. For a moment, as he closes his eyes against the feeling, it’s as if Thor can feel the sun on his face, the light reflecting off something he can’t really remember. 

_o/~_ _Home. Home._  
_Where I wanted to go...~/o_  
  
When the song ends, the applause is genuine and the memory slips away, leaving Thor swallowing hard and turning to pick up his untouched drink for the distraction. He’s not certain they’ve ever had someone this talented play here and it’s evoking all sorts of feelings he’s loathe to confront, but he can’t stop himself from wanting to stay and hear the rest of the performance anyway.

Over the course of the next two hours or so, Loki, as Thor derives from the conversation of his friends, entertains the entire bar with such a wide variety of styles that he can never quite guess what’s coming next. Some of the choices are requests that get the patrons in the bar singing along, others leave everyone to chatter while they enjoy the music, and some decidedly draw the audience in and make them want to listen instead.  
  
When the last song begins, it’s another Thor recognizes from the radio, but it’s usually far more electronic and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard it presented in such a stripped down fashion.  
  
_o/~_ _This is gospel for the fallen ones_ __  
_Locked away in permanent slumber_ __  
_Assembling their philosophies_ _  
__From pieces of broken memories_ _~/o_

There’s something different about Loki as he sings this song too, a raw emotion that creeps in as he reaches the chorus, as if his voice might actually give out on him for the first time. It carries a quiet sort of desperation that Thor is all too familiar with and he knows, without a doubt, that it comes from somewhere deep.

_o/~_ _This is gospel for the vagabonds,_  
_Ne'er-do-wells, insufferable bastards_  
_Confessing their apostasies_  
_Led away by imperfect impostors ~/o_

He knows this because it strikes the same chords in him, an equal love and loathing in the vulnerability, and music the only outlet for the torrent of emotion.

_o/~ I_ _f you love me let me go_  
_If you love me let me go_  
_'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars_  
_The fear of falling apart_  
_And truth be told, I never was yours_  
_The fear, the fear of falling apart ~/o_

Thor doesn’t even realize he’s blinking back tears until he hears the last note ring out into the silence of the room, but no one notices because the hush that’s come over the bar feels absolute, as if they’ve all been momentarily frozen, let in on a secret they were never meant to hear.

It’s Val who breaks the spell, the slow clap that she starts quickly picked up on by everyone in the room.

Loki looks up from the piano as if he’s startled by the response, but his guard quickly slips back into place as he rises, giving a small but polite bow. He hadn’t even realized how crowded the room had grown in the last hour and it quickens his pulse to hear the enthusiasm in the applause.

Steve is already waving him over to the bar as Sam motions Val to flip the bar’s canned music back on, and Loki weaves his way back to them, nodding at the compliments tossed his way by the bar’s patrons.

“Amazing show!” Sam greets him with another handshake, far more enthusiastic than earlier. “I’d love to have you keep playing for us.”

“Stay and have a drink, on the house?” Steve adds, motioning to Bucky as Loki nods his agreement. Once he hands Loki the beer, the rest of the discussion goes quickly – how much, in cash, at will, Fridays and Saturdays – and then the three are clinking drinks.

“Wish I could stay, boys, but I’ve got an early shift at the hospital tomorrow,” Sam tips back the end of his beer and sets it down on the counter as he and Steve bump shoulders companionably. “But I’m looking forward to tomorrow because it sounds like we just became the luckiest bar in Brooklyn.”

Loki laughs, but doesn’t get the chance to thank him for the praise because someone else leans into the middle of the conversation from the other side of Steve. “I’ll drink to that,” he interrupts with a beaming smile and a lift of his drink, and it takes Loki a moment too long to realize the voice belongs to the stranger he met outside earlier.

Said stranger with the beer belly and annoying laugh is at least no longer wearing a stained bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, but he’s done nothing to tame the long, scraggly blond hair hanging around his face. Loki is not short of stature, but the man is seated on a bar stool and that puts them more eye to eye than they were earlier, which somehow leaves Loki feeling even smaller. The scruffy beard can’t disguise the sincerity in his expression, though, or do a thing about how strikingly blue his eyes are up close. “One of the regulars I needed to impress?” Loki directs his question at Steve even though he can still feel those eyes on him.  
  
“Something like that,” Steve laughs, “But don’t let him get to you.” He’s distracted by the orders suddenly stacking up now that the show’s ended, and gives Loki a last little wave before jumping behind the bar to help out Bucky and Val.

Not wanting to be completely rude, Loki nods at Thor with a quick, “Thank you,” before turning into the crowd with every intention of weaving his way out the door to head home for the night. He’s halfway down the bar when he feels the hand on his elbow and he knows who it is without even needing to turn back around. What surprises him is the way his pulse jumps at the touch.

“You don’t have to leave so quickly.”

Loki can tell himself that he’s humoring this man because he doesn’t want to piss off his new boss, but that’s only a half-truth and his answer is sharp and impulsive. “Are you asking me to stay?”

Thor tugs on Loki’s arm until he gives in and turns around, his eyes searching Loki’s as he implores seriously, his earlier grin now vanished.“Have a drink with me.”

“Why?” Curiosity always gets the better of Loki and even though he’d put it out of his mind during the performance, their unusual meeting earlier coupled with the bold determination in this gesturemakes him wonder if perhaps they do know each other from somewhere else.

“I haven’t yet had the chance to tell you how astounding you were tonight.”

This is not the first time someone’s approached Loki after a performance and it won’t be the last, he’s certain. And while he always appreciates the flattery, it’s usually empty flirtation and he’s not looking for an easy hook-up with a regular at his brand new place of employment. Too many expectations. “I appreciate the compliment and since it seems you are a frequent patron of this place, I’m certain you’ll be able to enjoy another performance soon. If you’ll excuse me?”

Thor realizes he’s said the wrong thing as he listens to Loki’s response, a script that sounds all too painfully familiar to him, but he brushes past it, grabbing this time for Loki’s hand as he turns to leave for a second time. He isn’t sure why it’s so important to him not to let this moment pass them both by, but he’s always been the type to trust his gut and he can’t help how the words tumble out of his mouth in a rush. “What I mean is, truly, I enjoyed hearing you cover so many styles and eras. People requested all sorts of things and you never faltered even once. And while some of the songs you obviously chose _for_ their well-known piano parts, quite a few didn’t have any piano in their original incarnations. You played some songs I haven’t heard in years and would _never_ have expected to sound so good with only a piano instead of a full band. Were all the arrangements your own? If so, you’ve quite the talent.”

Loki says nothing as he listens to Thor ramble, but neither does he pull his hand out of the other man’s grasp. This isn’t at all the direction he was expecting the conversation to take, but he finds himself pleasantly surprised, sincerely flattered and genuinely curious. “One drink.”

“One…” Thor trails off as he processes Loki’s words and then his face lights up with delighted relief. “One drink! On me.”  
He lets go of Loki’s hand and takes a step towards the bar, motioning to Val to get him another beer before turning back to Loki. “Another beer? Rum n’ Coke? Cosmo?” There’s a bit of curious twinkle in his eyes now that he hasn’t been immediately rejected.

“Sour Apple Martini,” Loki answers him, appreciating the thoughtfulness as they slide onto two stools, next to each other this time.

Thor gives him a thumbs up and leans in conspiratorially. “Excellent choice. Val makes a _wicked_ martini.” He takes a moment to place the order and then turns, leaning one elbow on the bar, wondering if Loki will answer his question. “...well?”

Turning on his bar stool, Loki crosses one leg over the other and folds both hands across one knee, finding himself surprised yet again by the fact that Thor seems to genuinely want an answer. “Some are embellishments of existing sheet music. Some are my own arrangements of a band’s chord charts. Some are transcriptions by ear, which is something else I do as a side job.”  
  
“Ah, yes, the ones where you cover the bass guitar part but also the drum set’s rhythm all in the left hand? The syncopation with the other hand must be atrocious.”

“It very much is. And _you_ must be a musician.” It’s Loki’s turn to be nosy now, finding himself warming more quickly than he would have thought possible.

“Once upon a time, maybe,” Thor says with a sad little laugh, averting his eyes back towards the colorful bottles on the back wall of the bar. The way he trails off makes it seem like he might elaborate, but he doesn’t. There’s a beat of silence and then, “But I was always horrid at the piano.”

“You don’t play anymore?”

“Nah. Not in years.”

Loki can tell he’s hit a sore spot and his next response is a little softer. “...that’s a shame.”

“You think?”

“Mmhmm. Always a shame to let anything come between you and your music, if it’s what you really love.”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Oh?”

Thor suddenly feels like he’s the one who’s been put under the spotlight and he’s grateful when Val finishes Loki’s drink, because it’s an excuse to escape the unasked question. “Thanks, Val.” He pushes the martini towards Loki, all smiles again. “Go on, how is it?”

“Patience, much?” Loki snarks as he swirls the bright green liquid around the glass, but then he takes a sip and his eyebrows lift. Another sip and he gives Val an approving nod. “My compliments.”

“And mine to your good taste.” Val can tell this isn’t a man who gives compliments out on the regular and she can also tell she’s the unwilling third party in a conversation that’s gotten a little too delicate. Leaning across the bar towards Loki, she thumbs in Thor’s direction. “If he gets out of line, let me know. I’ll kick his ass.”

“Is this how you treat _all_ your regulars?” Loki can’t hold in his snicker, which is how he can tell how strong Val’s drink is, even if he can’t taste it.

“Regular?” Val busts out a sharp laugh, shaking her head at Thor. “He _owns_ the place.”

“He _what_?”

Val doesn’t get the chance to rib Thor further about it, though, as there are other customers requiring her attention, and Loki doesn’t actually need to ask if it’s true because Thor’s expression is immediately sheepish and apologetic.

“...I thought you knew?”

“I did not,” Loki shakes his head and smiles, because somehow he can’t quite bring himself to be angry. “But I think I should get going now.” He tips the last half of the drink back in one swallow and then sets it down as he slides off the bar stool. “Thank you.”  
  
“Wait.”

For the third time tonight, Thor grabs Loki’s hand, but this time he turns it over as he lifts a pen off the bar, impulsively scrawling his number across Loki’s palm.

It’s so old-fashioned and ridiculous that Loki just stares, first at the ink on his hand, then incredulously at Thor. “You’ll see me tomorrow night.”

Thor has the grace to flush a little, closing up Loki’s hand with both of his own before lifting his eyes to meet Loki’s. “I know. But. In case you ever want to text. About music stuff.”

Loki finds himself at a surprising loss for words, so he simply gently pulls his hand free. Thor doesn’t stop him this time, watching Loki’s back as he heads for the door. As if aware there are still eyes on him, Loki turns to glance back over his shoulder as he pushes the door open. Thor can’t hear him over the noise of the bar, but the words are slow enough, enunciated so he can read them on Loki’s lips.

“Goodnight, _Boss_.”

Loki’s gone then and Thor turns back to the bar, staring down into his bottle of beer with the dumbest little grin on his face and the most horrible ache in his chest. How long has it been? He’s stopped keeping track of years, honestly, much the same way he’s stopped keeping track of beers. Drown himself in one to forget the other, and even knowing that doesn’t stop him from lifting his hand at Val to make another order.

Any of the three bartenders know that despite him being the owner, they can cut Thor off if he gets too loud or rowdy and most nights, he doesn’t even stay long, preferring to drink alone in his apartment upstairs. Tonight, no one stops him because he merely sits in the same spot for hours as he continues to drink, gazing off into the middle distance and occasionally drumming his fingers on the countertop in time with whatever music is playing.

It’s nearly closing time when Thor finally stands up from the bar, swaying just a touch, but instead of heading for the door, he meanders towards the stage, neither noticing or caring if anyone’s paying attention to him. On the wall behind the piano, several guitars are mounted on pegs, both acoustic and electric, and Loki’s words play back in his mind as he slowly reaches for one.

_Always a shame to let anything come between you and your music, if it’s what you really love._

_o/~_ _I just saw the lightning strike_ __  
_Knew it right then when I looked in your eyes_ __  
_And I said to myself, "It's no surprise we ain't strangers"_ __  
_Strangers tonight_ __  
_Must be from a different life_ __  
_Been here before and it just feels right_ __  
_No, this ain't the first time for you and I, we ain't strangers_ _  
_ _Strangers tonight_ _~/o_


	2. Pull The String

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).  
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

“Don't try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive...'cause I won't give up without a fight...”  
  
Loki’s voice echoes around his bathroom as he steps out of the steaming shower, blinking water out of his eyes as he reaches for a towel. Fragments of the songs from this evening’s performance continue to drift through his mind, annoyingly interspersed with a certain someone’s eyes.

_Bzz.._

Tossing the towel over his head to soak some of the water out of his hair, he sighs with a disgruntled sort of unease. Something about the events of the night keeps tickling the edges of his mind, but he can’t seem to figure out why.

_Bzz._ _Bzz._

Is it really that terrible a thing if the owner of his new gig enjoys music? Enjoys _his_ music? Enjoys _him_?

_Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz._

Towel now hanging around his hips, Loki glances out of his bathroom and towards the bedroom where he’s left his phone on the nightstand, ringer off for the night. “What the hell…?” He’s used to the occasional ping of an email popping up, as he belongs to plenty of music forums and mailing lists, but his phone is going off so repeatedly that he can’t ignore the steady vibration.

“Can you get the phone, Fen?” he calls out, hair still hanging wet around his shoulders as he marches out of the bathroom, grabbing a robe off a door hook and tossing it on as he discards the towel.

_Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.Bzz. Bzz._

A runty little gray cat curled up on the end of his bed perks his head up with a soft trill at the sound of Loki’s voice and he pauses to scritch between his ears. “I know, I know, you remind me all the time - cats aren’t secretaries. Truly unfortunate.”

_Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.Bzz._

Patience eroding, Loki finally snatches up the phone to see what all the fuss is about and immediately his heart drops into his stomach, his hands fumbling the phone so badly he almost drops it. The constant pings aren’t anything he was expecting, but instead, an alert he set up ages ago that hasn’t gone off in years.

#farfromme

“...my song.” Loki mutters, his hands going ice cold with fury.

The alerts are coming in so fast that Loki can’t keep up with the messages, scrolling them with one thumb as he dashes back to the office where his laptop is still sitting open on his desk. Most of the alerts seem to be responses to a new video that’s gone up on the official account of an old disbanded group called Thor and the Warriors 3, a band that hasn’t posted a damn thing in more than five years.

Thor, God of Thunder, lead singer and guitarist for said band, is an egotistical thief and an absolute scourge upon Loki’s life that he’d fervently hoped to never hear about again. “What, does he think he’s going to make a _comeback_?” Loki snarls derisively as he slams himself into his chair, pulling up the band’s page on his computer. Just seeing that enormous shit-eating grin, the idiotic red face paint, the dramatic pose with music-note-thunderbolts coming out his guitar… it brings everything rushing back to him like a goddamn hammer to the head.

As a new songwriter, barely out of school, Loki had been so naive, so hopeful, so trusting… and Asgardian Records had taken full advantage of it, stealing his own song right out from under him and letting this jerk take the credit for it.

Swallowing down a lump in his throat, Loki’s finger hovers over the mouse as he stares at the screen, knowing he should just walk away from it. Not even watch this 1:42 seconds of probable bullshit.

But curiosity ever gets the better of him.

It’s not even professional quality, quite obviously taken on a cellphone, and from across the room, zoomed in, so it’s slightly blurry, a man sitting on a piano bench with his back to the camera, hunched over a guitar. The first few notes of a song Loki’s sorry he ever wrote twang slowly, one string slightly out of tune, and he winces as the camera pulls out, and then quite literally chokes on his next breath.

Loki knows that piano.

He played it tonight.

In a bar named… _Thunderstruck_.

_Fuck._

_No._

_No, it’s impossible._

The video continues to run as Loki stares, wide-eyed, shaking slightly, at the same man – a man whose name he realizes he never asked for – who’d bought him a drink tonight, who’d complimented his music tonight, who’d given him that sad, broken laugh and actually made him feel, for just a tiny second, _bad_ for him?

This man, if it’s really Thor, is nearly unrecognizable next to the poster image of himself – heavy and soft where he was once chiseled perfection, his short slick hair and boyish scruff grown out into a wild, tangled mane to hide himself behind. Loki doesn’t want to believe that these two can be one and the same.

But then Thor starts to sing and Loki _hates_ him, because that voice is absolutely unmistakable, and then he hates _himself_ , for _knowing_ it. Half of it is only a hum, a few scattered words here and there, but it’s absolutely Loki’s stolen song, Thor’s biggest #1 hit. The video cuts off abruptly at about the same moment as Fenrir, having followed Loki out of the bedroom in worry, jumps up into his lap. Loki wraps his arms around his cat and buries his face in the soft fur, squeezing his eyes shut and willing his heart to stop trying to pound out of his chest, willing his lungs to let him draw another breath -

_How did this happen? Why did this happen? How did he end up like this? How did I not recognize him? Do I quit? Forfeit the gig? Not show up? Say Nothing? Confront him? Demand the rights to my song? Ask him WHY? Does he even know? Know who I am? Know that I wrote the song? Was he just fucking with me? No, there’s no way he knows who I am. No way all of that could have been an act. This is all… it’s all just coincidence…_

When the panic of the moment finally releases its stranglehold and passes, Loki’s left with one very simple conclusion.

He wants to know the truth.

He _needs_ to know the truth.

“Let’s do a little research, Fen...” he murmurs, running the fingers of one hand down his purring cat’s back as he scrolls with the other, grimacing at the comments on the video. While there are a few excited, supportive hearts and messages from diehard fans, there’s also a slew of fat jokes and other derisive insults. The last video prior to this is dated over five years ago, for the last single they’d had, which had barely been on the charts a few weeks before falling off into obscurity. Loki lets it play as he surfs over to various news and gossip archives, looking for announcements and explanations for the band’s demise, but he doesn’t find much.  
  
_o/~ Smile pretty, the camera loves you_  
_That's what they say_  
_But there's a part of you that wishes_  
_They would all just go away_  
_Cause there's one small secret that's bugging you_  
_It would break their hearts if they only knew_  
_There's a world outside, you can feel it coming in ~/o_  
  
Thor and the Warriors 3 had broken up quietly, with no major fights or falling outs evident, and someone had clearly put pressure on the media to keep it that way. Asgardian Records had gone belly-up the year after, apparently, possibly and probably in conjunction, seeing as Thor had been their headliner. The other band members had gone off into other pursuits, some more lucrative than others, but none to any genuine stardom. Thor himself had disappeared off social media, disappeared from the public eye, disappeared all together, it seemed. Gossip websites suggested he was still living in NYC. One claimed he’d purchased a small fishing village in Norway.

Loki pushes back from his desk, swiveling his chair, and then he wanders across his apartment to the windows until he can look out over the skyline of the city he both loves and loathes. The sky is just beginning to lighten with pre-dawn as he turns his hand over, staring at the smudged and blurry ink on his palm that’s half-washed off from his shower.  
  
Cell phone number of one Thor, God of Thunder.  
  
_o/~ Pull the string_  
_And this whole thing's coming down_  
_Just pull the string ~/o_


	3. Creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Thor wakes with a start, his thoughts flooding back to him in bleary confusion: _Where am I? What am I wearing? What was I doing? Is anyone here? Did I fuck something up again?_

With a groan, he rolls over to realize that he is, thankfully, sprawled diagonally across his own bed, still wearing what he’d had on in the bar last night, shoes and all, even if he can’t quite remember coming home. The slant of the sun through the broken blinds on one window lets him know that it’s midday, which isn’t unusual, and even more gratefully, his phone is still in his pocket. Less gratefully, it’s on 4% battery because he’s an idiot who didn’t plug it in when he got home last night, but at least he now knows that it’s 3:13 PM.

Rolling into a sitting position, he squints at the tiny numbers on his phone and groans again when he realizes his inbox has 11,749 new messages, most of them from the band’s channel. _Great._ Thor sighs as he gets to his feet, shuffling his way towards the kitchen as he wonders what “Where Are They Now?!” biopic aired to prompt this…

...and then he stops short as he realizes the messages are all comments about a new video that went up on the band’s channel in the wee hours of the morning. His thumbs suddenly feel far too large as he fumbles to click on the link, dropping the phone, which lands on his big toe, bouncing off and skidding under the kitchen table. The video starts to play as he drops to his knees and _fuck_ it’s the bar last night and Thor clonks his head on the underside of the kitchen table with another furious string of curses before he finally retrieves the phone, sitting down in the middle of the floor just in time to watch the last twenty seconds.

He doesn’t need to see more of it than that, though. He looks like an absolute fool.

Thor wants to cry or retch or both, but he’s too angry and he’s hitting the call button for his manager before he even has time to think it through. “What the _HELL_ were you thinking?!” he bellows into the phone as soon as the call connects, without even waiting for a greeting. He already knows there is only one person besides himself with access to the account. “Were you at the bar last night? Did you film that _bullshit_? What are you trying to pull? Come on, tell me, what’s your _angle_ here?!”

Heimdall patiently waits for Thor’s tirade to run out of steam before he replies, voice smooth and calm like stilled water. “It seemed as if you’d found some… inspiration.”

Thor’s face flushes hot at the word, the rest of last night rising up to coil around him, as painful as it is sweet, and his temper ebbs a little. “...I was drunk. Noodling around. It’s nothing anyone would want to see.” His voice cracks painfully on the last word.

“Are you certain about that?”

Mercifully, the call cuts out before Thor can answer and he pulls the phone away from his ear to realize it’s because it’s dead. Somewhere in the kitchen there’s a cord and he climbs to his feet again, pushing aside the mess of pizza boxes and dirty dishes to locate it, plugging his phone in before stomping across the kitchen to the refrigerator. There’s no relief to be found there, though, as his 6-pack of beer is sitting warm on the counter instead of inside it. Well, warm beer is better than no beer, and he cracks one open before fishing through the pizza boxes, sniffing the remains until he finds some Meat Lover’s Deluxe that seems recent enough to be edible.

The phone blinks back to life after a few minutes and immediately pings with a text he assumes is Heimdall, which Thor ignores until he finishes his pizza, really not in the mood to deal with anyone or anything.

 _{_ _Are you coming to my show tonight?_ _}_ __  
  
Thor freezes as he stares at the screen, his stomach dropping. The number isn’t registered in his phone, but it has to be...  
  
“Loki.”  
  
His chest is suddenly fluttery as he sets down the mostly empty beer bottle, snatching up the phone with fumbling fingers to open the message. _He actually texted me._ A smile carves its way onto Thor’s face as he flushes with excitement, staring at the words on the screen before realizing he ought to reply.  
  
_{_ _Og-_  
  
_Of coiu-_  
  
_Of coursded-_  
  
_Of cours-_ _}_  
  
Should he add an emoji? Which one? A smile, a wink, a music note, a heart?  
  
Thor’s own racing thoughts distract him, his heart hammering faster in his chest as he realizes he’ll get to hear Loki sing again.  
  
_{ Of course! }_

In the end, he simply adds an exclamation point and hits send.

Thor takes a moment to revel in the idea that he’s going to see Loki again tonight… and then panic sets in. The phone and charger travel with him as he trips his way to the bathroom, flipping the lights on and staring at himself in the mirror, unable to help cringing. He’s an absolute mess. It’s a wonder he’d even managed to get Loki to give him the time of day, honestly.

Taking a deep breath, Thor plugs the phone in again and moves to pick up a comb. He can’t really remember the last time he’d done this properly, but there’s a few hours until the bar’s in full swing for the night and he’s determined to make a better impression this time around.

Several hours later, downstairs and underneath Thor’s apartment, the crew inside Thunderstruck isn’t going about their daily business of restocking and setting up for a Saturday night. Instead, they’re standing in a circle behind the bar, where Steve has called an emergency huddle regarding The Video. Although all four of them have known about Thor’s prior fame for ages, it’s extremely rare that he even allows it to come up in conversation and the first time it’s come close to having any impact on the bar.

“You really think old fans are gonna figure it out and show up here?” Val asks skeptically, one hand on her hip. “We’re just one dive bar among hundreds in this city, thousands across the country. How could anyone possibly know where it was filmed?”

“I know, I agree. It doesn’t seem like you can really tell what bar it is unless you already know the place really well – there’s no names or distinguishing features, mostly empty tables, chairs, the piano.” Steve tries to keep his words casual, but there’s a tension across his shoulders that gives away his worry. “But we gotta be prepared, just in case. Saturday nights are already our busiest.”

Sam claps a hand down on Steve’s shoulder in solidarity. “We’ve all got your back, Cap. I’ll even jump behind and help if you three need it, or start acting as the bouncer if our capacity hits fire code.”

“Hilarious,” Bucky mutters with a roll of his eyes.

“What’s this about fire codes?”

Four pairs of eyes swing towards the door of Thunderstruck as their owner comes strolling in with a cheerful wave. Thor is wearing a red and black flannel over a white t-shirt, a pair of dark blue jeans and an ancient pair of black Chucks. His hair is combed smooth, half of it pulled away from his face into a ponytail, and his beard is trimmed to a reasonable length. The entire staff stares at him in stunned silence for an awkward moment as he crosses the room to join their circle.

“Just joking around, Boss...” Steve finally answers him slowly, more than a little surprised by the transformation. He’s pretty certain the last time he saw Thor look this put-together was the day he’d hired him a little over five years ago, and he definitely hadn’t been cheerful at the time.

Bucky immediately jumps in to assist by offering a little truth bomb. “We didn’t think we’d see you here tonight since your name is everywhere on social media. #3 trending on Twitter.”

Thor laughs and waves off the comment with one hand as if he couldn’t bothered about that sort of thing.

Sam is unwilling to let it go that easily, though, and he thumbs towards the wall of guitars with a cheeky grin. “You gonna get up on that stage and rock out tonight?”

Taking a deep breath, Thor lifts one hand and points at Sam with a direct and emphatic, “That would be a _No_.”

But it’s a little too late to keep Val from chiming in too, especially as the only witness to the possible reasoning behind Thor’s unusual behavior. “And yet it sounded like our new hire was trying to talk him into the same thing last night.”

“Oh, really~?” Sam’s grin widens as Steve and Bucky exchange a Look. “Well, he played a really kickass set last night. Did it shake you up?”

“...you could say that...” Thor’s words trail off as the door swings open, but the truth behind them is written all over his face for everyone to see the moment Loki walks in. He is absolutely shook over how bad he fucking has it for this man, in a way he hasn’t for anyone in years, and he really has no idea what to do about it.

Loki is all in black again tonight, but this time it’s a v-neck sweater, skinny jeans, and motorcycle boots, all of which hug his slim figure as he crosses the room to join the group. “Oh dear, am I late to the party?” His eyes are drawn immediately to Thor, who has quite obviously stepped it up a notch in response to Loki’s text. At first, Loki wonders how he could have missed the truth about who he is last night, but even with his hair pulled back out of his face, Thor the bar owner still somehow seems… so far removed from the image in Loki’s mind of _That Asshole_. Admittedly, he’d been slightly worried all day that he might walk in, see Thor face to face again, and lose his temper. But whether it’s mere curiosity or something deeper, that’s not his impulse now that he’s in the moment.

“No party,” Steve insists with a laugh as he finally shoos the snickering group into dispersing. “Just a bunch of goof-offs who oughtta be getting set up for a busy night.” Still, as he watches Thor and Loki eye each other up, he can’t quite resist having a little fun with the situation himself. “Sorry I never introduced you properly last night,” he grins, gesturing one open hand at Thor and the other at Loki. “Thor, owner of Thunderstruck. Loki, our new entertainer.”

Thor ought to be looking Loki in the eyes, but his gaze is drawn to the necklace Loki’s wearing, a delicate coiled gold snake in the hollow of his throat, the two lengths of the lariat’s chain dangling down from the tail to sparkle against his sweater. “...we’ve met.” His throat feels parched and tight, but he offers Loki what he hopes is a charming smile.

“ _Obviously_ ,” Loki rolls his eyes at both Steve and Thor, not missing Bucky’s snickers from behind and below the bar as he slides onto a stool. This is neither time nor place to confront Thor about anything and expect an honest answer, so it’s easier to let it slip out of his mind and focus on the job he’s here to do tonight. Besides, the closer they get, the more he wins Thor over, the easier a time he might have prying the truth out of him. “Any requests from the peanut gallery tonight?”

“We usually get a lot of patron requests on Saturday nights,” Steve offers, but follows quickly with, “But since we had Billy last night, wouldn’t mind some Elton or Beatles tonight.”

“Play to the audience,” Sam agrees with a nod towards the door, swinging open now to admit several strings of regulars, including a few that Loki recognizes from the previous night.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, there’s something I’d really appreciate hearing tonight.” Val leans against the bar from behind it, trying to appear casual in her request, but already knowing that even asking is going to earn questions. Usually this would be a bad thing, but tonight, maybe she wants them. When Loki turns to give her an expectant look, she blurts the name of the song out so fast it sounds like one word. “Tomakeyoufeelmylove.”

“That’s quite the romantic choice,” Thor prods her curiously as he seats himself next to Loki.

Val sets two cold beers down in front of them, unable to contain a rather uncharacteristic smile. “Maybe I’m feeling a little sappy tonight.”

As if he’s got some inside knowledge, Bucky slides over to her side, nudging her with one elbow. “Did you get the call?”

Val now outright grins, nodding emphatically. “I did. She comes home on leave in a few weeks, hopefully gets to stay through the holidays too.”

“That’s amazing news, Val, congrats!” Steve enthuses with them warmly, and what follows for Loki’s benefit is a quick explanation of how Thunderstruck’s crew is connected. As it turns out, though he’s now retired, Steve’s nickname of Cap is well-earned from his days in the military, serving in the same unit as childhood best friend Bucky, discharged early after taking a bad shot to the shoulder. Steve and Sam also know each other from serving, but Sam only helps out at the bar on the weekends, spending most of his time running VA programs out of one of the local hospitals. Val’s the only one among the group who isn’t ex-military, but her girlfriend is currently active in the Air Force and also an old friend of Steve’s, which is how they met. “...and I like to think Thor hired Bucky and I to run this joint especially because we’re locals. We’ve lived within ten blocks of this place pretty much our entire lives, right Buck?”

“Home sweet home.”

“Thunderstruck’s always been in good hands with this crew,” Thor agrees, finding himself feeling both a little fond and a little guilty simultaneously for how little time he’s spent with any of them lately. “No idea what I’d do without all of you. I just own the place.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Boss,” Steve slides another beer down the counter towards Thor. “We wouldn’t all stick around if you didn’t respect us and trust us to do our jobs.”

In the time it’s taken Loki to finish his beer, the bar has actually grown quite crowded, so as the story naturally concludes, he excuses himself to head to the stage. Listening to Thunderstruck’s crew, watching the open affection on Thor’s face for his employees, and feeling the friendships keeping the place afloat has left him in a strange mood. He’s somehow, despite everything, feeling much looser than the previous night, a little more inclined to interact with a rowdier audience, and he leans close to the microphone as he sets eyes and hands on the keys of the piano.

“It’s Saturday night, Thunderstruck... my gift is my song and this one’s for you.”

 _o/~ I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss_  
_Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross_  
_But the sun's been quite kind_  
_While I wrote this song_  
_It's for people like you that_  
_Keep it turned on ~/o_

Loki absolutely knows that starting with Your Song is bound to drown him in a deluge of more Elton and Beatles requests, but they’re all songs he’s known for ages, a comfort spot for both himself and a Saturday night audience looking to relax. He indulges everyone with excellent sing-alongs of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Hey Jude, and several other favorites before pulling the microphone out of its stand, rising from the piano to address the bar.

“Listen, if we’re going to keep this Brit rock theme going, I’d say it’s only fair to shake things up a little.” Knowing that Thor’s eyes are on him, he crosses the small stage to the wall of guitars, lifting his chin at Thor as he reaches for one. “...if I may?”

From his spot at the bar, Thor’s heart jumps as his face flushes, and though he’d like to blame it on his drink, he knows that’s a bold lie. Letting someone else play your instrument is a rather intimate thing, requiring a certain kind of trust and… and _fuck_ it. That wall’s been collecting dust for years, hasn’t it? He’d only just pulled one down himself last night for the first time in--

Thor is already giving Loki a grin and an enormous thumbs up by the time it occurs to him: _Oh God._ _H_ _e’s probably seen the video._

But what’s done is done, and Thor can only sit back and watch as Loki blows the dust off and tunes one of his electric guitars by ear. Sam runs up to the stage from the bar to help him get an amp hooked up and a few short minutes later, Thor is watching Loki’s long, nimble fingers fly over the fretboard of his guitar in a quick run to sound check. He realizes with a start that Loki’s painted his fingernails black tonight and it’s taken him this long to notice the tiny detail. Thor almost wishes he hadn’t, though, as the heat that started in his face seems to be slowly slithering down his spine.

Loki continues to indulge the ever-rowdier audience with a few more Beatles hits before he finally holds up a hand to the requests being yelled out to him after every song.To his credit, the group settles down and allows him to speak.

“Still Brit, but let’s Creep onward from the Fab Four?” The audience cheers as he starts to play Radiohead for them and Loki is not surprised to find himself immediately in the middle of a sing-along again – after all, it’s not every song that lets you croon a _favorite_ word so deliciously.

 _o/~_ _You float like a feather_  
_In a beautiful world_  
_And I wish I was special_  
_You're so fuckin' special_ _~/o_

Towards the end, he backs off the mic, letting the bar sing a chorus back to him, and his eyes find Thor’s again from across the room. It’s impossible to tell with the noise level of the crowd if he’s actually singing, but his lips form the words and that victory alone is enough to put a smug grin on Loki’s face.

_o/~_ _But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo_ __  
_What the hell am I doing here?_  
_I don't belong here ~/o_

It takes a little longer for the applause and whistles to die down afterwards, but Loki accepts the next request with one caveat. “Wonderwall, Oasis, sure. But. Ryan Adams’ version – so let me take this one alone?” He doesn’t even ask Thor this time when he returns to the wall of guitars, pulling down the very same acoustic Thor was playing in the video last night. He quite pointedly re-tunes the one string that’s out before he returns to the microphone, surprised that the noise level has stayed quiet this entire time. It’s perfect, though, because this song won’t carry the same way if it isn’t.

 _o/~_ _Backbeat, the word was on the street_  
_That the fire in your heart is out_  
_I'm sure you've heard it all before_  
_But you never really had a doubt_  
_I don't believe that anybody_  
_Feels the way I do about you now_  
_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_  
_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_  
_There are many things that I_  
_Would like to say to you but I don't know how ~/o_

A stillness comes over the bar as Loki sings and Thor is transfixed listening to the haunting delivery of the vocals and the delicate guitar part underneath. The song is just another audience request, but he can’t help feeling as if the lyrics are Loki’s way of speaking to him and him alone.

The lovely lull in the bar that follows is the perfect prelude for the last song of the night and as Loki resets the microphone at the piano, he takes a moment to phrase why he’s left it for the end. “The last request of the night goes out as a wish for a safe homecoming, that two lovers might find each other again after so long apart.”

_o/~_ _The storms are raging on the rolling sea_  
_And on the highway of regret_  
_The winds of change are blowing wild and free_  
_You ain't seen nothing like me yet_  
_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true_  
_There's nothing that I wouldn't do_  
_Go to the ends of this Earth for you_  
_To make you feel my love, oh yes_  
_To make you feel my love_ _~/o_

Loki takes one polite bow at the end, making sure all of the instruments are secure on the wall again before making his way to the bar. He heads straight for Val, who’s waiting for him with another sour apple martini already made, and he nods his thanks as she gives hers in return.

“Thanks, Loki,” she says, pushing the drink towards him with a reluctant smile. “That’s been our song since our second date and I wanted to hear it tonight. You really did it justice. A true talent.”

“As are you,” Loki swirls his drink around, lifting it towards her in tribute before taking a sip, very aware that Thor is already headed his way.

Val only laughs in response, both of their flatteries equally sincere and appreciated. As she notices the boss approaching, she leans across the bar, voice soft enough that only Loki can hear her. “Thor’s stubborn. Don’t give in.”

Loki nods at her curiously as Thor gestures at him, then points, because there aren’t any seats at the bar right now, but there’s a small table near the door that’s about to be vacated. They meet each other there, sliding into two chairs side by side, each with drink in hand. It’s hardly alone and absolutely not quiet, but it’s the first chance they’ve really had to talk tonight, just the two of them.

“So… you texted me,” Thor starts, somewhere between awkward and flirting.

“You seem pretty pleased about it,” Loki answers, swirling his drink, waiting, not quite meeting Thor’s eyes.

“Something must have changed your mind,” Thor teases lightly. “You were so reluctant last night and then...” Thor’s words trail off as he realizes the opening he’s left. _O_ _h._ _Shit._ _N_ _o._ _W_ _ait. I shouldn’t have asked, I don’t want to know if-_

“Well...” A pause for dramatic effect. “There was this video…” _And I know it’s my fault you picked up that guitar._

Thor groans as he buries his face in one large palm for a moment and when he looks up again, there’s a storm behind his eyes that wasn’t there a moment ago. “Gods, no, look: I’m not that guy anymore,” he says with an emphatic shake of his head that dislodges a few stray hairs from his ponytail. “ _T_ _hat_ guy? He’s an asshole. I’m not famous anymore, there’s no band anymore, I don’t play anymore, I-”

Loki holds up a hand, silencing him. “You picked up an instrument last night...” And he smiles, despite himself.

Thor’s anger winks out into instant embarrassment. “No. Nonono. That was nothing. My singing sucks. I – I barely even remember how to play.” It’s an exaggeration, but he doesn’t know how else to get his point across.

“I’d love to hear you sing sometime.” _Why did I just say that?_ But Loki can’t seem to help goading, prodding, poking this suddenly defensive version of Thor. “Sure you don’t want to get up there with me some night?”

Thor’s face goes ashen despite how many beers he’s consumed and he shakes his head again, frustrated and a touch defeated. “No way. Just… go look up one of my old records if you care so much about it. I already told you-” He stops abruptly, trying to change the topic. “Look, I… I really would like to spend more time with you - not here.”

Loki’s beginning to get a clearer picture of what Val’s earlier comment really meant, and he’s not going to be swayed or played that easily. Not by a long shot. “Oh?” He tilts his head in slight curiosity, taking another sip of his drink before answering. He’s not an idiot. He knows Thor is trying to ask him out, and if that’s the card he needs to play to further this, then… “Doing what, exactly?”

Thor tries to discern Loki’s taste as he fishes for an answer. “Dinner? Coffee? Movie? Broadway? Museum? Park? Arcade? Paintball? Escape Room?”

Loki starts laughing as the suggestions become increasingly more ridiculous and when Thor finally starts to run out of options, he interjects with one word, cool and casual as he runs a fingertip around the rim of his glass. “Karaoke.”

“...in…. public??” Thor stammers out in dismay, failing to see how that’s much different than getting up on stage here at the bar.

“No, dummy, private room - they’ve got a few in midtown.” Loki is patient when he wants to be and he waits to see if Thor will take the bait.

“Well, I don’t know…” The terror of being forced to sing all of his old shit is at least one notch less humiliating without an audience, and Thor weighs that in his mind against how much he wants to be alone with Loki.

Loki can tell he’s aaaalmost got him and he finishes his drink, setting it down on the table and holding up one finger, leaning in and finally giving Thor both his eyes and his grin. “One rule – you are NOT allowed to sing any of your own songs.”

Thor’s face lights up with instant delight, completely caught by the sudden proximity and intensity of Loki’s green eyes. “Sold.”

Loki leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest with a smug smile.

“So, when is this… _date_?” Thor emphasizes the word with a proud little grin of his own.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“You know me,” Thor says with a self-deprecating chuckle and a gesture out at the bar. “This is… pretty much all I do these days.” He knows that sounds rather pathetic and quickly follows it up with, “Yes, tomorrow, tomorrow is good!”

“I’ll see if I can reserve a room ahead of time and text you.”

“Then it’s a date.”

Loki can’t quite bring himself to say the word as he rises from the table, but he smiles and nods as he makes to leave. It’s gotten progressively noisier since his show ended, he clearly isn’t going to get anything useful out of Thor in this situation, and in his tired state, it feels like that martini has left him feeling blurrier than it ought. “See you tomorrow… Thor.”

It’s the first time he’s heard Loki says his name and the way it sounds in that velvet voice makes Thor feels like he’s had the wind punched out of him. He reaches out to catch Loki’s hand, but all of his words choke.

Loki turns back with raised eyebrows as Thor tugs his hand close and lets his lips graze Loki’s knuckles.

Thor immediately lets go – a flirtation, but no pressure – and likes to think he catches a glimpse of a flush in Loki’s cheeks before he disappears into the crowd.

Loki is intensely grateful for the cold October night as he escapes from Thunderstruck, breathing deeply as he hurries down the block and away from the heat in Thor’s gaze. An evening spent performing always gives him a rush, but the ghost of Thor’s lips against his hand leaves him feeling off-balance, dizzy and… excited? It’s a strange and confusing tangle of emotions, but he’s satisfied in thinking he’s gotten a step closer to the truth. Tomorrow, he and Thor will finally be alone together and…

...Loki stops short at the top of the subway stairs. “What am I doing…?” he mutters to himself, leaning against the concrete wall and pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

Yes, Thor is warm and charismatic and charming, but… he’s also the asshole that stole Loki’s song. He’s the person responsible for so much grief and betrayal and… Getting closer to him is only about getting to the truth, right?

He needs to freeze his heart solid with this fact if he’s going to keep himself from getting hurt again.


	4. Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> This entire chapter is a karaoke date. If you're not very familiar with or listening to the songs, you will be missing key emotional context between them.
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Thor pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time for the third time in less than five minutes, inwardly cursing himself for having arrived so early. He’s spent the entire day wound up like a spring, vaguely panicky about, well, everything.

When was the last time he’d gone out on a date? He’d ripped apart his apartment trying to find something nicer to wear, only to discover that very little of his ‘old’ wardrobe even fit him anymore. In the end, he’d dressed almost identically to what he’d been wearing last night – same Chucks, same dark blue jeans, a different t-shirt, gray this time, and an old favorite red leather jacket that he’d been honestly really happy to realize he still had. It had always been a little bit big, but right now, it fit him perfectly.

When was the last time he’d left Brooklyn? Had to worry about being recognized? He hopes the dark pair of aviators in combination with his beard will render him unrecognizable, but the longer he stands on this street corner, the more restless he feels. It’s his own fault for showing up too soon, but he’d been worried about being late, about catching the wrong train into Manhattan, about getting lost in a city he’s lived in all his life.

When was the last time he’d done any serious singing? He’d dragged himself through a bunch of vocal warm-ups this afternoon, even thrown an old playlist on and warbled his way through a few tunes, but trying to compare that against Loki’s performances the past two nights only makes him wonder why Loki is so intent on hearing him.

He’s nothing special. Probably not even worthy of wasting this talented man’s time.

...and maybe what he’s really worried about is Loki not even showing up.

That thought doesn’t have time to set in too deeply, though, as another wave of people exiting the subway station parts to reveal Loki, precisely on time, and Thor would breathe a sigh of relief if he wasn’t already exchanging his panic for excitement.

In contrast to Thor’s attempts to dress up, Loki’s attempted to dress down tonight, still in black skinny jeans and boots, but topping it with a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket. This phenomenon has left the two of them looking like a matched set, which he notices immediately, but chooses not to comment on, mostly because he’s too busy feeling thrown off guard by it.

Thor, of course, latches onto the same thing with an immediate grin. “Nice jacket,” and he means it, because all of Loki’s taste has been incredibly on point so far, and also because he’s really _really_ amused.

“Thanks,” Loki murmurs, annoyed at how he feels his cheeks flush, and he brushes past Thor and straight into the building without any other greeting. The karaoke joint is actually on the third floor, so he hits the button for the elevator as Thor joins him.

It’s the first time they’ve seen each other outside the context of the bar and neither one of them has any idea what to say to the other, so they ride up together in silence, Thor stealing little glances out of the corner of his eyes and Loki pretending not to notice.

Loki checks them in once they arrive, since the reservation is under his name, and the clerk asks for their drink orders as she directs them to their room. He’s entirely expecting Thor to order a beer, but instead, he only asks for water and Loki follows suit, wondering why this outcome makes him feel nervous.

The karaoke room is small, but comfortable, with a red leather couch along the wall opposite the screen and a small table in the center to hold the drinks, a pair of mics, and the room’s control module. Loki’s been here many times before, but not recently, and always alone.

Thor can’t really take the silence anymore now that they’re finally here and he picks the device up off the table, poking at it as he starts to talk. “Never been to one of these places before – only sung karaoke at bars, right? You know how to work this thing?”  
  
“I do,” Loki says smoothly, grateful for a direct question to answer rather than a conversation to start.

“Good, good,” Thor continues, scrolling through the digital menus by artist, but not really reading what’s on the screen. “So. So this whole thing was your idea. Any other rules in mind? Are we requesting… specific songs? Singing whatever we want?”

“I assumed we’d take turns,” Loki observes Thor’s fidgeting, both of them still standing awkwardly in the center of the room, and decides they might get further faster if he leads a little. “And perhaps… meet in the middle. Rather than specific songs, we could suggest, oh, I don’t know...artists, genres, prompts of any sort, really… but leave it open-ended, so either of us can hopefully find something… comfortable?”

“Sounds reasonable enough,” Thor is immediately grateful that this means he won’t have to sing anything he doesn’t want to, even if he has no idea at all what to sing and he’s still just aimlessly scrolling through the menu--

Loki finally snatches the controls out of Thor’s hand in a moment of annoyance with a mutter of, “Oh, give it to me already. It’s fine, I’ll go first.”

Thor finally looks up as he exhales shakily, a smile rising on his face at being momentarily let off the hook, followed immediately by a touch of wounded ego for not stepping up and offering to go first himself.

“Well?” Loki’s eyebrows rise expectantly as he meets Thor’s gaze. “What should I sing?”

Mustering a little more of his usual easygoing nature, Thor finally plops down on the couch with a thoughtful hum. What would he like to hear Loki sing? He’s been so worried about what to sing himself that the thought hadn’t even occurred to him and he goes with the first idea that floats into his mind. “Something you wouldn’t sing at Thunderstruck?”

Loki hums thoughtfully, his own tension easing now that the topic is firmly opened up on what they have in common – music. “That is, despite everything I’ve played there, quite a wide topic, actually… but I think the easiest answer to me is something I _enjoy_ singing more with a full band backing and not a solo instrument.” Scrolling through the artist list as a song comes to mind, he mumbles under his breath, mostly talking to himself as he tries to decide. “This _does_ have a lovely piano part, but would never hold up as an acoustic solo...”

Thor smiles as he watches Loki’s focused expression as he argues with himself, a lock of his hair sliding slowly forward over his shoulder until it brushes the screen. Loki finally inputs a song selection and sets the device down on the table again, crossing the small room in four steps and turning to face Thor. “Forgetting something?” Thor gestures to the mics.

Chuckling softly, Loki shakes his head. “I don’t need that in a room this size.” He jerks one thumb over his shoulder at the screen. “And I find the lyrics screen distracting, so, if you don’t mind...”

As if Thor would complain about getting a personal face to face show? “By all means,” he waves a hand at Loki and then settles back on the couch, unable to help being happy to hear him sing again. He knows this tune, actually, and despite the excellent piano in Muse’s songs, without the driving bassline underneath it, Loki’s absolutely right – it wouldn’t hold up.

_o/~ Far away_  
_The ship is taking me far away_  
_Far away from the memories_  
_Of the people who care if I live or die_  
_The starlight_  
_I will be chasing the starlight_  
_Until the end of my life_  
_I don't know if it's worth it anymore ~/o_

It isn’t until about a minute into the song that Loki realizes that perhaps he should have _lyrically_ thought this through for a moment longer, but he chose the song himself, so he’s going to own it as much as anything else he’s sung in front of Thor so far. Even if what he’s currently crooning is-

_o/~ Hold you in my arms_  
_I just wanted to hold you in my arms_  
_My life_  
_You electrify my life_  
_Let's conspire to ignite_  
_All the souls that would die just to feel alive ~/o_

Besides, Thor’s adorably absorbed expression makes it easy to simply let go and enjoy himself a little, even if Loki hasn’t forgotten why they’re here or what he’s really after. He’s also... never had anyone to share this with, which is why he’d stopped coming awhile ago. It wasn’t much fun to give a performance if the room was always empty.

_o/~ Our hopes and expectations  
Black holes and revelations ~/o_

Thor beams and applauds as the song finishes, unable to contain his enthusiasm. “Brilliant!”

“Come now, this isn’t just your private show,” Loki brushes off the praise, but he’s smiling as he points at the module. “This is an exchange. One for one.”

A little more chill now than when they’d started, Thor picks up the device, finding that even if he’s nervous about this, underneath that anxiety, he’s also… excited? “What should I sing?”

“I’ll make it easy for you,” Loki says as he sits down beside Thor on the couch again. “A go-to song.” When Thor continues to look at him rather helplessly, Loki rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, something you sing at home? You can’t tell me you don’t even sing when you’re _alone_?

Perhaps it’s Loki’s previous choice of Starlight that influences Thor’s decision, or maybe it’s because he heard this playing on the speakers of one of the kitschy souvenir shops he’d passed on the way here, or maybe it’s something deeper in his gut, but when a song pops into his mind, he punches it in without giving himself time to second guess the idea.

It’s a hell of a choice to pick, actually, Loki thinks with surprise as the name comes up on the screen – there’s no intro whatsoever, just a single pitch as a tuning note before the 4-beat count-off on screen. Not something an amateur could do well, though he can’t tell if it’s Thor attempting to show off... or if he simply doesn’t even realize it. Either way, it gives Loki zero time to prepare, zero time to be ready for the moment, and he’s not even looking at Thor when he starts to sing softly, still sitting on the couch beside Loki.

o/~ _Lately I been, I been losing sleep_  
_Dreaming about the things that we could be_  
_But baby I been, I been prayin' hard_  
_Said no more counting dollars_  
_We'll be counting stars_  
_Yeah, we'll be counting stars ~/o_

The instrumental kicks in and Loki feels as if he’s had the air brutally sucker punched out of him.

Thor rises from the couch, crossing the room and leaning against the wall so he can see both the screen and Loki, but he doesn’t really need the lyrics either. He knows every word of this song and sings it like the parable of his life that it is, even if it means he gets a little lost in his own head.  
  
_o/~_ _I see this life_  
_Like a swinging vine_  
_Swing my heart across the line_  
_In my face is flashing signs_  
_Seek it out and ye shall find_  
_Old, but I'm not that old_  
_Young, but I'm not that bold_  
_And I don't think the world is sold_  
_I'm just doing what we're told_  
_I, feel something so right_  
_Doing the wrong thing ~/o_

Loki’s knuckles have gone white where his hands are wrapped around his knees. Thor’s voice soars up into a falsetto that feels impossible after listening to his gravely laughs and deep exclamations for the last few days.

How? How is he _still_ so unnervingly good if he hasn’t sung in years?

_o/~ I, feel something so wrong_  
_Doing the right thing_  
_I could lie, could lie, could lie_  
_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive ~/o_

Confidence growing as he continues, Thor reaches the haunting chant at the end and nearly spits the words out, the iceberg tip of his frustration rising up uglier than he intends. He _could_ lie. He could continue to lie to himself and pretend he doesn’t miss this – miss singing his heart out, miss the rhythm beating in his chest, the words stinging on his lips – but Loki’s eyes are riveted to him right now, reminding him of the truth. He _loves_ to sing.

 _o/~_ _Take that money and watch it burn_ _  
_ _Sink in the river the lessons I learned_ _~/o_

The song ends and Thor’s left staring at the blank screen, slightly out of breath and a little overwhelmed from the amount of emotion he hadn’t quite meant to pour into the song.

Loki picks up easily on the fact that there’s some personal meaning to Thor in this choice and files the thought away for later when he’s not feeling quite so stunned. “For what my opinion is worth to you, Thor...” he starts after a few heartbeats of silence, his words soft and sincere, but tinted with a jealousy he hopes goes unnoticed. “You can definitely still sing.”

Thor flusters a little, but can’t help but be pleased by Loki’s response, both the flattery and the strange flicker of some emotion in those green eyes that he doesn’t think he’s seen before. “Wasn’t all that terrible, I suppose,” he jokes lightly, and now that the leap has been made, he’s suddenly greedy for more. Every song he sings means another he gets to hear Loki sing, doesn’t it? “...my turn to give you an idea?”

“What, making me go first again?” Loki retorts, but he’s quietly thrilled at the overall success of his plan and he waits expectantly for Thor to continue.

“Guilty pleasure,” Thor grins at Loki with a twinkle in his eyes as he picks up one of the water glasses, taking a long swig as sits down on the couch again. “Something you hate admitting you love, but always sing along to?”

“Sounds like my emo punk phase,” Loki mutters, but he’s smirking back and reaching for his own glass as he contemplates.

“Wait, you mean you aren’t still emo?” Thor teases with a snicker. “Could have fooled me with the all-black all-the-time wardrobe.”

“Tch. Everyone in New York wears a _lot_ of black,” Loki argues back, but he’s already picked up the device and begun flipping, back and forth, seemingly indecisive.

“And don’t look half as good as you.” Thor’s comeback is swift and genuine, earning him a surprising elbow to the side from Loki.

“...corny...” Loki murmurs, his eyes still on the songlist, but a smile playing on his lips. “Distracting.”

Thor laughs and elbows him back before leaning towards him, trying to peer at the screen from over his shoulder. “Come on, sing me something you’d _never_ let anyone else hear you sing.”

“Guilty truth, then,” Loki sighs dramatically, punching in the next song. He doesn’t leave the couch this time, but turns towards Thor, tucking one leg underneath himself and singing the words at him as if they were a casual continuation of their conversation.

 _o/~_ _Sometimes I get so weird_  
_I even freak myself out_  
_I laugh myself to sleep_  
_It's my lullaby_  
_Sometimes I drive so fast_  
_Just to feel the danger_  
_I want to scream_  
_It makes me feel alive ~/o_

Loki fists a hand against his chest as he reaches the chorus, miming ripping out his own heart and throwing it on the floor, and Thor laughs and wonders why the feeling makes his chest _ache_.

_o/~ Is it enough to love?_  
_Is it enough to breathe?_  
_Somebody rip my heart out_  
_And leave me here to bleed_  
_Is it enough to die?_  
_Somebody save my life_  
_I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please ~/o_

This is Loki freed from having an instrument in his hands – a Loki, that by Thor’s request, is sharing a side of himself no one else gets to hear – and it’s increasingly theatrical as he lets himself get into it. He slides off the couch with the beginning of the next verse, arms thrown out to the side as he pretends to carefully walk a dotted line across their little room, nothing of the carefully composed persona that Thor has seen from him so far on stage, but somehow equally compelling.

He can’t look away.

_o/~ To walk within the lines_  
_Would make my life so boring_  
_I want to know that I_  
_Have been to the extreme_  
_So knock me off my feet_  
_Come on now give it to me_  
_Anything to make me feel alive ~/o_

By the time he reaches the bridge, Loki clearly isn’t singing for Thor anymore, but is genuinely lostin the joyful guilty pleasure of it, arms thrown out as he spins through one dizzying line of lyrics to land back on the couch again.

_o/~ Let down your defenses_  
_Use no common sense_  
_If you look you will see_  
_That this world is a beautiful accident turbulent succulent opulent permanent_  
_no way_  
_I want to taste it_  
_Don't want to waste it away ~/o_

Back where he started, he sings the opening lines to Thor again, a little breathy this time, but quickly finds he can’t take being eye to eye for long, and directs the final chorus to the screen instead. Loki knows the intention of this prompt was to make him reveal a little more of himself, but he wonders if perhaps he’s done too good a job of it.

There’s a sad little note of unexplained regret as the song draws to a close and Thor watches as Loki tries to reel all of his spiraling feelings back behind that mask again, to make sure it’s only a performance. It’s a little too late, though, because Thor feels like perhaps he’s finally just met Loki for the first time.

“Well, that was definitely a side of you I haven’t seen before,” Thor starts, wanting to say too many things and worrying that any one of them might just send Loki scurrying back into his shell.

“What, my teenaged self?” Loki scoffs dismissively with a wave of one hand. Of course that emotional, vulnerable, weird kid is still a part of him, but… that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with who he is now.

“I think we would have gotten along, actually,” Thor protests with a gentle shrug. When Loki doesn’t answer him, he slides over on the couch until their knees bump. “Actually… I think teenage me would have had quite the crush on teenage you.”

Loki snorts in laughter at Thor’s obvious flirting, but he’s entertained enough to take the bait. “Is that so? Then tell me - what sort of guilty pleasure would teenage Thor be singing alone in his room?”

“Catchy melodies. Good lyrics,” Thor says immediately, then leans close, lifting one hand up as he whispers the next line like it’s a secret. “He’s a little embarrassed to admit that he really loves Taylor Swift.”

Thor is very suddenly inside Loki’s personal space, his hand almost bumping Loki’s nose, but before Loki has the chance to freeze up, Thor’s pulled back again, reaching for the device to flip through songs.

“Hmm… maybe… nah… oh! Yes. Always catch myself singing along with this one when it comes on in the bar...”

Yet another song without an intro and this time, they are face to face as Thor sings the opening lines, dropping Loki into what feels like a very surreal daydream.

_o/~ This ain't for the best_  
_My reputation's never been worse, so_  
_You must like me for me_  
_We can't make_  
_Any promises now, can we, babe?_  
_But you can make me a drink ~/o_

Thor surfs through the quick rhythmic lyrics in a light tone that’s completely different than his delivery of the first song, absolutely flirting with Loki and enjoying the rather flustered expression he’s receiving in return. It feels a little like he’s evening the score between them after how those first two nights at Thunderstruck affected him and he reaches out to touch Loki’s hand where it’s resting on the back of the couch.

o/~ _Is it cool that I said all that?_  
_Is it chill that you're in my head?_  
_'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)_  
_Is it cool that I said all that_  
_Is it too soon to do this yet?_  
_'Cause I know that it's delicate ~/o_

It’s absolutely the sort of sentimental, vulnerable thing that a teenager with a crush would sing and Loki hates the fact that he’s actually really taken by Thor’s musical flirtation. It’s so wonderfully rare to find someone who sings with such emotional intent, with such heartfelt expression. Thor should sound ridiculous singing this song, but he doesn’t. Not at all. Thor’s hand is warm on top of his and Loki can’t help the blush he feels creeping down his neck. He suddenly understands why thousands of crazy teenage girls were totally obsessed with this man.

 _o/~_ _Sometimes I wonder when you sleep_  
_Are you ever dreaming of me?_  
_Sometimes when I look into your eyes_  
_I pretend you're mine, all the damn time_ _  
_ _'Cause I like you_ _~/o_

Loki shifts awkwardly as the song ends, finally sliding his hand away and shrugging off his jacket as it suddenly feels too warm in here to be wearing it anymore. It also gives him something to do that isn’t looking at Thor’s blue eyes and Thor’s lips forming the words _I like you_.

This… this isn’t how this evening is supposed to be going. Thor’s gotten him completely off track in only a few songs. Loki is supposed to be goading him about that video, about the songs he used to sing, about the band and its demise and… and he hasn’t even gotten close yet. What’s gotten into him?

Thor had entertained the idea of kissing Loki after finishing the song, but he can tell that the obviously flustered man needs a moment. He’s not about to be the kind of dick to push his advantage and risk wrecking their tenuous connection, so he backs off. He’s got patience. There’s plenty of time. Instead, he takes the opportunity to slip out of his own jacket, taking another long drink of water, letting the atmosphere cool a little.

“So,” he starts again after a moment. “What do you want to do next? I’ll sing first this time.”

Loki can tell that Thor is giving him both the opportunity to collect himself and also the freedom to guide what he sings next, and it’s so _thoughtful_ that it frustrates him. He needs to pull them away from this romantic pop song swooning, pick an open prompt, maybe a genre… “Broadway?”

An idea pops into Thor’s head instantly as Loki’s single word after several minutes of silence cuts into his internal rambling. “Broadway, yes, sounds good,” he picks up the module from the table and scrolls, wondering if they’ll even have the song he’s thinking of right now. With a little noise of triumph, Thor inputs his next choice and hops off the couch, tucking his thumbs into his pockets as he turns back to give Loki a cheerful and cheeky grin.

Loki’s eyebrows slowly lift towards his hairline as the swift intro gives way to a lilting little tune. _Gershwin? Really?_ He knows the song, but it’s not something he would have expected out of Thor. Out of… God of Thunder. It’s not mainstream, it’s not cool, it’s… something only a total musical theater nerd would know.

_o/~ But I'm bidin' my time,_  
_Cause that's the kinda guy I'm_  
_While other folks grow dizzy_  
_I keep busy_  
_Bidin' my time ~/o_

Even more irritating is his pitch-perfect delivery - charm and smarm, lazy, but with a twinkle in his eyes, so Loki can’t quite tell if he’s being mocked or flirted with again, or quite possibly, both.

_o/~ Next year, next year,_  
_Somethin's bound to happen,_  
_This year, this year,_  
_I'll just keep on nappin' ~/o_

Loki is torn, mortified by his own growing attraction. Thor is. He’s just. So sincere. Kind. Bright. Weird. Revealing himself to be a musical nerd. Too soft, too easygoing. Not at all who Loki expected him to be. How? How the fuck is _this_ the same cocky asshole he’s been hating for years for stealing his song?

 _(He’s not.)_ Loki ignores the little voice at the back of his mind.

Thor is still so clearly a natural. So very meant to be a performer. Why did he walk away from it? Why did he give it up? Why is he just letting it... slip through his fingers? And with that thought, Loki’s temper very suddenly snaps.

Does he think he can win Loki over with this sort of sentiment? Ridiculous. Loki wants to get up and yell in Thor’s face that he’s wasting his talent, wasting his time! Wants to shake him and ask him why, when he had it all, when he had _all_ the things Loki has always wanted _so_ badly – fame, fortune, family, friends – did he squander it?

Biding his time? For Loki, there is never _enough_ time.

 _o/~ And bidin' my time_  
_Cause that's the kinda guy I'm._  
_There's no regrettin'_  
_When I'm settin'_  
_Bidin' my time ~/o_

Thor can tell that something’s making Loki edgy as he nears the end of the tune and he’s hardly finished with the last word before he immediately says in concern, “Only teasing. I. I can sing another one--?”

“No,” Loki cuts him off tersely as he both stands and grabs the console in one smooth motion. “You chose. It’s my turn now.”

“...more Broadway?” Thor says tentatively, and when Loki doesn’t answer, he continues. “If I somehow offended you with my feelings--”

“You’ve made your feelings clear.” Loki cuts him off a second time as he punches the song in with quick, sharp motions and then looks up with narrowed eyes. “You wish to know mine?”

There’s a beat of hesitation as Loki stares him down and then Thor admits softly, all traces of the teasing smile gone from his face, “...I do.”

Piano chords open the next song as Loki crosses their room and points Thor back to the couch with an unreadable expression as he starts to sing.

 _o/~ Someone to hold you too close,_  
_Someone to hurt you too deep,_  
_Someone to sit in your chair,_  
_To ruin your sleep ~/o_

Loki can’t yell any of those angry and frustrated feelings at Thor without forcing a confrontation, without giving the truth away, without giving _everything_ away – Especially just how alone he’s been in comparison to Thor’s success.

 _o/~ Someone to need you too much,_  
_Someone to know you too well,_  
_Someone to pull you up short_  
_And put you through hell ~/o_

He’s never had any kind of support, anyone in his life who understands him even a little... and the ridiculous audacity of Thor thinking _he_ could ever be the kind of person Loki wants in his life is just… it’s -

 _o/~ Someone you have to let in,_  
_Someone whose feelings you spare,_  
_Someone who, like it or not,_  
_Will want you to share_  
_A little, a lot ~/o_

But he can’t _say_ any of those feelings.

He’ll sing them instead.

 _o/~ Someone to crowd you with love,_  
_Someone to force you to care,_  
_Someone to make you come through,_  
_Who'll always be there,_  
_As frightened as you_  
_Of being alive,_  
_Being alive,_  
_Being alive,_  
_Being alive. ~/o_

Thor isn’t entirely certain what he did to set Loki off this way, but he desperately wants to know. He wants to understand what this strange chemistry between them is and so, he listens. He’s heard this Sondheim song before, but not in many years.

 _o/~ Somebody hold me too close_  
_Somebody hurt me too deep_  
_Somebody sit in my chair_  
_And ruin my sleep_  
_And make me aware_  
_Of being alive_  
_Being alive ~/o_

Loki had started off serious and calm, measured and even, but as the tempo starts to pick up, his icy facade begins to splinter, emotions spilling out across his face and in his voice.

 _o/~ Somebody need me too much_  
_Somebody know me too well_  
_Somebody pull me up short_  
_And put me through hell_  
_And give me support_  
_For being alive_  
_Make me alive_  
_Make me alive ~/o_

The lyrics slice through Thor like knives as he watches a familiar desperation creep into Loki’s expression. He’d said these were _his_ feelings, but then… why? Why do they mirror Thor’s own so deeply? Why do they crawl inside his chest to coil and squeeze at his heart until it feels too tight to even breathe?

This passion, this intensity, this need, this music… gods, how he misses it, how much he wishes someone in his life could _understand_... and it feels as if Loki knows that, chides him for it even as he admits his own need for the same.

 _o/~ Make me confused_  
_Mock me with praise_  
_Let me be used_  
_Vary my days_  
_But alone is alone_  
_Not alive ~/o_

Thor doesn’t realize he’s in tears until he tastes the salt on his lips and he doesn’t realize Loki is too until his voice finally gives out for a note. He doesn’t stop singing through, even if it’s a little less perfect than usual, not until he’s held the final glorious note.

 _o/~ Somebody crowd me with love_  
_Somebody force me to care_  
_Somebody let me come through_  
_I'll always be there_  
_As frightened as you_  
_To help us survive_  
_Being alive_  
_Being alive_  
_Being alive! ~/o_

Loki’s face crumbles and Thor wants, somehow, to help him. Loki’s a storyteller and Thor’s been drawn in every single time, but somewhere along the way tonight, the lyrics came too close to something obviously personal – a deep hurt Thor recognizes, even if he has no idea of the source. He doesn’t know why his song choice made Loki angry, doesn’t know why Loki chose this particular song in response… in fact, if he steps back from the magnetic pull he feels towards this person, he reminds himself that he hardly knows anything about Loki at all.

It doesn’t matter.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the tears and trying fruitlessly to get ahold of himself, Loki suddenly finds himself enveloped in warmth, and his breath catches with a startled noise. Thor’s strong arms are wrapped around him, pulling him in close and tight until his face is buried against Thor’s shoulder. When was the last time anyone hugged him? Loki’s mind draws a blank and he’s paralyzed by the cacophony of his own emotions, neither responding nor pulling away.

Thor finally draws back from Loki, his eyes still watery, his smile small and somehow also sad. “...I think… we may have more in common than either of us realized...”

“Don’t act like you understand my feelings…” Loki retorts, but the fight’s gone out of the words and they sound hollow and almost uncertain.

“But I do,” Thor says softly and before Loki can argue again, Thor places a finger over his lips, asking earnestly. “Can I sing another?”

Loki wants to protest, but he’s emotionally worn himself out a little and ends up simply nodding instead. Following Thor back to the couch, he picks up his half-empty glass of water before sitting down, holding it in his hands and staring down into it. He’s not even certain he knows what’s happening anymore, but he also knows he doesn’t want to stop. If the only way to break Thor open is to break himself too? Then he’s already damned.

For the third time, there’s no intro.

Thor sits down on the opposite end of the couch, elbows on his knees, gazing straight ahead as he starts, the words soft and wavering.

_o/~ I hurt myself today to see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain - the only thing that's real ~/o_

Oh.

Loki knows this song. Knows this entire album, has looped it a hundred times, and he swallows down the lump in his throat as the instrumental plays.

Impulsively, when the verse comes in, he starts to softly sing along until Thor looks up at him in realization.

_o/~ What have I become my sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away in the end ~/o_

They reach the chorus and both abruptly stop. The background music for the chorus plays as they lock eyes, both of them knowing the words, neither of them actually singing.

_o/~ And you could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt ~/o_

Breaking their gaze, Thor starts again, alone, to the floor.

_o/~ I wear this crown of shit upon my liar’s chair  
Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair ~/o_

His voice cracks and Loki picks up the next piece of the song as he wonders at the lyrics, trying to subdue a tiny note of panic. _Liar._ _Who’s the liar here? Does he know? Who I am? Is the gig finally up?_ _Or is this his way of trying to admit the truth_ _to me_ _?_

_o/~ Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear  
You are someone else - I am still right here ~/o_

Loki slides a little closer to Thor, his hands shaking, but Thor starts to sing again, and he can’t bring himself to bridge the distance between them. Thor is crying as he sings and Loki is stricken by a new thought as he listens to Thor emotionally bleed out all over the floor.

What if… What if, perhaps, their damage is not so dissimilar? Thor had once been the darling of Asgardian Records. But for whatever reason, it’s becoming clear that the industry had chewed up and spit Thor out, same as it had Loki. But why? What had happened to wreck him so badly? Did Odin have anything to do with it? If Loki can get the truth out of him, then perhaps… there isn’t the need to be enemies.

Maybe he doesn’t have to hate Thor because of one stupid song after all.

Maybe it isn’t worth it.

Maybe… maybe he doesn’t _want_ to...

_o/~ If I could start again_  
_A million miles away_  
_I would keep myself_  
_I would find a way ~/o_

The outro is directed to the middle distance, as if Thor is lost, mired in a storm of his own making. There’s a minute and 40 second guitar wail after the last word, but Loki’s too impatient, can’t wait, needs to ask, needs to know, and he starts talking over the music.

“...I concede. We… we clearly have some feelings in common.”

Thor manages to nod and shrug, to smile and rub at his eyes, all in one mixed up gesture before he reaches for his glass and gulps the rest of his water down. He doesn’t really have any words left right now anyway.

Loki sets his own glass down on the table, an excuse to shift even closer, and then after a moment of hesitation, reaches out to place his hand on Thor’s knee. It’s strange how, even though this is the opening he’s been looking for all night, now that he has it… it doesn’t feel like a victory. His feelings about why he wants the truth have done a 180 and left him reeling. “...if you ever wanted to talk to me…about…”

“About...” Thor echoes Loki as he sets his glass down, his gaze skipping back and forth between Loki’s eyes and Loki’s hand on his knee.

Loki hesitates again, but he knows if he lets this moment pass by, he’s going to regret it. “...about what happened to you. About... how you ended up like this. About why you left music when you obviously still love it.”

Thor flinches at the words, his worst fears rising up in this moment of vulnerability to swiftly strangle him. “How I...” He hasn’t connected with anyone like this in years - _maybe ever,_ but he ignores that little voice _-_ and he hasn’t let anyone hear him sing in as long. If this turns out to be another stunt, someone trying to unearth a past better left dead and buried, then… “I… thought we had a spark,” he starts, pushing Loki’s hand off of his knee as he stands, rising to his full height and looking down at him with a tired, frustrated glower. “But if trying to drag old stories out of me is the real reason you’re here tonight, then I’m done. I’m out.”

Thor abruptly shutting him down after so much mutual catharsis genuinely stuns Loki, who doesn’t answer immediately. If there was ever a moment for Thor to call him out on who he really is, that was it, but it’s missed the mark entirely. He definitely has no idea who Loki is, and Loki can’t decide if that makes this situation better or worse.

Taking the lack of response as affirmation of his accusation, Thor reaches to snatch up his jacket and head for the door.

The last wailing guitar note finally cuts to the static in the last few seconds of the track as Loki’s hand impulsively snaps out, closing around Thor’s wrist, and in the sudden hush, his words are tight and whispered. “...it’s not.” He doesn’t know if he’s telling a lie, but… he knows he can’t let Thor leave like this.

Thor stops short, relenting as Loki tugs on his wrist, pulling him back towards the couch, but he says nothing as he sits down. Part of him wants to apologize for being harsh, but part of him hopes his temper has scared Loki away from prying into the touchy subject.

“I owe you one more, don’t I?” Loki’s words are soft and even again as he reaches to pick up the module, as if the previous conversation hadn’t even happened. He doesn’t have a plan anymore, running only on intuition. “What should I sing?”

Feeling a bit like a jerk for lashing out at him after all they’ve shared tonight, Thor is surprised that Loki even wants to continue this disaster of a date any longer. He doesn’t feel like he deserves another song, but… he can’t bring himself to turn it down either. “It’s an exchange, isn’t it?’ he tosses Loki’s earlier words back at him, which earns him the barest hint of a smile in return, which he finds as confusing as it is reassuring. “Sing… sing something… that you feel like you could have written yourself.”

Loki freezes because his instant thought is his own song. He could pull it up, simply say _I wrote this_ _so why is your name on it_ and have it out with him, here and now…. But…. Without knowing what really happened, and already seeing how much _grief_ his past causes Thor, Loki … _can’t_.

Besides, the prompt was something you _could_ have written, not something you definitely _did_.

So, in a moment of exhausted honesty, Loki inputs one last song for the night and slides to the opposite end of the couch from Thor. There’s no performance left in him, and so he sings the way he would if he were alone, at the end of a very long day, trying to soothe his own heart to rest.

 _o/~_ _Rows and flows of angel hair_  
_And ice cream castles in the air_  
_And feather canyons everywhere_  
_I've looked at clouds that way_  
_But now they only block the sun_  
_They rain and snow on everyone_  
_So many things I would have done_  
_But clouds got in my way_  
_I've looked at clouds from both sides now_  
_From up and down and still somehow_  
_It's cloud's illusions I recall_  
_I really don't know clouds at all ~/o_

Thor closes his eyes, leaning his head against the back of the couch as he listens to Loki’s gentle voice against the low hum of strings in the background, letting him paint a colorful picture in the space between them.

Loki starts the second verse, but halfway through, he kicks his feet up onto the couch, sinking down until he’s laying on his back, looking up at the ceiling as he sings. If he tips his eyes back far enough, he can just make out Thor’s profile, his closed eyes, and Loki closes his own eyes too. He can just feel the warmth of Thor’s leg near the top of his head and imagines they’re somewhere else – under a tree at the botanic garden, out on a boat in the sound, somewhere with the sun overhead...

_o/~ Moons and Junes and ferris wheels_  
_The dizzy dancing way you feel_  
_As every fairy tale comes real_  
_I've looked at love that way_  
_But now it's just another show_  
_You leave 'em laughing when you go_  
_And if you care, don't let them know_  
_Don't give yourself away_  
_I've looked at love from both sides now_  
_From give and take and still somehow_  
_It's love's illusions I recall_  
_I really don't know love at all ~/o_

Thor’s hand slides off his leg and finds its way into Loki’s hair as he starts to sing the third verse, but Loki doesn’t pull away or even freeze up this time.

_o/~ Tears and fears and feeling proud,_  
_To say "I love you" right out loud_  
_Dreams and schemes and circus crowds_  
_I've looked at life that way_  
_But now old friends they're acting strange_  
_They shake their heads, they say I've changed_  
_Well something's lost, but something's gained_  
_In living every day._  
_I've looked at life from both sides now_  
_From win and lose and still somehow_  
_It's life's illusions I recall_  
_I really don't know life at all ~/o_

The song fades out into a silence that each of them is afraid to break, but then, together, they do.

“Do you maybe want to-”

“Do you think perhaps we could-”

Loki sits up abruptly as they both laugh, pointing at each other in a “you first” gesture and then both continuing at once anyway.

“...sing together?”

Thor smiles at Loki and then grabs the module off the table again, sliding closer until they’re sitting in the center of the couch, looking at the screen together.

“Don’t pick something too easy,” Loki chides him. “Unless you think you can’t keep up.”

“Anything you can do-”

“I can do _better_. And no – but how about?” Loki touches the screen with one black-tipped finger to bring up a selection and Thor hits the confirm button rather than answering.

“Bowie or Mercury?” he asks, setting the console down as the song loads.

“Either.”

“Pick or I will.”

Arguably the most famous bass line in the world starts up as Loki smirks and shakes his head, playing the piano chords in the air between them. He’s completely unsurprised when, a moment later, Thor grins back and launches into Freddie’s opening scatting with note-for-note perfection.

There’s no way that Loki is willing to sing this song sitting down, so he rises as the lyrics start and Thor follows him, their two voices sliding from unison to harmony and back again effortlessly.

_o/~ Pressure pushing down on me_  
_Pressing down on you, no man ask for_  
_Under pressure that burns a building down_  
_Splits a family in two_  
_Puts people on streets ~/o_

Both of them have discarded the notion of doing anything but enjoying this moment for exactly what it is – the opportunity to sing an amazing song with someone of comparable talent and passion. Everything else has been momentarily forgotten in favor of the music. They circle each other as Loki belts the chorus and Thor grabs the octave, a tease of what’s to come.

_o/~ It's the terror of knowing what this world is about_  
_Watching some good friends screaming_  
_"Let me out!"_  
_Pray tomorrow gets me higher_  
_Pressure on people, people on streets_

They break apart, both moving to the music as the scatting picks up again and Loki soars across the warm harmonies underneath Thor’s gorgeous falsetto until he can belt the chorus again, now on opposite sides of their little karaoke room.

Both of them start the finger snaps together for the bridge as the music pulls back, the room feeling charged with electricity as they sing the next two lines in a hush.

_o/~ Turned away from it all like a blind man  
Sat on a fence but it don't work ~/o_

The next line is Loki’s alone and it hurts to sing, but he’s giddy with anticipation.

o/~ _Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn- ~/o_

There isn’t any time for Thor to doubt whether he can still hit that high A.

o/~ _Why, why, why?~/o_

Loki laughs in absolute delight as he listens Thor wail his way up to the stars, then throws his arms out as he sings his favorite lines in the entire song in answer.

 _o/~_ _Love, love, love, love, love  
Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking ~/o_

The room doesn’t feel big enough to hold the two of them anymore.

Loki wants to sob and cackle at the same time as Thor sings his outtro with a perfectly timed growl on _chance_. Not only is Thor a match in power and ability, but they sound even more brilliant singing together. And most surprising of all?

Loki can’t remember the last time he’d had so much… _fun_.

_o/~ Can't we give ourselves one more chance?_  
_Why can't we give love that one more chance?_  
_Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love_  
_Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love? ~/o_

They’re standing only a hand’s reach away from each other as Loki starts the other half of the outtro, neither able or willing to look away from each other.

_o/~ Cause love's such an old fashioned word_  
_And love dares you to care for_  
_The people on the edge of the night_  
_And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of ~/o_

Thor’s absolutely enchanted.

Never. Never in all his life has been able to _sing_ like this with anyone else. _Feel_ like this with anyone else. Desire races through him like a wildfire and he’s suddenly consumed by how badly he _wants_ Loki.

And the last, in harmony-

 _o/~_ _Caring about ourselves_  
_This is our last dance_  
_This is our last dance_  
_This is ourselves under pressure ~/o_

But the song goes unfinished as Thor suddenly closes the distance between them.

Loki’s back hits the wall with a thud as he gazes up into those piercingly blue eyes.

He’s falling into the sky.

Gravity ceases to exist as Thor slides a hand around the back of Loki’s neck and seals their lips together.

Loki melts under the heat of Thor’s kiss, winding arms around him, hands spreading across his broad back to pull him closer, and Thor responds in kind, pressing Loki into the wall as one kiss becomes two, three, and they both quickly lose count. Thor teases his tongue along Loki’s bottom lip and Loki parts, his breath catching, his fists curling into Thor’s shirt as their tongues slide together.

Thor’s mouth is an inferno, but just as Loki’s thinking he could happily burn here, Thor suddenly breaks the kiss off, worried he’s been too impulsive. He lets go of Loki and moves to take a step back, surprised when Loki’s grip holds him firmly in place. “...Loki. I...”

It’s the first time he’s heard Thor actually say his name. The thrill of it flickers through his body like a static charge. Loki’s heartbeat is thunderous in his ears as he rises up on his tiptoes to crush his mouth against Thor’s again, sliding his hands up Thor’s shoulders to tangle in his long blond hair.

There’s no hesitation in Thor’s response as he kisses back, chasing Loki’s tongue around with his own, but never quite catching him. His hands settle on Loki’s slim hips, fingertips creeping under the hem of his black t-shirt until they find warm skin and Loki shudders against him, the hand in Thor’s hair fisting tighter at the nape of his neck.

Thor breaks away again, but this time it’s to lay a line of kisses along Loki’s jawline until he finds the perfect place where he can feel Loki’s pulse thrumming under his lips. He doesn’t want to stop, but also knows they can’t really let this go any further where they are. “...we could take this back to my place, if you wanted...” he murmurs softly into Loki’s ear.

Loki shivers as that deep voice vibrates into him, letting go of Thor’s hair only to realize his hands are shaking. No, not just his hands – his _everything_ is shaking. His eyes snap open, wild and dark with arousal, and suddenly his hands are between them, pushing Thor away with enough force that he stumbles back a step. As if Thor’s words have broken a spell, the reality of what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with, comes crashing down on Loki like a bucket of ice water.

“I… I can’t do this...” he stammers, immediately averting his eyes from Thor’s gaze as he feels his panic rising, threatening to drown him. He darts across the room in two steps to snatch his jacket off the couch and he’s out the door without a backward glance.

Thor stands frozen in shock and the sudden silence in the room feels deafening.


	5. Far From Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Monday morning begins around noon, with only the barest edges of gray light peeking around the blackout curtains in Loki’s bedroom, and only because Fenrir is checking to see whether he’s going to be fed at all today.

“I’m up, I’m up...” Loki blearily mumbles to the insistent cat paws walking across his back.

It’s a lie, though. His face is buried in a pillow and it takes at least another five minutes before he finally rolls onto his side and grabs at his phone. There’s a string of messages time stamped around 3 AM and even though Loki knows he should ignore them, the first two pop up on his lock screen along with the time and he can’t help reading them.

 _{_ \ _im sorry_ _}_

_{_ _m just a big fumb idiot_ _}_

Loki isn’t really surprised and also can’t quite bring himself not to open and read the rest of Thor’s obvious drunk-texting.

_{ i fuck everything up }_

_{_ _i fucked this up too m sry_ _}_

_{ can we pls talk? }_

_{ ...you deserver the world and i wntto give it to you_ _}_

Everything about the previous night comes rushing back – their uncanny connection, the flawless harmony… the heat between them, his subsequent panic. Loki had paced the streets of the city until nearly dawn, until he’d burned through the anxiety, until he was blank and numb with exhaustion, but no closer to knowing what to do about any of it.

He _could_ do nothing.

He _could_ put a swift end to the mess and never look back.

Loki’s thumb hovers over the _block_ button as his stomach twists with indecision, but the thought is interrupted by another incoming text.

It’s not Thor this time, though.

The text is from his father’s personal assistant, asking him to check his email, where a lengthy message awaits him – a very last minute demand for a set of fashion flats based on a series of his father’s sketches for a new client with an ungodly price tag attached _if_ he can have them finished in the next 24 hours.

Loki sighs as he stares at the screen.

The best, worst and most useful thing about being a freelance workaholic is that, generally speaking, there is always something you could or should be doing. He’s constantly juggling teaching his classes (which vary in subject matter and class size depending on the semester) with writing articles for music publications, composing or arranging background music for commercials and minor television shows, and searching for gigs that won’t bore him after a week or two.

It’s all chaotic piecemeal and, obviously, you’re always free to turn an offer down, but if you do, you can’t be assured when the next will come… or even _if_ another one will come. He’d rather spend his time working in music-related fields, but it doesn’t always pay the bills, especially when he has expensive tastes.

Loki really detests working for his father. He doesn’t mind the fashion industry in general, and he’s gotten rather adept at constructing viable designs off his father’s lazy half-assed sketches, but it’s not his passion in life. But The Asshole knows that Loki will rarely turn down the money, especially when the work comes naturally to him, and always insists on asking the most _unreasonable_ things of him.

He’s still going to say yes, and proceed to spend the day convincing himself it’s for the money and not because it’s also a beautiful 14 hour excuse to ignore his own racing mind and befuddled heart.

Loki hardly looks up from his work until it’s nearly complete, and again, mostly because his cat is demanding to be fed with pointed, disgruntled, evenly-spaced howls as he marches from the kitchen to Loki’s office and back again.

“Didn’t I feed you only a few hours ago?” Loki complains as the repeated distraction finally forces him to get up and follow along to the kitchen to fetch the cat food. His phone is on the counter next to a glass of water he never finished and he’s surprised to realize that it’s already after 3 AM. “My apologies,” he murmurs to Fenrir as he sets the bowl down, trying to remember if he’s eaten anything himself today.

Loki’s phone buzzes just as he’s opening the refrigerator, picking through the random containers of take-out until he finds something vaguely palatable – a container of Thai fried rice he’d ordered sometime over the weekend.

It’s Thor again.

_{_ _please keep singing at the bar_ _}_

_{ it's not much of a stage but your talent would be so deeply appreciated }_

Loki frowns. Gods. What _is_ he going to do about the gig at Thunderstruck? What is going to do about Thor? He’s put it out of his head all day, but now it’s back in his face again, demanding that he make a decision.

_{ I should get the piano tuned for you }_

_{ scratch that ill buy you a new piano }_

He’s probably drunk again, but Loki can’t help a small, amused smile. Thor is annoyingly persistent, and yet entirely endearing, all at once.

Thor’s rambling follows him through the rest of his work, chattering at him every few minutes as Loki finishes up and mails off the designs.

_{_ _a_ _full_ _grand would be great but itd neevr fit_ _well_ _on_ _that_ _stage_ _}_

_{ baby grand }_

_{ blakc or whitre }_

_{ gotta be a yamaha right }_

The messages only start to slow as Loki’s finally tumbling into bed with a splitting headache from too many hours staring at a screen, the words on his phone blurring and dancing as he squints at it in the darkness.

_{ singing with you was teh best }_

_{ I wantto sing with you again }_

_{ Loki }_

Loki hates how his cheeks flush as he reads the words. Hates how the feeling of Thor’s kiss is still seared into his lips, how the sound of Thor’s voice is so clear in his ears.

_o/~ give love, give love, give love… ~/o_

He can’t deny the attraction between them, but he also can’t just dive into this blindly.

So, what is Loki most bothered by, in the end?

Thor not being honest with him about his past? Thor not knowing the truth about the song? Thor kissing him?

...or... the feelings Loki doesn’t want to admit to having … about a person he doesn’t know if he can really trust? A person he’s spent years alternately hating or trying to forget.

Should Loki just tell him the truth about the song and let the pieces fall where they will?

Loki stares at the phone screen as he touches a finger to his lips, but before he can make up his mind about whether or not to reply, another message pops up.

_{_ _your voice is ssooo pretty……….._ _}_

Groaning out loud at the absolutely corny flirtation, Loki finally bails on the idea of responding right now. If he just ignores Thor for long enough, the messages will cease, won’t they? Then he won’t need to make a decision at all. He clicks the phone to silent and drops it onto the table beside the bed before he rolls over, curling into a little ball around one of his pillows and letting sleep claim him.

Morning on Tuesday is ignored.

Loki stumbles out of bed long enough to feed Fenrir and promptly passes out again.

He regrets this choice at about 3PM when he realizes he still has around 100 composition midterms he needs to grade before tomorrow morning and finally drags himself out of the apartment for a pick-me-up because he hasn’t seen daylight since Sunday.

Sitting under a fiery-hued maple in Bryant Park, a hot spiked apple cider nestled between cold fingers, Loki finally gets another text from Thor. It’s the first one since the drunken string of late-night flattery, but there’s no words this time, only a picture – the same blue sky and rolling white clouds that he’s currently enjoying.

It’s tempting, for a moment, to snap a pic of his own view and send it back, but…

A second picture pops up before he can make a decision, the fall foliage at a park, probably Prospect, and Loki’s hit with the sensation that there are sharing the same space and the same thoughts despite being miles apart.

_o/~ if I could reach from east to west ~/o_

The line of music floats through his head as his phone continues to fill with photos of Thor’s afternoon stroll, but Loki shakes it off as he walks home with his hands jammed in the pockets of his black trench coat, noting how cold the evenings have gotten.

Although Loki could grade these assignments just by looking at them, it’s much faster to play them on the piano, so he sits for hours until his back has gone stiff and his vision feels cross-eyed again, and checking his phone for another text from Thor simply seems like a fair way to take a momentary break.

Thor’s latest pictures are of a pizza box, closed, then open and full of meat, with a note of _this place is the best._ When Loki’s stomach growls in agreement, he gives in to the impulse and orders himself a pizza from his own favorite local spot, half mushroom and half Hawaiian, which is decidedly weird, but… he’s feeling more than a little weird right now.

“Look, Fen, it’s a cat,” Loki shows Thor’s latest picture of a cute orange stray to his cat as he feeds him a scrap of ham off the pizza, and he falls asleep in bed easily that night with Fenrir curled up between his feet and a lengthy string of cat gifs and videos from Thor still flooding his phone.

Wednesday starts on time, because it’s Loki’s day at the university teaching, so he’s showered, dressed and out the door with the completed portfolio of assignments early in the morning. It’s easy and comfortable to slip into his professional work mode, discussing the next unit of Romantic selections with his musicology class, running a listening dictation in orchestration, and handing back the counterpoint midterms. He wasn’t particularly satisfied with the class’s answers to the final example, so he’s drawn up a similar one as today’s project.

So easily absorbed in music, Loki’s almost forgotten about life outside of teaching when he feels the tell-tale double buzz in his pocket that he knows is a txt and not an email notification. The class is busy with the assignment, so he slips his phone out of his pocket and glances at it, entirely not expecting the message he receives.

It’s a brightly colored red square graphic and inside of it, some black text written in two halves:

_I’m considering a modulation… cause I want to come up to your level._

Loki lets out a surprised little snicker of laughter as he reads it, immediately drawing the eyes of his entire class, who aren’t sure they’ve ever heard such an undignified sound come out of their professor. “Already finished?” Loki stares them down icily, as if daring one of them to comment, but no one does. A second message appears and he turns away to read it, not wanting his students to see the dumb smile on his face.

_Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint._

He bites his lip to keep the snicker in this time and resolves not to take out his phone again until he’s alone.

To his delight, there’s another ridiculous musical pick-up line waiting on his screen by the time Loki escapes the university for the day- 

_Are you a fermata? Because I want to hold you._

and yet another by the time he’s reached home with a bag of take-out sushi, ready to shed his dress clothes and wrap himself into something comfortable for the night.

_You’re so beautiful you make me feel like an arpeggiated chord... …Broken._

It’s the last one that finally destroys him, making him laugh so sharply he ends up spraying rice across the countertop and sending Fen running into the bedroom to hide under the bed. The laughter almost immediately dissolves into a strangely hollow ache in his chest, though, and it sits with him uncomfortably for the rest of the night.

He doesn’t realize that he’s been waiting all night for another message from Thor until he’s in bed a few hours later, the phone still clutched in his hand as he’s trying to fall asleep, but nothing else arrives.

There are still no further messages when Loki wakes on Thursday morning and the silence feels immediately unsettling after the last few days. There’s no pressing projects to serve as a distraction today and when he tries to get a head start on an article due next month, all of the words on the screen swim until he’s forced to find something else to occupy himself.

The easiest place to go running to is the safest place he knows and so Loki settles at his piano to play for awhile. He isn’t in the mood for lyrics, so instead he pulls down a book he hasn’t played in several weeks, a collection of Chopin’s Preludes and Nocturnes.

Debussy is next, along with pouring himself a scotch on the rocks. Checks his phone. Nothing.

Mozart. Chopin again, but he’s getting sloppier after a third drink.

Rachmaninoff, once he’s too tipsy to care anymore about the mistakes he’s making. Still nothing.

Loki fills the entire apartment and the entire day with an endless concert of piano music, but it does nothing to fill the void left by the sudden absence of Thor’s constant pestering, and he grows ever more frustrated and angry at himself for even being _bothered_ by it.

But he _is_ , and when he runs out of scotch, back and hands aching again from sitting in the same place for far too long, he finally decides he’ll go out to get well and truly plastered, until he’s too drunk to think about it anymore.

To think about _Thor_.

The closest bar is one at the end of his block, a tiny hole in the wall he only frequents once in awhile, and not a place that ever has more noise than patrons chatting and ball games on a TV for background ambience. He slides onto a stool and orders another scotch, swirling it around in his glass angrily instead of drinking it immediately.

_Why should I be worried about -_

Loki’s so startled by the feeling of his phone buzzing in his pocket that he very nearly drops the glass on the counter as his heart jumps into his throat. Fishing the phone out of his pocket, he’s alternately relieved and anxious to see that it’s _finally_ another message from Thor.

It’s not a text this time, though. It’s not a picture or a gif or another musical pick-up line either.

It’s a video and Loki immediately hits play to see half of Thor’s beard in front of the camera as he props his phone up to record and then sits back. He looks like an an absolute mess, with watery red-rimmed eyes and his hair once again loose and tangled around his face. His lips are moving, but Loki can’t quite make out the words and he doesn’t want to turn it up in the middle of the bar.

Downing the scotch in one gulp that burns its way down his throat, he leaves a bill on the counter beside the empty glass and hurries back outside, around the corner and into the nearest alleyway. It’s startled to sprinkle a little bit, a soft rumble of thunder overhead as he scrolls the video back to the start and cranks up the volume.

“Hey...” Thor starts slowly as he sits back from the camera.

Loki has no idea where this is going, but just _seeing_ Thor again makes his hands go cold and his heart start to race. It causes the entire karaoke date to rush through his mind again, ending with the feeling of Thor’s hands on him and Thor’s lips against his and -

“You haven’t answered any of my messages. Okay. I get it…” Thor runs a hand through his hair with a heavy sigh and then reaches beside him on the couch to pull an acoustic guitar into his lap. “...but please come back to Thunderstruck for your set tomorrow? I… I promise I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

Thor starts to pluck at his guitar, his eyes drifting down and away from the camera as he plays, and Loki feels his stomach lurch violently as he recognizes the tune. He leans against the brick wall for support, his hands shaking as a brilliant flash of lightning splits the sky above, followed a second later by a loud crack of thunder.

“I… I wanted to sing you one more song...” Thor continues, the words hesitant as he picks out the arpeggiated intro slowly. “Heard it playing in the bar when I went downstairs to grab my guitar and… for all the trouble this song’s given me… the lyrics made me think of you.”

It takes Loki a second to realize that the obnoxiously loud sound of unhinged laughter is his own.

“I know it’s breaking the rules since it’s one of... mine... but...” Thor starts to sing, his voice soft and raspy in a way that tells Loki he’s been crying. Loki grips the phone tighter in an attempt to stop the image from shaking, but he’s vibrating too hard, hyperventilating as he listens to his own lyrics being sung back to him, at him, _for_ him--

 _o/~ Somewhere in between the spaces, somewhere on the empty faces_  
_somewhere on the busy street, somewhere in my own heartbeat_  
_I am not alone, I am not alone ~/o_

Loki slowly slides down the wall as the rain starts to pick up, fat droplets that splatter on his cheeks and run down to his chin, and he knows he should make a dash for home before the skies open up over his head, but he’s completely paralyzed. _Why this?_ _Why_ _ **my**_ _song?_ _Why_ _now?_

_o/~ In between the harmonies, amidst the songs in different keys_  
_blurred within the watercolor, scented in a cerulean flower_  
_I am not alone, I am not alone ~/o_

Thor seems to gain confidence as he sings, but even so, he’s struggling to hold back tears by the time he reaches the chorus and Loki’s already completely given up trying to hold anything in. He could blame his wet cheeks on the rain, but that would be a fucking lie because rain doesn’t taste like salt and heartbreak.

 _o/~ If I could walk on water, if I could hold a flame in my hand,_  
_if I could weave the sands of time, then maybe I’d understand._  
_if I could breath a spell, if I could touch a star,_  
_if I could reach from east to west, then you would never be far_  
_far from me, far from me ~/o_

Another roll of thunder drowns out the interlude and between the rain starting to pour down in sheets and Loki’s own broken crying, it’s getting difficult to hear the audio properly anymore. This is too much. It’s _entirely_ too much.

 _o/~ Dancing in the flakes of snow, wound up in a bright rainbow_  
_calling in a sweet bell chime, resting here within this rhyme_  
_I am not alone, I am not alone ~/o_

Soaked and trembling as he struggles back to his feet, Loki stumbles to the edge of the alley and flags down the next taxi that passes.


	6. Intermezzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_~ 8 years ago ~_

Loki stops to check his reflection in the mirror one last time, wishing fervently that he’d known about this meeting before coming in to work today. He tucks his messy, wavy hair behind his ears, rubs at a tiny smudge in his black eyeliner, and straightens out his Billy Joel t-shirt, tucking just the very front into his black jeans. It’s a vintage baseball style from the 1980 summer tour that he picked up at a little shop in the East Village last weekend, but right now, he kinda wishes he was wearing a suit or at least something that isn’t older than he himself is.

“You can do this,” he tells his reflection softly, because he knows no one else is in the bathroom to hear him.

Being called into Odin’s office is the Biggest Deal imaginable and something he’s been trying to accomplish every single day of this summer internship at Asgardian Records. Now, it’s finally about to happen and his insides feel like a ping-pong ball is rattling around. “...so don’t fuck it up.”

Outside his boss’ door, Loki takes a deep breath and knocks sharply, waiting for permission to enter.

“Come In!” Odin calls out, his voice echoing even through the door.

Loki strides across Odin’s office in a way he hopes appears confident, but not cocky, and pauses in front of the large oak desk, folding his hands politely behind his back. “You summoned me, sir?”

Odin is a large and imposing man, even seated in a plush chair behind his desk, and he eyes Loki from top to bottom and back again before speaking. When he does, though, it’s with a smile meant to put Loki at ease. “Ah, yes, Loki Laufey, correct?”

“Yes,” Loki nods and it’s so difficult not to launch into his pitch immediately, but he doesn’t want to seem desperate. He knows that getting a record deal out of an internship is a pie-in-the-sky sort of dream, but the new song he submitted last week is better than any he’s written before, he’s sure of it. It _has_ to be the reason Odin’s personally called him in today. It doesn’t even need to be a full album, he tells himself – just the chance to record and put out a little 2-song EP under a label this big would be a _huge_ step up.

“I’ve been hearing only positive reports of your work for us this summer,” Odin continues, leaning forward and folding both hands in front of him on the desk at he looks up at Loki. “Compliments on your arranging skills, on your keyboard parts, and generally the ability to work smoothly and swiftly with both our staff and the other interns. Quite a few of the songs you had a hand in arranging or wrote yourself have ended up crossing my desk in the last few months.”

Loki can’t help the small, proud smile at the compliment, but stays humble in his response. “Thank you, sir, for both the opportunity and the praise.” Inside his head is a different story as fireworks explode, and it’s a struggle to keep his breathing even and relaxed.

“In fact, I really enjoyed your latest submission. So much so... that I’ve decided to feature it on the debut album of Thor & The Warriors 3!” Odin beams at Loki as he sits back in his chair again, fully expecting him to be thrilled by the news.

 _Thor and the…_ Of course, Loki knows exactly who that is. You would have to be blind, deaf and dumb, or _really_ not paying attention to have not noticed all the growing fuss around the office regarding Odin’s arrogant son and his new rock band. There’s been talk for weeks about _when_ (not if) their debut album is going to be announced and plenty of songwriters have been in and out of the studio with the band trying to write something good enough tomake it on the album.

Loki is not one of them.

“E-excuse me?” he finally manages to stammer out, somewhere between startled and annoyed. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding here. I’ve made it clear in my notes that I’m not interested in being anyone’s ghostwriter.”

“Nonono,” Odin waves off his protest with a slight frown. “I’m absolutely planning on crediting and _paying_ you, just like a _real_ songwriter, which, by the way, we almost _never_ do with interns.”

Loki’s hackles start to rise, thoroughly insulted by the insinuation that he isn’t a _real_ composer. “It’s not about the _money_ ,” he insists sharply, still trying to keep this from turning into a confrontation. “I’m simply not interested in letting anyone else sing the songs that I write.”

“What, you want to sing them yourself?” Odin scoffs at Loki’s answer with another dismissive hand wave. “You don’t have the star quality to carry a band, much the less a solo act.”

“It’s _my_ song and I don’t see how anyone _else_ could sing it better,” Loki glowers, hating to admit that Odin’s struck a vulnerable button with his last comment. Just because he isn’t some chiseled golden pretty-boy…doesn’t mean he can’t captivate an audience. “Plenty of songwriters may be content with staying invisible behind the scenes, but that’s not the path I want for myself.”

Odin’s eyes narrow to an irritated glare at Loki’s continued obstinance. “You have the _audacity_ to protest an opportunity that any other intern in your place would _grovel_ at the mere chance for?”

“I would never _prostrate_ myself in such a manner!” Loki snarls back at him, hands now on his hips, any hope of this sorting itself out in a positive way all but vanished. “Thank you for the offer, but my answer is _no_.”

Fuming now, Odin stands up from his chair, towering over Loki with barely contained fury as he bellows. “Someone as _insignificant_ as you doesn’t have a say at all! Anything you’ve written or recorded while working for Asgardian Records belongs to _me_ and I doubt you have the thousands of dollars to fight that internship contract in court.”

Loki wants to pop Odin right in his smug, pompous face, but at the last second, he pulls the punch and slams his palm down on the surface of the desk with a resounding TWACK instead. He’s absolutely furious because he knows that Odin is very definitely in the wrong for stealing his work like this, but also probably very right about Loki’s inability to do anything about it. Even if he tried, it could take years. “I can write a _better_ song,” he seethes, his voice dripping with scorn. He back-steps away from Odin’s desk as he lifts both of his middle fingers. “You’re a thief and you will rue this day, old man.”

Odin collapses back into his chair with a muttered curse as the door slams behind Loki so hard that the picture frames on the wall rattle, his eyes flicking over to the computer screen where the debut album’s songlist is ready to be emailed, printed out and handed off. This was not at all how he’d intended this meeting to go, but perhaps Loki would have proved too volatile a partner for his already hot-headed son anyway. Yanking the keyboard towards himself, Odin punches each backspace forcefully to delete Loki’s name from the page before typing a new one in.

Outside in the hall, Loki only makes it about three steps before furious tears spring into his eyes and he draws in a ragged breath. _No._ He’s absolutely _done_ with Asgardian Records and he’s _not_ going to let anyone in this godforsaken place see him cry over it either. So caught up in his own emotions, he isn’t paying any attention as he rounds the corner and very nearly collides with someone.

“Ahhh shit. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.” Thor side-steps, narrowly avoiding a collision as he brushes arms with someone in an obvious hurry. _Cute…_ He offers a flirtatious smile to the stranger as their gazes connect, swearing to himself that he’s never seen anyone with eyes quite that vivid green before. Unfortunately, those eyes are also in tears, and the hostile expression doesn’t bode well for making friends. Thor wonders idly if his jerk of a father has been firing people again and decides it’s better to just give a polite nod and continue on his way.

Loki doesn’t quite connect the pieces until the man is out of sight and he’s riding the elevator down to the first floor, which is good, because he really might have decked that cheeky grin if he’d realized sooner that it was _him_. _**Thor**_. Worse, he’s just as charismatic and attractive as gossip has insisted, and this only makes Loki angrier.

 _Let them both rot_ _for taking what’s mine_.

Back upstairs, Thor doesn’t bother to knock when he reaches his father’s office, since he was summoned here out of the studio only minutes ago via a personal text, but when he sees his father’s stony expression, he wonders if maybe he should have. “What’s up, Dad? You said you wanted me to meet someone?”

“Never mind about that,” Odin doesn’t bother to waste any time mincing words, coming around his desk to retrieve a piece of paper from his printer and holding it out to his son. “I’ve finalized the song selection for your debut album.”

“That’s great news!” Thor’s face splits into a beaming smile of joy and relief as he accepts the paper, his eyes skimming briefly over the titles on the list. His band has been in the studio for weeks recording over a hundred different demos with no end in sight and he’s thrilled at the idea of finally being able to tell them there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. “I can’t wait to get started!”

Thor’s genuine exuberance soothes Odin’s temper and when his son hugs him impulsively, he pats him once on the back with a fondly gruff, “Prove to me that you’re worthy of all this time and effort.”

“I will, Dad!” Thor enthuses, giving him a thumb’s up before dashing towards the door. “I can’t wait to tell Sif and the guys that it’s finally happening! We’re gonna be rock stars!”


	7. Give Your Heart A Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

The bottle comes up empty and Thor groans in frustration. It's his last, but he really isn't up for going downstairs again when he knows it’ll mean listening to Val ream him out about getting another case tonight. He glances at his phone - still dark and silent – and his heart sinks. He'd really been hoping that maybe a song would...

A moment later, he snaps back to reality, shaking himself slightly. Maybe he has some pizza floating around. He tosses the bottle aside to join its brethren in the growing mass that was once a recycling bin and gets up, shuffling into the kitchen. Thor stares into the nearly empty fridge for awhile before shutting it again, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Nothing.

It’s not like he’s really expecting a response, he tells himself. All he wants is to not fuck over the bar like he always fucks over his own life. Make sure that the best damn performer they've ever had actually comes back for a second weekend. But he can't stop himself from checking the phone again and sighing when it shows the same blank screen it's shown all week.

Thor knows, at least, that the messages are being read, and maybe that’s why he can’t quite find it in himself to give up yet. Loki could have easily blocked him at any point in the last few days, but he hasn’t, and it’s left Thor dangling from one frayed thread of hope. He’s been unable to get their karaoke night out of his mind, overwhelmed by the way it felt to sing again after so long, especially to sing with someone so talented that he didn’t need to hold anything back. Their connection was undeniable and Thor couldn’t bring himself to be sorry he’d kissed Loki that night either. If only he had been honest--

A furious pounding jars Thor out of his thoughts and he blinks at the apartment door in surprise, immediately wondering if something’s gone wrong downstairs. There’s hardly anything Steve would really need to alert him of in person short of a fire or the cops being called, though, so he hurries over to yank open the door. He’s not expecting to see Loki standing there, wet and disheveled, one fist still lifted mid-knock. “...Loki...” he chokes out brokenly.

Loki spent the entire cab ride over the bridge trying to calm himself down enough to put together the right words, the best way, to confront Thor with the truth, but now that they’re finally face to face again, his entire mind blanks. He knows he must look like a mess, but Thor is somehow worse, clearly drunk, the dark circles under his eyes giving away how little he’s slept. It’s a far cry from how put-together he looked a few nights ago and Loki knows without a doubt that it’s his fault.

It seems to take a few breaths for the shock of seeing Loki to wear off, but then Thor’s face immediately crumples, his eyes filling with tears as he sinks to his knees, reaching to take Loki’s hand and clasp it between his own two. “I… I didn’t think you would ever speak to me again.”

“I...” Loki starts, but he’s painfully tongue-tied, faced with the sudden realization of how deeply his silence has affected Thor. He wants to yell at him and tell him he’s ridiculous, wants to hug him and whisper an apology – wants to do neither of these things while still soaked and in semi-public on the doorstep. With a sigh, he squeezes Thor’s hand and reaches out to grab him by the arm, hauling him to his feet before gently back-stepping them into the apartment far enough that he can turn to close the door.

Thor impulsively wraps his arms around Loki from behind, squeezing him tightly and wordlessly, his chin resting on Loki’s shoulder. Loki isn’t expecting this, but after a second of startled surprise, he indulges, letting himself enjoy the warmth for a moment, closing his eyes and hoping Thor can’t tell how fast his heart is pounding right now.

Already this is not the angry confrontation that Loki had written in his head on the way here. What happened to that plan? He has no plan. He’d abandoned all of it the moment he set eyes on Thor again and as he finally steps out of Thor’s grasp to slide his soaked jacket off and kick his soaked boots off, his words are shakier than he’d like. “Maybe… we should talk?”

Swiping his knuckles across his eyes to clear them of tears, Thor nods as he watches Loki hang his jacket on a hook beside the door and he can’t help a small smile. “You’re not wearing black tonight.”

Loki glances down at the dark green sweater he’d pulled on for the chilly walk down to his local bar and gives a soft huff that’s not quite a laugh. “I suppose I’m not.” He follows Thor into the dimly-lit living room, where the blond sits down on the couch and pats the spot beside him. Loki sits sideways, tucking one leg underneath himself, much the same way they’d sat together in the karaoke room. There are so many words on the tip of his tongue, but he’s rolling in indecision about where or how to start. Coming here unannounced suddenly feels very rash and impulsive, but before that thought can get very far, Thor starts talking.

“I’m sorry.” Thor sits bonelessly, leaning his head on the back of the couch until he’s gazing up at the ceiling, searching for words. Loki seems willing to hear him out and he doesn’t want to waste the second chance. “I do want to talk. In fact, I… I want to tell you everything. I should’ve just told you the other night, but the truth is… I’ve never told _anyone_ this story. No one really knows what happened except for me. And I… I don’t know what you’ve read, what you’ve heard… and I also don’t know what you’ll think of me if I do tell you.”

“I’m willing to listen, same as I offered before...” Loki says, even though his own thoughts are spinning wild with curiosity. He wants to tell Thor the truth about their connection, but if Thor’s finally going to reveal his version of events, perhaps it would be prudent to hold his cards just a little longer.

“Where do I start...” Thor mumbles to himself. “So, Asgardian Records – started up by my dad, who was then, and is still now, a very wealthy real estate mogul. Family Business. But… Odin Asgard. Likes to have his hands in everything. Asgardian Arts Foundation. Owns at least two professional sports teams. His spoiled idiot son wanted to be a musician, so why not buy out a major record label and put himself in charge of it?"

"And Dad always had control of everything - graphics, costumes, stylings, songs, releases, tour dates - _everything_. The whole first album was put together at his direction, by an entire office of people working underneath him. I can still remember the day he presented me with the song list. I was just so excited about it, absolutely over the moon that we were finally going to debut! That first year..."

Thor pauses with a sad smile and a regretful little laugh that sounds more like a sigh. "That first year was a dream. For a while, it was absolutely great, even if it was _so_ busy. Constant, really. Practicing and rehearsals, recording and re-recording. Live shows, photoshoots, interviews and, of course, the tour..."

Loki grits his teeth as he listens to Thor describe his charmed life, but reminds himself that despite the glitter, he’s already witnessed where the story ends, in the here and now. It’s not pretty or happy.

“...sometimes wonder when the hell I even slept? But anyway...” Thor lifts his head, but his gaze is still off in the middle distance as he dredges up the old and repressed memories. “Where did things start to go wrong? I think… I believe it all started with this one question on some show, don’t remember which one, a few months after the album had been out. We'd started touring already, so a lot of the questions were about that, but we were talking about which songs had already hit #1 and the interviewer, he asked me, what had inspired me to write Far From Me, which even though it wasn’t one of our singles, had started to become noticeably popular? I was honestly confused by the question – I had certainly worked with the studio composers on fine-tuning things, editing lyrics, playing with guitar solos and such, but most of what we recorded for the album was stuff handed to us finished and ready to go. But we were on camera and I didn't want to look like a bumbling idiot who didn’t know what he was talking about, so I invented some vague bullshit just to get it to move on to the next question."

The interview in question had been one of the Late Night talk shows, because Loki remembers it, more clearly than he wants to, Thor’s words coming back to him and almost distracting him from listening to the story. _It’s about f_ _eeling like you’re not alone – that there’s got to be someone out there waiting for you to find them._

“I could have just let it go, but honestly the thought really bugged me? Afterwards, I pulled up the band’s official website, I pulled out my copy of our CD, and both of them told me the same thing – I was apparently the only person credited for writing this song. I knew that couldn’t be right, so the next time I happened to get my father alone, I asked him about it. He told me it was just some intern of theirs who didn’t want the fame, who didn’t even work for them anymore. He told me the song was mine and not to worry about it.”

Loki is seething by this point with the confirmation that Thor was outright lied to about his song. _Odin, you absolute bastard._ He’s a breath away from interrupting, from telling Thor that the intern is him, that the song is his, but Thor is talking so fast now, sentences running together in a blur, as if the words, built up and contained for so long, need to be spilled or he’ll choke on them. And Loki is ever-curious.

"That sort of stuff happens a lot, honestly, ghost-writing? There’s a few songs on the album that could have maybe 20 names listed for all the people that were actually involved in getting it just right, but it never ends up being that many. So I didn't really think much of it after that, not until the tour was coming to an end and Dad wanted us back in the studio to start working on a second album. And of course, over the last year, wouldn’t you know it, that… That. Stupid. Fucking. Song.”

Thor spits each word out sharply with bitter recollection. “Had become our biggest hit. It wasn’t even our lead single, wasn’t an uptempo anthem… it was just this… this sentimental ballad, but everyone… everyone _loved_ it. And everyone expected me to be able to write another hit Just Like The Last One. But I wasn’t… I’m… I'm not... I'm not a songwriter."

Thor gives another little self-deprecating laugh, but he’s starting to get choked up again. "I just don't have the knack to write melodies or hooks. Guitar riffs, lyrics sometimes, whatever... but an entire song? All by myself? Everyone just expected that I'd be able to lead the band forward like that, even though none of _them_ were any more songwriters than I really was? So the second album was a _huge_ flop – my music was... oh, what did that one review say... 'boring melodically, harmonically, and lyrically'? ...Yeah.” Thor swallows hard, determined to continue, as shamed as he feels by this part. “I kept trying to come up with something, because I wanted to prove to my dad that I could really do this. I didn’t want to disappoint him, disappoint the fans, disappoint _everyone_."

The longer Loki listens to this story, the more ill he feels, and the more he begins to realize something he very much doesn’t want to admit to himself. It’s very clear that Thor blames himself for the entire mess (no matter how at fault Odin actually is), but his fury and his grief are completely centered around Loki’s song and his inability to measure up to it.

"The stress of that weight, that failure, that guilt… the stress of it led me to drinking. And not just in the casual, social way I always had with the band… no, it led me to drink myself into an ugly oblivion, literally." Thor gives a vague wave about the apartment. "I haven't really gotten much better about that, I'll be honest.” He pauses for a second, finally turning to give Loki his eyes, imploring him with the truth. “But it was _never_ cocaine or heroin or whatever garbage the tabloids were spouting. I just… got irresponsible. Started skipping practice, showing up late to recording sessions… acting like an asshole when anyone tried to call me out on it. Hogun… he was... was only trying to stop me from having another drink before a concert one night when I was already pretty far gone and I… I decked him and just... that was it. Nothing... nothing was the same after that.”

Fat tears are rolling down Thor’s cheeks now and when Loki blinks, he realizes his own eyes aren’t dry anymore either. He’s not unfamiliar with ugly, self-destructive spirals, after all.

“The band couldn't really trust me anymore. Our shows kept getting smaller. Dad begrudgingly authorized another small EP, but it wasn't that popular either and the band got even more discouraged. Asgardian Records was bleeding money and my father made sure I knew, every day, exactly whose fucking fault it was. I started letting myself go and my girlfriend broke up with me because I wasn't ‘together’ enough for her. Every day felt progressively more like a living hell."

Thor shifts forward to bury his face in his hands with a broken sob. "It's all my own fault. If I'd just been able to write better songs. If I’d been more honest and tried to ask for help. If I hadn't started drinking. If I hadn’t lost my temper. If I'd just held myself together a little more, maybe it wouldn't have turned out this way. But I didn’t and I can’t and now everywhere I go, I still have to hear that damn song and be reminded of my failure."

Loki can’t. He can’t do it. He can’t tell Thor the truth. He simply can _not_.

"After a while, Dad just… decided he was tired of it. Tired of me. Overnight, he just dissolved AR completely. He sold off all of the other band contracts, signed them on to someone else, and he even helped my bandmates out with finding new jobs if they wanted to continue playing. But not me. Ohhhh, definitely not me. He…he told me that he had been foolish to think that I could do this. That I was weak and arrogant and lazy. Banished me to Brooklyn and demanded that I stay under the radar so as not to embarrass him further. And I… I was too broken to fight anymore. I just wanted to be done, to be free. He was pretty pissed off when I bought the bar, but he doesn’t actually have any control over me or my finances anymore. I honestly haven’t spoken to him... or the band... in years."

The last of Thor’s downward spiral is laid out before them and Loki now knows, for absolute certain, that Thor never had any hand in shafting him, and that he absolutely has no idea who Loki is. And that he’d even tried, at one point, to uncover the truth. He’s not perfect, certainly, but his heart is good, and he’s as much Odin’s unfortunate pawn as Loki himself is.

But Loki finds himself unwilling now, with the truth in his hands, to burden Thor any further.

Thor doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t _ever_ need to know that Loki wrote the song that ruined his entire life.

Fuck the goddamn song.

Loki will take it to his grave and spare their friendship at the cost of his own ego.

Let them both start over here and now, together, clean slate, without any grief between them.

Thor isn’t who he used to be, not at all, and Loki honestly has trouble connecting the two in his mind. Thinking back on his own aftermath in the wake of parting with Asgardian Records, he’s forced to remind himself that he’s not who he once was either. Can’t they both leave the past where it’s buried and walk forward together, if it’s what they both want?

After all, somehow, despite everything, they’ve found each other and connected. _More_ than connected, if he gives in and admits it to himself. And truly, if Loki _really_ wants to see Odin squirm, _really_ wants to see him rue that day… then what better incentive could there be than writing the both of them a happier ending than the one they’ve been handed? Writing them a better song? They’re both amazingly talented, and if he can only convince Thor to sing again, to actually partner with him, they would be nigh unstoppable. He knows this deep in his soul.

“I’m sorry,” Thor finally lifts his face from his hands, wiping away his tears again and taking a deep breath before letting out a shuddery sigh, as if a huge weight’s finally been lifted from his shoulders.

“...hmm?” Loki’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as he finally reaches out a tentative hand to touch Thor’s shoulder. He’s been a little afraid all this time to interrupt him, to reach out to him, even to simply console him, when he so clearly needed to get all of this out first. Now that his own mind is firmly made up, Loki hopes his efforts won’t be rejected… that it’s not too little, too late. “What for…?”

“For not telling you any of this when you asked me… for yelling at you, shutting you out and then… doing a complete 180 a few minutes later,” Thor admits slowly, feeling his face grow hot with embarrassment. He owes Loki an apology for the mixed signals, even if he’s pretty sure the feelings between them that night were mutual. He’s spilled the entire truth for the first time ever and all he can do is hope that it’s enough for Loki to trust him. “It was a dick move and you had every right to leave, to ignore me the way you did, but I… I’m also _not_ sorry because… I _really_ wanted to kiss you.” There’s a beat where Thor glances away, but still has the courage to add, “And I think you wanted to kiss me too.”

Loki can feel the flush starting in his cheeks and creeping down his neck, but he waits patiently until Thor meets his eyes again, his words soft and more vulnerable than he wants them to sound as he impulsively asks, “...do you still want to kiss me?”

Thor laughs a little, nervous but so very hopeful, both his hands clenching in the flannel of his pants and then releasing before he answers with an emphatic. “ _Yes_.” A pause. “But… who’d want to kiss me right now? Look at me. I’m such a goddamn mess. Truly a disaster-”

Using the hand on Thor’s shoulder as an anchor, Loki leans in, hovering as they hold each other’s gaze, hesitating for a breath before finally catching Thor’s lips with his own. His eyes slide closed as he kisses Thor’s bottom lip first, then his top, until Thor finally responds, sliding a hand around the back of Loki’s neck and angling their faces together to return the kiss warmly.

It doesn’t last long, though, because Thor pulls back just enough to speak, his voice a little hoarse against Loki’s lips. “You don’t have to--”

“But I did.”

“I know I’m pretty drunk right now--”

“So’m I.” Loki cuts off the protest with a short, breathy laugh, but only because it’s true. He simply hasn’t said enough for it to be that obvious since Thor’s done most of the talking.

Thor almost can’t believe this is really happening – that Loki’s really here, that he actually told the whole story and hasn’t been rebuffed. It’s too good to be true, it’s more than he deserves, and he lifts one hand to brush a strand of Loki’s hair out of his face. “I know it’s a lot, _I’m…_ a lot… so if you need some time to think about it--”

“I’ve been thinking of little else for days,” Loki finally admits in a whisper, his gaze flickering from Thor’s eyes to his lips and back again. “Or do you really think all your messages had no effect on me?”

That affirmation is all the permission Thor needs to follow his heart. The hand on the back of Loki’s neck pulls him forward as Thor kisses him hard this time, demanding entrance to his mouth with a teasing swipe of tongue. He lets out a soft groan when Loki immediately yields to him, lips parting and tongues tangling together.

Quickly tiring of the angle of this awkward sideways kissing, Loki breaks away this time, but grows bolder. Rising up on one knee, he swings his other leg over Thor until he’s straddling his lap, both of his hands on Thor’s shoulders.

“...and am I still affecting you now?” Thor teases an answer to Loki’s earlier question as his hands settle on Loki’s hips, but he can’t really keep them still. They travel up and down Loki’s back, learning the shape of him as Thor leans in to press his lips to Loki’s neck, the pulse point they’d left off on several nights previous.

“Kiss me again and maybe you’ll be able to tell,” Loki goads him with a sly smile, both of his hands wandering into Thor’s hair, twining strands around his fingers.

Thor can't help but smile in return, nipping at Loki's neck before moving to kiss Loki soundly again. This is all certainly affecting _him_ , and he figures that if Loki didn't want to know that, then he wouldn't have draped himself squarely across Thor's lap, as it only takes the barest shift to bring their hips together.

The contact sends a shudder down Loki’s spine that distracts him long enough for Thor catch his tongue, sucking hard, and this time it’s Loki who moans into their kiss. He can’t hide how turned on he is and he doesn’t really want to, rolling his hips against Thor’s in a slow grind as he escapes just enough to sink his teeth into Thor’s bottom lip in retaliation.

A shock of heat rolls its way through Thor and he pushes his hands up the back of Loki's sweater as he's caught with the sudden fervent desire to feel Loki's skin against his. He smooths his palms up Loki's back and skims his nails back down, hoping to drag another shudder, another moan from Loki.

Thor’s hands against his bare skin are sensory overload for Loki, so used to keeping everyone at arm’s length, and the kiss ends as his breath catches with a choked up little noise at how good it feels to be this close to Thor. He’s been trying to deny it all week, but deep down, his inability to walk away wasn’t simply about wanting the truth. It was also about wanting _Thor_ and now that his mind’s made up to bury their past, he’s free to give in to those feelings. Loki melts against Thor, chest to hip, winding his arms further around Thor until he’s holding him tightly, his head on Thor’s shoulder and his lips against Thor’s neck in the barest graze of a kiss.

Thor's heart swells in his chest with the feel of Loki wrapped around him and he has to hold back the urge to cry again. He can't pinpoint why he feels so magnetically attracted to Loki, what makes him so different from anyone else he's ever known, but he thinks that maybe there’s a chance that Loki feels the same. Thor squeezes him tight for a moment and then shifts Loki just enough so that he can slide a hand between them, fumbling against his fly.

Loki pulls back as he feels Thor’s hand moving, disentangling himself as he realizes what Thor’s trying to do, but not because he’s trying to stop him. No, he wants Thor to touch him, wants to touch Thor too, wants to know what Thor’s voice sounds like when he’s lost in pleasure. He reaches to thumb open the button of his jeans for Thor, his other hand drifting down Thor’s chest and over the soft of his belly until he can drag his fingertips slowly over the outline of Thor’s cock through the thin fabric of his flannel pants.

Thor gasps, rolling his hips up against Loki's touch. He’s infinitely impatient all of a sudden, all of his tangled feelings banging around his body until he seems like he's going to burst if he doesn't touch Loki immediately. He manages to slide his hand into Loki's pants, humming happily at the heat he finds there as he shifts cloth so that he can take a proper hold of Loki's cock, squeezing it gently.

Thor's hand on him short-circuits Loki's brain and he is reduced to a shudder and another soft little moan as pleasure floods his system. This is all happening _really_ fast, but he also can’t find any real reason to stop. In fact, the sudden and desperate need to touch Thor in return jolts him out of the moment of reverie and he slips a hand into Thor's pants, shoving them out of the way to grasp at his cock in return. Loki is momentarily distracted by how large it is and the cascading thoughts of possible future endeavors, but now is not the time, not when he feels perilously close already and Thor is hot and heavy in his hand.

Loki's fingers wrapped around him feels heavenly and Thor feels desperately greedy now. He uses his grip on Loki's hip to pull them together again so he can wrap one hand around both of their cocks, panting against Loki's neck. He's truly not going to last long, not drunk and wanting and emotionally spent already, and he speeds his strokes up as the heat pools in his gut, gasping, “Loki!”

Thor’s taken the control out of Loki’s hands quite literally and the speed at which they are racing to an inevitable finish is quickly unraveling him. The friction and the heat feel like lightning flickering through his veins, but hearing his name in Thor’s raspy about-to-come voice is absolutely his final undoing. “Thor!” he gasps, head tipping back in sudden ecstasy, his voice breaking on the single word as his mind whites out into static.

Sparks are already running through Thor's veins as he feels Loki shake against him, but his name in Loki's breathy voice pushes Thor right over the edge. He cries out wordlessly against Loki's throat as they share the high, come spilling hot and messy over their hands and across their shirts.

Loki’s head drops onto Thor’s shoulder as the world spins around them, content to simply exist in the quiet aftermath of pulses calming and breathing slowing. He feels loose and sleepy, all of the tension drained out of him, and he finds Thor’s other hand with his own, lacing their fingers together.

Thor squeezes Loki's hand, feeling thoroughly exhausted. Sleep is calling him from the bedroom but he feels anxious again, though it takes him a minute to realize why. "Stay with me tonight?" he murmurs to Loki, pressing light kisses along his neck.

For once, Loki doesn’t overthink his answer. “...yes,” he sighs gently, leaning into Thor’s kisses. He can’t imagine leaving right now anyway.

Thor's heart seizes with happiness again and he smiles, leaving one last kiss on Loki's neck before he shuffles them around, making sure he's not going to pinch anything important. That done, he unceremoniously picks them both up off the couch with ease, only swaying a bit as blood rushes back into his feet. He carries Loki into his bedroom and deposits them both on the bed, grabbing the nearest blanket to cover them, snuggling in close.

Loki drapes an arm across Thor’s chest, his head resting on Thor’s shoulder, lulled to sleep easily by the steady heartbeat under his ear.

 _o/~ The day I first met you_  
_You told me you'd never fall in love_  
_But now that I get you_  
_I know fear is what it really was_  
_Now here we are, so close_  
_Yet so far, haven't I passed the test?_  
_When will you realize_  
_Baby, I'm not like the rest?~/o_


	8. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Reality is slow to return to Loki, bereft of both his alarm and his cat’s morning howling. His first conscious thought, eyes still closed, is how drunk he had to have been to fall asleep in his clothes. His pants are still uncomfortably damp, but he’s not cold. His second thought is more of a realization that he’s only warm because he’s not alone in the bed. This isn’t his bed or his apartment.

 _Thor_.

Last night comes flooding back as he realizes that Thor is spooned up close behind him, one arm draped around Loki, his hand resting gently against Loki’s chest, his sleepy breathing tickling the back of Loki’s neck. It had been a night of drunken catharsis and messy hooking up, but Loki can’t find it in himself to regret a single bit of it. In fact, he’s so comfortable that he could simply let himself drift right off again if his ever over-thinking mind didn’t next query him:

_What time is it? What day is it?_

Fuck. It’s Friday.

Loki’s hand drifts to his hip pocket, but his phone must be in his jacket, still hanging on a hook beside the front door. He shifts experimentally to see if he can possibly get up without rousing Thor, but even that movement immediately results in a sleepy mumble at his back and Thor’s arm tightening around his middle. “What’sa rush…?”

“It’s Friday,” Loki intones softly as he feels Thor press a kiss into the back of his shoulder.

“Friday?”

“ _Friday_ ,” Loki repeats with emphasis, dancing his fingertips over the back of Thor’s hand as he would his piano keys.

“Friday!” Thor finally blinks awake, letting go of Loki enough for the two of them to sit up. “What time is it?”

“No idea...” Loki mutters as he glances around at the rolling mountain of mess that is Thor’s bedroom. _This place looks like it was hit by a tornado_. Nothing is in it’s place because nothing seems to have a place – there’s merely a path carved through the debris of clothing and beer bottles and pizza boxes and mail and books and towels and video game controllers and shoes and – and Loki _knows_ he had to have been really out of it last night to not even notice.

Sliding out of the bed, he rolls through a stretch before following the path through the bedroom into the living room to fish his phone out of his jacket. The living room is in the same state as the bedroom, with perhaps less clothing and more beer bottles, and he wrinkles his nose as he checks the time. “1:42,” he calls out to Thor, moving to pull his still somewhat soggy boots on.

Thor appears a moment later, yawning and raking a hand through his messy golden hair until he realizes Loki is making to leave already. “Do you want...” he starts, uncertain what to offer. He probably has coffee somewhere. Clean towels are iffy.

“I need to go home,” Loki shakes his head, pulling his coat off the hook and shrugging it on as he realizes one of his hands is still sticky. His cheeks flush pink as he brushes past Thor and into his kitchen, straight to the sink to wash them.

Thor laughs softly as he realizes why and Loki shoots him a glare. “Your apartment is a wreck, Thor.”

“I know,” Thor sighs as he joins Loki at the sink for the same reason and also so that they don’t need to be looking at each other when he asks gently. “Is that why you’re running in horror?”

Loki laughs this time, elbowing Thor before he runs his wet hands through his dark hair, smoothing it back and away from his face. “I’m not, I swear,” he shakes his head. “But I’ve still got a set to play in a few hours and I certainly can’t show up looking like _this_ ,” he gestures to his stained and still damp clothing.

Thor relaxes a little, giving Loki a relieved smile as he dries his hands on the sides of his pants. “You’re coming back tonight, then?”

“After I go home, feed my confused, starving cat, drink a gallon of water, take a shower and get re-dressed? Yes.” Loki realizes as he’s talking that Thor must still be worried he’s going to run off and disappear again. “I’ll be back to play tonight. I _promise_.” That word means a great deal to him, but he doesn’t expect Thor to know that… yet.

“You have a cat?” Thor grins as he follows Loki back to the door for a second time, delighted to learn something new about him. “What’s the name?” he prods, enjoying as the pink in Loki’s cheeks reaches his ears.

“His name is Fenrir and he’s probably worried that I never came home last night,” Loki admonishes Thor to cover his own embarrassment, full-well knowing that it doesn’t.

“Cute,” Thor doesn’t bother to make it clear whether he’s talking about Loki or the cat, and when Loki turns to open the door, he reaches out to grab his hand, stopping him mid-gesture. “If you wanted to come back tonight, bring a bag this time...” he starts hesitantly.

“I’ll think about it...” Loki turns back towards Thor with the hint of a teasing smile. “And if you’ll think about starting to clean this place up a little while I’m gone, I might even be willing to help you with it tomorrow, too.”

“Sounds like a deal to me.” Thor tugs Loki in close enough to brush a sweet little kiss in the center of his forehead before adding, “Looking forward to hearing you sing tonight.”

The tenderness in the gesture catches Loki off guard and he responds impulsively, arching up on tiptoe to brush his lips against Thor’s before he pulls his hand away. He waits until he’s halfway out the door for his parting words, though, delivered with an over the shoulder wink that makes Thor flush this time. “Looking forward to hearing _you_ sing too.”

Not a question. Not a request. A damn statement of fact, as if Loki already knows he will.

Thor laughs off Loki’s words as the door closes behind him, but internally, he’s freaking out.

His apartment's a wreck, he's filthy, he doesn't have any food, Loki wants him to _sing_ \-- so he takes a moment to remind himself he can only do one thing at a time. Step one is himself, because he feels greasy from head to toe and he doesn't even want to look at himself, so he has no idea why Loki would want to. He chucks his current clothes at the bed and steps into the shower, scrubbing everything vigorously to get the week's worth of drunk stink off of himself. God, he can't believe Loki had even given him the time of day last night, much less...

Thor cuts that train of thought off quickly, lest this shower be longer than necessary. He'll have time for fond reminiscence later. Trying to find a clean towel makes him realize that essentially everything he owns needs to get washed, so after a quick rubdown, he tosses whatever he can find into the washing machine - a pair of jeans, a couple of shirts, a towel, and the sheets from the bed. Thankfully, he has one decent pair of boxers along with an extra set of sheets, so he pulls those on and redresses his bed before his stomach reminds him that he can't remember the last time he ate.

Of course, his fridge is empty except for the far-too-old remains of who-knows-what, so he rummages for the roll of trash bags and shoves nearly the entire contents into one before turning to the phone. He's feeling greener than pizza and decides to order a club sandwich deal from the deli next door instead.

That leaves him with a few free minutes and he spends it stuffing beer bottles and pizza boxes into more trash bags, swapping his laundry as it beeps at him. He's deliberately trying not to think about Loki, but he can't help his dumb smile as he looks at the couch. He'd really let it all out last night and Loki had really accepted him. Thor still almost can't believe how lucky he feels right now. Loki is stunningly beautiful and his voice is to die for, and it’s evident that he’s smart as anything too, and...

The doorbell jolts Thor out of his thoughts and he drops his bags and pulls on the robe he keeps on a hook beside the door for exactly this purpose to answer. His lunch smells positively heavenly and he tips well before retreating to his kitchen to wolf down the sandwich and accompanying salad. Right as he finishes, the laundry dings again and he takes the chance to dig out some clothes out of the dryer and pull them on, grabbing the trash bags again and intending to take them down to the bar's dumpster next.

Thor yanks the door open with garbage bags in hand, surprised to see Loki halfway up the stairwell to his apartment… his own bag in hand. “Hey,” Thor grins happily, nodding at his open door. “Come on up, just wanna take these out to the dumpster.”

The space at the top of the stairwell is tight as they shuffle and bump by each other and then Loki’s left standing in the living room alone. Thor’s place is still a ridiculous mess, but Loki can tell immediately walking through it that he’s put some effort into collecting and removing a noticeable amount of trash and beer bottles, especially from the bedroom. Loki sets his bag down beside the bed, noting that it’s been entirely re-made with a clean set of deep red sheets. He’s not sure what idea makes him flush more – that they slept in it uncaring about the mess last night or that they’re going to sleep here together again tonight, hopefully far less drunkenly – but both of these thoughts involve being in bed with Thor, which is decidedly not where his mind should be wandering when he has a show to play in half an hour.

“I really like your look tonight.” Loki turns to see Thor leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his blue Thunderstruck t-shirt as he grins appreciatively at Loki. His hair is smoothed and pulled back in a half ponytail again, still damp at the edges from his shower, and there’s a light in his eyes that immediately draws Loki in.

“You seemed to like me in a bit of color last night.” Loki raises one teasing eyebrow to cover his own fluster at how intently Thor is staring at him, knowing he must have witnessed Loki lost in a daydream while gazing at the bed.

“Brings out your eyes,” Thor agrees with a nod at Loki’s green v-neck t-shirt, quietly pleased that Loki had picked it out just to please him. Loki’s still wearing black skinny jeans, but he’s exchanged his sodden trench coat for the black leather jacket from karaoke night and his soggy boots for a pair of black Chucks, which may or may not be further teasing at Thor, who’s again wearing the same himself. But then Loki shifts and the light catches them and Thor realizes they’re actually black _glitter_ Chucks, which is somehow infinitely better. It isn’t until Loki closes the distance between them that he notices the black eyeliner and the tiny braid over his left ear, and now he’s the one who’s a bit flustered.

“You clean up pretty well,” Loki reaches out a hand to tug at a lock of Thor’s hair, dancing his fingers across one shoulder as he smirks, absolutely able to see Thor’s feelings written all across his face. “Yourself _and_ the mess.”

Thor groans, catching Loki’s slender hand with his own and drawing it upwards until he can press a kiss against Loki’s knuckles. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of time!” he protests, letting Loki tug him by the hand towards the living room.

Loki snickers, squeezing his hand once before letting it go, but his words are far less teasing this time. “...thank you.”

“It’s the least I...” Thor shrugs a little, but he’s pleased at the response. “Besides, you said tomorrow...”

“I did,” Loki agrees, then thumbs at the door. “Ready to go?”

Thor grabs his red leather jacket off one of the hooks beside the door and shrugs it on with a nod. He hasn’t even stopped to consider what his friends’ reactions will be to them walking in together. “Ready.”

Loki heads down the stairs to the street, leaving Thor to close and lock the door behind them, but before they reach Thunderstruck’s front door, Thor’s caught up, purely so he can hold open the bar’s door for Loki too.

Sam greets them almost immediately upon their arrival, looking both relieved and thrilled to see them, which makes Loki wonder just a little bit what the staff does and doesn’t know about what’s been going on between them.

“Glad to see you back for another show!” Sam reaches out to shake Loki’s hand enthusiastically. “Can I introduce you to some regulars first? Wanted to give their compliments on last week, maybe toss a few requests at you?”

Loki lets Sam lead him across the bar to a table of people Thor vaguely recognizes, but he’s not alone for long.

“Good to see you looking like yourself again,” Steve calls out to Thor from behind the bar, a warm and welcoming smile on his face. “I dig the jacket.”

Thor steps closer and holds out a hand for his usual beer, and he doesn’t feel bad about it either, because it’s the first one he’s had all day. “...got a real weight off my shoulders last night,” he responds honestly, unable to contain his happy grin. “And thanks. It’s an old favorite.”

“It’s a good look on you,” Steve chooses his words carefully. He’s been worried about Thor all week, but it seems like something important has indeed worked itself out because he’s never seen Thor look so… _bright_.

Last Sunday, Thor had come into Thunderstruck really late and sat for a long time at Bucky’s end of the bar, crying into a multitude of beers, blaming himself while spilling broken fragments of a night that had apparently ended in a spectacular fashion. Steve had gotten the entire story from a disgruntled Bucky after-hours and he isn’t surprised when he catches Bucky beckoning to Loki as he finishes with Sam’s table. He trusts Bucky implicitly, though, and he can keep Thor distracted for just a little longer.

Loki escapes from the table of requests, ready to get back to Thor, but he doesn’t want to be rude and ignore Bucky’s attempt to get his attention. Pushing through the crowd of people around him, he offers a curious head tilt as he reaches the bar. “A request you want to toss my way…?”

“No.” Bucky eyes Loki up and down with no small amount of suspicion in his eyes.

“Then…?”

“It’s a good thing you gave Thor a second chance,” he says evenly, while vigorously shaking whatever fancy drink he’s mixing and also giving Loki a vaguely menacing narrowed eyes glare. “It would have been _your_ loss if you hadn’t.”

Loki’s eyebrows lift a little in surprise at the fierce defense of Thor, but he can’t disagree with the sentiment either. Taking a step away, he points back in Thor’s direction. “...thanks? I’m going to get back to…” Bucky nods and Loki escapes back to Thor’s side, where Val is now ribbing him instead of Steve.

“What, you’re not just here to pick up a case of beer?” she snaps one of the bar dishrags in his direction and he pretends to jump in response.

“Hah, no,” Thor waves her off with one hand, somewhere between embarrassed by and appreciative of her need to lecture him. He knows it’s only because she honestly cares.

“Good,” Val reaches across the bar and punches Thor in the arm, hard. “I don’t like when you drink alone.”

“I won’t be alone tonight...” he winks at her while rubbing his arm, then mouths an exaggerated ‘ _ouch’_.

Val’s eyes shift to Loki as he arrives and she slides him his favorite martini, freshly made. Thor and Loki both look far calmer and happier than when she’d last seen them and she’s pretty damn certain she knows _exactly_ what that means. “Trusting you to keep an eye on him,” she says to Loki, nodding in Thor’s direction. “He’s really a lot of trouble.”

“That’s only because you don’t know _me_ well enough,” Loki tips his drink at her in thanks, his eyes twinkling as takes a sip, then compliments her. “Perfection.”

Thor snickers at their exchange, even if it’s at his expense. “No trouble from either of us tonight, Val. I’m just going to take our drinks and sit up front to watch the show.”

“Oh? Only watching?” Loki gives Thor a look that plainly says ‘ _bullshit_ ’ before handing off his drink.

They make their way through the room together until Thor can grab a small table off to the side of the stage, leaving Loki to run a quick sound check with Sam before the set starts.

Loki’s been thinking all afternoon about what he wants to play first tonight – something indulgent, before he dives into the already long list of requests… and perhaps something to serve as an actual answer to Val’s request. Thor is sitting just within his eye line, easily visible if he looks up from the piano, and Loki offers him the tiniest flicker of a smile as he sets his hands on the keys.

The intro begins and Val gives an immediate whistle from the back of the room in acknowledgement of him playing one of her favorite artists.

_o/~ Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Close your eyes and trusted, just trusted  
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face  
And said I just don't care?  
And it's only half past the point of no return  
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn  
The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way? ~/o_

Thor knows now, without a doubt, that Loki is speaking to him through the lyrics, telling him all the things that are difficult to say but easier to sing. There’s fear, but there’s courage, there’s doubt, but there’s trust, and he finds himself blinking back tears as he hears himself in the words too.

_o/~ Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone  
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?  
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?  
It's only half past the point of oblivion  
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run  
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames  
Have you ever felt this way? ~/o_

Loki’s voice soars across the bar as he sings the sweet _la-las_ leading into the bridge, holding out the impossibly long note at the end as his hands fly over the keys. There’s a joy in his playing, in his singing, that isn’t for show tonight, but simply an expression of how he’s really feeling. He almost forgets there’s even anyone listening besides Thor.

_o/~ Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight  
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself  
Will it ever get better than tonight?  
Tonight ~/o_

This is the first thing he’s even had the chance to play since yesterday’s classical music and Loki croons the last word with a hushed delicacy as he finally looks up to meet Thor’s eyes again. He swallows hard for a moment as Thor beams at him, and then he picks up the mic from the stand to address the audience, forcing his focus back onto being the night’s entertainment. There’s a birthday tonight at that table of requests and for awhile, it’s easy to play to the audience, many of whom are regulars or have returned tonight after enjoying last week’s performance.

There are a lot of 60’s and 70’s rock hits in the request list so he spends awhile swapping between acoustic and electric guitars, not really minding how much of it becomes a sing-a-long again because it means Thor is singing with everyone too. The vibe in the room is loose and celebratory and Loki rides the swell, searching for the right wave, the perfect opportunity. One of the regulars he remembers meeting the first night, Bruce Banner, hands it to him when he finally drowns out the birthday table by calling out another 70’s classic request.

“More Than A Feeling!”

“Hmmm...” Loki hums thoughtfully into the microphone, his eyes flickering towards Thor. Several times tonight, he’s thought about trying to get Thor up here to sing something, but Thor’s been steadily avoiding his gaze between songs, and Loki’s beginning to think he might have more luck convincing him to _play_ something first. “I’d love to grant that request, but it really requires _two_ guitars to evoke the proper groove…” He waits for the expected groans of disappointment before continuing. “But worry not, I have just the solution! Though... I might need some help from all of you in convincing a certain _someone_ to get up here and play with me.”

Thor is already making _no way_ gestures at Loki as he saunters across the stage in Thor’s direction, but it’s far too late. The patrons in the bar, some of whom have known Thor as the owner for years without having any idea he plays at all, have been drawn in with curiosity by Loki’s careful leading. Thor realizes there’s not going to be any getting out of this gracefully and he can’t decide whether to curse Loki or praise him for his machinations.

“Would any of you like to hear Thunderstruck’s owner get up here and play a song or two with me tonight?” Loki gives Thor a sly smile before turning to pull down the red electric guitar again. He holds it out to Thor with a triumphant twinkle in his eyes while the room shouts at them with drunken enthusiasm, and from the bar in the back, Val and Steve both whistle.

When Thor finally stands up, the room erupts into cheering, and it gives him such a strange sense of deja vu that he almost wants to run for the door instead. But Loki is waiting on stage for him, one guitar in each hand and a figurative army of patrons behind him, and Thor … _wants_ this. He really does. “FINE!” he shouts, with one wave at the crowd as he hops up on stage and accepts the guitar, slinging it on in a familiar old gesture.

“Sure you don’t want to sing lead?” Loki says to him softly as he sets up a second mic and checks the balance of everything. “That falsetto is absolutely your wheelhouse.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Thor grins at him, but he wagers Loki can feel his nerves because he doesn’t press the issue.

Instead, he starts the rhythmic intro on the acoustic and sings the first verse into the microphone, feeling a static buzz rising in his blood because Thor is finally standing up here next to him.

_o/~ I looked out this morning and the sun was gone  
Turned on some music to start my day  
I lost myself in a familiar song  
I closed my eyes and I slipped away ~/o_

Thor comes in perfectly with the first electric guitar solo and the room goes so wild they almost drown him out, but that only makes him give a giddy laugh, loosening up a little, and as Loki sings the chorus, he even finds the courage to add the echoes, buoyed by the audience singing along with him.

_o/~ It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)  
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)  
And I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)  
'Til I see Marianne walk away  
~/o_

Thor stares out into the sea of smiling, swaying faces as Loki sings the second verse and chorus and he feels ridiculously happy and overcome with how much he’s missed this. Maybe it’s easier, just jamming to songs he knows and loves and grew up on, the way he used to with his friends all the time before the record deal, what now feels like an eternity ago. There’s no pressure to do anything but enjoy himself.

_o/~ So many people have come and gone  
Their faces fade as the years go by  
Yet I still recall as I wander on  
As clear as the sun in the summer sky ~/o_

By the time they reach the big electric solo after the second chorus, Thor’s gotten into it and Loki’s absolutely delighted, his eyes shining and his expression openly elated. Backing away from the mic, he grins at Thor, mouthing deliberately: “ _Take it_.”

Thor’s heart drops into his stomach. It’s a challenge, a dare, an opportunity, and--

_Fuck it._

__

__

Thor sings the last verse, throwing himself completely into the ridiculous high notes at the end -

_o/~ When I'm tired and thinking cold  
I hide in my music, forget the day  
And dream of a girl I used to know  
I closed my eyes and she slipped away  
She slipped away ~/o_

\- and everyone is on their feet, singing and clapping along to the last chorus as Thor and Loki wail through the final harmonies together. In the back of the room at the bar, they can see Val’s fist-pumping, the absolutely astonished faces of Sam and Bucky, and Steve reaching over the bar to shake Bruce’s hand for the request.

Loki sets the acoustic back on its wall hook as Thor stands at the front of the stage, absorbing the crowd’s reaction with a jubilant laugh, and then he sets his microphone back into the piano stand. Thor pulls his guitar off and hangs it back on the wall, making as if he’s going to head back to his seat. “I don’t think we should let him leave yet, Thunderstruck,” Loki says into the microphone and pats the open end of the piano bench. “Don’t you think he should stay?” The audience plays right into Loki’s hands, hollering “Staaaaaay” at the stage, and he starts to play the piano in response, breathing low and soft into the mic. “Oh~? Is that another request? Here’s a song called precisely that.”

_o/~ All along it was a fever, a cold sweat hot-headed believer  
I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something"  
He said, "If you dare, come a little closer"  
Round and around and around and around we go  
Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know  
Not really sure how to feel about it  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you  
It takes me all the way  
I want you to stay ~/o_

Thor plucks his microphone from his stand and sits down on the piano bench beside Loki, but facing opposite, away from the keyboard.

How does Loki even trust that he’ll know this song well enough to sing it with him?

(He does.)

_o/~ It's not much of a life you're living  
It's not just something you take - it's given  
Round and around and around and around we go  
Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know  
Not really sure how to feel about it  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you  
It takes me all the way  
I want you to stay ~/o_

Thor can feel Loki’s warmth against him, shoulder to hip, feel the motion in his body as he plays, feel the vibration between them as their voices slide from perfect unison to flawless harmony. The angled spotlight on the stage is blinding at this angle and he can almost forget there’s anyone listening at all.

_o/~ Ooh, ooh, ooh, the reason I hold on  
Ooh, ooh, ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone  
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving  
'Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving ~/o_

Loki can hear Thor’s voice give on the last word, but the next line is his alone, and Thor’s back with him immediately after. He realizes quietly that he’s not even sure if, deep down, he picked this song because of how much the lyrics remind him of what he knows about Thor... or because of the things Thor doesn’t know about him or… because of what Thor asked him last night.

_o/~_ _Not really sure how to feel about it  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you  
It takes me all the way_  
_I want you to stay_ _~/o_

The hitch in his breathing gives away how close to tears Thor is, but he swallows it down as he listens to Loki’s voice echo around them in a pleading melisma of the same word he’d asked of him last night -

_o/~ stay ~/o_

\- and gathers himself enough to sing the last line with him. His eyes slip closed as Loki sings up into his own falsetto for the final _ooo_ _h_ , more delicate than Thor’s, but all the more haunting for it. The look in Loki's eyes echoes the sentiment he's slipped in behind the lyrics and Thor feels his heart skip a beat as he realizes that there is such _possibility_ stretched out between them now.

The audience has settled down a lot during the ballad and it’s quiet for a beat after they finish, warm applause finally greeting them as Loki asks Thor, but into the microphone so everyone can hear. “One more?”

“One more!” a shout comes from the back of the room and it’s Bucky this time, surprisingly, though the call echoes around the room to other tables and back to the stage again.

“Why don’t you pick something to sing for us, Thor? And then I’ll close out the show on my own, promise.”

The leap of faith has already been taken. He’s up here on stage with Loki, singing with Loki, playing with Loki, and no one’s booed him off yet. “Play guitars with me again?” Thor asks as he stands, resetting his microphone and grabbing the same electric he’d played earlier.

“Absolutely,” Loki grins as he rises from the piano and reaches to pull the acoustic down, wondering with a little thrill what Thor will choose for them.

It only takes the very first note of the guitar part for many in the audience to know what he’s about to play and Loki has the feeling he’s chosen this specifically because it was Bucky who demanded another song. Still, the lyrics are even more poignant when Thor sings them, now that Loki knows the truth about what he’s been through.

_o/~_ _I walk a lonely road,_ _the only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes _ _but it's only me, and I walk alone  
I walk this empty street _ _on the boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps _ _and I'm the only one, and I walk alone  
I walk alone, I walk alone  
I walk alone and I walk a _ _~/o_

Loki easily floats his harmony above Thor’s melody, grateful to the audience for giving them at least one chorus alone together before inevitably being unable to resist the urge to join them.

_o/~ My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone ~/o_

Loki waits all the way until the second set of Ahs to spring an unexpected and impulsive surprise, when nearly everyone in the bar has joined Thor in singing the lead, and instead, he sings a piece of Wonderwall over the top the blends perfectly in mash-up.

_~o/ Backbeat, the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt ~/o_

Thor throws him a startled and amazed look and the expression actually makes Loki chuckle just to the side of the microphone as the audience carries them through the last verse, but when the final chorus arrives, he sings Wonderwall’s chorus right along with it.

_o/~ My shadow's the only one that walks beside me ( ‘cause maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me )  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating ( and after all… )  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me (...you’re my wonderwall… )  
Till then I walk alone ~/o_

It’s no surprise the that bar erupts into more cheers when they finish, but as promised, Loki finally lets Thor escape back to his seat and a dozen handshakes from impressed patrons. Loki’s already been up here longer than either of the first two nights, but there’s something he wants to play as a closer tonight, as a thank you to everyone here who helped him get Thor back on stage. He doesn’t tell the audience this, though, and waits for it to be relatively quiet before he starts to play. One hand on the piano, one hand snapping the backbeat until the audience picks it up for him.

_o/~ Goodnight, New York,_ _goodnight, goodnight  
I'll see you all on the other side  
after I am a different man with different eyes  
goodnight, you canyons of steel and light  
twist and turn where your alleyways hide  
swaying trains sheltering dreams and little white lies  
goodnight, goodnight  
_ _may you be always heartbreaking  
take a little more than you give  
yeah but when you give, oh my  
goodnight, goodnight  
I walk away to remember who I am _ _~/o_

Oh, New York… many a heartbreak, indeed. Always full of surprises.

Hundreds of bars in this crazy city that never sleeps.

Millions of lives and dreams constantly criss-crossing.

What were the chances that he and Thor would meet again like this?

_o/~_ _goodnight, goodnight  
may you be always breathtaking  
cold winter, sink your teeth in me  
June sun, beat me blind  
goodnight, goodnight  
I'm on my way to remembering who I am  
and in your way you remain  
you will claim all this space  
in my way I'll remain  
even as it takes my place  
in your life, at your side  
you were right  
I'll say goodnight but it's never goodbye  
goodnight, goodnight goodnight, goodnight goodnight, goodnight  
may you always start breaking my heart again_

_good morning, lover  
give me your hand  
today begins and it's all that we have _ _~/o_  


Loki stands up with a smile that hides how tight his chest feels and gives a polite bow to the audience before hopping off stage to join Thor at their table, but they’re both immediately inundated with people offering their thanks for a great show. Even though they’re both busy chatting with everyone around the table, Thor still manages to catch Loki’s eyes over the tops of heads, absolutely beaming with a devastating mix of joy and gratitude. It’s almost more than Loki can handle and he manages to escape back to the bar before Thor does, heading immediately to Val, who starts to mix him another drink the moment she sees him coming.

“Thanks for Glitter,” she greets him, pushing the drink across the bar, waiting a beat as he takes a sip and nods his approval. “But mostly, thanks for that,” she nods towards Thor, still smiling and surrounded by people.

Loki doesn’t even have the chance to answer her before Steve is at her side, reaching across the bar to hold out his hand to shake. “Your tab’s on me tonight and for as long as you continue to make magic on that stage together,” he promises with a stunned shake of his head. “I almost can’t believe it.”

“We’ve all been trying for years to get him up there and you did it in one week,” Bucky adds, now at Steve’s elbow, his expression far less menacing than earlier – maybe even borderline friendly. “Never seen him that happy.”

“Magic’s certainly a damn good word for it,” Sam slides in to stand beside Loki, completing their little circle. “I had no idea Thor could sing like _that_ and I had even less of an idea that the crowd in this place could ever get that rowdy!”

For all that he has no trouble commanding the gaze of everyone in the room while on stage, being faced with the warm and appreciative grins of all of Thor’s friends at once feels like a spotlight Loki doesn’t know how to handle at all. He could thank them for the compliments or be snarky about what he’s accomplished, but neither feels quite right. Instead, he glances over his shoulder at Thor finally heading their way and merely gives a fond little laugh. “Clearly, he belongs on that stage. I only erased his excuses.”

“Nah,” Val says with a shake of her head. “I think you became his reason.”

Loki’s eyes widen a touch, but Thor’s within ear-shot now and the focus shifts to all of them heaping their praise upon him as he rightly deserves.

Usually, it’s Thor who initiates the fist bumps, but tonight, all of his friends hold them out to him one by one. He hits each in succession with grinning, embarrassed thanks before he inserts himself between Sam and Loki, casually sliding an arm around Loki so that his fingers are resting lightly against the small of his back.

“You’ve been holding out on me!” Sam immediately accosts Thor in mock outrage, who laughs him off with a wave of one hand.

Bucky’s eyes shift from Loki to Thor and back again before he says, “You’re good together,” delivering the line with the slightest bit of mirth in his eyes that suggests he means it in more than one way.

“Did you two plan any of that?” Steve asks in curiosity, the question immediately answered when Thor and Loki glance at each other and shrug simultaneously, and then he shakes his head incredulously again. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Not even the Wonderwall bit?” Even Val seems impressed now.

Thor seems to be taking the attention with good humor, but Loki can feel his fingers starting to drum distractedly and impatiently against his back, and when Steve offers to get him another beer, he politely declines, much to everyone’s surprise.

Loki tips back the end of his drink as Sam attempts to extract a promise from Thor that he’ll get back on stage tomorrow night. “We’ll see, we’ll see,” he laughs it off as he tugs Loki away from the group.

“But you’ll see us tomorrow regardless,” Loki adds, only to keep any of them from fussing at Thor any further.

And then they finally escape out into the chilly autumn night, the cold air a welcome shock on their overheated faces.

Loki tips his face back to the sky as Thor takes his hand, but he can only see the usual 2 or 3 stars overhead. They seem brighter tonight anyway.

Just inside the stairwell leading to his apartment, Thor suddenly turns sharply and for a second, Loki thinks he’s about to be kissed. But Thor is as unpredictable as the weather, and he scoops Loki up into his arms instead.

“What. What are you doing?” Loki flusters, throwing his arms around Thor’s neck as he starts to ascend the stairs.

Thor only grins at him in response, refusing to put Loki down even if it means fiddling with the lock for a second before he gets the door open. He kicks the door shut behind them, but his patience snaps the moment they’re finally alone. The rush of being on stage together, the joy of singing together… it’s all left him so worked up, so very turned on, and it’s all because of Loki. His hands shift underneath Loki and Loki moves with him, wrapping his legs around Thor’s hips as Thor presses him up against the back of the door and crushes their lips together in a heated kiss they’ve both been aching for all night.

Loki buries his hands in Thor’s hair, nipping teasingly at Thor’s lips until he growls and Loki laughs, but gets exactly what he wants when Thor deepens the kiss with a hot slide of his tongue along Loki’s. Thor quickly exacts his revenge, though, rolling his hips up into Loki and dragging a needy little moan out of him in response.

“Less clothes,” Loki finally breaks their kiss to protest at him breathlessly and that demand is finally enough to convince Thor to let him down.

They shrug off their jackets and kick off their Chucks, leaving them in a pile in front of the door before Thor takes Loki’s face between his hands to kiss him again. And again. Loki’s hands seek out the hem of Thor’s shirt, dragging it up and over his head, interrupting their kissing as they stumble down the hallway to the bedroom. Loki’s shirt follows it and he finds himself pinned against a second door as they fumble with each other’s jeans, but he’s distracted by the hot line of open-mouthed kisses Thor is leaving down the side of his neck and over his collarbone.

Thor drags the remainder of Loki’s clothes off his hips as he sinks down, his breath ghosting over the tip of Loki’s cock as he frees it before Loki’s hand fisted in his hair drags him back to his feet. Loki kisses Thor this time, raking his nails lightly down Thor’s back as he pushes off the door, almost tripping Thor as he kicks off the rest of his own clothing.

Finally, there’s nothing in the way anymore and Thor grabs Loki by the hips, spinning them before tossing Loki down onto his bed. Loki is simply gorgeous laid out like this, all long smooth pale lines in the moonlight through the broken blinds, dark smudged eyeliner and curls fanning out around his face, and Thor wonders distantly if he’s also a model as he slowly and reverently slides his hands up Loki's legs.

 _No one’s ever looked at_ _me_ _like this_ , Loki thinks, his heart pounding wildly in his chest at the smoldering fire in Thor’s eyes and the surety in his touch. For all that Thor seems to think of himself as a mess and a disgrace, that’s not what Loki sees when he looks at him. Thor is absolutely beautiful. Loki’s keen eyes travel over the softness that can’t fully disguise how powerfully built he is underneath and Loki’s teeth sink into his bottom lip at the sight and size of Thor fully hard as he kneels over him.

Leaning up on one elbow, Loki reaches with his other hand to grab hold of one of Thor’s wandering hands, yanking him forward and off-balance. Thor finally collapses on top of Loki with a breathy laugh against his neck, and the vibration of it coupled with the warm weight of Thor’s body finally naked against his own sends a shiver down Loki’s spine. It feels like his skin is on fire everywhere that they touch and Loki winds his arms around Thor, hands spreading across his back to pull him close.

Thor breathes in Loki’s scent, laying a line of kisses down his neck again and enjoying the little shudders and sighs it pulls out of him. He’s loathe to pull away from this embrace, but he wants more of Loki, wants to thank him, for last night, for tonight, for crashing into his life like a meteorite and forcing him to remember what actually _living_ feel likes.

He wants every kiss he leaves on Loki’s skin to be a mark of his gratitude as slowly slides down Loki’s body, dragging teeth over his collarbone, swirling a teasing tongue around one nipple, ghosting lips across his stomach. Loki’s hands slip from Thor’s back to his shoulders as he moves and presses a lingering kiss to Loki’s hipbone, his gaze flickering up to watch Loki’s reaction. The glassy jade eyes and the flush that’s crept like ivy down Loki’s neck are a beautiful sight to behold, but Thor wants to _hear_ him.

Loki gasps out a startled noise as Thor begins to suck a possessive mark into his hipbone, the sharp flash of pain flooding all of his senses with a wave of arousal. He buries his hands in Thor’s hair in a weak attempt to pull him away, but Thor has already settled both his large hands on Loki’s hips and holds him firmly in place until he finally draws a breathy moan out of Loki. He’s not going to stop unless Loki asks him to, but when he pulls back enough for their eyes to meet again, all he sees in Loki’s gaze is desire.

Thor’s breath teases Loki’s cock and he wants to watch this, really he does, but then Thor is running his tongue up the underside from base to head and Loki is arching underneath him, eyes squeezing shut as his head tips back. “Thor!” he chokes out helplessly, his thoughts scattering to the wind as Thor finally descends on him, taking Loki’s cock into his mouth. Loki is clutching at Thor’s hair now, gasping and writhing and unable to do anything but enjoy the sweet torture of being engulfed by Thor’s heat.

There’s little patience for teasing anymore because Thor has become single-minded in his pursuit of Loki’s pleasure, sucking slowly and deliberately until he can feel how close Loki is in the quiver of both his limbs and his cock, heavy against Thor’s tongue. He swallows around the head as Loki comes, feeling his own cock twitch painfully as he listens to Loki’s broken moans in response.

It isn't until Loki finally protests weakly and shoves at his head none too kindly that Thor actually lets him go, grinning broadly with a raspy chuckle. Thor shifts again, moving back up to lay next to Loki, an arm slung casually over his middle. He lays light kisses along Loki's jawline as he watches him come down from the high, the buzz between them settling into a comfortable lull.

Wits about him once more, Loki turns until he’s nose to nose with Thor’s smiling face and half-lidded eyes. “You’re an absolute menace,” he murmurs, lifting one hand to trace his fingertips over the soft curve of Thor’s cheek. “And you better not be thinking of sleeping without at least letting me return the favor.”

"Mm," Thor responds ineloquently, turning into Loki's touch, eyes slipping closed. "I may have been considering it. Pretty sure you'd smother me in my sleep for that, though." He grins again, squeezing Loki tightly before rolling to the side so they can both move freely.

Loki rolls with him, until he’s on his side too, leaning comfortably against his lover. He lightly dances his fingers down Thor’s chest and over his still very hard cock, enjoying the stuttering catch he feels in Thor’s breathing. He takes his sweet time in wrapping his fingers around Thor’s girth, one by one, as he presses his lips to Thor’s neck.

“Smother you? I think you’d rather if I kept you up all night. If we kept each other up all night.” Loki’s words come soft and swift, a velvet purr in the aftermath of his own bliss, feelings unchecked by his usual mental gymnastics. “Do you think I don’t want to touch you as much as you want to touch me?” He squeezes Thor’s cock in his grip and nips sharply at his neck. “ _Wrong_.” A breathy little exhale. “I can feel your pulse throbbing under my lips and in my fingertips, feel the way you twitch-” And he slides his hand down and up Thor’s length, thumb swirling around the leaking tip. “- every time I do _this_. But it’s not even what you _really_ want, is it?”

"Loki," Thor chokes out, feeling flushed with embarrassed pleasure from head to toe. He tries to compose himself enough to give a halfway decent response while Loki continues to tease him. "I'll admit that while this is... extremely good," he settles on, gasping as Loki's pleased hum is accompanied by another rough stroke, "I want to feel that silver tongue of yours on me."

Loki smiles into Thor’s neck, leaving one last kiss before he moves, swiftly resettling himself on his knees between Thor’s spread legs. One hand remains wrapped around Thor’s cock as he leans down, teasing the tip with a kiss, a lustful glint in his half-lidded eyes as he glances up at Thor, whispering, “...tell me again.”

Thor's hands twist in the sheets as he groans. " _Please_ , Loki." This is some sort of exquisite torture, he thinks, Loki's breath hot against him, the moment feeling infinitely longer than it could possibly be. "I want you to suck me off."

Loki almost feels like he could get off again just listening to Thor groan his name with such unrestrained need. He finally gives them what they both want, letting Thor’s cock slip between his lips, swirling his tongue around the head and then flicking it rapidly over the slit. He continues to stroke Thor, who absolutely can’t help the tiny thrusts up into Loki’s mouth or the obscene sounds falling from his lips, greedy for more. Only when Loki can feel that Thor’s about to tip over the edge does he _hum_ in satisfaction, low and deep in his throat, thrilling in how it’s the very thing that finally makes Thor come.

Thor breathes deeply, trying to get his eyes to focus again as Loki smirks up at him. He feels utterly spent and yet somehow _so_ full, and he hardly knows what to do with it after feeling _empty_ for so long. But Loki is still here, and his expression softens into a genuine smile again as Thor grabs his hands and pulls him back up next to him. Thor only hopes the bright knot of happiness in his chest is adequately communicated as he wraps his arms around Loki, squeezing him tight and kissing his temple affectionately. “...stay with me tonight?”

The question is an echo of their previous night and Loki’s answer remains the same. “...yes,” Loki murmurs as he loops an arm around Thor in return, resting his head on Thor’s shoulder with a thoroughly exhausted sigh. Music still spins in his mind, a quiet mixtape of all of their feelings, but he’s content to fall asleep knowing that he’ll be safe staying right here in Thor’s arms until morning returns.

_o/~_ _When your lips are on my lips_ _  
_ _And our hearts beat as one_ _  
_ _But you slip out of my finger tips_ _  
_ _Every time you run_ _  
_ _Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Wanna give your heart a break_ _  
_ _I know you're scared, it's wrong_ _  
_ _Like you might make a mistake_ _  
_ _There's just one life to live_ _  
_ _And there's no time_ _t_ _o wait,_ _t_ _o waste_ _  
_ _So let me give your heart a break  
'Cause you've been hurt before _ _  
_ _I can see it in your eyes_ _  
_ _You try to smile it away_ _  
_ _Some things you can't disguise  
Don't wanna break your heart_ _  
_ _Maybe I can ease the ache, the ache_ _  
_ _So let me give your heart a break_ _~/o_

__

__


	9. The Young and The Hopeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Thor stirs slowly, the golden sunlight of the late autumn morning peeking through the blinds to warm his bare back. For a brief moment he puzzles over why he went to bed naked, but then Loki shifts sleepily in his arms and he smiles as he remembers, tightening his grip a bit.

Willing himself awake enough to blink open his eyes, Thor gazes down at Loki's peaceful face. Asleep like this he looks younger, Thor thinks. Softer. Less guarded. He nuzzles up underneath Loki’s ear, laying light kisses along the side of his neck, not quite wanting to outright wake him, but also being unable to help himself.

How did they manage to end up here? The last week of Thor’s life feels like some kind of fever dream and it’s still a little hard to believe he could possibly have this, could actually be this _happy_ , after so long. He wants to bask in this warm and quiet moment, let it last as as possible -

So, of course his stomach rumbles just about then, loud and entirely uncalled for. Thor freezes and hopes but -

"...really?" Loki mumbles drowsily in answer, giving him the gentlest elbow in the ribs.

“Heheh, sorry…” Thor chuckles softly, kissing another line of featherlight kisses down Loki’s neck.

Loki gives a sleepy but pleased hum in response, tipping his head ever so slightly so that Thor can more easily reach the round of his shoulder.

“I want to stay here with you in bed all day...” Thor admits softly.

Loki can’t deny that he feels the same way, for more reasons than one, but he’s not going to let them be swayed so easily. “We have plans for today though, don’t we?

Thor’s stomach growls again as if to agree with Loki, who laughs softly, his hair tickling Thor’s nose. “Alright, alright. But maybe we should order in some breakfast to get us going...” The realization that he doesn’t have any idea what Loki even likes derails Thor’s train of thought completely. How is it possible to feel this close to someone when he doesn’t know any of these little details?

“ _C_ _offee_.” Loki’s eyes finally blink open to regard Thor quite seriously.

The single word knocks Thor back out of his head. “...Yes? But coffee isn’t breakfast.”

Loki huffs a little, silent for a beat before the next word.”...frappuccino?”

Thor laughs, a warm rumble in his chest, grateful to Loki for unknowingly cutting off his insecurity. They have all the time in the world to get to know each other, after all. Why not start now? He begins in the same manner he’d used to prod Loki about their initial date. “Do you really never eat breakfast? That’s impossible. What do you even like for breakfast? Cereal? Eggs? Bacon? Sausage? Fruit? Pancakes? Bagels?”

Loki scoffs. “What New Yorker doesn’t eat bagels?”

“Well, what kind? Plain? Cinnamon raisin? Onion? Egg? Sesame? Everything? Butter or cream cheese? Please don’t say veggie cream cheese.” Thor shifts as he talks, looking around for his phone only to remember that it’s probably still in his pants pocket.

Loki finally can’t take the rambling anymore and he wiggles out of Thor’s arms and slides out of the bed.

Thor leans up on one elbow for the sheer pleasure of watching Loki walking naked across his bedroom, staring at the perfect curve of his ass as he bends to fish Thor’s phone out of his pants and tosses it to him with one word.

“ _Coffee_.”

By the time Loki comes out of the bathroom, washed up and dressed and a little more awake, Thor is also dressed and at the front door collecting his delivery order. Loki can smell the coffee instantly and follows Thor into the kitchen while he digs for a knife to slice open their bagels.

“I got a dozen, one of everything they had,” Thor watches as Loki adds literally every creamer and every sugar to the cup, then teases, “Sweet tooth?”

Loki’s lips quirk into the hint of a smile just before he takes a sip and then he answers, “...generally always. And thank you.”

“Welcome...” Thor flashes Loki a smile before digging through the bag of bagels and fishing out an Everything. “I can never decide what I want on top, so Everything it is.”

Thor sounds cheery, but the awkward hangs in the air between them like a current until Loki prods him verbally, digging through the bag himself as an excuse not to meet eyes. “...what is it? I can tell you want to say something.”

“I know it’s probably silly,” Thor starts hesitantly. “It’s only breakfast. But… it makes me realize how much we don’t know about each other. How much I… I want to know more about you, Loki. Not just the big things, but… all the little details.”

Loki doesn’t mean to be evasive. He’s simply not used to anyone giving a damn about the details. He feels the color rising in his cheeks as Thor waits for an answer. “I like Everything bagels too. I like most bagels. I really like Egg bagels, which suck outside of New York. I especially like Egg Everything bagels, but they’re difficult to find. But you’re correct - I have a sweet tooth, so when you can find them...” He pulls a yellow bagel out of the bag, holds it up and smells it. “French Toast bagels are the very best. Must be a good place – bagel and deli, yes?”

Thor’s grin slowly widens, all of the tension melting out of his shoulders at Loki’s entirely specific and detailed response. “Yes, they also make excellent club sandwiches and an array of Italian baked goods.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“One of my delivery favorites – it’s right next door.”

“How about this?” Loki asks as he plucks the knife out of Thor’s hand and smoothly slices his bagel open, then takes Thor’s bagel out of his hand and slices that too. He sees an opportunity for motivation in Thor’s question, and maybe a way to open up their conversation about playing together again tonight. “Every room we finish cleaning… and every round of trash we take out… you can ask me a question.”

“ _Any_ question?” There’s thinly-veiled excitement in Thor’s words, as if he would ask about a hundred questions right now if he thought he’d actually get all the answers.

“Within reason…” Loki raises an eyebrow at him as he butters his bagel. “I don’t promise to answer, but I’ll do my best?”

“Sounds fair,” Thor enthuses and lifts his bagel towards Loki’s in a strange but charming not-quite-a-toast.

They carry their bagels across the apartment, munching as they assess in what order to sort out the mess. Plan in place, Loki finally rounds on Thor and says, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t possibly work without music. Do you want to put something on…?”

“I usually stream music through my Starki,” Thor answers, pointing to the automated personal assistant device sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter. “It’s linked to my entire library virtually and the whole apartment’s wired with speakers.”

“Perfect,” Loki nods, somehow not surprised that they both own the best sound system on the market and have access to huge amounts of music. He finds himself looking forward to listening to Thor’s library and seeing where their tastes overlap and where they differ. “Pick something with a beat. Better for working.”

Thor requests for Starki to sort his library and play them a mix of rock and pop as they head to the bedroom, their previously decided upon starting point.

The playlist pulls a random track as it begins and Loki can’t help cracking a smile as he recognizes it. “I think the music’s sending you a message today.”

Thor grins back at him as it plays and gives a little shrug, but then he starts to sing along and Loki does too, because they both know it’ll make everything go that much faster.

_o/~ I'm so sick of living for other people  
Took meeting you to realize  
I don't wanna lose ya, I wanna keep ya  
Put your little hand in mine and  
Look into my eyes, baby, eyes  
Oh, you make me wanna listen to music again  
Yeah, you make me wanna listen to music again  
There had been many moons before I met ya  
And I ain't going nowhere  
And now you give me back my raison d'être  
And I'm inspired again ~/o_

Their first task is sorting absolutely everything into categories. The bed becomes a holding spot for all of the laundry scattered across the apartment, the trash and recycling goes into bags, books/games back to the living room and so on and so forth. It doesn’t take long at all to fill the first set of trash bags and after Thor sets them beside the front door, he returns to Loki with his first question, which is really more of a request.

“Show me pictures of your cat?”

Loki isn’t expecting the question at all, but he smiles, immediately pulling his phone out of his pocket and bringing up a folder of all of his favorite photos he’s taken of Fenrir. They stand with their heads bent together as he flips through Fen sleeping underneath the piano and inside a cardboard box, Fen yawning, Fen sitting in a perfect loaf shape and a multitude of other adorable silliness. “You can’t get a sense of how chatty he is from pictures, but he’s a rather talkative cat.”

“I hope I get to meet him sometime,” Thor grins, then adds teasingly, kissing Loki’s temple. “You must have really enjoyed all the cat videos I sent that one night.”

“I really did,” Loki pockets his phone with a suddenly shy little shrug of his shoulders. He can’t say he hasn’t thought about inviting Thor over to his place sometime, but he’s never really had anyone over before, and the thought of letting anyone into his space still feels too new. “Back to work with us if you want another question,” he avoids the unspoken implication and Thor doesn’t press him further.

The second sets of bags comes as they’ve nearly finished clearing the living room of all debris, and Loki starts to sort the laundry into different piles to be washed as Thor takes the first two rounds of trash out to the dumpster. He returns to help Loki finish sorting with a second question in mind and this one is a little more along the lines of what Loki expected this time.

“There’s no way that gigging at the bar is enough to survive around here, so what else do you do?” he asks Loki curiously as he joins him in tossing articles of clothing into different piles. “You must have another job.”

Loki relaxes with the easy question, amusing himself with how many t-shirts Thor must own (dozens) as he answers it. “I’m an adjunct professor, actually. I have several different music degrees and teach a variety of classes depending on the semester.”

Thor is fascinated by this turn, having guessed that Loki was very intelligent and well-trained, but not knowing how far that really extended. “Like…?” he fishes for further details as he picks up the first load to shove into his washer.

“Theory, which includes counterpoint and orchestration, Musicology – that’s music history,” Loki follows him into the hallway with another armful.

“I know _that_ ,” Thor waves a hand at him with a roll of his eyes as takes the clothes from Loki, shoves them into the washer and turns it on. “I may not have your pedigree, but I do know how to _read_ music, which is more than I can say for some other people I met in my line of work.”

Loki snickers, unsurprised by that commentary. “It _is_ possible to be a wonderful musician and not be terribly literate, but it makes collaboration difficult sometimes.”

“But seriously,” Thor says thoughtfully as they return to the bedroom to survey their progress. “Gigging? Teaching a few classes? That’s not really enough to get by in this city.” He pauses for a moment before reaching out suddenly, tapping Loki on the nose with one finger. “So… maybe I’m being too nosy now, but, what _else_ do you do?”

Loki’s hand snaps up to grab Thor’s finger and for a moment it almost looks like he’s going to yell at Thor, but instead he turns on his heel, pulling Thor by the hand, over his shoulder, towards the living room. “Oh, that sounds like _another_ question.”

“It’s the _same_ question,” Thor protests, but can’t help the dumb grin at Loki’s teasing or the easy excuse to touch him for the first time in a couple of hours. He slides his other arm around Loki as they come to a stop, pulling Loki back against him and pressing a kiss into his hair.

“Come now, the bedroom is free of debris, we’re making real progress here,” Loki completely avoids answering said question, though he does lean back into Thor’s embrace for a moment. “Let’s sort out all of the media next?”

The next hour is spent singing along with the playlist while Thor sorts out his multiple game systems and Loki alphabetizes all of his books and movies. They aren’t quite finished enough to warrant another question, but when a softer song finally comes on Thor takes the opportunity to pester Loki again anyway, stubbornly sticking to his earlier line of thought.

“...are you going to tell me what else you do for a living? If you don’t want to, you can just _say_ so, but...” And clearly he’s been thinking about this for the last hour, wondering what else it could possibly be. “I promise you, whatever it is, I won’t judge.”

Loki’s been thinking about how to answer the question for the last hour too. Should he ‘fess up to all of the arranging and composing he does on the side? Sure, it’s mostly instrumental stuff, background music and not… _songs…_ but getting anywhere close to the topic still makes him feel a little nervous.

The alternative, of course, is having to talk about... _Laufey_.

Somehow that still feels like the lesser of two evils right now, and with how well-known his father’s brand is these days, it’s going to come up sooner rather than later anyway. _Might as well get it over with..._

Loki’s back is to Thor as he continues to sort books on a shelf, but he can hear Thor getting up from the floor where he’s finally finished untangling the massive knot of all the electronics’ wiring. “...I… I do a lot of freelance work for my father’s company,” he finally shrugs, trying to be casual about something that entirely isn’t. “He’s a pretty high-end fashion designer – have you heard of Laufey?”

This isn’t quite the direction Thor expected the conversation to go, but he recognizes the name. Anyone even remotely interested in the fashion world would – Laufey is a loud and proud gay icon who’s been styling celebrities for decades and has a sizable store on 5th Avenue. There’s a possibility he’s even worn clothes by the brand, though it would have been years ago. “Yeah, I do, actually. That’s… your father?”

“Yep.” The single word is clipped and tight as Loki stops in his sorting, his hands falling to his sides and slowly clenching into fists.

Thor’s supposed to be wrapping up the controllers to put in a box beside the TV, but instead he’s just watching Loki’s back and Loki’s hands and wising he could see his face. “Do you model?”

Loki snorts a little, shakes his head sharply, blinks rapidly. “A bit here and there, mostly when I was younger. Modeling, photography, pattern-making, design, fabric - I know every aspect of his business. He had me working for him as a kid before I even really understood that’s what he was training me to do. Lately? He sends me half-assed sketches and I turn them into viable designs without insisting on him giving me any credit. In return, he pays me absurdly well and I can spend the money and the rest of my time… doing whatever I want to do. The worst part? I’m rather good at all of it, but…it’s _never_ been what I love. What I love is music... and that makes him _angry_. So... he pretends I don’t exist unless he wants something out of me.”

“He has no right to be angry,” Thor snaps out in frustration, unable to help comparing it to his own situation. He’s floored to find out that they have more in common than he could have possibly guessed, each of them being groomed by their fathers to be successors, legacies, with no regard for any of their own talents or desires. Listening to Loki’s explanation makes Thor’s temper flare sharply and he doesn’t take the time to think through his response, voice rising. “If anyone does, it’s you! Parents are always expecting, demanding, that their children be just who _they_ are… it’s the worst. I hate it. My father’s just as furious with me for not living up to his expectations, for not caring about being a ‘real estate king’. I’m sure he thought that after I failed out of music, I’d come crawling back to the family business, but no thanks.”

Loki hasn’t said a word or moved at all and Thor suddenly can’t stand the distance between them. He reaches out to set a gentle hand on Loki’s shoulder and when he doesn’t shy away from the touch, proceeds to wrap both his arms around the smaller man from behind, resting his cheek against Loki’s hair. “...sorry. I didn’t mean to get so worked up… but I can’t stand to think of anyone taking advantage of you like that, even if it’s your decision to make, working for him or whatever...”

Loki feels vaguely unsettled by the conversation, knowing that Thor would be _more_ upset and angry to know about what Odin had done to him, done to them both, and it quietly builds his resolve to let it die. “I can handle my old man,” he finally mutters, lifting his hands to cover Thor’s with a slight squeeze. “And I’m not bothered by your temper or you being...”

“Protective,” Thor finishes the sentence for him with another squeeze before letting Loki go. “We’re about finished with the living room, so what say we have question 4 early?”

Loki shuffles a few more books with a disgruntled noise. “Wasn’t the last one enough for now?”

Thor takes Loki by the shoulders and turns him around, a warm little smile on his face. “Favorite kinds of take-out?”

Blinking up at him in surprise at the sudden topic change, this time it’s Loki’s stomach that growls at the idea and when Thor laughs, he elbows him in the ribs. “Yes, let’s decide on lunch.”

One of the only organized pieces in Thor’s apartment is his collection of local take-out menus, carefully pinned to the side of his fridge by a tacky red rectangular magnet with a chipped _Thor and the Warriors 3_ logo emblazoned on it.

“I do eat pizza, but no pizza,” Loki says immediately as they sit down on the couch and Thor spreads the menus out across his now clean and empty coffee table. “If I have to look at another pizza box today...”

Thor laughs in agreement and points in succession to a few things. “Chinese, Mexican, Thai, Japanese, Greek, Italian...”

“Besides pizza, besides the deli… what’s your favorite?” Loki fires back.

“Well, they’re _all_ good,” he debates. “How are you with spice?”

“A little goes a long way.”

Thor huffs, disappointed. “I was going to recommend the Thai place, but they go a little heavy. Their panang curry’s _so_ good though.”

Loki lifts the menu off the table and flips through it. “If I wanted curry, I’d go Japanese, but no worries, I eat Thai all the time. Fried rice is merely an excuse for peanut sauce.”

Thor can tell by the crinkles at the corners of Loki’s green eyes that he’s smiling behind the menu and he grins back.

It’s finally starting to feel like they’re carving out a middle ground together.

They work side by side to scrub out the kitchen and the fridge while they wait for lunch to arrive, running down the list of take-out menus and arguing about their favorite dishes at each. As they sit down with their food, Thor tries to remember the last time he actually ate a meal at his own kitchen table. Years, probably. He hasn’t had anyone over in in a long time unless it was his friends dragging him home drunk from Thunderstruck or Heimdall popping in to check up on him, and that hardly counts. He wonders if it feels as strange to Loki to be spending the day together like this, cleaning his apartment and listening to music. He doesn’t really think about the next question before it’s out of his mouth.

“What do you do when you’re not working?”

Looking up from his meal, Loki realizes that he doesn’t quite know how to answer such an open-ended question, especially when he has no idea what prompted it. Is Thor trying to ask about his hobbies? His friends? _I don’t do anything but work_ is hardly an informative answer, even if it’s the damn truth. But what _does_ he do that isn’t related to one of his many jobs, that isn’t practicing or planning lessons, arranging or writing or… “I suppose I read a lot, though plenty of that is work-related...” he starts hesitantly, his eyes drifting out the window beside Thor’s table, where a small patch of blue sky is visible between the buildings. Loki doesn’t really have any close friends and he’s busy enough most days to pretend he doesn’t notice. “I enjoy seeing shows on Broadway...” Sometimes he gets dragged out to lunch somewhere by a colleague, sometimes he gets lonely enough to spend a day wandering one of the city’s museums or parks… “I… like to look at the stars.”

“In New York?” Thor gives a soft little laugh as he watches all the thoughts swirling behind Loki’s eyes that he doesn’t put into words. It seems to him that Loki is always thinking so deeply, but hardly ever sharing a fraction of it out loud.

Thor’s laughter seems to shake Loki out of his thoughts and he raises an eyebrow at Thor’s teasing. “Hah, well, here in the city you’re lucky to get half a dozen on a clear night,” he agrees. “But I look anyway, maybe because... I know how many there really are?” Loki pauses for a moment, stirring the rice around in its container but not actually eating any of it, debating about whether to delve into where his thoughts have drifted off to. “Used to travel a lot when I was younger, mostly with my father. Business. Location shoots, all over the world...”

“I used to travel a lot too,” Thor hums wistfully, thinking of all the different places he’s played. “Touring took us all over the world too. But I don’t remember most of it very well. We were always so busy that one city blurred into the next a lot of times. I don’t know that I ever really appreciated all the places I traveled to. So often we didn’t have enough room in our schedule to actually see anything besides the inside of a tour bus or the packed arena.”

Loki sets the fork down and leans an elbow on the table, resting his chin in his hand thoughtfully. “That’s a real shame. Stars from the empty desert? Stars from tiny islands or the middle of the ocean? What a mesmerizing view. Somehow makes you feel insignificant and larger than life all at once. A good thing to remember living in a city like this one.”

Thor has certainly swung from one of those extremes to the other, but he can’t imagine both feelings coexisting, each overwhelming in its own way. “Sometime… we’ll pick out a place to see some stars...” Thor starts, because there’s no sense in lamenting what’s already done. Better to have heart in the present and eyes towards the future. “And we’ll go just because _we_ want to.”

It’s a funny sort of sentiment that whispers back to their earlier conversation about parental expectations too, but Loki doesn’t comment on it. He does nod in agreement, though, and that’s enough for Thor.

After lunch, they make a mutual decision to crank the music up again while Thor cleans the bathroom and Loki vacuums the entire apartment. As he makes his way across Thor’s apartment, Loki realizes he’s learned plenty about him today too – what he listens to, what he reads, plays, watches, likes to eat, and even what most of his wardrobe looks like – while not actually getting around to the one topic he’d wanted to delve into.

When they meet back in the living room to celebrate finally being finished with their overhaul of Thor’s apartment, Loki finally turns the tables. “We’ve cleaned this entire place top to bottom. I think I deserve at least one question of my own.”

“I’m an open book,” Thor says enthusiastically as he closes up the final trash bag.

“What do you want to play tonight?” There’s a genuine eager sparkle in Loki’s eyes and a list of suggestions on the tip of his tongue that he’s been culling in the back of his mind all day.

“...who said I was going to?” Thor regrets the words the moment they’re out of his mouth as he watches Loki’s expression fall, the flicker of pain in his eyes giving away how wounded he is by Thor’s words.

“Do you _not_ want to sing together?” he crosses his arms over his chest defensively, daring Thor to try and lie to him after last night’s resounding success.

“Well, it’s your set...” Thor immediately backtracks, fumbling over his words. “But, I mean, if _you_ want me to play, I guess I could. But I don’t know that I’d be as competent at you are at handling all the requests...” But Thor knows that’s not entirely true, he’s just still nervous about… somehow disappointing Loki.

“Of course I want you up there with me! And if you really wanted to build your repertoire, we could always get together and jam at the bar on an off-night, or just here, if you wanted to...” Loki shrugs, unable to hide his frustration as he glowers at Thor. They stare at each other for a moment and then he turns and storms off towards the bathroom, calling back over his shoulder. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Thor watches him go, knowing that Loki has every right to be frustrated at him for the hot and cold. His feelings are a bit foolish and probably unfounded, a product of what he’s been through. Part of him still feels like he has no right to be up on that stage with Loki and he doesn’t know how to reconcile that with the other part of him that felt so happy and free performing last night.

Grabbing up the last trash bags, he heads down the stairs and around back to toss them in the dumpster, entirely not expecting to bump into anyone from the bar, but Steve is out back, breaking down some cardboard boxes, and he greets Thor with a wave and an eyebrow raise.

“So it _is_ you filling up our dumpster!” he can’t help but tease Thor a little as he opens the lid for him and then returns to his breakdown. “Looks like you really did a number on your place today. Bet it feels good.”

“It does, it does,” Thor takes the teasing good-naturedly. If anyone around here can get away ribbing him a little, it’s Steve, who’s simultaneously kept Thunderstruck running and kept Thor out of any real trouble for as long as they’ve known each other. “Long overdue.”

“As overdue as seeing you up on that stage last night,” Steve nods at Thor as he picks up the last box and pops it apart, and then they work together to slide the stack of cardboard into the already quite full dumpster. “So I hope we’re gonna see a repeat performance tonight.” Steve wipes his hands off on the bar apron he’s wearing, noticing Thor’s hesitation in answering him, and adds onto his own comment instead of demanding an answer. “You and Loki sounded great together and the bar was rocking, but I also don’t think I’ve ever seen _you_ so look so happy.”

“Thanks...” Thor starts, but trails off, because it’s true and it makes him think of something Loki said to him the night they first met.

_Always a shame to let anything come between you and your music, if it’s what you really love._

“See you in a few?” Steve holds out his fist and Thor comes back to himself, bumping back with an actual smile this time.

“Yeah, we’ll be down in a bit,” he answers absently, not realizing what he’s giving away until Steve is at the back door of the bar and mouths “ _WE”_ at him with an enormously cheeky grin before disappearing inside again.

Thor is left standing alone in the back alley feeling like an enormous jerk for what he said to Loki earlier. Loki, who helped him sort his entire life out today, Loki who encouraged him to get back on stage, Loki who got him singing again...

Because Loki is right.

Thor _loves_ music. Being on stage last night made him ridiculously happy and not only because he was singing with Loki.

He’s always loved music and he’s so tired of being weighed down by the past, so exhausted of getting in his own way. He’s not going to be able to erase all of his insecurities in one night, not after that all that’s happened, but if he doesn’t even try… then he’s just sabotaging his own chance at being truly happy. And worse still, hurting someone who’s actually accepted him as he is, faults and ugly back story and all.

Thor takes the stairs back to his apartment two at a time, but Loki’s still in the shower, so he heads into his bedroom, digging around in his closet, which they hadn’t quite gotten to sorting out today, and reaches for a case he hasn’t pulled out since he moved in.

When Loki comes out of the bathroom, he is absolutely not expecting to find Thor standing in the middle of the living room, one foot propped up on the couch as he tunes a familiar red guitar embossed with golden lightning bolts. “Thor…?” he questions in surprise.

Thor holds up a finger while he adjusts the amp and then he gives his beloved favorite guitar one solid strum, the sound bringing a warm grin to his face. “I’m sorry,” he says to Loki, immediately serious again. “I can’t promise to not be insecure. I can’t tell you I’ll never doubt myself again. But… I _do_ want to play with you, sing with you… for as long as you’ll have me on that stage with you. And I won’t try to tell you otherwise again.”

Loki doesn’t say anything at first, but he crosses the room in four quick steps, his eyes shining as he leans in to catch Thor’s lips with his own in a sweet little kiss. “Get in the shower. You stink like garbage.”

Thor sets the guitar down on the couch and laughs all the way to the bathroom, calling over his shoulder. “Pull some clothes out of the clean laundry for me?”

Never one to waste an opportunity, Loki digs through Thor’s clean wardrobe until he finds black jeans to match his own and a black band t-shirt, laying them out on the bed with fresh underwear and socks.

“Oh gods, I haven’t see that shirt in an eternity,” Thor laughs loudly as he comes out of the bathroom to see an old Good Charlotte t-shirt waiting for him, hair still wet and only a towel wrapped around his hips. “Are you serious?”

Loki shrugs and gestures to himself – he’s back in black jeans and glitter sneakers, but tonight he’s wearing a black t-shirt with Pink Floyd’s prismatic Dark Side of the Moon logo across the chest. He’s also braided his hair back from his face on both sides, small strands just above his ears, to show off the tiny mismatched pair of gold sun and silver moon studs he’s wearing. “Entirely!”

Thor laughs as he tugs the shirt on over his head. It’s a little more snug than he remembers, but it still fits, and if the lettering on the band’s logo is slightly cracked, it’s only because he’d worn it so many times the years he was super into their music. “I always wished back then that I had someone to sing their tight harmonies with,” he admits as he pulls on his socks and his jeans.

“Then let’s open with that tonight,” Loki grins as he walks around the bed, climbing onto it until he’s kneeling behind Thor. He doesn’t bother to ask permission before he starts to weave a tiny set of two braids into Thor’s hair, both just above his right ear, before pulling the top half of his hair back into his usual ponytailed style and securing it with a black rubberband.

Thor lets him, closes his eyes and simply relishes the feeling of Loki’s nimble fingers moving through his hair. “I think I know just the song...”

Tonight they arrive at Thunderstruck early enough to sit and have a round of beers with the crew and the regulars, who are already eager to start tossing song suggestions their way. Thor’s had his guitar case strapped to his back the entire time, making it clear he’s intent on playing tonight, but he sets it down on stage without opening it as they get ready for their set. They won’t need it for their first number, as they’ve decided to just let Loki play acoustic while they enjoy indulging themselves with the harmonies.

_o/~ Hard days made me  
Hard nights shaped me  
I don't know they somehow saved me  
And I know I'm making something out of this life they call nothing ~/o_

Thor grins over at Loki as they sing, thinking of all the things they managed to share today and for better or worse, all the things they have in common.

_o/~ And if I make it through today  
Will tomorrow be the same  
Am I just running in place  
And if I stumble and I fall  
Should I get up and carry on  
Will it all just be the same  
'Cause I'm young and I'm hopeless  
I'm lost and I know this  
I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say  
I'm troublesome I've fallen  
I'm angry at my father  
It's me against this world and I don't care  
I don't care ~/o_

And maybe they don’t need to have a care in the world for the damage already done or their terrible fathers, if what they’ve found for themselves instead is this. They’ve hardly finished the first song before the room is shouting requests at them and Thor is content to sing with Loki as he plays until a request worth taking out his guitar for finally comes along.

“You seriously gonna wear that shirt and not play any Pink Floyd?” a voice hollers from the back of the room, standing up from his barstool and pointing at Loki’s shirt. It’s Bruce again, of course, though judging by the snickers coming from Steve and Bucky both standing behind him, it might be a joint effort. “False advertising!” he calls out loudly.

The whole room laughs in response as Loki asks into the mic with a wry little grin. “And what would you like to hear?”

“Shine On You Crazy Diamond!”

Loki rolls his eyes and laughs uproariously. “Yeah, I would too, but I’d need at minimum a fabulous synth and a decent drummer behind us before it’d even be worth it. And even then, it’s ridiculous. _Absurd_.” Really, he’s completely entertained by the insane suggestion, vamping and waiting for Thor to get his guitar out, because they’d already decided what they’d play if someone commented on Loki’s shirt tonight. “But how about Wish You Were Here?”

“Sold!”

The room laughs again, but when Thor lifts his guitar out of the case, a low murmur goes around next, as if some people in the audience may have recognized it, but no one says anything when they start to play again. Thor starts the first guitar part on his electric and Loki joins him on the acoustic a moment later, letting him take the lead vocal this time.

_o/~ So, so you think you can tell  
Heaven from hell  
Blue skies from pain  
Can you tell a green field  
From a cold steel rail?  
A smile from a veil?  
Do you think you can tell?  
Did they get you to trade  
Your heroes for ghosts?  
Hot ashes for trees?  
Hot air for a cool breeze?  
Cold comfort for change?  
Did you exchange  
A walk on part in the war  
For a lead role in a cage? ~/o_

Several lighters and several cell phone lights in the bar have been held up, swaying in the dim atmosphere as they play the instrumental and then sing the last verse in harmony.

_o/~ How I wish, how I wish you were here  
We're just two lost souls  
Swimming in a fish bowl  
Year after year  
Running over the same old ground  
And how we found  
The same old fears  
Wish you were here ~/o_

Bruce gets Steve to whistle from the back of the room as they finish and now with two guitars out, the request list starts to slide all over. Fans of last night’s show demand more Green Day, Steve yells out a request for some non-piano Billy Joel and they absolutely get dragged into a stint of several Beatles songs in a row.

In fact, Loki doesn’t touch the piano until the very last song of the night, which starts as an unusual request from two women sitting at a table near the stage who haven’t asked them to play anything all night despite attentively listening to the entire show. Technically, they’ve already played what they thought was the last song for the night, a raucous audience sing-a-long, but Loki’s not going to ignore them waving him over.

“We were here last night when you played Glitter in the Air?” The first says as Loki leans over to hear them above the general noise level of the room.

“I did,” Loki agrees, wondering where exactly this is going.

The second woman giggles and whispers something into the ear of the first. “Do you know Give Your Heart a Break?”

“Sure!” Loki answers as he straightens up, moving to hang his guitar on the wall and reset his mic at the piano. “Anyone mind one more?” he says into it and scattered applause echoes around the room.

“Do you know… the duet version?” the first woman calls out to him, but it’s Thor who answers them, from where he’s bent down on one knee to set his guitar back in the case, closing it up for the night.

“I do!” he grins adorably at the both of them and they giggle again, giving him a thumbs up.

“You do?” Loki whispers as Thor sits down beside him on the piano bench, facing opposite directions as they’d done the previous night.

“Do you?” Thor whispers back with a little laugh.

“From… Glee?” Loki really honestly can’t believe they’re having this conversation right now.

“Yes,” Thor says emphatically and then nudges Loki with a look that clearly reminds him that there’s still an entire bar watching them have this whispered conversation on stage and they can absolutely discuss what strange musical nerds they are sometime later, can’t they?

Loki gives a breathy, delighted laugh as he starts to play the piano and the two girls who’d asked them for the request squee simultaneously in response. The rest of the bar seems vaguely confused, but no one’s going to complain about getting another song, even if it’s a pop hit that only maybe half of them know. Loki takes the first verse, the words far too uncanny for a request, but he’d heard the original version of this song in the cab riding over to Thor’s last Thursday night and he knows full well when the soundtrack of the universe is trying to talk to you.

_o/~ The day I first met you  
You told me you'd never fall in love  
But now that I get you  
I know fear is what it really was  
Now here we are, so close  
Yet so far, haven't I passed the test?  
When will you realize  
Baby, I'm not like the rest?_

_Don't wanna break your heart  
Wanna give your heart a break  
I know you're scared, it's wrong  
Like you might make a mistake  
There's just one life to live  
And there's no time to wait, to waste  
So let me give your heart a break ~/o_

They sing the chorus together with ease and Thor isn’t lying – he knows every single bit of the harmony perfectly, doesn’t miss a single beat of the timing, and slides into the second verse like he’s sung the song a hundred times.

_o/~_ _On Sunday, you went home alone_ _  
_ _There were tears in your eyes_ _  
_ _I called your cell phone, my love_ _  
_ _But you did not reply_ _  
_ _The world is ours if we want it_ _  
_ _We can take it_ _  
_ _If you just take my hand_ _  
_ _There's no turning back now_ _  
_ _Baby, try to understand_ _~/o_

The two who requested the song are obviously completely enamored by their performance, but neither Loki or Thor is really paying attention to them, lost in their own little bubble as Loki croons the bridge and they sail through the end of the song.

The instant the mics are off, Thor is laughing into Loki’s shoulder warmly. “I confess, I’ve had the time to sit around and watch a lot of nonsense on stream in the last few years and couldn’t ignore the musical premise. Fell in love with the soundtrack and the characters.”

Loki shakes his head with a fond smile as he closes the piano and moves the mic stands away from the edge of the stage. “It was a phenomenal hit among my students and an excellent study in arranging all sorts of music – solo into choir, all the a cappella numbers and mash-ups...I couldn’t _not_ know it.”

Neither of them is paying any attention to anyone but each other as they hop off the stage and head towards the bar, shaking hands with patrons as they go, and Val is waiting for them with a martini and a beer. Bruce takes the opportunity to lament with Loki over the difficulty of covering an epic like Shine On You Crazy Diamond and Steve thanks them for playing Billy’s You May Be Right.

Thor’s so comfortable sitting at the bar, chatting with his friends, Loki at his side, that he’s genuinely startled by the hand tapping him on the shoulder, but when he turns to answer it, he realizes immediately that it’s the two women from earlier. “Did you enjoy the set?” he asks amiably, as friendly as he is to all of Thunderstruck’s patrons.

“You’re… God of Thunder, aren’t you?” one of them blurts out quite suddenly.

Thor’s stomach drops into the floor and he swallows hard, feeling Loki bristle on his other side. “Hah,” he tries to be casual about it while not sounding too rude. “That’s not a name I go by anymore.”

The second woman finally speaks up, gentle words in a quick tumble of explanation for her excited friend. The first is a huge fan of Thor and his old band and the second happens to live a few blocks away from the bar. She’s been here a handful of times before tonight and just happened to recognize the place from the video posted of Thor last week when her friend sent it to her.

“Did you tell anyone else about it?” Loki leans over Thor’s shoulder, giving each one of them a probing look. When they both shrug and shake their heads, he relaxes a little and Thor picks up the thread of his thoughts.

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t spread it around,” Thor glances from one to the other with a hopeful expression. “I don’t want to get people excited over anything when I’m just… jamming in my bar with some friends.”

“Sure!” the second agrees, elbowing her friend with a sharp look.

“Yeah, if no one knows about it, then we can keep enjoying front row seats,” the first says to Loki, then turns a huge grin on Thor. “And honestly, we’re both just really happy to know that you’re playing again.”

Thor thanks them for their support and gives a wave as they disappear out the door, but he can tell from Loki’s silence that he’s not the only one unsettled by the encounter. “It’s bound to happen...” he starts and when he trails off, Loki reaches over to squeeze his thigh.

“Can we get out of here?”

Thor nods and they both wave their goodnights at their busy friends before slipping out the door together, but there’s only silence until they’re alone again.

“Loki… you know that’s not who I am anymore,” Thor says worriedly as he sits on the bed and watches Loki pack up his bag, finally unable to keep from addressing what happened downstairs. “That’s not why you’re leaving, is it?”

“Not at all,” Loki says, sitting down on the bed beside Thor with a thoughtful little sigh. “I’ve more than aware that you playing again in public might mean exactly that – old fans recognizing you, excited to hear you. But as long as you know that you don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be, Thor… as long as you don’t let that scare you off...”

“It won’t,” Thor reaches for Loki’s hand and intertwines their fingers. A beat of silence and then he murmurs, “...stay?”

Loki laughs to cover how much that single word hurts, taking Thor’s hand between both of his own and squeezing it before pulling away. “Would love to, but I really can’t. I have a cat to feed who’s not used to being alone. I have a pile of students’ homework to grade, lessons to plan – Thor, I’ve been here since Thursday night. I need to go home.”

“When will I see you again?” Thor follows Loki as he picks up his bag and heads to the door. “Before Friday?”

Loki really has no idea what to tell Thor. He’s been so wrapped up in what’s going on between them that he’s not even sure what he has on his plate this week. He hasn’t touched anything for any of his jobs, hasn’t even looked at his schedule. He needs time alone to process, time to think, time to - “I don’t know.”

“Jam some night?”

“Maybe?”

Thor looks so worried that Loki puts his bag down, reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He stands there silently while typing out an entire text message and hits send, only looking up at Thor when they both hear his phone buzz in his pocket.

Thor pulls out his phone to read Loki’s message.

_{ Stop worrying. I won’t ignore your msgs anymore. We’ll see each other soon._

_...you were amazing tonight. }_

Loki waits patiently for Thor to look up from his phone, expecting the sappy grin, but Thor doesn’t stop there. He slides a hand around the back of Loki’s neck and leans in to kiss him hard, deep and insistent, until Loki actually makes a small noise of protest. If he lets Thor continue, he doesn’t know if he’ll _have_ the will to leave.

He gets Thor’s return message just as he reaches the stairwell down to the subway and can’t help but roll his eyes and smile at all of the hearts and sparkles and lightning bolts and stars at both the beginning and end.

_{ Thank you for everything._

_...you’re always amazing._

_Say hi to Fen for me. }_

Luck is on Loki’s side as the Q train pulls into the station barely a minute after he reaches the platform. He pulls out his headphones and shuffles through the music on his phone as he tosses himself into a seat. The car is nearly empty at this late hour and he sits on the side he knows will grant him the best view as the music starts.

He’s timed it so that the lyrics kick in just as the train crosses the East River via the Manhattan Bridge. It’s one of his favorite angles on the city, an accidental urban work of art, the Brooklyn Bridge against the night sky, framed by the twinkling lights of the skyscrapers downtown as the train rushes across the water... but the sight blurs as he blinks furiously, breath catching with his unexpected tears.

_Why? I’m quite used to being alone, but..._

_o/~ Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun  
Shine on you crazy diamond  
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky  
Shine on you crazy diamond  
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom  
Blown on the steel breeze  
Come on you target for faraway laughter  
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine_

Back in Brooklyn, Thor wanders aimlessly through his spotless apartment as he asks Starki to pull up a song, playing it a little too loudly for the hour. Everywhere he looks, everything they cleaned and organized… all of it reminds him of Loki. The synths swell around him as he kicks off his sneakers, shucks off his jeans, and falls into his bed. Rolling onto his side, he pulls the extra pillow into his arms as the guitar kicks in.

It still smells like Loki and his chest aches with the thought.

_..._ _it already feels too empty here without you._

_o/~ You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon  
Shine on you crazy diamond  
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light  
Shine on you crazy diamond  
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision  
Rode on the steel breeze  
Come on you raver, you seer of visions  
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine ~/o_


	10. Get Happy Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Over the next few days, Thor inundates Loki’s inbox with messages at all hours of the day and night – more cat videos (especially with grey cats), random ramblings on songs he’s listening to, little clips of him playing things on his guitar, and, of course, about a million selfies.

Thor’s sleepy smile beside a cup _{_ _bought a coffee!_ _}_

Thor’s excited grin behind two fingers pinching a glittery bit of plastic _{_ _look at these picks I dug out!_ _}_

Thor’s eyes to the sky, lifting up his carton of lo mein in tribute _{_ _food of the gods!!_ _}_

Half of Thor’s face hidden behind a red maple leaf he’s holding _{_ _pretty cold morning for a_ _run_ _}_

Endless shots of the sky _{_ _color matches my eyes today, doesn’t it? *sparkle*_ _}_

Face smushed in a pillow _{_ _miss you…_ _}_

Loki keeps his word, though perhaps not with such regularity. Thor can see that he’s reading the messages almost instantly, unless he’s asleep or so far buried into a project that he doesn’t emerge for several hours, but his actual replies are far more infrequent. Instead, he tends to leave an emoji for every message Thor sends – a music note, a leaf, a smile, a laugh - leaving Thor to both imagine the changing expressions on his face and try to see what different reactions he can evoke.

When Loki does send him an actual message, it’s always thoughtful, though – a response to the lyrics he’d rambled about six hours earlier, a brief explanation of whatever lesson or project’s keeping him occupied, the occasional answering picture of the sky if he’s left the apartment that day… and finally, on Tuesday night, at just about the point that Thor’s considering outright asking to see his face, a selfie.

To be fair, the selfie is mostly of Fenrir’s furry face, but just behind one kitty ear, Thor can see the green of Loki’s eye and the crinkle at the corner that gives away his smile.

And better yet, the message he’s been hoping to receive all week.

_{ I can come by tomorrow night after classes if you still want to jam. }_

An answering selfie, Thor’s beaming smile _{ I’ll be waiting for you at Thunderstruck! }_

Wednesday nights at Thunderstruck are fairly quiet. It’s Bucky’s night off, so it’s only Val behind the bar and Steve in his office doing paperwork, with half a dozen regulars in attendance and floaters in and out on their way home from work. Usually, if Thor is stopping in at all, it’s only to pick up a 6-pack, or worse, an entire case, so when he strolls in the door, Val immediately narrows her eyes at him in suspicion.

Thor laughs when he sees her expression and shakes his head, bypassing the bar for the stage. “Don’t start yelling – I’m actually here to hang out tonight.”

Suspicion becomes skeptical surprise. “You’re going to play? Now?” Not that she minds at all or wants to discourage him, but it is rather out of the ordinary. A _good_ out of the ordinary.

Thor tosses a grin over his shoulder as he hops up on stage and begins to check the tuning on the guitars. “Loki’s coming by to jam. Just for fun.”

“I’m certainly not complaining about an unannounced concert,” Bruce calls after him before leaning over the bar with a charming grin to tell Val, “But I guess I’m gonna need another.”

“I thought you were just saying you should go home early and try to finish a page tonight,” Val sighs as she cracks him open another beer and slides it across the bar, already knowing there’s no way he’s going to leave yet. He hasn’t missed a single one of Loki’s sets, and lately it seems he’ll take any excuse to avoid going home. “Isn’t the deadline in a few weeks? Are you really going to delay until spring? Again?”

The door swings open and mercifully rescues Bruce from having to defend himself, even though he knows he deserves every bit of her lashing. “Loki! Heard there’s an impromptu concert tonight!”

Loki stops short two steps inside the door, startled by the enthusiastic greeting, his gaze flicking from Val’s eye-roll to Bruce’s vigorous waving. “We’re not taking requests tonight,” he says curtly with a polite nod before continuing on to the stage.

Bruce immediately deflates and Val snickers, voice carrying easily in the fairly quiet room. “You two let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Val!” Thor calls back, his entire face lighting up as Loki joins him on stage. He slides an arm around Loki’s shoulders to give him a gentle squeeze in greeting, his voice dropping, soft enough that only Loki can hear him. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“...me too,” Loki answers just as softly, leaning into Thor for a moment before pulling away with a smile. He’s been buried in backlogged work for days, but Thor’s messages have been a constant reminder that they’d be together making music again before long. In fact, the consistent attention has left him a little soft around the edges now that they’re together again, and he slides onto the piano bench, relaxing into finally being where he’s wanted to be all week. “Any idea what you want to sing tonight? Free of requests, free of expectations… purely indulgent?”

Thor chuckles as he sits down beside Loki, opposite-facing as usual, but leaning back enough towards the piano that he can see Loki’s face. There’s a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes as he pretends to be thinking deeply about it, when it’s obvious he’s had the answer in mind for some time already. “What, you don’t want to sing more Glee duets?”

Loki’s in a rather good mood because there’s nothing to worry about or focus on besides Thor and the piano, and he indulges the teasing by setting his hands on the keys, beginning a lovely, jazzy little piano vamp.

Thor leans into him, not enough to disrupt his playing, but enough to notice, enough for Loki to lean back as he repeats the vamp, a musical question. “How could I not know this one?” he laughs in answer, feeling warm and tickled by the choice. “A classic long before Glee.” And then, as the vamp loops again, he starts to sing, smooth and easy, with Loki right behind him in echo.

_o/~ Forget your troubles (Happy days)  
Come on get happy (are here again)  
You better chase all your cares away  
(The skies above are clear again)  
Shout hallelujah (So let's sing a song)  
Come on get happy (of cheer again)  
Get ready for the judgment day (Happy days are here again) ~/o_

Neither of them have bothered to turn a mic on at all, but with so few people in the bar, their voices carry across the entirety of the room anyway.

The music draws Steve away from his paperwork and he comes to stand in the doorway leading to the office, lifting a hand at Val in a questioning gesture of _What’s going on?_ Val only shrugs helplessly in response, but there’s a tiny little smile teasing at her lips as she listens to the two of them sing, uncaring for whether there’s an audience or not. Steve crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the doorframe to listen, just as unable to help a smile.

_o/~ The sun is shining  
Come on get happy (Shout it now)  
The Lord is waiting to take your hand  
(There's no one who can doubt it now)  
Shout hallelujah (So let's tell the world)  
And just get happy (about it now)  
We're going to the promise land  
(Happy days are here again) ~/o_

They could sit here and sing together for hours and Thor doesn’t think he would tire of it. They reach the end of the song and sing the same phrases in echo, the timbres of their voices blending flawlessly, a warmth blossoming in his chest.

_o/~ Happy times (Happy times)  
Happy nights (Happy nights)  
Happy days are here again ~/o_

The song finishes and Loki’s head tips to rest against Thor’s shoulder, but the scattered applause in the room reminds him they’re not actually alone, so he straightens again almost immediately to nod to the room.

“Very classy, guys,” Steve slow-claps appreciatively. “Careful or you’ll have me asking for Sinatra next.”

“Nope, no requests tonight,” It’s Thor who answers, teasing Loki for his earlier barb at Bruce, bumping him with an elbow as he does. “But we’ll keep it in mind, right?”

“Of course,” Loki elbows him back, but also immediately starts to play a delicate music-box sounding version of Fly Me To The Moon in the highest octaves of the piano.

Steve’s face splits into a grin as Thor over-dramatically croons the first line, and then he gives the two of them a wave. “Save it.” He’s still not used to seeing his friend this light-hearted, but he certainly hopes it continues. “Gotta finish up this order first, but then I’ll be back to listen.”

Thor and Loki continue to entertain themselves with a setlist full of old classics and Broadway tunes, with as many favorite duets as they can think of, and though Loki stays mostly at the piano, Thor eventually picks up his guitars too – acoustic or electric depending on their mood. True to his word, Steve returns to hang out behind the bar even though it’s not really busy enough to warrant it, and he’d normally be heading home and letting Val close up. Bruce’s another becomes several, and eventually Bucky shows up to join them, even though it’s supposed to be his night off.

Time passes in a blissful blur that Thor thinks he could happily exist inside all night and possibly forever. “One more?” he queries Loki hopefully, not quite willing to let the night end yet.

“One more,” Loki laughs from the piano, perfectly willing to keep playing as long as Thor wants to, but also aware that they technically closed ten minutes ago. He’s honestly a little surprised the others haven’t just locked up and left the two of them here alone.

It’s rather late, far later than Loki even usually plays a set, and Thor finally decides to voice an idea that’s been nagging at him all night. There’s no one left in the bar besides Thunderstruck’s crew and Bruce, and he’s not certain when the opportunity might present itself again. “Mm, you know what I really wish we could play right now?”

“What’s that?” Loki tilts his head curiously, one eyebrow lifting. They’ve been all over the map with their choices tonight, so he doesn’t have the slightest clue what it could be.

“Under Pressure,” Thor answers immediately, making sure Loki’s eyes are on his when he says the words. He doesn’t miss the flicker of memory in Loki’s expression at the suggestion.

“Hmm, me too, but without the bassline? Tch.” Loki shrugs, making light of it, uncertain where this is going. “I mean, I could maybe try playing bass if you really wanted, but...” But he can’t play bass and piano simultaneously, and besides, he doesn’t really _want_ to be playing bass while singing that song -

“Vaaaaaaaaal!” Thor suddenly bellows out loudly across the bar, silently thanking Loki for giving him exactly the answer he’d been hoping for. “Come play bass for us!”

“Absolutely not,” Val shakes her head emphatically, crossing her hands in front of her in a giant X, already regretting not leaving as soon as they hit official closing time.

“Val plays bass?” The words are out of Loki’s mouth before he’s had time to think them through, before he’s had time to process the sudden sharp spike of emotion in his chest. Suddenly, though, everything makes a lot more sense – Val’s constant ribbing of Thor, her pointed, knowing comments about his behavior, her overprotectiveness. How had he not already realized that she’s obviously known Thor _longer_ than anyone else here, and potentially better?

“Val used to play for Asgardian Records,” Thor announces to the room as she glares at him. “One of the in-house studio bands. She’s a badass on bass.”

“That was a long-ass time ago, God of Thunder,” Val rolls her eyes, now genuinely trying to collect her things and escape, but Thor’s not willing to let it go that easily, even with her calling him by _that_ name. Hopping off stage, he jogs over and cuts her off before she can get to the door.

“Please?” he stands with arms spread like a literal wall between her and the door, his expression somewhere between anxious and determined.

“Thor.” She sighs in exasperation, not wanting to disappoint him, but also not wanting to be dragged in. “I don’t play anymore. I haven’t played in years. You _know_ that. We’ve gotten drunk together over that.”

Thor nods ruefully. “That we have...” But it’s not enough to deter him. “...Tell me you don’t want to play.”

“I don’t want to play.”

“That’s a lie.”

“No, it isn’t!” she finally raises her voice at him, eyes flashing in anger.

“Then... you’re fired,” Thor shrugs amiably, and stands aside so she can leave.

“Can he actually do that?” Val gestures at Thor, but her eyes and the question are directed at Steve, who she hopes might stand up for her now that it’s gotten this far.

Instead, it’s Bucky who speaks up, his expression absolutely neutral. “It’s a dick move, but probably?”

“You could sue him, then,” Bruce offers lightly, unable to help being entertained by the drama.

 _Traitors_. Val rounds on Thor again with narrowed eyes. “...you’re a _jerk.”_

Thor only grins at the insult. “A jerk who gave you a job no questions asked when you’d never bartended in your life just so you could save up enough money to buy that ring-”

Val’s hand shoots out and up to cover Thor’s mouth, cutting him off mid-sentence, her cheeks suddenly flaming. “STOP.” He’s honestly lucky she didn’t actually punch him instead.

There’s a beat of silence while Val glares at Thor and Thor gives her hopeful, pleading, puppy-dog eyes, and then, muffled from behind Val’s hand, he stubbornly tries again. “...one song?”

“...fuck. Fine. _One_ song.” Val tosses her stuff down on one of the tables and storms the stage, hopping up onto it to check out the wall of instruments and pull down a silver bass guitar.

Loki watches all of this transpire without offering any comment at all.

It’s technically not his set or his job, not right now. And it’s Thor’s place. Thor’s stage. It’s an off night. It’s….. he can give himself a dozen easy excuses for why he shouldn’t feel as shaken up as he does right now. But… he does. Because this has been _their_ thing, just the two of them, connecting through music, speaking through lyrics…. And to have someone else suddenly join them, especially on _this_ song?

Suddenly the idea of singing Under Pressure together in front of anyone else freaks him out a little. Loki’s mind keeps flashing back to that first kiss in the karaoke room, pinned up against the wall by Thor’s impulsive passion, and he doesn’t want to share it. He doesn’t want to share _Thor_. But what is he going to do? Say no? Shouldn’t he be happy with how excited Thor is to be making music?

Doesn’t he want to sing this song again with Thor?

It’s too late, anyway.

Thor’s already hopped back up on stage and as he grabs his thunderbolt guitar from the wall, he gives Loki the most enormous grin imaginable, radiating pure and infectious excitement. This time, they do turn the mics on, so their voices will carry over the multiple amped instruments.

Val plugs the bass into an amp and checks the tuning, but when Steve whistles and Bruce cheers, she takes a moment to give them the finger before actually starting to play. Bruce is happy to provide the claps and snaps as a backbeat for them and Loki adds the piano chimes perfectly before Thor starts the opening guitar riff.

It’s a far different experience performing this song here instead of contained in a tiny karaoke room with a pre-recorded background, and even though it’s a little strange without an actual drum set behind them, it doesn’t seem to dampen Thor’s enthusiasm.

All Loki can do is rise to meet him.

After all, it’s completely impossible to sing this song – especially after how it concluded last time – without giving in and letting himself go. He abandons the piano when they reach the bridge, picking up his mic and coming to stand beside Thor just before he goes wailing up to the highest notes.

 _o/~_ _Turned away from it all like a blind man_ _  
_ _Sat on a fence but it don't work_ _  
_ _Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn_ _  
_ _Why, why, why?_ _  
Love, love, love, love, love  
Insanity laughs under pressure we're _ _crac_ _king  
_ _Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
Why can't we give love that one more chance?  
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love  
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love? _ _o/~_

Their sound fills the space in the bar as Thor sings _give love_ again and again, turning to lean his back against Loki’s back. He can’t help letting a joyous laugh bubble out as Loki starts to sing the outtro, leaning against him in return.

_o/~ Cause love's such an old fashioned word  
And love dares you to care for  
The people on the edge of the night  
And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of  
Caring about ourselves  
This is our last dance  
This is our last dance  
This is ourselves under pressure  
Under pressure  
Pressure ~/o_

Loki only finds his way back to the piano in just enough time to play the last little bits at the end of the song, but he’s grateful to be there, not facing anyone else directly, when the music finally ends. He’s breathless, heart-racing, blinking back tears. His feelings are a whirling mess, but over the top of every insecurity rides the feeling of how _powerful_ they sound together. He’s not the only one affected by it, either.

Steve and Bucky are both whistling and cheering while Bruce pounds the bar top, and Thor whoops loudly into the microphone before turning it off and setting his guitar back on the wall. Even Val has given up on hiding her smile as she patiently tolerates Thor ambushing her immediately with a one-armed hug she can’t really dodge with an instrument still in her hands.

“Come on, admit it,” Thor urges her none too gently. “You had _fun_.”

Val laughs as she shrugs him off, moving to hang the bass on the wall, and then she punches Thor in the arm, hard. “You’re still a jerk.”

Thor laughs too, reaching to rub his bicep with a mocking _ouch_ mouthed at her back as she hops off the stage. “You still had fun!”

Loki’s just about managed to collect himself emotionally when Thor comes up behind him, bending down to wrap his arms around Loki in a brief hug, nuzzling into Loki’s hair for a moment. He can’t help but freeze at the sudden intimacy, somehow both comforted and unnerved by the public affection, even if it’s only Thunderstruck’s crew here.

“Thanks for indulging me tonight,” Thor murmurs into Loki’s ear, and then he lets go, straightening up as the conversation at the bar continues.

“Honestly, all you guys need is a drummer and you’d be a stellar band,” Steve can’t help but encourage them after a performance like that, but no one’s expecting the next words out of Val’s mouth.

“Bruce drums,” she points at their regular who’s somehow _still_ here long after the bar has closed for the night.

Every pair of eyes in the room rounds on the scientist, who immediately flinches under the varying degrees of surprise, mischief, incredulity, curiosity and satisfaction.

Bruce nearly chokes on the last sip of his last beer, clunking it down on the bar top before giving a frantic wave of both of his hands. “Nonono, nope, no, I don’t.” And then he flails at Val angrily. “Don’t tell them that!”

“Careful what you blab to your bartender!” Val starts laughing loudly, the most entertained she’s been all night to see the look of pure terror in Bruce’s eyes. “What are you gonna do, _sue_ me?”

Bruce groans and Thor chimes in with Val’s laughter as he and Loki join the circle at the bar, easily on her side now, even after their earlier confrontation. “You’ve been holding out on us, Banner?”

“No. No! You don’t understand. Not really. I’ve just got an electronic kit in my apartment to bang around on, y’know, to de-stress? Anger management?” He balls his hands into fists and mimes throwing a punch. “Like you guys and your boxing?”

“Oh, come on, don’t drag us into this,” Steve laughs and Bucky snickers, but it’s clear that they’re both really _really_ amused by this turn of events.

“I mean, I’ve never played on a real drum set before!” Bruce continues to protest. “I’ve never played _with_ anyone else before! It’s a bad idea. A very bad idea. Bad, bad, bad-”

“Okay, okay, I’m breaking this party up because it’s way past everyone’s bedtimes,” Steve finally waves a hand between Thor and Val and Bruce to separate them before pointing at the door. “Go home, all of you.”

The whole group shrugs into their jackets and shuffles out the door, all of them knowing full-well how cold the nights have gotten in the past week. Fist-bumps and one-armed hugs are exchanged as Steve locks up for the night, and then he and Bucky head off in one direction with a wave while Val and Bruce, still muttering digs at each other under their breath, traipse off in the other.

Thor and Loki are finally left standing alone on the sidewalk, halfway between the door to Thunderstruck and the door and stairs that lead up to Thor’s place.

Reaching out to take Loki’s hand, Thor intertwines their fingers, asking softly, “...can you stay the night?” He's pretty certain he already knows the answer, but he wants to ask anyway.

Shaking his head gently, Loki speaks for the first time since their final song. "I… I can’t. I've got to get to work early tomorrow. Staff meetings." It's the truth, even if it's a convenient one to hide his jumbled emotions behind. He's scattered by the night’s events, lost in his own thoughts about what these revelations could mean for the future, enough that he doesn't quite realize that Thor’s eyes are worried behind his smile.

Loki’s quiet distance hasn’t gone unnoticed. Even if Thor can’t quite read the feelings hidden in those guarded eyes, he can tell something’s a little off, and hopes that all of the quick banter of his friends hasn’t made Loki feel left out in any way. "You're always welcome here," he murmurs, leaning in to catch Loki’s lips in a sweet and lingering kiss.

Loki kisses Thor back, trying to ignore the warmth that ignites in his chest and begs him to reconsider, and he squeezes Thor’s hand once before slipping away. “See you on Friday.” And then he forces himself to turn and walk down the street without looking back, because he knows if he does, Thor will still be standing there watching him with the same exasperatingly fond expression. And he might very well give in.

Too rattled to want any music on the way home, Loki is content to close his eyes and be lulled by the rhythmic clanking of the subway’s movement as his mind drifts, sorting out his thoughts and feelings.

He’s completely torn.

On the one hand, the idea of having his own band to jam with on the regular, a band comprised of people he generally doesn’t hate, in a place he enjoys spending time, is overwhelming with possibility. There’s truly little he enjoys more than making music, and the bonus of seeing Thor so happy after everything he now knows about his lover’s broken past? He deserves that chance and that joy, and Loki wants to be the one to give it to him.

But on the other hand… maybe he likes being the _only_ one to give it to him.

Darker feelings swirl underneath the surface, a little voice reminding him that Thor was once a very famous star… that clearly, his charisma and his talent have in no way diminished despite being out of the limelight. That he could very well recover his confidence, come into his own, and decide he doesn’t need Loki around trying to steal his spotlight when he makes his tremendous God of Thunder comeback.

Or maybe Thor will also decide to try writing music again and maybe he’ll want Loki to write it with him. Would he say yes to that demand? Or would he say no, in fear of Thor catching on to the truth? But Loki can’t even decide for himself what Thor’s reaction to the truth would even be – would he shun Loki for lying to him? For ruining his life? For being… _better_ than him? Or would he forgive the transgression? Find it more compelling to hear Loki compose again? Want to collaborate together?

Startled out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing as they hit a moment of reception, Loki pulls it out of his pocket, already knowing it’s going to be Thor.

_{ I wish you could have stayed. }_

Loki stares at the screen for the entire few minutes of crossing the bridge, but doesn’t manage to make up his mind about what to say in response before the signal cuts out in the underground again.

There’s already another message by the time he exits the subway in Manhattan to trek the last few blocks to his apartment.

_{ I can’t stop thinking about you. }_

And another by the time he gets in the front door and kicks his boots off.

_{ how good it feels to be with you. Making music. And …making …music. }_

Loki flushes as he reads it, then pockets his phone and bends down to pick up his poor, neglected furball, waiting for him at the door with a howl of worried complaint. “Thanks for waiting up, Fen,” he snuggles his face into the fluff of his cat’s chest and carries him into the bedroom, setting him down on the bed.

Another message comes as he’s pulling off the last of his clothes and Loki glances at the phone where he’s left it on his nightstand.

_{ are you home yet? can I call you? }_

“Call me…?” he murmurs to himself as he pulls on a pair of soft, knit pajama pants and tosses himself down onto his bed. Thor might text him a hundred times a day, but it’s really the middle of the night at this point and he’s never asked to call Loki before… which immediately threatens to send Loki into another tail spin of paranoid worry. He does finally answer this time, clutching the phone to his chest and willing his pulse to slow once he’s hit send.

_{ ...if you want to }_

The call comes almost immediately and when Loki picks up, he can tell Thor is smiling as he talks. "Hey."

Loki feels a little relieved at the easy tone and immediately turns the phone to speaker mode, setting it down on the nightstand again. "Hey...?" he says softly, laying back on the bed and folding his arms under his head.

"Sorry," Thor starts, and then pauses for a moment, considering what to say. "Knew you had to go home tonight but I... wanted to hear your voice again."

Loki can't deny that the sentiment makes him feel warm, eases the knots he'd tied himself into on the ride home... has to admit that having Thor's attention and hearing Thor's voice makes him feel _better_. "...I'm sorry I couldn't stay."

"Mm, me too." Thor chuckles, low and soft. "Singing all that with you made me want... all sorts of things."

Even through the phone, that chuckle vibrates into Loki's skin and makes him shiver, and he finds himself wondering where Thor is right now, if he's also sprawled out in bed. "...what kinds of things?" he can't help goading softly.

"Wanted to carry you upstairs again, kiss you until neither of us could breathe." Thor is obviously enjoying weaving this little fantasy. "Get you out of those cute, tight jeans."

Loki laughs, soft and breathy, thinking of the way they'd kissed last time, Thor pinning him to doors, hastily pulling off clothes until they'd finally undressed each other completely. "I'm already out of them for the night..." he finally answers teasingly.

Thor takes a moment to answer, and when he does it's a little louder than before, like he's brought the phone closer. "Have I told you yet how amazing your ass is, in, and especially out, of those jeans?"

Loki laughs again and flushes, glad that Thor can't actually _see_ the pleased and embarrassed reaction to his flirting. "Mm, no, I don't believe you have... but I can't say that I mind... you telling me that... or... you undressing me."

"Hope you don't mind that I jack off thinking about it."

Loki's breath catches in surprise at the words as heat coils low in his gut, and he closes his eyes, the easier to picture Thor's thick, beautiful cock in his fist as he wonders out loud, "...is that what you're doing right now, Thor?"

"Yessss," Thor breathes out slowly, unashamed at being called out. "You could, too. Touch yourself.” There’s a brief pauses, but then Thor continues his fantasy. “Think about me fingering you open, nice and slow."

Loki swallows hard, lifting one hand from behind his head, letting his fingers trail feather-light down his bare chest as he listens to Thor's faint sounds through the phone. He supposes this is exactly what he deserves after teasing Thor in words last weekend, after leaving them both wanting tonight. His mind can't help but do exactly as Thor requests, feeling himself quickly growing hard at the mental image. "Is that what you want...?" he murmurs in answer, leaving it vague as to which part of Thor's words he's referring to.

"Touch yourself." It's more of a command than a suggestion this time. "I want to hear you." Thor’s breath is heavy as he continues, his thoughts slipping out in needy and honest little bursts. "Want to touch you… want to fuck you, too. ...feel you tight around me."

Loki's hand slides underneath the waistband of his pants, fingers curling slowly around his cock as he pulls it out, thumb teasing the leaking tip as he lets out a soft little noise at how painfully hard Thor's suggestions are making him. It's the first time Thor's outright stated this desire and Loki's back arches off the bed as he pushes up into his hand, fixed on the thought of Thor taking him. "Tell me..." The words sound like a sigh as he drops a little oil into his hand. "Tell me what you're doing right now… I want to hear you too."

Thor sounds amused and his answer is completely literal. "Already told you... I'm jacking off." The phone picks up his uneven breathing as he continues more seriously, obviously into it, words tumbling out faster, now broken up by strained little whines. "Stroking myself... nng…. all slow. Imagining... sliding into you instead. Thinking about... the noises you'd make."

"Mm, like this...?" And Loki moans softly, stroking himself a little faster, a little harder, now that it’s slick, then moving away from his cock to circle a finger around his hole, imagining the feeling of Thor thrusting into him, of trying to take all of him in. "That what you want to hear? Me moaning and writhing underneath you, begging you to give me more?"

"Fuck, Loki..." Thor groans in response. "You sound so good..." He's obviously close at this point, voice a low rumble and words squeezed between harsh breaths. "You want me.... to fuck you like that? ...tell me."

Loki can hear Thor's impending orgasm in his every ragged word, an echo of his own desire as he returns to stroking himself again, his control slipping at the way Thor groans his name. "Yes," he finally admits, choking on the word as pleasure races up and down his body with every harsh jerk of his wrist. "Yes, I... " a gasp and a shudder before he can get the words out, "... want you to fuck me."

"Nn, Loki, I--" Thor gasps and cuts himself off with a long moan.

“Thor!” Loki gasps in answer, spilling hot over his hand, eyes squeezing closed as he listens to the delicious sound of Thor coming.

Thor's breaths over the line are interrupted by a short bit of rustling, and when he returns a moment later he's much calmer, sleepy fondness in his voice. "Loki... thanks for indulging me."

Loki reaches to grab a fistful of tissues from the box, cleaning up quickly before he lifts the phone off the nightstand. His heartbeat has finally begun to slow a little and he takes the phone off speaker, pressing it to his ear so that he can feel closer to Thor’s drowsy voice. “...my pleasure.”

Thor’s voice is a soft little hum over the line. “See you Friday.”

“Yes, Friday...” Loki’s eyelids have grown heavy in the aftermath and he lets them slip closed again, imagining Thor’s breath tickling his neck at his last words.

“Sweet dreams, Loki.”

“...sweet dreams, lover.”

Thor wonders for a moment if he’s imagining that last whispered word, but the line goes dead before he dares to ask Loki to repeat it. Instead, he kisses the screen of his phone as it goes dark with a sleepy and satisfied smile. “Goodnight, lover.”


	11. Sunshine Of Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

It’s foolish to be worried, really.

Absolutely ridiculous to even second-guess.

Thor repeats these sentiments like a mantra as he sits on the stage inside Thunderstruck, carefully setting up the pieces of the drum set he’s dug out of the basement storage underneath the building. He is, of course, hoping they might still convince Bruce to play something with them, but mostly it’s an excuse to give himself something, anything, to do besides watch the clock.

So what if he hasn’t heard from Loki in almost two days?

It’s his own fault, really – he hasn’t sent a single message that warrants an actual reply, after all. He hasn’t given Loki anything to answer and Loki hasn’t reached out on his own. Sure, he’s sent pics of the sky and silly cat videos, gotten little paw print and sunshine emojis back in return… but no actual words from either of them.

He hasn’t known what to say.

Because, of course, as perfect as the moment felt at 3 AM in a post-concert rush, the light of day and time to reflect on his actions has Thor worrying that it’s the karaoke bar all over again. That maybe he’s pushed things too far, too fast… maybe he’s sent Loki running again. Maybe he won’t show up tonight at all.

But it’s foolish to be worried, really.

Absolutely ridiculous to even second-guess.

Loki hasn’t given him any indication that anything is wrong. But… he’s never been this late before, late enough that Thor is starting to wonder if texting him to check up would seem too smothering. Of course, his set doesn’t actually start for another 15 minutes, but he’d been expecting Loki here almost 45 ago. So, really, it’s not that he’s late, it’s simply that Thor is used to him being early.

Looking up from his work, he catches Sam giving him a thumbs up from where he’s talking to Steve at the bar, which Thor returns with a grin. He finally finishes setting the last cymbal in place and moves to sit in the chair he pulled on stage to test the kit out. He’s not really a drummer, as the coordination eludes him, but he’s messed around enough times to play a very basic pop groove. It’s not enough to distract him from his thoughts.

Is Loki being late really why he’s worried? Or is it… what they said... and didn’t say... in that phone call.

Maybe. But does it really matter?

Despite his worry, deep down… Thor doesn’t really want to take back anything he said the other night. All of it was the truth and… and Loki had echoed every bit of it back to him.

So, it’s foolish to be worried.

Thor makes his way back to the bar and grabs an open seat in front of Val, requesting a beer before adding, “So… is it unusual for Banner to not be here yet?”

Val cracks open his beer and shakes her head with half a laugh and half a shrug. “It’s the first time in _weeks_ that he hasn’t been right in that very spot. If I’d known ratting him out would have this effect, I would have done it ages ago.”

Despite the joking, Thor knows Val well enough to read the undercurrent of worry through her sarcasm. “Eh, he’ll be back,” Thor shrugs, taking a sip of his beer, his eyes on Thunderstruck’s door. “Unless you really think that was enough to scare him out of this place for good?”

Val takes a moment to consider the question, both running the tap and cracking open a few more beers for some other customers before coming back to give Thor an answer. “He’s lacking in self-confidence, but I don’t think he’s a coward.”

Thor laughs at the response, takes another sip, tries to keep his toes from anxiously tapping the floor. “Then he’ll definitely be back.”

The door swings open to admit a string of customers and finally, looking like he’s lost all patience with the universe, Loki.

“My apologies, subway delay, no reception,” Loki says breathlessly, sounding like he’s run the two blocks from the station to the bar. He shrugs out of his jacket, which Val takes from him and chucks to Bucky, who tosses it to Steve, who pops into the office to add it to the rack with everyone else’s, and his bag follows the same assembly line next.

“There’s no show without you,” Thor grins at Loki, unnerved by the way he can feel his pulse pick up at the mere sight of him. He watches Loki hastily smooth his dark hair back into place with those perfectly painted black nails - the little braids and the moon and star earrings are still in place - and swallows hard. Thor can't help but think that maybe Loki is trying to avoid his gaze, but then he finally looks up. His green eyes are lined in black again, but tonight he’s added a shimmery silver on his lids that perfectly matches the glitter of the text across his t-shirt, which reads _Bowie_ in a bold font with a lightning bolt underneath. “...Stardust.”

Loki’s grateful that his face is already flushed from running in the cold because it completely covers how Thor’s words, and Thor’s _staring,_ are affecting him. He’s been buried in other work to both free up this weekend and to avoid thinking about their phone call the other night, but faced with Thor in the flesh, it's hard to forget the things he'd said, the things they’d _both_ said. But then he notices Thor’s Queen t-shirt paired with his ripped up, faded-out blue jeans and starts to laugh, at right about the same moment that Thor cracks up too.

Val looks back and forth between them as if they’ve both suddenly gone completely insane, but then they turn to face her and she puts the pieces together. “NO!” she glares back and forth between them and their damned matching shirts.

“We didn’t plan this, I swear,” Thor chokes out, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes with his knuckles before dissolving into laughter again.

“Really, we didn’t,” Loki manages to get ahold of himself a little faster than Thor does, shaking his head in disbelief. Thankfully, it’s broken the tension between him and Thor, which is good because they have a show to play before there’s any chance of making good on the things they’d said the other night.

“Liars. Both of you,” Val fumes, but it’s mostly playful as she points at the empty stage. “Both of you, go, go on, to the stage, be gone with you.”

“Come on, Val, it’s too funny,” Thor protests. “We’re both obviously still thinking about the other night! Are you not? You really won’t come play a song with us?”

“You already know how _fabulous_ we sound together,” Loki adds with a shrug, settling both hands on his hips as if to say it’s only _her_ loss if she turns them down.

Val makes a noise of protest as she looks at the ceiling. “I. Have a _job_ to do?”

Val’s doom is spelled out once Sam gets involved, though, appearing at Thor’s side armed with an earful of gossip from their friends regarding what he’d missed the other night. “Come on, Val, it’s not _that_ busy yet. I’ll cover for you!”

Thor offers Sam a fist bump of solidarity as Val groans, already realizing that her protests are futile. Still, she’s absolutely going to force them all to _work_ for it before she gives in. “And if it gets too busy?”

“Let them worry about it. You’re still getting paid either way,” Thor’s grin grows as he knows he’s close to winning.

“I heard from Steve and Bucky how great you three sounded the other night and it’s a damn shame I missed it,” Sam continues as he returns Thor’s fist bump with no qualms about laying on the pressure. “Really gonna let me be the only one left out of the party?”

“If you think I’m doing this on the regular,” Val glances from Loki to Sam and then narrows her eyes at Thor. “Then I’m expecting a raise. A significant one.”

Thor roars with laughter and reaches over the bar to playfully punch her shoulder. “Now _that_ sounds like the Val I know. And yes, of course, if that’s what it takes to get you up there!”

“Respect.” Loki nods at her with an expression that’s both amused and impressed. Somehow, the whole exchange has made him feel less threatened after the shock of the other night, and he’s honestly looking forward to the three of them on stage together again. “Under Pressure first up, then?”

Sam might have insisted to them that it wasn’t that busy yet, but most of the tables seem to be already filled as Thor and Loki make their way to the stage. Thor pulls down his thunderbolt guitar and slings it on as Loki sits at the piano, addressing the crowd through the mic.

“Good evening, Thunderstruck!” he pauses for the applause and cheers, a little surprised by the immediately enthusiastic response. “And thanks for the warm welcome. We’ve got a real treat for you tonight, but I think I’ll let Thor tell you more about it.”

“Hey, guys,” Thor grins as the bar yells back at him. “I know it took some convincing to get me up here in the first place, but now I need you to cheer louder than you _ever_ have before… because tonight, we need to convince our one and only Val to play bass with us!”

Val waves off the dramatic introduction as she weaves her way between the tables and hops up on stage to join them, not really expecting anyone to care. This turns out to be completely false. Everyone in the room knows her, after all, has been enjoying her drinks and her conversation for weeks or months, and they are absolutely stoked by the surprise.

The second she starts to play the iconic bass line for Under Pressure, the entire bar goes absolutely wild. Thor can’t help but notice the large group of women who have pulled two tables together up front as they whisper and point at both Thor and Loki’s matching shirts, but Loki’s piano chimes draw him in and once he starts to sing, all else is forgotten.

When they sang this song the first time, it was purely for them, and it still is, but both Loki and Thor love performing too much to not absorb the energy of the crowd and funnel it into their performance. Thor’s guitar playing is showier tonight, easy proof that he’s spent a lot more time with an instrument in his hand in the last week, and Loki’s absolutely turned on by both that knowledge and Thor’s confidence. Just as he did the other night, Loki plucks his mic out of the stand once they reach the bridge, sauntering across the little stage to stand right by Thor’s side as he wails out the high note on _Why?_ Their eyes meet as Loki answers it with the word _Love,_ feeling as if his heart might actually beat right out of his chest.

_o/~_ _Why, why, why?_ _  
Love, love, love, love, love  
Insanity laughs under pressure we're _ _cracking  
_ _Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
Why can't we give love that one more chance?  
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love  
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love? _ _o/~_

By the time they reach _Give Love_ , the crowd in the bar has given in to singing along and the entire room finishes out the last of the song together before erupting into cheers and whistles and applause too loud for them to even be heard over the mics for a few minutes.

Loki lets his mic fall to his side and leans closer to Thor to ask him, now that he’s noticed the new addition. “Drum set?”

“Was hoping we’d get Banner up here too,” Thor admits with a shrug as he waves at the crowd, waiting for everyone to settle again. Loki's eyes are shining as bright as his glitter in the aftermath of the song and Thor is having trouble pretending that he's not already wishing he could whisk Loki away upstairs.

“And?” The question is a little absent as Loki finds himself admiring Thor's profile as he interacts with the audience. He seems to glow with warmth, his hair even more golden under the stage lighting, the snug cut of his t-shirt sleeves hugging the shape of his biceps every time he shifts his guitar.

“Total no-show,” Val answers from behind them, drawing them both out of their daze.

Loki snickers and shakes his head as he pulls himself back to reality. “Well, I can play a tiny bit, but...”

“Really?” Thor grins in surprise, because he hadn’t thought to ask if Loki could. And of course he can, because he seems to play a little of everything, even if his preference for the piano is obvious.

Loki smiles as his heart skips a beat at Thor's obvious enthusiasm. "Nothing _fancy_ , mind you, but..." He waggles his fingers at Thor, smirking. "Magic fingers can do many things."

Val snorts and shoulders her way between them. "Enough flirting on stage, you two. The audience awaits." Before either of them can say anything, she cuts them off by continuing. " _And_ , since you seem so convinced I should be up here..."

The audience has calmed down just enough to start shouting requests at them, but after another quick moment of discussion between the three, Thor finally gets back on the mic. "Our intrepid bassist has requested just one little song that I'm sure you'll all love." Most of the bar cheers, though the girls up front seem disappointed, so Thor continues in an attempt to appease them. "After that, we'll start taking your requests, we promise." He sends a little wink their way and the tables erupt into screaming again. Thor just laughs, but behind him, Loki and Val share a flat look, bonding instantly over their mutual displeasure.

Thor moves to the wall to exchange his electric for an acoustic as Loki swaps one of the mics to the drums and settles himself behind them. He’s only got Val’s back from this angle, but he can easily see Thor’s profile and passes a thumbs up once he’s ready. There’s no intro for this song and no one is expecting Val to step up to Thor’s mic and start to sing.

_o/~ Made a wrong turn, once or twice  
Dug my way out, blood and fire  
Bad decisions, that's alright  
Welcome to my silly life ~/o_

The crowd in the bar is stunned into near-silence, but nothing is more entertaining to both Val and Thor than the astonished expressions on the faces of their friends at the bar. Bucky’s eyebrows have disappeared into his hair, Sam’s face looks like his grin might split it in half and Steve just keeps shaking his head in delighted disbelief.

_o/~ Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
Miss "No way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down  
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated  
Look, I'm still around ~/o_

Loki layers the harmonies on top of Val’s lead as they reach the chorus, but he’s not used to playing drums and singing at the same time and the way Thor keeps sneaking flirty glances back at him is incredibly distracting.

_o/~ Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel  
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me! ~/o_

Val seems perfectly comfortable as she continues to sing the second verse, pointing out into the audience as she delivers the same lecture she gives across the bar every night of the week, but teasingly directs the very last line right at Thor.

_o/~ You're so mean, when you talk about yourself – you are wrong  
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead  
So complicated, look how big, you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game  
It's enough! I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same ~/o_

Thor doesn’t have a mic but he’s totally singing along anyway, catching eyes with Loki, and they’re absolutely singing it to each other as much as to the audience by the time they reach the next chorus.

Val drops her bass, gripping the mic with both hands as she sings the bridge, her words taking on an edge, matched with the perfect amount of frustrated sass on the last few lines.

_o/~ The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer  
So cool in lying and we try, try, try  
But we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time  
Done looking for the critics 'cause they’re everywhere  
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair  
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that, why do I do that?  
Why do I do that? ~/o_

Her voice slides up into the yeahs at the end and she belts out the descant as the whole bar sings the very last chorus with them. As the songs ends, Val yells into the mic over the cheering, “It’s a lot of fun to sing _fuck_ , isn’t it?” Everyone roars in response and it takes a good few minutes for the place to settle down enough for them to actually start taking requests.

They don’t play everything that people yell out, but grab whichever request strikes the fancy of someone in the group, swapping around who’s singing and who’s playing what to their own entertainment. The crowd at Thunderstruck seems perfectly content to go along for the wild ride, and in the end, Val stays up there with them for the entirety of the set.

Neither Thor or Loki want to admit that they’ve spent the night watching the clock, both equally torn between how much fun they’re having on stage tonight versus how badly they want to be alone. After about two hours, Thor catches Loki’s eyes as they’re swapping out guitars and mouths to him _midnight_ , to which Loki gives a subtle nod and just shortly before, he announces last song into the mic. He’s been generally fond of picking the last song each night of his set, but even though he’s been thinking about it all night, he’s too rattled by what waits ahead to have settled on anything.

The two tables of fans up front immediately start yelling at Thor, but off to the side, at a distinctly separate table, the two women who’d introduced themselves after last week’s show are waving their hands, specifically beckoning to Loki. He goes down on one knee to hear them above the racket before speaking into his mic. “Our good friends...”

Loki tips the mic towards them and they grin before taking turns speaking into it.

“Darcy.”

“Jane.”

“...have a request for us,” Loki’s enjoying how much he’s annoying those other two tables, but not nearly as much as he’s enjoying glancing back to see how Thor can’t take his eyes off Loki’s ass while he’s bent over in this position.

“I wanna hear you guys _crush_ Sunshine of Your Love,” Darcy enthuses, offering an air fist-bump in the direction of Thor and Val.

Thor air-bumps back as Val points a finger right at Darcy and her friend with an appreciative grin. “ _Yes_. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask for that bass line _all_ night.”

Loki straightens up and brushes past Thor, leaning in as Thor leans down, telling him softly, “Take lead, I’ll drum, grab harmonies. Then, we’re out of here.”

Grinning, Thor breathes back just as softly, “Sounds like a plan.”

Val and Thor start to play and Loki eases into the drum groove, and unlike last time, Thor’s too busy carrying the lead vocal and the lead guitar to have any time to steal glances, much the less notice Loki watching his performance.

_o/~ It's getting near dawn,  
When lights close their tired eyes  
I'll soon be with you my love,  
To give you my dull surprise  
I'll be with you darling soon,  
I'll be with you when the stars start falling ~/o_

There’s only a tiny bit of harmony to add in, but when Thor feels Loki’s voice slide in on top of his, a little shiver runs down his back.

_o/~ I've been waiting so long  
To be where I'm going  
In the sunshine of your love ~/o_

It’s impossible to avoid having the audience sing along, especially when it’s the last song of the night, but it doesn’t matter. Even with a hundred other voices, even sitting behind him on stage, even over the noise of the drums, Loki can still pick out Thor’s voice as if he’s the only one singing.

_o/~ I'm with you my love,  
The light's shining through on you  
Yes, I'm with you my love,  
It's the morning and just we two  
I'll stay with you darling now,  
I'll stay with you till my seas are dried up  
I've been waiting so long  
To be where I'm going  
In the sunshine of your love ~/o_

Thor reaches the guitar solo and turns purposefully, directing it to the two women who’d requested the song, but also giving Loki his profile and a perfect view of his hands. He wants to watch Loki’s expression as he plays his heart out and he isn’t disappointed by the smolder he receives in return.

By the time they reach the final outro of the song, the tension between them has leaked into both of their voices and they rattle through the final chord as the room roars its approval.

_o/~ I've been waiting so long  
I've been waiting so long  
I've been waiting so long  
To be where I'm going  
In the sunshine of your love ~/o_

The audience would gladly demand more of them, but Thor waves them off with a laugh, reaching out a hand to take Val’s bass from her once the mics are off. “Do me a favor?”

“Another?!” she protests, but it’s good-natured and grinning as she hands over the instrument.

“I know your martinis are Loki’s favorite.”

“Back to work already?” Val laughs and nods towards Loki as he gets up from the drum set and stretches both his hands out backwards above his head. “Anyway, that’s a favor for Loki, then, and one he deserves.”

“Is it my fault if I have good taste?” Loki chuckles and, to the surprise of both of Thor and Val, his arm comes down to land around Val’s shoulders. “Though it feels the favor ought to be yours after such superb playing,” he admits. “Thor speaks the truth about your skill.”

Val rolls her eyes, but her cheeks flush a touch, and instead of shrugging Loki off, she slides an arm around his waist. “Let me make us all drinks, and then you can _both_ flatter me some more.”

Thor laughs at the two of them as they hop off-stage, beaming as he turns to hang the instruments back on the wall.

The crowd parts easily to let them through, but Val refuses to stop for longer than a fist bump, eager to return to safety back behind the bar again, and one of the patrons gladly gives up a seat to Loki once they reach it. All pretenses of aloofness gone, all three of the boys behind the bar descend on Val before she has a chance to make any drinks at all, congratulating her and thanking Loki in equal measures for getting her and Thor up on stage in the first place.

The party doesn’t last long, though, because it’s the most crowded they’ve ever seen the bar outside of New Year’s Eve and everyone wants at least one more drink to end the night. Once Loki finally has his martini in hand, he turns around on his stool to wonder where Thor is and suddenly realizes he’s still up by the stage, completely surrounded by the group of fans who’d been screaming his name all night.

Even from here, Loki can see that at least two of them are waving around old _Thor and the Warriors 3_ posters, and having that image juxtaposed with the real thing is jarring. The only thing that even looks the same is the bright, tight smile Thor is wearing both now and in the poster, completely contradictory to the warm and open expressions Loki is used to seeing on his face. One of the women reaches out to touch Thor’s arm as he signs a poster and an unsettling streak of jealousy makes Loki’s hands go ice cold, but he stuffs it down and grits his teeth. Before he can decide whether to intervene, Thor finishes signing autographs, waves off taking a photo with any of them, and pushes gently through the circle to head in Loki’s direction.

Loki whirls around on his stool to face the bar again and catches Val’s eyes, the two of them sharing the same uneasy expression. Thor is all warm smiles again by the time he reaches them, both of his hands coming down on Loki’s shoulders as he tells them, “Both of you were amazing tonight. I had the _best_ time. Come on, Val, you have to admit it was fun.”

Val sighs and smiles, finally willing to concede just a little bit. “It’s good to play again.”

Thor waits a moment until another customer grabs Val’s attention and then he squeezes Loki’s shoulders, feeling the tension across his lover’s back.

“Finished pandering?” Loki mutters, forcing Thor to lean down to hear him.

“You know full well I don’t love it,” Thor hisses in Loki’s ear, fingers digging in a little harder. “But I can’t be mean to them. They’re just fans, they mean well...”

Loki huffs softly, just enough for Thor to feel it in his shrug. He’s not really jealous of some dumb fangirls, but more the future worries that they represent, and that’s not something he can really explain, especially here and now. He doesn’t want to, either. He _wants_ Thor to take him upstairs and-

“The only one I have eyes for...” Thor murmurs against his ear, breath tickling Loki’s skin. “...is _you_.”

“Prove it,” Loki murmurs back, but he’s slowly relaxing under Thor’s touch, and even if the words are a challenge, they aren’t angry.

Thor uses his grip on Loki’s shoulders to turn him on the stool, hands sliding down Loki’s arms until he grabs hold of a wrist, tugging him up and off the stool. “I plan to,” Thor answers him once Loki’s standing, a smile on his face, but molten steel in his eyes as he slides an arm around Loki’s shoulders and starts to steer them out of the bar.

“My jacket-” Loki protests, but doesn’t actually resist.

“It’s ten steps to my door.”

“My bag?”

“I have keys. We can grab it later.”

Outside Thunderstruck, Thor tightens his grip as he feels Loki’s hand slide into his back pocket and squeeze his ass.

It’s a monumental effort to keep from pinning Loki right to the brick wall, but Thor manages to resist until they’re just inside the door leading up to his apartment. He then crushes Loki against the wall at the foot of the stairs and crashes their mouths together, a brief and heated kiss that’s just enough to take the edge off before they break away and Thor tugs Loki up the stairs by one hand.

The door closes behind them.

They’re finally alone.

Loki jams both his hands in his pockets to hide how they’re shaking.

“Should I… put some music on?” Thor asks him, kicking off his sneakers and giving Loki the easy excuse to do the same.

“Gods. Yes. Please,” Loki nods, grateful for something to break the silence, something to listen to besides his own racing heart and spinning mind.

Thor smiles and says, “Starki, play me the playlist _Love and Thunder_.”

Loki somehow manages to swoon and cringe simultaneously at the name, snickering softly, eyes askance, focused on a point somewhere to the left of Thor’s shoulder when he finally intones softly, “...did you really mean what you said the other night.”

“Yes,” Thor responds immediately, but there’s a beat of hesitation before he follows it with, “Did you really mean what you said that night?”

Loki’s eyes flicker up to meet Thor’s, then dart away again. “Yes. I...”

Thor steps forward to close the space between them, taking Loki’s face between his hands, drawing him in until they’re pressed forehead to forehead, quiet for a few breaths before beginning to speak again. “I don’t want to push you into anything unless it’s what you want too. But… I want _more_ and I think you do too.”

Loki feels defenseless against Thor’s quiet and insistent honesty. “...that’s true.”

“Then… I’m going to do what I want to unless you tell me to stop.” Thor slides his hands down Loki's chest, toying with the hem of his shirt. "Okay?"

Loki slowly withdraws his hands from his pockets, letting them move to settle on Thor's hips instead, already eased by the confirmation that both of them want this. "Okay."

Thor kisses him once before steering them towards the bedroom, discarding his own shirt first before sliding his hands under Loki's and dragging that off as well. He can't keep his hands from exploring every inch of Loki's bare skin and he only barely manages to keep them from being distracted against a convenient wall or door before they actually make it to his room. He's eager and excited, but doesn't want to push anything too quickly. They've got the rest of the night ahead of them to enjoy together and he wraps his arms around Loki, finally pulling him into a deeper kiss.

Loki’s hands spread across Thor’s broad back in answer, enjoying the warmth under his fingertips as much as the heat in their kiss, and anticipation thrums in the back of his mind like a drum beat as he slides his tongue along Thor’s. He wants to follow, wants to lead, feels hesitant and impatient in the same breath, feels like he could shoot off into the sky like a firework if Thor’s grip on him wasn’t keeping him grounded in the moment and burning up with every touch.

Thor doesn't break their kiss until he's maneuvered Loki over to the bed, backing him up until his legs just bump into the mattress. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," he admits as he slides his hands down Loki's back, one hand squeezing his ass teasingly as the other moves to work at his fly.

"Nor I you..." Loki admits softly in answer, following Thor's lead, nimble fingers flipping open the button on Thor's jeans as their eyes meet. "I close my eyes and hear you telling me the things you want to do to me, again and again like a skipping record."

"Oh?" Thor's eyes are sparkling as he loosens Loki's jeans enough to get a hand down the back of them. "Tell me your favorite part."

Loki flushes as he reaches out to palm Thor roughly through his pants in a teasing manner, dodging the question, not quite willing to say the words out loud, face to face, just yet. "And if I merely said 'all of it'?"

Thor laughs, slipping out of Loki's grip so he can slide Loki's pants entirely off before nudging him onto the bed. "Not a bad answer, but I don't think it's true." He takes the moment to discard his own pants before climbing on top of Loki, following him as he scoots back, leaving teasing kisses up the inside of his thigh, the line of his hips, the side of his ribs.

Loki buries his hands in Thor's hair as he moves, laughing in breathless delight at how the teasing kisses turn him on, sending goosebumps rippling up and down his arms and legs. "If you think I'm lying, then I suppose you'll simply have to wring the truth from me," he challenges Thor, tugging on his hair, wanting a little desperately to feel all of Thor's body naked against his own.

Thor hums, kissing all the way up Loki's neck to murmur into his ear. "I suppose I will." He nips at Loki's earlobe but shifts up and off of him again, reaching up under one of the pillows to grab a tube and put it within easy reach. Only once he feels like everything is in place does he let Loki tug him back down again, finally slotting their bodies and lips together.

Loki can tell exactly what Thor is doing and his heart flips over in his chest with the hint and the knowledge of what's to come, but then Thor's body is finally melting against his, demanding that he think a little less. Giving in to that feeling, Loki kisses him back hard, winding his arms around Thor, dragging his nails down Thor's back in a demand for more, though more of what exactly, he doesn't even know.

Thor groans into the kiss, grinding down against Loki before nipping at his lip and pulling away. "Patience," he gasps, a reminder to himself as much as to Loki.

"...don't have any," Loki insists sharply, following Thor as he pulls away, nipping at his collarbone as he rolls his hips up into Thor's, shuddering at how good the friction between them feels.

Loki’s contrary response sends a bolt of heat down Thor's spine and he shoves Loki back down against the bed, breathing heavily. "Alright, fine," he says, holding Loki down with one hand while he retrieves the tube with the other, popping it open. "Let’s up the tempo, then."

Thor's hand against Loki's chest keeps him pinned in place, but the rough handling only incites Loki further, his voice low and his eyes dark as he wraps one hand around Thor's wrist, nails digging purposefully into his flesh as he insists. "I'm _not_ fragile."

The intensity in Loki's eyes sears into Thor and absolutely ignites his need. He finds he really doesn’t have the patience for dragging it out any further when it’s obvious how badly they both want to do this, and he lets go of Loki for only a necessary moment. One hand then returns to Loki’s hip, holding him down, and their eyes lock as Thor begins slowly easing one slick finger inside him.

Loki lets out a shivery exhale at the welcome intrusion, his eyes never leaving Thor’s as he rolls his hips against Thor’s hand, pushing his finger deeper inside. He knows it’s only a fraction of what it will feel like to have Thor’s cock actually in him and the mere thought of how that’s likely going to _wreck_ him drags a soft, little moan out of Loki.

"You can't _wait_ to have me inside you," Thor realizes in a low rumble, not a question so much as a statement. It's a thrilling thought and he has to break their eye contact, taking a deep breath to keep himself calm enough to continue. A second finger joins the first and he presses them deeper, trying not to think about how good Loki is going to feel around him, lest he give in and take him too soon.

"Truth..." Loki sighs as he utters the word, his eyes fluttering closed as Thor finally breaks their gaze, back arching, feeling himself stretch around two of Thor's fingers as they start to thrust in and out of him, careful but quick. Need and nerves on fire combine to pull a further admission from him. "S'my favorite part..." he chokes out, once Thor is buried knuckle deep in him. "Thinking about... taking your cock."

"You could get off on just the thought of it," Thor muses, pretending that he's not similarly affected by the idea, made better and worse by Loki already writhing beneath him. " _Don't_ ," he demands, suddenly pausing all of his movements for a moment, forcing Loki to open his eyes and whine before he continues with a third finger.

Loki follows the whine with a gasp at how wide he’s being stretched by Thor’s fingers thrusting into him. It’s too much and yet absolutely not enough, because it’s not what he craves most. “I won’t,” he gives a delirious little laugh in response to Thor’s demand, trailing the hand that isn’t death-gripping Thor’s wrist down to finally tease at his own painfully hard cock. “Not until I have _all_ of you...”

Thor finally removes his hand from Loki’s hip, jerking his wrist free of Loki's grasp to to grab at Loki’s hand instead, stopping him from touching himself. “No.” He catches Loki's eyes again, voice low and commanding as he pins that wandering hand beside Loki’s head momentarily. "You'll come from me alone, Loki.”

“Then _do_ it already,” Loki snaps back at him, wild-eyed and a little desperate, reaching up with the hand that isn’t pinned to to curl his fingers around the back of Thor’s neck, drawing him closer, purposefully pulling him off-balance.

Withdrawing his fingers and letting go of Loki’s hand, Thor sits back on his knees and runs one hand over his cock to slick it as he takes in the sight of Loki spread out underneath him, hard and trembling and looking for all the world like he might actually strangle Thor if he doesn’t get on with it already. Thor's own patience has worn thin so he wastes no more time, grabbing Loki roughly by the hips and hauling him into position.

Loki can’t help the strangled noise that escapes him as the head of Thor’s cock finally pushes slowly into him, and even with all the prep, it burns as if he’s being split apart, leaving him gasping with the mingled pain and pleasure of Thor’s size.

Thor feels like he's being consumed by Loki's heat and it's positively divine, but he can tell quickly that he's still beyond what Loki can take easily, at least this first time. He forces himself to pause, reaching down to brush a stray lock of dark hair out of Loki's face, thumb brushing over his cheek fondly.

Turning his face into Thor’s hand, Loki brushes his lips across Thor’s thumb in a grateful gesture, giving himself a few pounding heartbeats to adjust. Curling both fists into the bedsheets, he then turns glassy eyes on Thor again, thrusting his hips upward and forcing Thor’s cock further inside him with one choked out word. “ _More!_ ”

Thor gasps as Loki takes him by surprise, his hips jerking forward in response, thrusting him even deeper inside Loki. He relishes the sound Loki makes and pulls out just a little, thrusting in again until he's finally fully seated inside. Loki is perfectly tight around him from root to tip and Thor wonders deliriously if it's Loki's heartbeat or his own that he can feel pulsing through his cock, the rhythm driving him inexplicably closer to an already far-too-close finale.

Loki shudders underneath Thor with ragged, uneven breaths, his vision blurring as he blinks back tears. Thor feels hot and huge buried this deep inside him, overwhelming Loki physically and emotionally as he stutters brokenly. “Thor! Y-yesss!”

Thor's unable to hold back any longer, drawing out enough so he can fuck back into Loki, thrusts hard and sharp as he finds a rhythm. He abandons his view of Loki’s expression and leans down over him instead, mouthing kisses into his shoulder as he snaps their hips together.

Letting go of the sheets, Loki wraps himself around Thor, one hand spreading across a shoulder, the other fisting in Thor’s hair, clutching at him as he meets every thrust with a roll of his own hips. Thor finds the perfect angle and Loki’s vision suddenly explodes into stars, his moan tipping up into a falsetto before choking off completely in a gasp of pleasure.

Thor loses himself in the feel of Loki clenching around him, nails digging into his back, voice hot in his ear. It becomes altogether too much when he feels Loki suddenly spill against him and Thor floods with heat and pleasure, hand tight on Loki's hip as he buries himself deep, moaning Loki's name against his shoulder. “Loki!”

Loki clings to Thor like he’s an anchor in a storm as they ride out the aftershocks together, each little shudder of Thor’s body sending shivery echoes of bliss across Loki’s every nerve. No one and nothing has ever made him feel like this, painfully desired and utterly spent, so completely shattered and yet made whole, and that thought elates him as much as it fucking terrifies him. It’s nothing he’s willing to spend time worrying about right now, though, letting his mind spin out into a peaceful blank as his heartbeat calms, and he holds onto Thor with all his remaining strength, not quite willing to let the moment pass yet...

Thor lets himself drift in a euphoric haze for a while, but as soon as he regains a bit of sense, he gently shifts and rolls them halfway over, pulling Loki against his shoulder. Loki is positively adorable, boneless and already murmuring half-asleep nothings into Thor’s skin, so once Thor thinks he can make all his joints work again, he gently slips out of the bed. One damp towel and a quick bit of clean-up later (that he's sure they'll both be thankful for in the morning), he slides back in beside his lover, gathering his sleeping form up in his arms again.

Pressing a kiss into Loki’s hair, Thor finally allows himself a moment to be just be completely overwhelmed by his emotions. There’s a happiness and a peace he feels being wrapped up together, an intimacy he’s not ready to put a name to… yet. It’s enough to imagine they can simply stay like this forever and warm thoughts finally carry him off to join Loki in sleep.


	12. Fly Me To The Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

A date?

...really?

An honest-to-gods date that isn’t them performing at the bar or hanging around Thor’s apartment ordering take-out and seeing how many times they can get each other off between shows?

Loki wants to be excited, but he can’t help being paranoid at the change in routine, and thusly, skeptical.

Because dinner? At an address on the upper west side?

It’s completely out of the ordinary, even if Thor claims it’s just to celebrate the end of his semester. That it’s just because they deserve a proper date. That it’s especially because he _misses_ Loki, which is quite fair considering that aside from their weekends, Loki hasn’t been able to come by the bar at all in the last few weeks. He’s been far too busy with the end of the semester, another unfortunately timed large project for Laufey, and various things that have piled up in the wake of so much of his free time no longer being free.

Not that he’s complaining.

On the contrary, he’s really and truly looking forward to seeing Thor tonight. He’s always looking forward to seeing Thor again, and that’s part of his problem. He’s been slowly sliding into stir crazy from the amount of work that previously _kept_ him from going stir crazy. It might be humorous if it wasn’t, well, self-inflicted torture?

But the semester’s almost over. He’s about to finally have some freedom. And if he perhaps also hasn’t taken on quite as many odd jobs? It’s absolutely because he wants to be able to spend more time with Thor, especially with the holidays fast approaching.

...he’s never really had someone to spend the holidays with before.

And if he’s _really_ honest with himself, he can admit to considering, in the last few days, finally inviting Thor over to his place sometime, if only to end the incessant pestering about meeting Fenrir.

Maybe it’s also because he wants to play his own piano for Thor.

And maybe it’s also because he’s been fantasizing about riding Thor in the middle of his own bed -

Loki’s thoughts derail with a squeal as the subway pulls into his stop.

_Maybe that sometime will be tonight._

The sun is nearly down by the time he reaches the top of the subway stairs, a rosy glow between the buildings that looks far warmer than it feels. Switching to his favorite winter jacket tonight was a wise choice and Loki pulls the fur collar tighter around himself before the wind can whip his emerald green scarf right off of his neck.

It’s only a couple of blocks to the address that Thor had texted him and the moment he rounds the corner, he can see Thor waiting for him, shifting restlessly from one foot to the other, hands jammed in the pockets of a navy pea coat Loki definitely hasn’t seen before.

Thor can’t resist heading towards Loki the moment he catches sight of him and they reach each other on the corner of the block with equally warm smiles. There’s the slightest hesitation from the unfamiliarity of meeting up in this manner, but then Thor leans down and brushes a sweet kiss against Loki’s cheek.

“Hello, lover,” he murmurs into Loki’s ear, nosing at his hair before pulling away and offering his arm.

Loki doesn’t answer Thor, but his lips quirk at one corner as he winds an arm around Thor’s elbow and allows him to lead them back to the restaurant, an upscale sushi bar filled with a dozen or so tiny and intimate tables. Thor helps Loki out of his jacket before shrugging off his own, handing them off to a greeter to be hung up, and then they follow the host to their table. The waiter arrives as soon as they’re settled to pour them each a glass of sake and it’s at about this moment that Loki realizes the entire restaurant is empty save the two of them.

“Thor...” Loki starts slowly, folding both of his hands and resting them on the tabletop. “...tell me it’s mere coincidence that we’re the only customers here right now?”

“About that...” Thor runs a hand through his hair with an adorably embarrassed little chuckle. “I meant what I said. I want a romantic dinner alone. Truly alone.”

Loki can’t help but wonder if the need to rent out the entire restaurant is really due to Thor’s desire to be alone with him or his desire to not been seen. More and more of his old fans have been showing up on the weekends at Thunderstruck to see their show, but according to Thor’s texts, they’ve started turning up on other nights as well, forcing him to avoid the bar more than he’d prefer. “...are you telling me that take-out and Glee re-runs isn’t romantic?”

Thor laughs again, knowing his nerves must really be showing if Loki’s making jokes at him, and he reaches across the table to clasp both of Loki’s hands within his own. “Never. Just... don’t tell me it’s too much.”

“...never.” There’s a twinkle in Loki’s eyes as he pulls his hands gently from Thor’s to pick up his glass and take a sip of the sake, nodding his approval. “Well then, what’s this big news you alluded to in your last text?”

“Oh!” Thor’s face splits into a beaming grin, but he delays to take a few quick sips of his own glass before actually revealing said news. “I...” Another pause for dramatic effect. “Have successfully convinced Banner to try jamming with us!”

“Really?” Loki’s eyebrows lift in genuine surprise. “I was beginning to think we wouldn’t ever see his face again.”

“So were we,” Thor nods, finishing his glass, and he moves to pours himself another, tossing Loki a cheeky little grin when he insists on downing the rest of his glass quickly so as to keep pace with Thor. “Honestly, I’m relieved. Val’s been threatening to pull his credit card info from our reel and use it to look up his address and you can imagine how well that went over with Steve and – Anyway – he finally showed his face last night, sat down, had a talk with Val and I. Real change of heart, honestly.”

“And…?” Loki drums his fingertips on the table impatiently, urging Thor to continue. Honestly, he’s gotten rather tired of playing fill-in drummer the last few weekends and would love to give the job up entirely.

“He’s willing to try jamming with us Friday, but only if we all pick the songs out ahead of time and give it a dry run a few hours before the actual show.”

“Sounds reasonable if he’s honestly never played on a real set before.”

“So, do you think you’ve got the time to come by a few hours early on Friday?”

“If it means a chance to get back to the piano, I will make certain that I’m free.”

Thor beams at Loki as he holds up his glass and Loki follows suit. They clink them together, each taking another sip as the first plate of sushi arrives at their table, a chef’s choice including hotate, amaebi, katsuo, anago and matsubagani. The first bottle of sake quickly becomes a second as they discuss possible song selections to toss out as ideas on Friday and a second plate brings them suzuki, hiramasa, aji, awabi and ootoro. It’s quite possibly the most delectable meal of delicate flavors either of them has ever had and Loki isn’t surprised by the triple digit bill or the fact that Thor hands over his card without so much as a second glance at it.

By the time they’re back out on the street again, they’re both decidedly over the tipsy line, and Loki doesn’t even think to ask Thor where they’re headed next when he slings an arm around Loki’s shoulders and leads them down the street. He’s distractedly warm inside and out, hardly even aware of how cold the night is around them, content to lean into Thor as they stroll…

...until they come to an abrupt halt and Loki finally takes note of where they are. Central Park is across the street and looming large in front of them is the Rose Center for Earth and Space, which closed at dusk. The Hayden Sphere sits majestically inside the glass casing, eerie in the night, and empty, but with all of the lights still on.

Thor gazes at the building as if lost in a trance, a distant smile on his face and a tension across his shoulders that Loki isn’t sure is excitement or anxiety.

“...Thor, you didn’t...” Loki intones softly after too long a silence, his insides crackling, somewhere between incredulous and giddy.

“...and what if I did?” Thor tosses a little smile at Loki and then begins to ramble nervously as he guides them towards the entrance. “We talked about going somewhere to see the stars, but we’re both a little too busy to take a trip right now, so, I thought...”

“You thought you’d rent the entire planetarium?” Loki shakes his head in disbelief as they shrug out of their jackets again, laying them across a bench not far inside the entrance as the guards lock the doors behind them. Here in better lighting, Loki can finally appreciate how dressed up Thor is tonight. It’s the first time Thor’s been obvious about exactly how much money he must have from his years of fame, as Loki’s never seen him in a suit before, and this one is a gorgeous blue that brings out his eyes, obviously designer, perfectly tailored and probably brand new. Loki’s eyes travel over the partially open white shirt and tie worn loose, the peek of collarbone that he wants to sink his teeth into... He also feels the sudden need to _run_ , because even though he won’t say it out loud, this? This is a lot. Possibly too much. Thankfully, it seems as if Thor hasn’t even noticed Loki’s incredulous expression, because he continues rambling as he strolls further into the room, leaving Loki to make the decision to follow him.

“My mum always loved this place,” Thor is wistful as he gazes up at the sphere. “First time I ever came here was with her, actually, and I guess I come by when I miss her too, because it’s one of the few things I can still recall.” His gaze and voice go a little distant as he continues. “I was only five when she passed, and she’d been ill a lot that last year. I don’t… really remember it all that well and my father rarely speaks of that time. But this place holds happy memories.” A soft sigh and then he continues.

“Ever since you mentioned looking at the stars, I’ve thought about asking you to come here. And then I thought about what you said to me that day...” Thor pauses just long enough to recollect the words, catching Loki’s gaze again. “ _Somehow makes you feel insignificant and larger than life all at once.”_ Quoting Loki directly causes him to blush in response and Thor smiles, his eyes crinkling at the edges before he looks up at the sphere again. “And I wondered if it’d be easier to capture that feeling if we had the stars all to ourselves.” Thor’s voice carries and echoes in the cavernous space around them and as he finishes speaking, he slips his hand into Loki’s.

Loki can’t help but feel touched by the thoughtfulness behind Thor bringing them here, even if the memory is obviously bittersweet and quite personal. The entire gesture is also unexpectedly grandiose, though, and Loki finds himself feeling that he has to at least find a way to match the mood. “Then shall we walk the Cosmic Pathway together?” he intones with a teasing and purposeful air of theatrics, leaning into Thor a little as he gestures with his other hand towards the walkway. “Relive the very history of the universe?”

Whatever distance was in Thor’s eyes disappears as he squeezes Loki’s hand back with a pleased little laugh. He wants to come up with something clever in response, but Loki immediately slips out of his grasp to wander his way up the spiral path, his delight evident in the light bounce of his step. Thor’s nervous energy ebbs a bit as he watches Loki, the black suit reminding him of the night they’d met, when he’d impulsively written his number on a stranger’s hand, betting on the music. He startles again as Loki pauses about a third of the way up the spiral and twirls around to look at Thor with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Listening to Thor’s voice in this space has given Loki quite the urge to test the acoustics and as always, it’s easier to weave his thoughts and feelings through songs than to simply speak them. “You must know that I can’t resist,” he says with a shake of his head, and then, throwing his arms out wide, into the space of the room, he sings impulsively.

_o/~_ _Fly me to the moon  
Let me play among the stars _ _~/o_

Thor feels his heart race a little as he listens to the exquisite sound of Loki’s singing echoing around them and can’t help but respond in kind as he starts to follow him up the path.

_o/~_ _Let me see what spring is like on  
Jupiter and Mars _ _~/o_

Loki holds out a hand as Thor reaches him, waiting until he’s close enough to entice him with the next line.

_o/~_ _In other words, hold my hand_ _~/o_

Thor grasps Loki’s hand and tugs hard, pulling him in close and waiting until Loki looks up at him to sing the words.

_o/~ In other words, baby, kiss me ~/o_

Loki lifts up onto his tiptoes as Thor slides his other hand around the back of Loki’s neck, leaning down until their lips meet in a sweet and lingering kiss. Letting it end there is too easy, though, so Loki pulls away with a flirty smirk from under his dark lashes, absolutely on a roll. After all, not every night presents the opportunity to duet with your lover in an empty planetarium and he’s not one to waste it, measured steps in time with his words as he starts the next verse.

_o/~ Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more ~/o_

Thor chases Loki up the rest of the spiral, never more than a hand’s reach behind as he croons with sincerity.

o/~ _You are all I long for, all I worship and adore ~/o_

Finally pausing when he reaches the top of the spiral, Loki allows Thor to catch him, his words suddenly soft and no longer projected to fill the room as his mind realizes where this lyric actually ends. What he’s chosen to imply, impulsively or not.

_o/~ In other words, please be true ~/o_

Thor’s arms wrap around Loki from behind as he catches up, pulling him in tight against Thor’s chest as he echoes.

_o/~ In other words ~/o_

Thor’s voice is right against Loki’s ear as he sings, his words dropping to a warm murmur.

_o/~ I love you ~/o_

There’s a moment of silence where Loki isn’t entirely certain whether the pounding heartbeat is Thor’s, his own, or simply the two of them in tandem. He’s frozen by those words, even with the excuse of them being part of the lyrics.

“Loki, I...” Thor starts softly.

Loki instantly panics.

Twisting out of Thor’s embrace, he smiles too brightly and hopes that his hand doesn’t tremble when he holds it out to Thor. “Don’t want to be late for the show, do we?”

Thor takes Loki’s hand again, squeezing it tight and watching his expression carefully. He certainly wasn’t expecting Loki to present him with such a perfect opportunity to confess his feelings, but he’s not going to push it now, not if it’s clearly making Loki nervous, not if they’re not really alone, and not with staff awaiting them with the show. He knows that their relationship is still informal – it’s the main reason he’s made such a point in _asking_ Loki out tonight – but that doesn’t mean this is the only chance he’ll get to change that. “Of course not,” he murmurs, bringing Loki’s hand up so he can brush a kiss against his knuckles. “Let’s go.”

Loki’s relief is palpable as he leads Thor into the Big Bang Theater by the hand, his heart and mind both racing with what he’d only narrowly escaped, and then spinning out further at why he even considers it _escaping_ in the first place. Why he’s been burning up with the need to run since the moment they arrived, even if he’s so happy to be here that he doesn’t even know what to do with himself. Is it because... he knows what Thor was about to say and… he doesn’t know if he’s ready to say it himself? Thor slides an arm around his shoulders and Loki leans into his warmth despite the confusing conflict of feelings, the stars coming to life over their heads the perfect excuse to toss the mess aside and forget about it for a little while.

They’ve both seen this hyperrealistic view of star clusters, galaxies and nebulae many times, but being all alone in the theater lends it an intimacy that’s as easy to get lost in as the magnitude of the cosmos itself. Loki’s feeling a lot calmer by the time the space show concludes and when Thor reaches for him outside the theater, he’s content to let him weave their fingers together as they stroll hand in hand back down the spiral in companionable silence. He doesn’t really want the night to end yet and the idea of finally inviting Thor back to his place drifts into his thoughts as they both collect their jackets and scarves.

But before Loki can make up his mind about whether or not to ask, Thor touches his shoulder as they head for the exit, asking gently, “Walk with me for awhile?”

The question is on the tip of Loki’s tongue, but he doesn’t want to answer Thor with a no, or spoil anything else he might have planned. “Absolutely,” he answers without hesitation, and once they’re outside the glass walls again, Thor takes his hand once more, leading them both across the street and towards one of the paths into Central Park.

It’s cold enough and late enough that the park is mostly deserted as they wander down a path that leads to the garden named for Shakespeare. _Perfect_ , Thor thinks, fiddling with the last surprise he has in his pocket. He wants to be alone with Loki for this for a myriad of reasons, and his apartment just hasn’t felt like the right setting. When Loki suddenly slows to a stop just inside the garden, Thor starts speaking before he’s even looked at him. “I--”

“It’s--” Loki starts simultaneously. They look at each other and smile, but Thor gestures for Loki to continue first. “It’s snowing,” Loki says, letting go of Thor’s hand to hold up both his arms, letting the tiny flakes collect on the black of his jacket sleeves. “First snow of the season.”

“So it is,” Thor holds up his own arm next to Loki’s and then for a quiet moment, they both turn their faces from their sleeves upwards to watch the flurries fluttering down from the charcoal sky. They can both feel the gravity in the moment when their eyes meet again and Loki takes care not to interrupt Thor when he starts again. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, but it’s never seemed like the right moment...”

Loki’s stomach drops into his toes at Thor’s words, his mind blanking, no clue where this is leading as Thor reaches into his pocket with one hand, grabbing for Loki’s hand with the other. “What…?”

Thor presses something small into Loki’s hand, closing his fingers around it and then holding Loki’s hand between both of his own as his words tumble out in a nervous rush. “It’s… it’s a key to my place. I’ve wanted to give this to you for weeks. And I don’t mean it as any kind of pressure at all – I just want you to know that I trust you. That I value the honesty between us and the way that you’ve accepted everything about me.”

The gift dredges up an ugly feeling that Loki’s kept tightly locked in a box for just as many weeks, even though there’s no way that Thor could possibly know that. What ought to be coming across as a source of comfort is instead a bleak reminder of the dishonesty Loki has made every attempt to bury. He suddenly doesn’t feel deserving of Thor’s faith and the thought makes his vision blur, makes it difficult to focus on the rest of Thor’s words.

“I want you to know that you can come by anytime, day or night, no reason at all… because I want you around all the time. Nothing makes me happier, because…” Thor lets go of Loki’s hand to tip Loki’s chin up with one finger, tears at the corners of his eyes as their gazes meet, the softest smile on his lips. “I love you.”

Loki is paralyzed and he desperately doesn’t want to be. He wants this, he wants Thor, he wants their bond, he _knows_ he does, so why can’t he simply say it back? It’s three little words and they die in his throat as he opens his mouth to say something and then closes it again, swallowed up by his own doubt. Destroyed by the fearful knowledge that he hasn’t actually given Thor the same honesty and trust in return. Worse, he’s forced to watch Thor’s expression slowly fall as he waits for an answer that never comes.

“You don’t owe me a response,” Thor finally says, forcing a smile as he takes a small step back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and only makes him look sadder. “You don’t owe me anything. I only… wanted you to know how I feel.”

“Thor...” Loki starts, unable to prevent the crack in his voice or the guilt in his eyes.

“Nothing has to change between us,” Thor shakes his head, leaning in to press the lightest kiss to Loki’s forehead. “See you on Friday?”

Nodding mutely, Loki watches as Thor shoves his hands into his pockets and turns to leave the garden. He wants to stop Thor, call out to him, chase after him, but instead he stands alone, frozen in place until the snow has long filled in Thor’s departing footprints.

_o/~ The smile that you gave me  
Even when you felt like dying  
We fall apart as it gets dark  
I'm in your arms in Central Park  
There's nothing you could do or say  
I can't escape the way, I love you  
I don't want to, but I love you ~/o_


	13. Rockstar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

“I can’t believe you guys talked me into this.”

“It’ll be fine!” Thor grins at Bruce, giving him a hard pat on the back as they look out over the crowded bar together.

“Are you really gonna back out _now_?” Val adds, coming to stand on his other side. “Look at this place.”

“This place. This crowd. That’s _exactly_ what I’m looking at!”

Thor laughs gently at how genuinely startled Bruce is, having not been around the last few weekends to watch the audience slowly swell. “I suppose we’ve gotten a bit popular?”

“A bit?!”

The noisy bar is filled nearly to capacity already and they haven’t even started playing, and, in fact, they’d had to cut their rehearsal a little short when people started filtering in even earlier than expected. Still, they’d had a decent hour or two to put a set together between their own ideas and the suggestions of their coworkers, leaning strongly on things that Bruce already knew or grooves he could pick up easily.

“Don’t think about that,” Loki suggests from Thor’s other side, pointing at the drum set behind them. “Think about the music and how much fun you had jamming with us earlier.”

“The _most_ ,” Bruce agrees in a way that sounds almost regretful, but then he straightens up a little, steeling himself. “I can do this.”

“You can!” Thor enthuses, nudging him towards the set with one elbow.

“You guys will jam and I’m just playing along, same as I do at home...” Bruce’s rambling becomes indecipherable as he turns away, still obviously talking to himself as he gets settled behind the drums.

“You want to do the honors?” Loki catches Thor’s eyes as Val heads back to her mic to do one last sound check on her bass.

“Start the show?” Thor shakes his head no, but he’s all smiles. True to his word, he’s as warm and open as he’s ever been towards Loki tonight, as if nothing unusual transpired two nights ago, as if there hasn’t been radio silence between them for the last two days. “It’s still your set and your show.”

“Don’t even start that with me,” Loki retorts immediately, because letting Thor goad him into arguing about something trivial feels safe and comfortable, eases the jittery feeling he’d had walking into Thunderstruck tonight even more than jamming together already has. It doesn’t feel like anything’s changed between them and that somehow makes him feel better and worse all at once. Loki hasn’t been able to stop thinking about how they left things in the park that night and can’t quite believe that Thor is so unaffected by his lack of response, but maybe finding each other through the music will be easier than figuring out what, if anything, to say. “This is _our_ show.”

“Someone get it on the road, then,” Val gives a fond roll of her eyes from behind them. “Or I will.”

Rather than retrieve his mic from the piano, Loki takes a step closer to Thor, invading his personal space to flip his mic on and greet everyone. “Good evening, Thunderstruck!”

The room cheers and applauds and Thor waves, which also draws a few screams out of the ever-growing crowd of fangirls crammed around the tables closest to the stage. Tonight, one of them has even brought a sign with Thor’s name on it, covered in hearts and thunderbolts, and Loki dutifully tries not to look at it lest he start laughing before finishing their intro.

“I’m Loki, this is Thor, Val’s on bass and for the first time tonight, please help us welcome Bruce Banner on drums.”

A loud whooping definitely started by their friends at the bar echoes forward and when Thor laughs, Loki can feel the exhale ruffle his hair, sending a shiver down his spine. “And you’ll have to forgive us, but we’re not taking any requests tonight,” Thor leans over Loki’s shoulder to borrow his mic back, attempting to gently let down the insistent fans. “But I can promise you, it’s still gonna be a rocking show.”

“In fact, our first song up tonight?” Loki teases the audience first, and then Thor, purposefully bumping hips with him before sauntering away to sit down at the piano and flip his own mic on.

Thor’s eyes follow Loki’s sashay even as he speaks into the mic to finish Loki’s thought. “It’s called... Rockstar.” He can tell there’s definitely something going on underneath that surface show-shine, but if Loki’s going to flirt with him on stage in front of this crowd, like hell is Thor going to back down from that challenge.

Loki catches eyes with Bruce, and then with a few silent nods to feel the tempo, they start together, Loki’s rhythmic piano intro backed by Bruce’s light cymbal hits on the upbeats as Loki begins to sing.

_o/~ There's a girl in the backyard bangin' on her drum  
Sittin' in a junk pile laughing at the sun  
Singin' "ah ha ha, I just wanna be a rockstar" ~/o_

Thor sings the other half of the verse, one hand wrapped resting lightly on the mic, guitar still hanging loosely off the strap across his shoulder, his eyes gazing somewhere out above all the faces in front of him.

_o/~ There's a boy in the backseat singin' to the song  
Playin' on the radio, knowing he's the one  
Singin' "ah ha ha, I just wanna be a rockstar" ~/o_

They sing the line again together in unison before both the guitar and bass parts kick in and the drums settle into an actual groove.

_o/~_ _Singin' "ah ha ha, I was born to be a rockstar!"_ _~/o_

Loki starts again in the second verse -

_o/~ There's a girl in the tree top looking at the stars  
Waiting for a touchdown comin' in from Mars  
Thinkin' "is there anybody out there?" ~/o_

\- and imitates the electronics from the original recording with a fabulously showy flourish of arpeggios up the piano, smirking when he hears the familiar whistles of Steve and Sam. Being at the piano again always feels like coming home, and it’s even more exhilarating backed by a full band. It’s all too easy to surrender himself to how happy he feels on stage and let go of everything else.

Thor can hear the joy bubbling out of Loki’s playing as he answers with the other half of the verse and finds himself relieved that at the very least, nothing has changed between them here inside the music. If anything, they feel more in tune than than ever.

_o/~ There's a boy thinking of her playin' his guitar  
Searching for the answer buried in his heart  
Thinkin' "ah, ha ha, is there anybody out there?" ~/o_

They sing the last in unison again before finally splitting into a harmony made mostly of sweet 3rds.

_o/~_ _Singin' "ah, ha ha, is there anybody out there"  
If there's a meaning can you show me a sign  
The more I look it just gets harder to find  
The world is spinnin' and I wanna know why _ _~/o_

Bruce’s bass drum feels like a shared heartbeat between all of them underneath the piano, the final piece they’ve been missing, and a moment of reprieve before Loki sings again.

_o/~ And we're all getting older wishin' we were young  
Hangin' on the memory of what we would become  
Singin' "ah ha ha, I was born to be a rockstar" ~/o_

Thor echoes him as Loki finally looks up from the piano with a quick little grin to catch his eyes, the blue of them still visible even from halfway across the stage. They’d come up with this song idea together at dinner the other night, and just as he’d thought, it fits the four of them really perfectly.

o/~ _Singin' "ah ha ha, I just wanna be a rockstar"_ _~/o_

They sing the next harmony together, eyes on each other this time.

_o/~_ _Singin' "ah ha ha, I was born to be a rockstar!"  
If there's a meaning can you show me a sign  
The more I look it just gets harder to find  
The world is spinnin' and I wanna know why  
And maybe we will never figure it out  
I got a feelin' that's what life's all about  
I'm learning anything is possible now _ _~/o_

The music cuts to only Loki’s piano part as he breaks their gaze, both turning to look out at the audience as they each, one by one, sing the next line, Loki leading -

_o/~_ _Take a ticket and get off the line_ _~/o_

Followed by Thor -

_o/~_ _Take a ticket and get off the line_ _~/o_

And then Val -

_o/~_ _Take a ticket and get off the line_ _~/o_  
  
And finally, Bruce joins in too and the four of them sing it together:  
  
_o/~_ _Take a ticket and get off the line_ _~/o_  
  
Val and Bruce encourage the audience to join them in echoing the line again and again,  
  
_o/~_ _So take a ticket and get off the line  
Take a ticket and get off the line  
So take a ticket and get off the line  
So take a ticket and get off the line __~/o_

and as the audience continues to sing the vamp along with them, Loki and Thor sing the closing lines over the top twice more.

_o/~ Singin' "ah ha ha, I just wanna be a rockstar"  
Singin' "ah ha ha, I was born to be a rockstar!" ~/o_

The vocals end as the song hurdles into one final groove, all of them jamming it out together as Thor flies through an amazing electric guitar solo. As the last chord fades out, the whole room goes absolutely nuts, drowning out any attempt to say anything over the mics for a solid few minutes.

Thor gestures wide arms out towards his three friends with the proudest grin splashed across his face, insisting that Bruce stand up and give the audience a wave as Loki swaps to an acoustic guitar for the next song in their set list.

“Our next song goes out to the one who keeps this joint running,” Thor points to the back of the room once it’s quieted down enough for him to speak. “Everyone say,” he commands, pointing around the room, “Helloooo, Cap!”

“Helloooo, Cap!” The audience dutifully bellows and Thor laughs as he watches Steve try to wave off the attention.

“Gotta get a little of New York’s best going tonight!” Steve calls back to them over the audience.

“One Billy, comin’ right up,” Bruce answers into his mic, surprising all of them, clearly at least a little bit over his stage fright. It works, though, because the next song is his to start solo on the drum set and he already looks more relaxed than he’d been during their opening number.

Thor doesn’t actually know the lyrics to this one quite as well, so he can’t help listening keenly to Loki’s delivery, his warm, dark tone so much different than the light and airy way he’d presented the first song.

_o/~ Some days when I'm far away  
In a lonely room in a cold seclusion  
Some nights when I'm wound so tight  
There is no release, there is no solution  
But in the darkness I see your light turned on  
You know my weakness, you know how I respond to ~/o_

Loki can’t look at Thor as he sings this – the lyrics actually hit too close to his heart right now. He hadn’t been the one to suggest the song, but with Steve being aware that Loki knows Billy’s entire catalogue and Bruce being enthused about how easily he could pick up the groove, even Thor trying to cover the synth parts on his electric hadn’t been a good enough reason to tell them no.

_o/~_ _I look and I write my book  
And I walk away with the wrong impressions  
I don't care 'cause I've done my share  
And I need some time for my own obsessions  
It doesn't matter, I've let that life go by  
It's been forgotten 'cause all I wanted was you _ _~/o_

Listening to Loki sing this is getting to Thor more than he wants it to, but so far Loki has directed every bit of his performance straight out to the audience with all of the passion that had drawn Thor to him in the first place. When Loki finally gives in and lets his gaze slide over to Thor during the very last chorus, the coy glint in those green eyes is so damn distracting that Thor _almost_ misses a chord change. Worse, Loki notices and Thor can see the laughter in his expression even as he croons the word _blue_ into the mic one last time.

_o/~_ _Blonde over blue  
Your hands are cold, your eyes are fire  
Blonde over blue  
They shine as though you're burning inside  
One word from you is all I need to be inspired  
Blonde over blue  
I need your inspiration tonight _ _~/o_

Thor is entirely grateful when the song ends that he’s not singing lead on the next one either, because he honestly needs a moment to tear his brain off of the idea of sinking to his knees in front of Loki and -

“Our next song was chosen by Bruce here,” Val jumps in when it’s clear that both Thor and Loki are a little too distracted by each other to notice as the applause starts to die down.

They both snap back to attention at the sound of her voice and Thor moves, grabbing Loki’s acoustic and hanging the electric back on the wall as Loki smoothly follows up on Val’s intro.

“A stripped down version of a classic,” Loki rolls his shoulders as he wraps both hands around the mic. “Because doesn’t everybody want to rule the world with us tonight?” The crowd applauds and a few whoops go up from the back of the room again in response.

Bruce gives a few clicks of his drum sticks once Thor is back in place to start them and Loki closes his eyes for a moment to listen to the delicate intro before he starts to sing. He’s grateful it’s a more relaxed groove, something he’s sung at a dozen bars before, a perennial favorite, and having the chance to simply sing while Thor plays acoustic puts him even more at ease.

_o/~ Welcome to your life  
There's no turning back  
Even while we sleep  
We will find you acting on your best behavior  
Turn your back on mother nature  
Everybody wants to rule the world  
It's my own desire  
It's my own remorse  
Help me to decide  
Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure  
Nothing ever lasts forever  
Everybody wants to rule the world ~/o_

Thor adds the hint of harmony in the chorus, unsurprised that the audience has slowly started to sing too.

_o/~ There's a room where the light won't find you  
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down  
When they do, I'll be right behind you  
So glad we've almost made it  
So sad they had to fade it  
Everybody wants to rule the world ~/o_

Loki sits down at the piano to play a melody line over the rest of the instrumental with one hand, still holding his mic with the other, and then he turns to straddle the piano bench, singing the rest of the song from where he sits, as if he’s simply talking casually to the audience, drawing them in with his voice until they’re all singing every word along with him.

_o/~ I can't stand this indecision  
Married with a lack of vision  
Everybody wants to rule the world  
Say that you'll never, never, never, need it  
One headline, why believe it?  
Everybody wants to rule the world  
All for freedom and for pleasure  
Nothing ever lasts forever  
Everybody wants to rule the world ~/o_

With the room now broken in a bit, it’s easy to roll into a few more favorite sing-alongs Bruce has picked out for them – All-Star, Yellow Submarine, We Are The Champions, and even, in the end, a few shouted requests that he knows well enough to insist they can try on the spot.

Getting the audience involved in so much of the singing somehow leads to what seems like a much drunker and rowdier bar than usual as the night goes on, which further leads to Bucky delivering a round of shots to the stage once they hit the two hour mark, and again when they hit three.

The agreement to call last song just after that is mutual between all of them, with an arrangement Loki had worked out especially for them that afternoon as their final pick of the night. It feels like the perfect song to close their first show together as a band and when Thor holds out his fist with a grin, the other three are all quick to extend their own, all bumping together before they break and head back to their mics.

“Last song of the night,” Loki says into the mic, unsurprised when they’re greeted by as many disappointed groans as there are cheers. Loki’s on acoustic and Thor’s back on his electric, but his guitar hangs loose as he waits for the crowd to settle into a hush. Loki strums one soft chord and only once it’s faded out completely does Thor start to sing, a capella and rubato, a slowly waltzing ¾ time.

_o/~ What would you think if I sang out of tune?  
Would you stand up and walk out on me?  
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song  
And I'll try not to sing out of key ~/o_

His voice floats over the bar, everyone’s eyes on him, no one even daring to sing along. Thor pauses, smiling, and then, as he continues, points to his friends at the bar, his friends on the stage, and then, finally, to the entire room.

_o/~ Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends  
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends ~/o_

As he holds out the last word, Thor picks up his guitar and breaks into a raucous solo line, turning the slow waltz feeling of 3 into a proper rock groove in 4. The other three jump in after a few measures as Thor sings again first, but Loki answers him, a playful back and forth with the lyrics

_o/~ What do I do when my love is away? Does it worry you to be alone?  
  
How do I feel by the end of the day? Are you sad because you're on your own? ~/o_

Val and Bruce join them for the chorus and that’s all it takes to get the audience singing again too, which is exactly their plan.

_o/~ No, I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm, get high with a little help from my friends  
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends ~/o_

Thor and Loki croon the next line together in sudden gorgeous harmony -

_o/~ Do you need anybody? ~/o_

\- and the bar sings back to them, drinks and phones and lighters alike in the air.

_o/~_ _I need somebody to love_ _~/o_

And again -

_o/~ Could it be anybody? ~/o_

_o/~ I want somebody to love ~/o_

Thrilled at the way they’re owning the entire room with their performance, Loki turns the next line at Thor directly with a cheeky wink.

_o/~ Would you believe in a love at first sight? ~/o_

Neither of them expect the audience to steal Thor’s line, but they do, bellowing it loudly as he laughs. The laugh is sharp, though, a cover for the unexpected way his gut clenches at having Loki sing the word _love_ right at his face.

_o/~_ _Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time_ _~/o_

Loki laughs too, almost too much to get the next line out, and maybe they’re all all a little tipsy and loose right now, but the whole room is riding the same wave together. He lets Thor take the next line instead, even though it isn’t how they planned it. Somehow, when it comes to Thor, things never quite turn out how he plans them.

_o/~ What do you see when you turn out the light? ~/o_

The audience answers them again and at that point, they give up having any of it to themselves anymore.

_o/~_ _I can't tell you, but I know it's mine_ _~/o_

Instead, they continue to play, letting the whole bar sing the entire chorus back to them, everyone clapping along and one of the fangirls in the front quite obviously recording everything, turning in a slow circle to show not just the band but the entire bar on its feet for them.

_o/~_ _Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends  
Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends _ _~/o_

Stopping there is impossible, so they loop the bridge and chorus one last time, and then, near the end, cut the music almost entirely, leaving Thor and Loki to sing the last two lines in harmony, a capella once again.

_o/~ Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends  
With a little help from my friends ~/o_

The cheering and demands for an encore are so loud that Loki can see Sam at the bar playfully covering his ears as Bucky laughs and Steve gives them a thumbs up, but they are all so swamped by the sheer amount of customers in the bar that Thor can tell it would be wiser if they let it go here. The post-concert crush of his old fans at the edge of the stage is more fevered than it’s ever been and after handing his guitar to Loki, he hops down in an attempt to pull them enough away to the side that Val can escape back to the bar to help out the others out, taking Bruce with her.

It’s really a little more than Thor can manage on his own, though, finding himself quickly backed into a corner by waving posters, flashing phones and grabby hands that are definitely touching him in not entirely appropriate places. Over their heads, he can see Loki still on stage talking with Heimdall, eyebrows furrowed as he gestures in Thor’s direction. Thor has no idea when the hell his manager arrived or how he knew he was needed, and he’s annoyed at not being there to introduce the two of them, but also grateful that perhaps someone will help extricate him from this mess.

Thankfully, that’s exactly what Heimdall is here to do, and after a few minutes, he manages to clear enough space around Thor that he can deal with each fan one by one without being squashed into the wall. He manages to keep his patience with the whole thing right up until the point that he notices that someone else has hopped up on stage with Loki, who’s still sitting on the piano bench, not bothering to fight the crowd around the stage. It isn’t someone that Thor recognizes, but the blooming fireball of jealousy in his chest is instantaneous.

He’s _hot_ , is the problem. Tall, built, with short cropped blond hair, white t-shirt that’s too tight in all the right places, flirtatious body language, charming smile... Thor knows exactly the type, because the same charming smile is beaming at him from twelve different posters right now – himself eight years ago, when he’d been at the top of his game. Thor watches as Loki laughs at something the mystery man says and his next signature is just a hasty scrawl. “Sorry, everyone, that’s all for now, I’ve got to go--”

But by the time he looks up again, Loki is gone. Thor scans the rest of the bar and catches a glimpse of him heading towards the door, so he starts that way, nodding at Heimdall as he does. He trusts that his manager will deal with the fans, and help Steve and the crew take care of anything that needs taken care of so that he can leave in peace.

...Except that Steve catches him as he walks by, literally dragging him by the arm into a half-hidden corner of the bar beside his office door. “Thor, we need to talk.”

Thor looks back to where the front door is swinging shut behind Loki and fidgets, but doesn’t pull away. “Hm?”

“Listen, the crowd...” Steve gestures around the bar, still stuffed full of patrons. “It’s getting a little intense. I called Heimdall down here tonight because I didn’t know what to do about _your_ fans, much the less everyone else.”

Thor waves it off distantly, obviously only half paying attention to the conversation. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Steve. Heimdall will help you out with anyone getting particularly rowdy.” He makes a move to leave, but Steve just tugs him closer.

“Thor, did you see how many people were filming you tonight?” he whispers, concern obvious. “We’re all really glad you guys are such a hit, but we can’t keep on like this, the place just isn’t meant for this kind of thing. And besides that, we’re starting to scare away some of our usual patrons.”

Thor grabs his shoulder, squeezing. “I hear you, Steve. We’ll look into doing something different. But bear with it for now?” He doesn’t even wait for a reply, just beaming at him instead. “See you tomorrow, alright?” And with that he’s gone, pushing past him and escaping out the door.

The cold air just makes his agitation all the more obvious to him. Loki isn’t outside, but he’d already brought his bag by earlier, so Thor guesses he must have already gone upstairs, using the new key. That thought soothes him a bit, especially as he recalls all the flirting they’d been doing on stage tonight. He reminds himself that Loki wants to be here with him, that they have a connection. What exactly is he so agitated over? One five minute conversation with a fan? He doesn’t have the right to be mad, not after all the dozens and dozens of his own fans he’s asked Loki to have patience with, but… he can’t quite dissolve the jealousy that easily either. He needs to see Loki, talk to Loki, touch Loki...

Thor opens the door slowly, wondering how he’s going to find his lover. Loki’s not in the main room, and a quick search seems to point towards the shower. Thor sits on the bed, foot tapping on the floor as he debates his next move. He could just wait for Loki, but he already knows how long that will be, and he’s not sure the energy buzzing under his skin is going to let him wait. He glances at the bathroom door as Loki’s voice floats through, just the faintest strains of a song he can’t quite make out, and Thor groans as he starts shedding clothes.

In the end, Thor wants Loki, and he wants him _now_ , just like he always does after their shows. Having the whole band together hasn’t lessened the buzzing feeling he gets from singing with Loki – in fact, it’s probably only made it worse. The way things left off in the park the other night has only made it worse. Loki flirting with him brazenly all night has only made it worse. Seeing someone else flirt with Loki, having Loki leave him behind – it’s only made it worse.

Thor’s patience is _gone_. So, instead of waiting, he knocks once on the bathroom door before opening it, entirely naked and entirely intent on joining Loki in the shower.

Loki starts at the knock, but hears the door open before he even has the chance to answer. Thor rarely walks in on him in the bathroom and Loki isn’t certain what to expect from him now that they’re alone for the first time since their walk in the park. Rubbing the water from his eyes, he calls out through the glass door of the shower, teasing Thor lightly. “Back so soon? I was expecting you to be caught up with the frothing fangirls for awhile longer.” He can’t pretend he isn’t a little envious of Thor’s popularity, but tonight he’s also grateful to have been able to slip out of the crowded and overheated bar with relative ease and immediately escape to Thor’s apartment. He hopes Thor isn’t angry at being left behind, but he really had expected his lover to be held up for awhile longer.

Thor bristles as he yanks open the shower door, stepping in and towards Loki, forcing him towards the wall. He's a tangle of emotions, voice low as he locks eyes with Loki. "You know I wasn't singing for them."

The whole thing happens in an instant, Loki stumbling backwards one step in surprise as Thor’s strength and size and presence is suddenly completely inside the small space with him. His heart jumps into his throat as Thor pins him with a heated gaze that somehow makes him feel even more vulnerable than being naked and wet together does. “I hope you were singing because you enjoy it,” he answers pointedly with a raise of one eyebrow.

Thor hums noncommittally, reaching out to trail a hand over Loki's cheek. "I was singing for you, too." He's made his feelings for Loki clear and hates admitting how it frustrates him that Loki seems perfectly able to flirt and hint at his feelings within the music on stage and yet unable to answer him seriously when they’re alone. “Were you not singing for me?”

Loki tips his face against Thor’s hand at that answer with a smile, lifting one hand to wrap around his wrist. He lets his eyes drift down, watching as the spray against Thor’s back slowly soaks his long hair, sending ribbons of water over his shoulders and down his chest. Of course he knows they were singing for each other – they always do – and feeling warm over the music tonight, he can’t help answering impulsively with one softly sung line.

_o/~ Do you need anybody? ~/o_

Thor’s mind automatically plays him the next line _(I need somebody to love)_ and he can't help the flash of hurt that rolls through him. Loki should know better right now than to tease him about _love_. He knows he said he’d be fine, that everything could be the same between them, but to throw his confession back at him in song yet again just sends Thor careening right over the edge. He growls, grabbing Loki by his hips so he can spin him, pressing him bodily up against the tile and sinking his teeth into one of Loki’s shoulders, sucking a dark mark into his pale skin.

This is not at all the reaction Loki’s expecting to his flirting and he realizes as he collides with the wall that he’s very obviously misunderstood and miscalculated how Thor is actually feeling. Despite the assurance that nothing’s changed, Loki is suddenly aware that Thor is absolutely affected by his lack of response. Loki’s hands come up to splay against the wet tile as the spike of pleasure-pain from Thor marking him draws a sharp noise of arousal out of him. “Thor!” he gasps out, hopelessly turned on despite being genuinely startled. “What’s gotten into you?”

Thor licks over the red mark he's left before nipping his way up the side of Loki's neck, voice a low rumble in his ear. "You," he breathes, rutting up against Loki, wanting to feel that slide of skin against skin, wanting Loki to know how worked up he is from the night's events, from their flirting and teasing, and how much he _want_ _s_ Loki, _needs_ Loki, _loves_ Loki. “And you know it.” And if Loki doesn’t want to hear him _say_ those words, isn’t willing to say them back… then Thor will find another way to reach him.

It’s extremely difficult to think with Thor’s hard and now soap-slippery cock suddenly grinding between his ass cheeks, dragging a throaty moan out of Loki, but that short-circuit of his busy mind seems to be exactly what Thor wants right now. Loki could blame it on their flirtatious set tonight, but in his heart, he knows it’s more than that…deeper than that… there’s too much _intention_ in Thor’s touch. But whatever the cause, the possessive _need_ in Thor’s actions is something that Loki craves and he can’t help goading his lover again by making light of it instead. “Then… what you really want… is to get _in_ me, hmm?”

"No! _Yes._ " Thor groans, pausing in his movements, a shake of his head that sprays water against the walls, hands tight around Loki's hips. "I want... _you_ ," he murmurs with specific emphasis, voice soft with longing. He's not even sure what he's asking Loki for anymore, what the complicated emotion burrowed in his chest even is, but it’s begging for resolution. "Do you want me too?"

All of Loki’s teasing collapses with that question as he flushes sharply. He doesn’t know why this is easier for him to answer... than it is to say what he knows Thor _really_ wants to hear, but won’t ask him as directly: _Do you love me too?_ “Yes...” he exhales in a sigh, turning his face aside to press his cheek into the wet tile, giving Thor his profile as he swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. “...all the damn time.”

Thor lets out a strangled noise at Loki’s admission, at the sincerity shining in his eyes. “Then _tell_ me.” There’s a raw edge to Thor’s voice as he suddenly shifts them, lining them up until the head of his cock is pressing firm against Loki’s hole. “...tell me you need me as badly as I need you. Tell me you want this. Want me. Tell me...”

“I...” But Loki trails off with the softest huff of anxious laughter that cuts off sharply as Thor starts to push into him, inexorably slow, and then abruptly pulls back out again, eliciting a shudder and a gasp. It’s hard to tell whether Thor’s words or actions are breaking him down faster. “Thor!”

“Say it.” Thor tips his head down to press a kiss to the mark he’d left earlier, his next words hardly more than a whisper against Loki’s skin as he pleads for honesty, voice tight with emotion. “Loki, please...”

“I _do_ ,” Loki’s voice cracks on the word as Thor’s sudden tenderness sends a shiver down his spine. “Can’t you tell...” he starts in a harsh whisper, turning his head away, down, eyes closing, forehead against the wall, furiously blinking. “Can’t you hear me _singing_ it, can’t you see me _shaking_ with it, _breaking_ over it –”

Thor snaps his hips forward, burying himself inside Loki in one hard thrust that draws another strangled noise out of his lover. “I want you. I want your pleasure,” Thor rasps as he shudders within Loki’s tight heat, one hand slipping from Loki’s hip to curl around his cock, as hard and aching as Thor’s own.

Loki is entirely pinned by Thor now, on his tiptoes, torn between pushing forward into Thor’s hand or backwards onto his cock. His every nerve is on fire with their union, completely at Thor’s mercy and absolutely ruined by it. “Then _take_ it,” he chokes out as Thor starts to stroke him, slowly pulling out again. “It’s yours.”

“Are _you_ mine?” Thor is unable to hide the desperation in his tone.

There’s only a heartbeat of hesitation before Loki answers, soft, but certain. “...yes.”

Thor thrusts into Loki again at his answer. _“O_ _nly_ mine?”

Loki’s answer is a moan this time as Thor’s cock drives him forward into Thor’s fist, an absolute assault on his senses. “ _Yesss…”_

“ _Say_ it,” Thor both demands and begs as he withdraws again, an agonizing torture to them both.

“I...” Loki struggles to catch his breath, but Thor fucks into him a third time before he can get the words out and pleasure explodes up his spine like he’s been shocked. Something inside him snaps as he cries out. “I’m _your_ _s!”_

“You’re _mine_...” Thor exhales the words reverently as he starts to fuck Loki in earnest, quick hard little snaps of his hips that keep him buried deep in Loki’s heat. “I want you.” Faster and faster as he feels Loki start to tremble against him. “I need you. I - ”

They both know how that last sentence ends.

Loki is out of words, out of his mind, only distantly realizing that the unhinged moans in his ears are his own, a music wrung out of him by Thor’s hand and Thor’s cock and Thor’s need and -

Thor’s love.

Loki seizes up with one last gasp of Thor’s name, orgasm rushing over him like a molten wave as Thor continues to pound into him relentlessly, seeking the same. Every thrust only seems to kick Loki higher, until he’s left orbit and there’s nothing in his mind but a field of stars.

Every moment of watching and feeling Loki utterly lose himself pushes Thor closer to the abyss and that last keening cry of his name becomes his undoing as he empties himself into Loki’s pliant body with an equally wrecked groan. Pulling out almost immediately, he takes one step back, just enough to turn Loki in his arms, to drink in the truly shaken and blissed out expression on his lover’s face before he crashes their lips together.

Thor’s weight is crushing him into the wall, but Loki’s not entirely certain he can feel his toes anymore, so perhaps that’s for the best. He winds his arms around Thor’s neck, melting into the first kiss they’ve shared in days, sliding his tongue deep along Thor’s until he’s light-headed and drunk on the taste.

Loki’s kiss makes Thor feel like they could begin all over again, but the water’s gone cold and exhaustion has begun to creep up on them both. Reluctantly, he tears himself away, reaching back to turn off the water before pushing open the shower door. To his surprise, Loki reaches out to take his hand, hanging onto it silently while he opens the closet to grab a fresh pair of towels. Wrapping Loki up in one, Thor tugs him back to the bedroom and as soon as they’re dry enough, straight into the bed, directly into his arms.

Loki goes willingly, easily.

Thor’s heartbeat under his ear is soothing as Loki catches one of his hands again, interlacing their fingers, and he isn’t certain how long it is before he dares to speak again, the single word a whisper in the dark. “...Thor?”

But Thor is already out cold and even lifting up on one elbow to double-check doesn’t rouse him, letting go of his hand doesn’t cause him to stir.

Loki leans over him, gazing at his lover’s peaceful expression in the dim glow through the blinds, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest, making peace with the wonderful, terrible truth.

He can’t deny it anymore.

Loki traces one fingertip delicately down Thor’s cheek, and then kisses him, heart hammering furiously in his chest as he whispers. “...love you.”


	14. Thunderstruck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Morning comes sooner than either of them would prefer, heralded by the incessant vibration of Thor’s phone on the nightstand. There are only three people set to ring through his silencer and one of them is here in his bed, so the messages can’t be anything he wants to deal with right now.

But he’s also aware that putting them off will only mean someone knocking on his door next, so eventually he rolls away from where he’s spooned around Loki’s drowsy form and snatches the phone up.

It’s Heimdall.

_{ Everyone is meeting at Thunderstruck at noon. }_

It’s neither a request nor a demand. Simply a repeated text with an obvious statement of fact that kicks him soundly in the ass. He can’t ignore or let down his friends, especially not when this mess is entirely, as usual, his own making. “...Fuck,” he mutters, setting the phone down.

“Reality calls?” Loki murmurs, snark already on display even though he’s only half awake.

Thor rolls over again and moves to drop an arm around Loki, only to abort the movement halfway through as memories of the previous night come rushing back. Loki is still here in his bed, so things can’t be all that terrible, but he also can’t completely ignore the gnawing kernel of doubt in his chest. Had he treated Loki too roughly, pushed things too far last night?

The hesitation does not go unnoticed by Loki, who reaches back to find Thor’s hand, fingers encircling his wrist and tugging him forward. “Well, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he asks lightly, continuing to pull until Thor takes the suggestion and relaxes, wrapping himself around Loki again.

“Heimdall,” Thor sighs the answer into Loki’s bare shoulder. “We ought to get downstairs by noon, probably to talk about last night.”

“Things were pretty crowded and rowdy when I slipped out,” Loki frowns, knowing Thor will hear it in his voice even if he can’t see it.

“Steve tried to pull me aside,” Thor admits, “But I didn’t want to get into a discussion with so many people around.” He’d also been in a hurry to come after Loki, but he knows he doesn’t need to say that out loud. “Can’t admit to being surprised that he called Heimdall last night, honestly. I know he’s only trying to protect the bar… and I really had no idea I’d make such a mess of things.”

Loki laughs softly, bringing Thor’s hand to lips and kissing his palm. “You continue to underestimate yourself, Thor. But I’ve also seen the loyalty you inspire in those around you, so I have no doubt that your friends will help us sort this out.”

Thor has no idea what to say to that statement or why it makes him feel fuzzy around the edges and so, instead, he presses a slow line of kisses up the side of Loki’s neck, stopping just under his ear to feel the thrum of Loki’s pulse under his lips.

“...what time is it?” Loki exhales the words with a shiver, pressing backwards against Thor’s stirring arousal.

“11:30,” Thor groans in dismay, letting go of Loki and rolling away and up to a sitting position. “We should get dressed.”

Loki might have indulged if Thor had pushed, but it’s probably just as well that they’re presentable and on time. “Tonight,” he answers Thor, swinging his feet out of the bed as he sits up, looking over his shoulder at his lover with a coy little smirk.

Thor is midway through pulling on a pair of boxers but he pauses with only one leg on to grin back at Loki, taking a long moment to admire his very tousled hair...and the dark mark he’d left on one shoulder. “Every night, if I had my way.”

“We’d never get anything done,” Loki shakes his head, but doesn’t actually disagree.

“I’ll run downstairs and get bagels,” Thor pulls on a pair of jeans next and grabs a random t-shirt from a drawer on his way to the bedroom door. “And coffee,” he adds, before Loki has the chance. “4 creamers and 7 sugars.”

Loki’s expression softens into the smallest smile as he nods and Thor disappears. A moment later, he hears the front door open and close, and knows he’s alone. He wishes he could simply lay back in bed and have the time to truly process the night before and everything he’s feeling. He wonders if perhaps he ought to have started the day the way he’d finished last night... and let Thor actually hear him say it, but he doesn’t want to hand the words off casually out of nowhere when they’re already in a rush.

He has the patience to wait until the moment is right.

They manage to walk in the door of Thunderstruck only two minutes late, and true to Heimdall’s message, everyone else is already waiting for them. Waiting is perhaps the wrong verb, though, as everyone is currently mid-action – Heimdall and Sam are up by the stage, a measuring tape spread wide between them, Val and Bruce are sitting at the bar, a laptop open between them, and behind the bar, Bucky and Steve are obviously giving a tour of their facility to an unfamiliar woman with vivid red hair.

“Hey guys,” Val greets them with a wave and the sentiment is echoed by the rest of their friends. “You want the good news or the bad news first?”

“All of the news,” Thor answers, taking a seat at the bar beside her, Loki sitting on his other side as Heimdall and Sam finish up and come to join them.

“In whichever order you deem fit to deliver it,” Loki adds.

“Well, I’d call this bad news,” Val answers, turning the laptop towards them to display the video of the raucous bar last night, a full sweep of the band on stage and the wild fans on their feet. “We’re all over the internet.”

“I still don’t think that’s necessarily _bad_ news,” Bruce chimes in. “But I guess the rest of the news is, since it’s not anything posted on your official page, it hasn’t been picked up by any major news media yet. Just tabloids.”

“That is not going to last much longer,” Heimdall interrupts them as he comes to stand just behind Thor. “And it would be foolish to continue without being aware of that.”

Steve leaves Bucky to finish the tour, crossing the space behind the bar in several quick strides to join the conversation too. “I already know the answer to this question, but I have to ask it anyway – are we gonna cancel tonight’s show?”

Thor gives him an absolutely flabbergasted expression and an immediate, “Absolutely not!”

Sam cuts in before Steve can argue with Thor, knowing how tense the discussion was this morning even before Thor and Loki arrived. “That’s why Heimdall and I are working on some security measures right now. This place isn’t built for the kind of crowd we might see now that the bar’s been IDed in last night’s videos.” He points to the two doors at the opposite side of the room, between the bar and the stage, and the masking tape on the floor marking their measurements. “We’re going to rope off the stage and the doors so we can use the office as a backstage space and the alley door as a private in and out. Hopefully, that’ll also help mitigate you getting in and out of here with that crazy fan following you’ve got, Thor.”

“If you expect me to apologize - ”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Sam chides Thor in a friendly manner, bumping a gentle fist against his shoulder. “We all love seeing you guys up on stage.”

“But this isn’t a permanent solution,” Steve shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “The size of the crowd here last night was intense. I know I can’t tell you how to run the place and I’m not the kinda guy to threaten to quit on you over it either. I just - ”

“He just _cares_ ,” Bucky adds rather loudly as he finally joins them, trainee in tow. “We _all_ do. So, if you’re determined to perform tonight, at least listen to what we have to say?”

Thor opens his mouth to retort something, but Loki’s hand settling on his knee asks him to reconsider and instead he sighs and nods. “Go on, then.”

“I called in a favor,” Bucky thumbs a finger in the direction of the red-haired woman. “This is Natasha, old friend of mine. She’s gonna be helping us out behind the bar tonight, but she also does security for Stark Industries, so if there’s any fires, she’ll help us put them out.”

“I’ve heard you guys are quite the entertainers,” she nods at Loki first, then Thor. “I hope you won’t disappoint.”

“Not a chance,” Loki offers her a sly smile, never one to back down from a challenge.

“So we’ll have Bucky, Nat, Sam and myself behind the bar,” Steve reiterates. “Heimdall’s going to take the front door, try and make certain we don’t have more people in the building than fire code allows.”

“This all sounds very sensible,” Thor nods thoughtfully, even though he thinks everyone’s overreacting just a bit. He honestly can’t imagine their little bar getting anywhere near as crazy as one of his old concerts. There will probably be the same group of diehard female fans that’s been hanging around the last few weeks, but he’s been out of the scene for far too long for it to possibly be as big a deal as everyone seems to think it is.

“It’s better to be over-prepared than overwhelmed,” Heimdall reminds Thor with one raised eyebrow, as if he can somehow guess where his line of thought has drifted.

“Speaking of preparation,” Bruce finally lifts one hand, hating to interrupt, but worried all the same. “If we’re done with this logistics meeting, can we maybe discuss what we’re playing tonight before our rehearsal just becomes a pre-show?”

As it turns out, Bruce had finally fessed up to Val earlier about the fact that he’d been playing some of the songs from the trio’s previous sets at home on his own and so they’ve also spent the last hour looking at chord charts and pulling up tracks to start a list of possibilities. While Thor and Loki both have ideas about a few new things they’d like to cover tonight, filling the rest of their setlist with the last month’s greatest hits sounds like a solid plan.

Rehearsing while the bar is open doesn’t seem like the wisest choice, though, so they keep it closed long enough to run through as many new songs together as they can, and settle on opening an hour or so late. They definitely aren’t expecting for there to already be fans milling around outside and it forces the four of them to retreat back up to Thor’s apartment to fine tune a few surprises for the night’s performance.

In solidarity with their friends running the bar, they all decide to don black Thunderstruck t-shirts tonight, and with Loki’s suggestion and Thor’s enthusiastic permission, to get a little more rock n roll about it. It has the added bonus of giving them something to do to kill the time when they’d ordinarily just be hanging around the bar having a drink with their friends.

Bruce is the tamest, rolling the sleeves up a few times and letting Loki safety pin them in place, but otherwise feeling satisfied to stick with his dark jeans and sneakers. He’s brought a flashier pair of drumsticks with him tonight, one black and one white, a favorite he tells them is for balance and good luck.

Val cuts the entire neckline out of her shirt with a pair of scissors, knotting the front to reveal just a little bit of skin above the button on her glittery skinny dark blue jeans, finishing the look off with black suede heeled ankle boots and a handful of silver rings around her fingers.

Thor rips the sleeves off of his shirt and pairs it with some heavily distressed and studded acid-wash jeans before letting Loki weave a few braids into his half-pony-tailed hair. Loki ends up somewhere between them all, cutting out the neckline and taking off the sleeves, only to reattach them with a handful of metallic rainbow-colored safety pins that Thor has no idea how he happened to have on hand. They catch the light as he weaves a few braids into his own hair, drawing attention to the peek of shoulder skin. He’s wearing leather pants with his motorcycle boots and after he puts on his own make-up, he insists on lining Thor’s eyes in black too.

Standing in a huddle in the bar’s office just before the set, they’re all feeling a little nervous with the break in the casual routine of just hopping up on stage to play, but their friends’ concerns turn out to be warranted. The bar is already packed to capacity, there’s a line outside the front door and as Heimdall predicted, they’d had to duck out of Thor’s doorway and quickly around the side of the building to the back alley to keep Thor from being ambushed on the way inside.

“I know it looks a little crazy out there,” Thor grins as he slings his arms across Loki and Val’s shoulders, who in turn each sling an arm around Bruce’s shoulders too, drawing them into a tight little circle. For better or worse, they are in this together. “But I don’t want to treat it any differently than we ever have before. We’re still playing for ourselves and for our friends. We’re still playing what we want. We’re still...” and here he pauses to wink at Loki, who rolls his eyes in response. “...playing as guests on Loki’s set.”

“If we give them a damn good show, I’ll be satisfied,” Loki lets his eyes flicker around to each of them before he outright grins, rare and genuine. “But if you have the time of your life, then I’ll be thrilled.”

“If we don’t get trampled by screaming fangirls, I’ll be shocked and relieved,” Val breaks their circle to elbow Thor sharply, who laughs and shrugs helplessly.

“If I don’t barf on stage from nerves, I’ll be grateful,” Bruce adds honestly, and then they all dissolve into nervous snickers before Thor puts his fist out in front of him. The other three meet it with conviction and then Loki leads the way out the door and up on to the stage.

“Good evening, Thunderstruck!” Loki greets the crowd as he always does, unsurprised when it takes a little longer for the initial applause and cheering to die down. His gaze shifts over to Thor as he slings his thunderbolt guitar on, then back at the crowd before he intones, a little softer. “This one is for you.”

Bruce gives two nods of his head for the tempo and they begin together, light cymbal hits against Loki’s flashy electric guitar part, something that sounds more Mozart than rock band as his fingers fly with focused fervor.

Over it, Thor, Val, and Bruce all start to sing together, a wordless guttural vocalization, repeating as it slowly gets louder until it finally erupts into -

_o/~ Thunder! ~/o_

Thor stalks back and forth across the stage as he sings, eyes full of fire, inciting the crowd into singing with them and they immediately catch on, joining him in the chant as the bass drum and bass guitar both kick in. Revved up by the performance, they continue to shout _Thunder_ underneath Thor’s impassioned vocal when he starts to sing the lyrics.

 _o_ _/~_ _I was caught  
In the middle of a railroad track _ _Thunder!_ _  
I looked round  
And I knew there was no turning back _ _Thunder!_ _  
My mind raced  
And I thought what could I do _ _Thunder!_ _  
And I knew  
There was no help, no help from you _ _Thunder!_ _  
Sound of the drums  
Beating in my heart  
The thunder of guns  
Tore me apart  
You've been - _ _~/o_

There’s a beat of Bruce’s drum solo as Thor points at the crowd and then they all bellow back at him:

 _o/~_ _THUNDERSTRUCK! ~/o_

It’s an absolutely wild song to start the night with, not quite their usual fare, something they could only pull off playing together… and yet it feels only right to finally open their set with the song that shares the bar’s namesake.

_o/~I was shaking at the knees  
Could I come again please ~/o_

The crowd absolutely agrees, with everyone on their feet, drawn in by Thor’s charisma, singing as Thor’s personal back-up by the time he reaches the outtro of the song.

 _o/~_ _It's alright, we're doin' fine  
It's alright, we're doin' fine, fine, fine  
Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah  
Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck  
Thunderstruck, baby, baby  
Thunderstruck, you've been Thunderstruck  
Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck  
You've been Thunderstruck _ _~/o_

Loki slows the guitar part after Thor’s last wail, fading it out against the last two hits from the rest of the band, and then he sits back to admire the view with a triumphant smile. The room is a sea of screaming faces and blinding lights, the noise level deafening in the small space, and yet the sight of Thor’s beaming grin as he waves to the room cuts through all of it.

Setting his guitar back on the wall, Loki pulls his microphone out of the stand and moves to stand beside Thor, who drops an arm around his shoulders as he addresses the crowd. “I’ve always let you request songs, but since we’re still building our repertoire as a band, permit us to start tonight with a few new songs, followed by a mix made up of your previous requests.”

“We’re gonna start with a few we’ve never done here before, but have always wanted to,” Thor picks up the explanation as Loki slides out from under his arm to sit down at the piano, and some of the crowd sits down with him – those who can. All of the tables are full, but plenty of people remain standing along the walls, around the bar and even directly in front of the stage, which makes Thor even more grateful they’d finally decided to set up a barricade around the edge.

This time, Bruce and Val start together, the heartbeat of the song, and Thor turns to watch as Loki plays the piano intro, remembering how he’d answered with _Starligh_ t during their karaoke night as a song he didn’t think he’d ever perform here at the bar. Tonight, though, he’s brought along and set up one of his synthesizers in a L-shape with the piano, to enable him to play either during the song, with a chair and a mic both set to swivel between.

_o/~ Far away  
The ship is taking me far away  
Far away from the memories  
Of the people who care if I live or die  
The starlight  
I will be chasing the starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore ~/o_

Loki recalls all too well how flustered he’d felt singing the next lyrics to Thor the first time, but not anymore. Their gazes meet across their instruments and he’s unafraid to sing the words right to him even with everyone’s eyes on them.

 _o/~_ _Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hold __y_ _ou in my arms  
My life  
You electrify my life  
Let's conspire to ignite  
All the souls that would die just to feel alive  
__I’ll never let you go if you promise not to fade away  
never fade away _ _~/o_

Thor openly flirts back as they sing the next two lines together, Loki lifting what were background harmonies and giving them words instead, grinning when he hears the swell in the audience’s reaction.

The room isn’t _empty_ anymore, he’s not _alone_ anymore, and as his hands fly in arpeggios up and down the synth, his heart soars with them.

_o/~ Our hopes and expectations  
Black holes and revelations ~/o_

The music drops out under Loki’s last word -

 _o/~_ _Hold you in my arms  
I just wanted to hooooold ~/o_

\- and his voices echoes out over the bar, a heartbeat of stunned silence following it before the audience begins to applaud.

Thor moves to swap his electric for an acoustic and waits until the noise dies down to a low murmur before he starts the next song solo.

o/~ _Lately I been, I been losing sleep  
Dreaming about the things that we could be  
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard  
Said no more counting dollars  
We'll be counting stars  
Yeah, we'll be counting stars __~/o_

The rest of the band kicks in as Loki remembers how much of a sucker punch it had felt like that night at karaoke, when he’d first really had the chance to hear Thor sing. There’s none of the hesitation Thor had that night anymore, his delivery sure and confident, no longer lost in his own head. _  
  
__o/~_ _I see this life  
Like a swinging vine  
Swing my heart across the line  
In my face __is_ _flashing signs  
Seek it out and ye shall find  
__O_ _ld, but I'm not that old  
Young, but I'm not that bold  
And I don't think the world is sold  
I'm just doing what we're told  
I, feel something so right  
Doing the wrong thing  
I, feel something so wrong  
__D_ _oing the right thing  
I could lie, could lie, could lie  
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive __~/o_

Thor sings the words that had tasted so bitter in his mouth weeks ago, but now they only sound like a confession because he doesn’t have to lie to himself anymore about how much he’s missed this – missed singing his heart out, missed the rhythm beating in his chest, the words stinging on his lips. He’s never going to let anyone take it away from him ever again and he has Loki to thank for making him realize that.

Where there was an empty ache in his chest, he now feels full to bursting as Loki sings the haunting harmony over him, as his friends play at his side, as the whole bar starts to clap and chant along with them, again and again -

 _o/~_ _Take that money and watch it burn_ _  
_ _Sink in the river the lessons I learned_ _~/o_

\- until the music reduces to only Loki’s piano chord and Thor’s voice.

 _o/~_ _Everything that kills me... makes me feel alive_ _~/o_

The crowd sings the outtro chant with them all the way to the end, looking to Thor for the signal that it’s the last time.

It seems to take longer and longer after each song to get the place to settle down again, but once it does, to the audience’s surprise, Loki and Thor both round on Bruce to introduce their next song.

“So, as the story goes, I requested this song a few weeks back when it was just Loki up here entertaining us,” Bruce speaks into his mic, but doesn’t bother to stand, content to keep the drum set between himself and the overwhelming amount of people he’d like to forget are watching them right now. “Had no idea it was gonna be the thing that got the owner up here,” he thumbs in Thor’s direction as he’s swapping guitars and Thor takes the opportunity to answer with a little electric guitar riff that results in several screams from the crowd. “And I gotta admit, I banged out the whole damn drum part on the bar top that night, wishing I was up here with you guys.”

“It gave you... a _feeling_?” Loki says with dead pan seriousness into the mic as he resets himself from the piano to his acoustic guitar and several snickers ripple through the audience.

“ _More_ than a feeling,” Bruce rolls his eyes at the overly obvious joke, pointing one drum stick defiantly at each at his friends. “It gave me the _knowledge_ that you’d rock so much more with a drummer.”

“And then it took you two weeks to admit you wanted to _be_ that drummer?” Val teases him and he groans, and even with this many people in the room, they can hear the obnoxious laughter of their friends at the bar.

“Better late than never!” Bruce protests, but Loki’s already started to play the rhythmic intro underneath their banter and Thor takes the lead vocal without any prompting this time.

_o/~ I looked out this morning and the sun was gone  
Turned on some music to start my day  
I lost myself in a familiar song  
I closed my eyes and I slipped away ~/o_

Thor remembers quite clearly how the entire bar had chanted his name to get him on stage that night, how nervous, how giddy, how overcome he’d felt in giving in. Playing this with all of them together now, Loki’s voice echoing after his own, all the fear is gone. Vanished. He’s exactly where he wants to be. There’s nothing he wants more than to just live in the moment and enjoy the music.

_o/~ It's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)  
When I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)  
And I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)  
'Til I see Marianne walk away ~/o_

Thor throws himself into the electric guitar solo and the crazy falsetto with gusto, feeding off the energy of the crowd, and by the time they reach the final harmonies, the entire room is on its feet again. The tables have all but vanished into the crowd, shoved towards the walls as the center of the room becomes an ever more dense crush of people. The only thing that hushes them is Val loudly clearing her throat into her mic before she starts to speak.

“I know you’d all like to hear me sing Fuck again...” The crowd cheers loudly and Val laughs, bowing slightly. “But if I was putting in a request tonight, it would have to be...” She hums thoughtfully before giving a cute shrug, shaking her head in mock regret at both Thor and Loki. “...Under Pressure.”

This statement has the unfortunate side effect of dividing the crowd, as part of the room starts to yell “ _Fucking Perfect!_ ” at the stage, which incites others to yell “ _Under Pressure!_ ” just as loudly. Val turns to the rest of the band with another shrug, but it seems easier to relent than fight with the audience. “I… guess we’ll do both then!”

Val taking leading on Fucking Perfect gives Loki and Thor both a breather from singing and a chance to study the room… and to notice how things have already started to go somewhat awry. When the crowd at the bar, easily four people deep, does part enough to reveal one of their friends, they’re all far too harried to even look up. No one’s really sitting down at all anymore and Loki’s surprised when he spies Natasha suddenly hopping over the bar in one smooth leap to break up a shoving match before it becomes an actual fist fight.

They go straight into _Under Pressure_ when Val finishes, which takes all of their focus, even if they have gotten comfortable with it after several times performing it together. It’s still bigger and better with Bruce backing the three of them, giving it the kind of bounce that makes everyone want to clap and dance along with them.

 _o/~_ _Why, why, why?_ _  
Love, love, love, love, love  
Insanity laughs under pressure we're _ _crac_ _king  
_ _Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
Why can't we give love that one more chance?  
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love  
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love? _ _~/o_

The room itself has begun to feel like a pressure cooker, though, sweltering with the press of drunk and moving bodies, buzzing with a noise level that never quite dies back down to silence.

Stepping back from the mics to grab a drink of water, Loki quietly suggests that maybe they should alter the set and play a few ballads in attempt to calm everyone, but over the heads of the crowd, Thor sees the door to the bar open and Heimdall appear. His manager’s arms make the shape of an X and Thor frowns, because he knows that lingo all too well.

“No, we need to call last song,” Thor mutters, with a slight incline of his chin towards the door.

Loki’s eyes follow Thor’s and for just a second, he gets a glimpse beyond Heimdall’s shoulder at the crowd gathered outside the bar’s door, no longer in an orderly line.

“We’ll follow your lead, Thor,” Val says immediately as Bruce nods a little worriedly.

“I’ll call last,” Loki agrees with an understanding but disappointed frown that mirrors all of their feelings. “But I’m _not_ changing what we decided would be last tonight.” He directs this last sentiment right at Thor, eyes narrowing as he gnaws at his bottom lip.

Thor laughs at the ferocity in Loki’s words and decides he doesn’t care about the fallout if it means Loki will always look at him that way. “Not a chance.”

Loki waits until they are entirely set and ready for the last song before he calls it, though, not wanting to give the crowd a chance to voice their displeasure at such a short set. “Last song,” he intones low into the mic, hearing the disappointed murmur rush over the room as Bruce starts the percussion. Ignoring it, he glances at Thor as he whispers the first line.

_o/~ Come over here ~/o_

Thor and Val start playing and that’s enough to shut the crowd up again, Loki adding the synth off-beats along with a breathy vocal.

_o/~ All you got is this moment  
The twenty-first century's yesterday  
You can care all you want  
Everybody does yeah that's okay ~/o_

Thor takes Loki’s next verse as a personal invitation, leading with guitar and hips alike, a hip thrust forward on every punched chord and a slide towards Loki on every riff.

_o/~ So slide over here  
And give me a moment  
Your moves are so raw  
I've got to let you know  
I've got to let you know  
You're one of my kind  
I need you tonight  
'Cause I'm not sleeping  
There's something about you babe  
That makes me sweat ~/o_

Loki only has one hand on the synth as he turns towards Thor, reaching out with the other hand to wrap a lock of Thor’s hair around one finger, pulling him in close enough for them to share Loki’s mic as he croons and Thor answers.

_o/~ How do you feel I'm lonely_  
_What do you think Can't think at all_  
_What ya gonna do Gonna live my life ~/o_

Thor leans in close enough to graze his lips over the shell of Loki’s ear and the crowd screams. Loki re-directs his lyrics out to them.

_o/~ So slide over here  
And give me a moment  
Your moves are so raw  
I've got to let you know  
I've got to let you know  
You're one of my kind ~/o_

The majority of the bar has become akin to a mosh pit by the time they reach the last chorus, the whole room singing along, and the song’s barely ended when shouts of _both_ of their names start up, followed by the echo of “ENCORE!” around the room.

Thor laughs breathlessly, his eyes scanning the crowd, but he can’t find Heimdall or any of their friends. He’s overwhelmed by the reaction, momentarily transported back in time, and he doesn’t even realize what else is being shouted at him until it’s too late to stop it.

“FAR FROM ME!”

At first it’s only one very shrill voice near the back of the room, but it carries quickly, and other people start to pick it up with a racing fever until the whole room is chanting the words, stomping their feet.

Loki thinks to himself that this is perhaps the moment his soul is most tempted to simply depart his body. He’s sitting on stage in front of a wild, enthusiastic crowd and they’re all chanting the name of _his_ song.

All of Thor’s comfortable ease vanishes as he loses control of the room and he turns back to his friends with a torn expression, at a loss for what to do. “I don’t know that I want to – I don’t know if any of you even _know_ – if we should -” he stammers, wanting an easy way out of the moment and yet being perfectly aware that there definitely isn’t one.

Bruce lifts his hands in an apologetic shrug as Val frowns, muttering. “I could maybe fake it if I pulled up a chart-”

The roaring thunder of the crowd and the words of his friends blur into static as Loki feels his pulse start to race.

Of course it would end up here.

They can’t escape Thor’s prior fame.

They can’t escape this song.

 _Fine_. Fine then!

He doesn’t give a _fuck_ anymore.

Rip the wound wide open, get it over with, drain the poison, heal it, let it _go_ …

Isn’t this everything he’s ever wanted anyway?

No one’s going to guess that it’s his song just because he knows it.

Loki’s hands are shaking as he places them on the piano and with no warning at all, starts to play.

Thor’s eyes widen in surprise as the music starts and the audience immediately stops their chanting. It’s definitely not the version recorded by Thor & The Warriors 3, but it’s unmistakably the same intro, the right song, and the crowd erupts into another deafening cheer at getting their way.

It’s not a rock song, it’s not up tempo, it’s not like anything else they’ve even played tonight, but it’s _The Song_ and so it doesn’t matter. It’s always been the one that everyone wants to hear him sing and for all his frustration over it… Thor’s always loved singing it too.

And it’s not as if Loki’s really given him a choice.

Swallowing his fear, Thor grabs his mic and sits down on the other side of Loki’s piano bench the same way as always, shoulder to shoulder, facing opposite, letting that physical connection ground him as he starts to sing. He’s never performed this song so stripped down, backed by only a piano, but there’s something so right about the delicacy of it that it _resonates_ in his chest.

But then Loki starts to sing too and Thor’s stomach drops into his toes as harmonies he’s never heard before carry over the top of his melody, sweet and lighter than air.

_o/~ I am not alone, I am not alone ~/o_

This used to be the song he closed every show with and sitting beside someone who finally knows the _truth_ behind it, Thor feels freed, his heart floating out to rest among the many lights shining back at them from the crowd.

_o/~ in my heart of hearts  
you are never  
far from me ~/o_

There’s a momentary hush when they finally stop singing, where Loki glances at Thor, shining under all the lights, and realizes that… he really _doesn’t_ give a fuck anymore. Does it matter if anyone ever knows the song was his? They are still absolutely brilliant together, the brightest twin stars in the sky, and-

and then all hell breaks loose.

More and more people flood in from the front door as the room explodes into cheering and screaming, pressing the crowd forward against the temporary barricade they’d put in place, definitely not designed to withstand such pressure. Through the open door, they can see the flashing lights of the police cars parked out front.

Thor jumps up from the piano, hanging his guitar on the wall as he notices that Val has already disappeared from the stage. Loki’s up a moment later, pulling the synth and the mics back from the edge of the stage frantically, closer to where Bruce is hiding out behind the drum set, wide-eyed at the crowd that’s now become a mob.

The barricade busts apart in two places, spilling people up and onto the little stage as Thor grabs Loki by the hand, hauling him towards the edge and the roped off path to the back door, where Heimdall now stands with two familiar faces – Darcy and Jane – each holding out their arms to guard their path to the exit. Thor has no idea how Heimdall managed to get from the front to the back door in a crowd this dense, or how they got lucky enough to have fans willing to help them instead of hinder them, but he’s entirely grateful for the save as the swell of people rapidly closes in on them.

Out in the alley, a black Lincoln town car is waiting for them with the back door open and Thor pushes Loki inside before climbing in after him. This isn’t unfamiliar territory for him at all and it’s easy to slip back into familiar patterns, but it doesn’t mean his heart isn’t pounding with adrenaline anyway.

Thor yanks the door shut behind them as their driver turns to address them with a wave and a friendly grin that almost looks out of place with his extremely formal uniform. “Good evening! My name’s Peter. Where can I take you tonight?”

Thor hadn’t planned for this and his mind blanks. “Umm…?”

Having had a moment to compose himself after their rather frenzied exit, Loki leans forward a little, elbows on his knees, and promptly gives Peter an address in Manhattan.

“Loki, where are we-” Thor starts, eyebrows lifting.

“My place,” Loki cuts him off, sitting back again as Peter pulls the car out of the alley and onto the street.

A giddy, elated laugh bubbles out of Thor and he reaches for Loki, one hand landing on his shoulder, tugging him forward into a kiss.

Loki can’t help but kiss him back, giving in to the rush of euphoria for a moment, the thrill of the concert high and a getaway car, but he breaks it off after a moment, very aware that they’re not exactly alone. “It’s not as if we can go back to your place right now,” he gestures out the window to the police cars and the absolutely ridiculous crowd now spilling out of the bar, onto the sidewalk and into the street as they sail on by. “Aren’t you worried at all?”

“Maybe a little,” Thor admits as he slides his hand down Loki’s shoulder to intertwine their fingers. “But honestly, Heimdall knows what he’s doing – getting us out of here is the fastest way to disperse that crowd. Show’s over, go home.”

“Sounds as if this isn’t a first for you,” Loki says wryly as Thor’s other hand lands on his thigh, fingers kneading through the leather. In the rearview mirror, he catches Peter’s eyes darting back to them, and then back at the road, as if he can’t decide whether or not he wants to be witnessing this.

“Not really…” Thor answers distractedly, his mind clearly not quite on the topic. He can’t keep his hands from wandering, letting go of Loki’s hand again to reach up and run fingers through his dark hair as he continues to ramble excitedly. “Sorry we had to cut things short, yeah, but now I finally get to see your place!”

“Is it really that big a deal?” Loki asks with a breathy laugh as Thor’s hands find their way up the back of Loki’s shirt, nails dragging lightly over bare skin.

“To see where you live? Yes! Absolutely!” Thor punctuates each of these statements with with a kiss along Loki’s jawline. “I’m beyond thrilled. And I finally get to meet Fen!”

“Ah, I knew that’s what it was _really_ about-” Loki’s words drop off into a sharp little gasp as Thor drags his tongue against the pulse point behind Loki’s ear and he lands a fist on the button for the privacy divider, giving their poor hapless driver one wink in the rearview before they disappear from sight.

They’re both disheveled and flushed from their furious backseat make-out by the time they tumble out of the car at the entrance to Loki’s apartment building. It’s not quite fancy enough to have a doorman, but there is a security guard just inside the front door and Loki nods to him as they pass by.

Nerves only start to eat him alive once they’re alone in the elevator and he inserts the key to unlock his floor, but Thor’s warm hand against the small of his back helps ease his tension. Technically, he lives in the penthouse, but seeing as the building is only a fraction of the height of many of the city’s skyscrapers, he’s never considered it to be that exceptional… but it’s his alone and he’s rarely let anyone inside his space.

The elevator ascends and Loki’s stomach drops, and then they come to a stop and the doors open up on the familiar foyer of his home.

Loki lets Thor step inside first, following him and setting the locks behind them before reaching down to pull his boots off. “Shoes off,” he murmurs to Thor, suddenly feeling quite shy.

Fenrir comes trotting into the foyer from the doorway that leads to the kitchen with a meow of greeting, but stops short immediately upon seeing that Loki isn’t alone. Thor’s just finished kicking off his sneakers and he crouches down, holding out a hand, waiting patiently for Fenrir to come inspect him. “He’s adorable,” Thor says appreciatively as the cat comes close enough for him to finally give a scritch behind the ears.

Loki flushes at the words, because he honestly hadn’t known how his cat would react to someone new in their space either. Fen seems to have taken an immediate liking to Thor, though, swishing curiously all about his feet until Thor finally bends down and scoops the purring cat up to rest in the crook of one broad arm. “Gonna give me a tour?” he teases Loki lightly, his eyes shining with excitement.

“Well, Fen just came from the kitchen,” Loki answers, leading Thor through the doorway while nodding to another door on the opposite side of the hallway. “That’s my office, which is mostly my desk and filing cabinets.” In the sage-colored kitchen, there’s an island in the center and half a counter across the far end, an open floor-plan that spills into the living room, and it’s in that divide that Thor finally just stops and stares in appreciative awe.

The ceiling over the living room is easily a lofty twelve feet high and both side walls are lined floor to ceiling with honey maple bookshelves, a ladder resting carefully against one. On the left side of the room, there’s a large nook set into the center of the shelving, a perfect little spot invitingly full of pillows to curl up and read in, as evidenced by the stack of books on a small wrought iron table beside it. On the right side, that same space is occupied by another door and a large display of what appears to be framed playbills, programs and photographs, but the room is too dim to make any of them out specifically.

In the center of the room, a crystal chandelier, currently off, hangs over a black baby grand piano, currently closed, and a black leather sofa, and beyond it, the far wall of the room is entirely glass, providing a dazzling view of the twinkling lights of the cityscape. They’re not terribly high up, but it’s enough to see other rooftops, taller buildings, and the ebony edge of the sky beyond.

“You have a beautiful apartment, Loki,” Thor says warmly as the lights come up within the chandelier, refracting through the crystal and dancing across the colorful spines of numerous books. “Or should I be calling it a library?”

Loki brushes by Thor now that he’s turned the lights are on, running two fingers down Fen’s back in a way that makes him arch in Thor’s arms and give a pleased little trill. His footsteps are light as he circles the piano, gesturing to various shelves around the room with barely concealed excitement. “A good quarter of it is sheet music, another quarter is music-related texts, pattern-making texts, work stuff...”

“But that’s clearly only the start of it,” Thor steps further into the room to inspect what he can see of the towering bookcases, letting Fen hop down out of his arms and up onto the arm of the sofa instead. “You’ve a wealth of classic authors here too, poetry and fantasy and science fiction...” He shakes his head with an incredulous laugh as his eyes skim over the titles and authors. “Mythology and history and astronomy and… have you really read all of these? There’s hundreds of books here!”

Loki watches Thor’s amazement with quietly proud delight, arms tucked comfortably behind his back. “Have I read everything cover to cover? Maybe not… but a good many of them, absolutely. Probably more than I realize.”

Thor pauses in front of the display of memorabilia, his eyes darting from the autographed Broadway playbills and concert programs to the collection of photos. All of them feature Loki with famous musicians, but he’s always otherwise alone – there’s no family or friends in any of the photos, as far as Thor can tell, but whether or not that’s on purpose is not something he can as easily discern.

“...that’s really… impressive,” Thor finally says as he turns back to Loki, and he means it. This collection and the knowledge within it is clearly something Loki is proud of and yet guarded about, and as their eyes meet, Thor can actually read the flicker of nervous energy directed at him for what it is: Loki letting down his guard, Loki letting him in, Loki trusting him.

“...thank you,” Loki murmurs, for once not minding how Thor’s words bring a flush to his cheeks. “I know it’s… a lot.”

Thor crosses the room to where Loki is standing beside the piano and reaches around him for one of his hands, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to Loki’s knuckles. “Will you play something for me? With me?”

Loki’s eyes light up as he nods, slipping out of Thor’s grasp to sit down at the piano. “What do you want to hear?” he asks as he lifts the cover from the keys. Truthfully, he’s imagined this moment several times over already, playing for Thor here in his own place, on his own piano… but he’s never been able to decide what song to choose first. “...or do you want to sing?”

“...I’m certain you must know All of Me?” Thor says lightly, moving to stand in the curved inset of the baby grand, where he can clearly watch Loki’s face as he plays.

A song that famous, another that’s also been featured in their beloved Glee? Of course he knows it. Loki starts to play, his eyes on Thor as his lover sings to him.

_o/~ What would I do without your smart mouth  
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out  
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down  
What's going on in that beautiful mind  
I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright  
My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind ~/o_

Thor knows he’s putting his heart on display again by choosing this song, by singing the word _love_ to Loki, but how else can he express how magical Loki’s presence in his life is, make him understand what a treasure their bond is? How can he thank Loki for accepting him and his crazy past? If Loki can’t handle speaking the words out loud, then Thor will reach him in the place that’s always been their common ground – a song.

_o/~ 'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all, all of me  
And you give me all, all of you ~/o_

Maybe they are both crazy in their own ways, but Loki wouldn’t have it any other way. This emotional, dramatic, passionate partnership is everything he didn’t realize he needed and he thrills, a twinkle in his eyes, at stealing the next verse right out from under his Thor.

_o/~ How many times do I have to tell you  
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too  
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you  
My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind ~/o_

And if there’s a pause for just a moment, a waver in his voice as he continues, it’s only because Loki isn’t performing.

He’s singing from his heart.

_o/~ 'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all, all of you ~/o_

Thor joins him and they sing the bridge together in unison.

_o/~ Give me all of you, oh  
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts  
Risking it all, though it's hard ~/o_

As they sing the last chorus together, Loki drifting into harmony wherever he feels inclined, Thor slowly walks around the back of the piano until he can rest his hands on Loki’s shoulders. He drops purposefully off the last two lines just so he can hear Loki’s voice alone one more time, echoing around the room.

_o/~ I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you ~/o_

Loki’s hands are still on the keys when Thor sinks down to one knee, completely enveloping him from behind in a tight hug. “Loki…” Thor starts warmly, searching for words, uncertain whose heart is pounding faster or harder. “I apologize for how crazy things got tonight, and for the fact that they might _always_ be a little crazy… but I hope you know that I wouldn’t even be up there, doing this again at all, without _you_.”

“Don’t apologize for your fame or for who you are, Thor...” Loki laughs softly, lifting his hands from the keys to place them over Thor’s, leaning into the embrace with a slight shake of his head. “...sometimes I’m envious, but… never doubt that I love you.”

Thor startles at the words, scrambling to his feet, hardly giving Loki the space or time to stand up from the piano before he demands urgently. “Say it again.”

Loki laughs again, half a product of his jangly nerves and half because of the wild array of emotions flitting across Thor’s face – stricken disbelief, sudden joy, wary self-doubt. “Say what?”

Thor reaches to take Loki’s hand, yanking him in close, suddenly completely serious as he searches Loki’s unusually unguarded green eyes. “Say that you love me.”

For once, Loki doesn’t avert or avoid that piercing blue gaze. He wants those electric eyes on him always. Lifting his free hand, he twirls a loose lock of Thor’s golden hair around one finger as he had earlier in the night and smiles. “I love you.”

Thor gives an indistinguishable choked-up response and Loki gets exactly one second of those so blue eyes filling with tears before Thor’s lips are catching his in a tender kiss that doesn’t stay that way for very long.

Thor’s hands cup Loki’s face first, kissing him repeatedly, teeth nipping against his lips, begging him to open up. Loki’s hands comb through Thor’s hair, drift downwards, squeeze tight around his biceps as Thor’s hands find Loki’s ass, lifting him up and seating him on top of the piano. Loki winds his arms around Thor’s neck and his legs around Thor’s hips, drawing them together as his lips part, letting Thor’s tongue slide hot against his own.

They’ve both been half-hard since the end of the concert and all of the contact between them brings that arousal roaring to life again. Thor buries his hands in Loki’s hair as he grinds their hips together, chasing Loki’s tongue around until he catches it, sucking hard until he drags a throaty little moan out of his lover.

“N-not here,” Loki finally breaks their kiss to protest, but only the location.

It’s Thor’s turn to laugh, his eyes shining as he buries his face against Loki’s shoulder and then kisses up his neck before asking, “...your bedroom’s through that doorway, isn’t it?”

“Mmm,” Loki agrees and Thor lifts him easily off the piano, carrying him through the wall of books and into his room. The lights are off and the blackout curtains are drawn, insulating them from the city’s lights, so the room is dark save for the light spilling in from the library. “Starki, program Winter Skies.”

Thor’s breath catches as the high ceiling of the room becomes a projected canvas of stars, a crescent moon hanging low along one edge. “I love it.” It’s no planetarium, but it’s far more impressive than he’d had any idea the little machine could produce, easily illuminating the large black bed in the middle of the room. For a moment, Thor thinks about tossing Loki down onto it and climbing on top of him, but he wants Loki’s skin under his hands and there are still clothes in the way. Turning a cheeky grin on Loki, he adds. “I love you.”

Loki chuckles as Thor lets him down, only to immediately move into pulling his shirt off. Loki lifts his arms to ease the way, immediately tugging at Thor’s in return as he teases softly. “You just want me to say it again.”

“I absolutely do,” Thor grins adorably before yanking his own shirt over his head.

Loki’s timing is absolute precision and he waits until Thor is exactly hands over head distracted enough to not be expecting the sharp two-handed shove that sends him careening backwards onto the bed. He’s straddling Thor before he manages to disentangle himself from his own shirt.

“Loki...” Thor starts in surprise, but Loki grinds their still-clothed cocks together and his thoughts dissolve into a lusty groan. He reaches up to curl one hand around the back of Loki’s neck, drawing him down into another kiss instead.

It’s only a tease like this, more than either of them really have the patience for right now, and Thor’s hands quickly travel down Loki’s back, cupping his leather-clad ass and squeezing. Loki rocks back into his hands as they kiss, then forward again, a slow and sinuous slide that drags a frustrated little noise out of Thor.

Loki finally breaks their kiss, but only so that he can shift down Thor’s body again, teeth nipping across his ribs as he unbuttons Thor’s jeans. He presses the lightest kiss to the tip of Thor’s cock as he frees it and then unceremoniously drags his pants off his hips and down his body.

Thor rises up on one elbow to watch Loki turn, giving him a perfect view of his ass as he peels out of his leather pants, with a glance from over his shoulder that says he knows Thor enjoys the show. Then he’s on the bed again, between Thor’s legs, descending on Thor’s cock with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head in the perfectly torturous way he knows Thor adores.

This too, is only a tease, though, as Loki has zero intentions of letting Thor come like this. His nails dig into Thor’s thighs as he sucks, then licks, waiting until Thor’s cock is wet and his legs are trembling under Loki’s hands before he stops abruptly.

Thor feels dazed as Loki straddles him again, sliding their cocks together underside to underside, pressed tight between them, and he tastes himself in their next kiss. He doesn’t even realize what’s happening when Loki breaks the kiss to sit up, reaching to his bedside with one hand, wrapping his fingers around Thor’s cock with the other.

“You want to come inside me, don’t you?” Loki asks him coyly from under half-lidded eyes gone almost black with desire as he coats both of their cocks with oil.

“Fuck, Loki,” Thor chokes out as Loki slides against him one last teasing time, then re-positions himself until the head of Thor’s cock is resting between his ass cheeks and Thor’s hands have found purchase on his hips.

“I’ll take that as a yesss,” Loki answers, the last word dissolving into a hiss of pleasure as he sinks down onto Thor’s cock, reveling in being split open by his thick, slicked heat.

Thor’s thumbs dig into Loki’s hips hard enough to bruise as he moans, unused to having the control taken out of his hands, but completely willing to surrender himself to Loki’s whims. He lets Loki set their pace, pulling off him almost all of the way before slamming his hips down this time, burying Thor inside himself again and dragging wordless pleasure from both their lips. Loki continues in this slow and excruciating manner until Thor finally cracks, thrusting up into him, feet planted on the bed now for strength, and then they begin to find a rhythm together.

Loki can’t help feeling like a king seated on the most glorious throne as he rides Thor faster and harder, as Thor meets him with perfect upward thrusts that send sparks down his spine every time they connect. “Touch me,” he finally begs in a wild-eyed gasp.

Complying instantly, Thor moves one hand from Loki’s hips to wrap his fingers around Loki’s cock, stroking it in quick little jerks until Loki spills hot across Thor’s belly with a strangled cry. Thor finds himself enthralled by the ecstasy painted across Loki’s features as he comes, his dark hair and pale skin under the light of the slowly shifting stars giving him an ethereal glow. He thrusts up once more as Loki squeezes tightly around him and then he’s shuddering and shaking through his own release, tumbling end over end with no gravity.

Loki’s almost immediately boneless, collapsing down against Thor, who wraps him up tight as they ride out the aftershocks together. Bliss floods his everything as Thor’s hands move slowly up and down his back, as Thor’s lips press tiny kisses to the top of his head, as Thor’s heartbeat finally starts to slow under his ear.

Utterly relaxed and barely conscious, Thor sighs into Loki’s hair one last time. “...say it again.”

Tipping his face up until his lips are against Thor’s pulse, Loki whispers the words with an equally sated and sleepy smile. “...I love you.”


	15. Untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

Consciousness returns to Thor slowly, and when he finally opens his eyes, he’s momentarily confused by the darkness of the room and the empty expanse of bed around him until he hears the piano music drifting in the open door. Rolling onto his back with a smile, he pillows his hands under his head, content to listen, but curious when he realizes that Loki’s not playing anything he recognizes and, in fact, keeps repeating little phrases of music, several chords in a row, sometimes changing the ending or the overall rhythm of them.

Unable to contain his curiosity, Thor finally rolls out of the bed, pulls his boxers on and pads out of the bedroom and into the library, golden with morning sunlight. Loki sits at the piano wrapped in a forest green silk robe, dark hair loose around his shoulders, obviously lost in thought, his eyes closed as he returns to the start of his pattern, playing the same three chords again, but this time, Thor is close enough to hear the soft hum of a melody too.

Loki’s eyes slide open as he hears Thor’s footsteps, his hands stilling as he offers his lover a warm and welcoming little smile. “...sleep well?” he asks softly.

“How could I not with you in my arms?” Thor sits down on the piano bench in his usual opposite-facing position as Loki shifts to make enough room for him, leaning back and in until first their eyes meet and then their lips. “I didn’t recognize what you were playing?” he prods gently as they part from the kiss.

“Mmm...” Loki’s hands move over the three chords again, four, really, as the little musical phrase ends back where it began. It’s a common pattern, a I-IV-V-I cadence, in a common key, C, but the voicing of it, the perfect 4ths and 5ths, leave it sounding old and almost hymn-like. “Just messing around with a little piece of something I woke up with in my head.”

“Oh?” Thor’s interest is further piqued as the topic hasn’t really come up before now. “You’ve mentioned arranging before, but I suppose I’ve never asked if you compose anything yourself?”

“I do,” Loki answers him amiably despite how close the question strays to what he’s been avoiding the entire time they’ve known each other. Somehow, after last night, it doesn’t seem as terrifying anymore. “Mostly instrumental stuff, things that have been performed at the university, or sometimes for an odd job here or there - background music for commercials or television.”

As he talks, Loki’s hands drift over the keys, playing little snippets of music, also nothing that Thor recognizes. “Your compositions?” he queries and Loki nods. “...you ever write songs? I heard you humming just now.”

“Sometimes.” Loki returns to what he was playing when Thor woke up, humming softly again, the tiniest hint of nerves fluttering in his gut. He’s hardly had a more perfect opportunity to tell Thor the truth and yet, he finds he’d rather turn the focus to what _could_ be rather than what _was_. “If I did… would you want to-”

Thor doesn’t even let him finish the question before answering with an emphatic, “ _Yes_. A hundred thousand million times _yes_.” Loki laughs in response and Thor makes a noise of protest before continuing, hoping Loki can tell how much sincerity is in his answer. “I would be honored to sing a song you’ve written. I think it would be thrilling to have something original for _our_ band.”

Loki’s cheeks flush at the enthusiastic response and he teases Thor lightly in return. “If you’d be willing to at least help me write the lyrics, then perhaps I’d consider it.” And maybe, if they wrote something new together now, maybe… maybe he’d be able to eventually tell Thor the truth about Far From Me. Maybe it wouldn’t seem like that big of a deal in the wake of new things they’d created together. _Maybe..._

It’s been years since Thor tried to write anything at all, but most of the insecurity and bad blood of the past is water under the bridge now with Loki as his partner. “I’d certainly be willing to try," he enthuses, leaning in to press another kiss against Loki’s temple.

The conversation is interrupted by the ringing of Thor’s phone from the pocket of his pants still on the bedroom floor and he jumps up immediately to run and grab it, giving Loki a regretful little look he knows will be understood. It’s very likely to be Heimdall and not a call either of them actually wants to ignore after how last night ended.

“Yeah, sorry for not answering your texts, I just woke up,” Thor’s voice carries through the apartment as he returns from the bedroom, phone pressed to his ear. “Give us like...” He glances at Loki, who holds up one finger with a questioning look in his eyes. “An hour or so to put ourselves together and we’ll head over to Thunderstruck.”

Loki gently closes the cover to the piano keys before getting up from the bench, listening to the end of the conversation as he follows Thor back into the bedroom.

“Mmhmm, right, ok, thanks. Peter, right? He should have Loki’s address from last night. Okay, see you soon.” Thor sets the phone down on the table beside the bed before relaying the conversation to Loki. “Heimdall says the coast is clear at the bar and we should get back there as soon as we can to help clean up the mess and sort out where to go from here.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Loki agrees. “I left a lot of equipment there last night and I do hope nothing’s been damaged.”

Thor frowns, thinking of how quickly they’d rushed out in the absolute chaos. “You know I’d replace anything-”

“Let’s not worry about it until and unless it’s necessary,” Loki shakes his head, reaching up to wind a lock of Thor’s hair around one finger and tug it playfully. Thor standing around Loki’s bedroom in nothing but his underwear is a distracting temptation only made worse when his lover catches his hand as he pulls it away, bringing it to his lips to kiss Loki’s knuckles one by one.

“I wish we could...” Thor starts softly, his eyes on Loki’s with a longing intensity, but a quiet heartbeat later, Loki gently tugs his hand free and saunters off towards the bathroom, tossing a coy smile over his shoulder.

“I do too,” he admits with just a touch of regret, and he doesn’t need to follow it up with anything else because they’re both more than aware that they need to get back to the bar and find out the results of the police showing up last night.

As it is, they barely have the time to trade off on showers while Loki brews some coffee through his Keurig, and still get out the door on time to meet the car waiting out front for them, the same as the one they’d arrived in the night before.

The city is covered in a fine layer of frost this morning, clouding the glass of cars and storefronts the sun hasn’t reached yet as they head back towards Brooklyn, and in the backseat of their ride, Thor slings an arm around Loki, who leans comfortably into him as he watches the familiar scenery pass by.

When Thor pulls open the door to Thunderstruck, they’re both startled by how much of a mess the place is. All of the tables and chairs are still shoved haphazardly against the walls and the floors are a sticky mess of empty beer bottles, cans, shattered glass and other debris. Heimdall sits at one of the tables, clearly on the phone with someone, though he raises one hand in silent greeting, and Bucky and Val are already hard at work, each with a garbage bag in hand.

“Where’s Steve?” Thor asks as Loki heads immediately to the stage to check on the keyboard, pedal boards, amps and other bits of their equipment.

“Down in storage with Sam and Bruce,” Val answers as Bucky picks up an empty garbage bag and promptly chucks it at Thor’s head.

“Better get to work, Boss,” he chides Thor lightly. “We’re due to open in two hours and this place looks like it got struck by a goddamn tornado.”

Thor catches the bag and grins unapologetically, but he does join Bucky in picking up the garbage as Val starts to sweep up the glass, watching as Loki turns equipment on and checks to make sure everything’s still working smoothly.

The back door swings open a few minutes later to reveal Sam’s grinning face, an enormous cardboard box in his arms, and he greets them by singing, “Christmas Bells are ring~ing~! Christmas Bells are ring~ing~!”

Bruce follows behind him with another box as Bucky looks up and deadpans back at him, “Somewhere else.”

“Not here,” Val agrees in the same monotone and from the stage, Loki snickers under his breath before calling out to Thor. “Thankfully, nothing’s broken or missing.”

Steve’s the last one into the room, the long box with the artificial Christmas tree slung easily over one shoulder, which he immediately sets down so he can pull the back door closed to keep the chilly air from getting inside.

“That time already?” Thor says to them in surprise, but even as the words are coming out of his mouth, he realizes it is, in fact, not even two weeks until Christmas and he’s just been too... caught up... to notice.

“Already?” Steve laughs with a shake of his head. “We should have had this done weeks ago, but things have been a little busy around here. Figured if I had the whole crew here early for last night’s clean-up, might as well draft everyone into helping with this task too. If we’re quick, we can have it all finished before lunch arrives.”

“We ordered four pizzas,” Bruce dumps his box down next to the tree before pulling his glasses off to clean the dust from them. “Should be here in an hour or so.”

“At which point, we will sit down and have a discussion,” Heimdall adds sternly, having finished his phone call, and Sam takes that as a cue to flip the radio on, tuning it to one of the local channels that’s playing holiday tunes.

“Hey, Loki,” Sam beckons with him closer with one hand. “If you’re finished with the equipment, come help me untangle and string some of these lights up across the bar?”

Considering the alternative is joining the garbage detail, Loki’s quick to accept. He’s always rather enjoyed decorating his own apartment for the holidays, but he’s not sure if he’s ever decorated _with_ anyone else. Nimble fingers and years of untangling electrical wires for gigs makes the task more soothing than annoying, though, and as everyone gets back to work around him, he can’t help singing along softly under his breath with the entirely appropriate song currently playing on the radio.

_o/~ Climb down the chimney_

_Turn on the brightest string of lights I've ever seen_

_Slice up the fruit cake_

_It's time we've hung some tinsel on the evergreen bough ~/o_

Thor doesn’t look up from his garbage collecting, but he does start to sing along too, because it makes him feel good, makes the work go faster. He’s not surprised when Val and Bruce and even Sam join in after another line or two, but he’s really tickled when he realizes he can hear Bucky’s quiet bass and Steve’s soft hum too.

_o/~ For I've grown a little leaner, grown a little colder_

_Grown a little sadder, grown a little older_

_And I need a little angel sitting on my shoulder_

_I need a little Christmas now ~/o_

Loki finally manages to untangle the strands of lights and when Sam leans over the counter to plug one end in behind the bar, he can’t help a smile as the bright rainbow colors flicker to life in his hands.

_o/~ For we need a little music, need a little laughter,_

_need a little singing ringing through the rafter_

_and we need a little snappy, happy ever after_

_We need a little Christmas now_ _~/o_

Bucky swaps over to mopping the floors as Thor and Val haul the trash bags outside, and then with Heimdall’s assistance, they begin to put the tables and chairs back in their proper places. Bruce helps Steve with the assembly of the pre-lit 9 ft. tree and after helping to string lights along the length of the bar, Loki hops up onto the bar top with Thor’s permission to set the star on the top of their tree. They don’t quite manage to get to the box of decorations before lunch arrives, but the bar is at least clean, orderly and a bit festive by the time they pull three tables together to sit down and eat.

Thor seats himself at one end, Loki on one side of him and Val on the other, Bruce next to her. Sam sits next to Loki, Steve beside him and Bucky opposite, and Heimdall sits at the other end. With the hard work accomplished and four pizzas – sausage and mushroom, Hawaiian, bacon BBQ and chicken alfredo – and a round of beers between all of them, the mood manages to feel like a celebration of the previous night’s success despite the bad news they all know is about to cloud it.

Everyone looks at Heimdall to start the conversation, but he defers to Steve, who as manager had handled the police last night, to break the bad news. “It’s complicated, but in short, we’re not allowed to hold anymore performances or even rehearsals without hiring actual security as well as selling tickets and/or having a cover charge, ie becoming a venue and not just a bar.”

“There are plenty of pros and cons to this,” Sam is surprisingly the next one to speak, but Steve’s glancing between both him and Bucky makes it clear that it’s because this is a discussion the three of them have already had that’s now being imparted to everyone else. “But the bottom line is that we can’t continue on as we were, so to say. Something’s gotta change. The biggest and most obvious problem is that Thunderstruck as it is...” Sam pauses to grin first at Loki, then Thor, as he gives a helpless little shrug. “Well, it’s not really big enough to accommodate the size of the crowd you drew last night.”

“You’ve also got to consider that doing that sort of thing, becoming a ticketed event, that scares away the regulars,” Steve adds. “If they can’t drop by on a Friday night without a line around the block, then they stop dropping by on other nights too, concerts or not. They find somewhere else to frequent.”

“And then the place just isn’t the place anymore,” Bucky says quietly, both hands wrapped around his beer mug tightly. “And that means something, _if_ you care about the so-called little people – the ones who’ve been supporting Thunderstruck since it opened.”

“There’s no easy answer,” Sam sighs, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “Especially since we’d all miss you playing here if you stopped or went elsewhere too.”

The news is hard to hear for all of them, with no obvious solution, but before anyone can comment further, Heimdall takes the quiet moment to add to the pile. “I do have other news, though whether it’s to be considered good or bad is perhaps up to your own discretion.”

“Lay it on us,” Thor frowns, wondering if this has something to do with why Heimdall had been on the phone when they’d first arrived.

“I just finished a phone call with Ms. Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries, courtesy of Natasha, who helped out Thunderstruck last night.”

“Stark Industries?” Loki’s eyebrows lift in curiosity.

“It would appear that Tony Stark’s annual holiday party... is in need of entertainment.” Heimdall delivers this statement with absolute solemnity and it’s immediately greeted by dumb-founded stares from the rest of the group.

“You’re shitting me,” Bruce laughs in utter disbelief, pounding one fist on the table. “This is some kind of really sick joke, right? Tony Fucking Stark, wow.”

“Natasha was quite impressed with all of you last night.”

“We’ve played together as a group exactly _twice_?!” Val finally cuts in incredulously at about the point that Thor simply starts laughing, and loudly. “For fun!”

“I don’t know whether to be insulted or flattered, honestly,” Thor wipes the tears from the corners of his eyes as he shakes his head.

“We don’t even have a name yet, though...” Loki finally says thoughtfully, resting chin in one hand, elbow on the table, the only one taking Heimdall’s news at all seriously.

“Are you – wait – are we really considering this?” Bruce looks from Thor to Loki to Val as his face immediately starts to pale.

“This would indeed be a _very_ high profile gig,” Heimdall continues, turning his knowing gaze directly on Thor. “There would be no issues with security -”

“You mean screaming fan girls,” Val mutters under her breath.

“ - since it’s by invite only, but it would also be… very public. Some portion of the event is usually televised.”

Thor’s laughing subsides and a worried expression returns to his face, but under the table, his hand finds Loki’s and they squeeze tightly. There are a lot of decisions at hand, a lot of opinions to consider, and every set of eyes around the table is waiting to hear what Thor has to say… waiting for him to lead.

The police have already kicked them out of their own bar, essentially. He could simply call it all off right now. Dissolve this fledgling band, let Val return to bartending, let Bruce return to his dissertation, let Loki go back to teaching, let himself…

Let himself what?

Stop playing? Stop performing? Just when he’s finally carved out a slice of happiness?

The fate of Thunderstruck hangs in the balance of what he decides to do next, but he’d be a coward to walk away without even _trying_ to find a solution.

“First things first – can’t make a decision about the future of a band unless I know there’s still a band. So – Loki, Val, Bruce.” Thor looks around at his friends, his expression serious, but hopeful, even if he thinks he knows what their answers will be. “Do you want to say yes to this gig? Do we want to do this?”

“Absolutely,” Loki says immediately, almost before Thor’s finished the question, eyes shining with a touch of smug pride. He knows exactly the kind of people who will be at the Stark Industries party because he’s attended one before with his father. There’s hardly a flashier place to make a public debut.

“If you’re paying me, I’m there,” Val adds, but it’s with a teasing grin that tells Thor she _wants_ to do it too. “I don’t have much going on right now besides this.”

Bucky leans forward to catch her eyes, concern in his expression. “I thought you said she was coming home next week?”

“Delayed again,” Val shrugs and frowns, but private as ever, she doesn’t really want to discuss it and waves Bucky off until later. “Still crossing my fingers for New Year’s.”

The whole table then turns to Bruce, who throws up his hands in immediate defeat at the undivided attention. “Of course I still want to play with you! The idea of a party terrifies me. A lot of unknown variables there. But honestly, even if I manage to finish this dissertation before Christmas, I’m still going to need a grant for the research. What better time to hob knob at a party full of wealthy patrons?”

Val snickers and shakes her head, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “As if you’d pass up the opportunity to meet the _egotistical but brilliant –_ your words, not mine _–_ Tony Stark?”

“Do you have to call me out like that?!” Bruce complains at her, sinking a little lower in his seat with a noise of disgust. “It’s not for the celebrity, it’s for the _science_.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes!”

“Well, I guess we’re all in, then,” Thor intones loudly over the top of their squabbling. “I suppose you can tell Ms. Potts that it’s a yes.”

“So now you’ve got a gig, but no rehearsal space,” Steve reminds him pointedly. “And I assume that, at least for now, we run Thunderstruck same as always, but no concerts?”

“That’s all we _can_ do, I gather,” Thor sighs and nods. “I’ll work with Heimdall on finding alternate locations for…” He doesn’t actually want to finish the statement. Changing the nature of the bar is as difficult a thought as not playing here anymore, and he doesn’t dare to bring up the idea of moving the whole bar to a bigger location yet either. All of this takes more time and research and effort and -

“We all know there’s not an easy solution to this situation, Thor,” Steve’s words cut into the spiraling circles of worry he can see etching across his friend’s brow. “But I think I speak for everyone when I say that no one wants to see you give up playing again. We all want to see you succeed. And no one wants to give up on Thunderstruck either.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Sam agrees and even Bucky nods.

“Like we always do,” And he pointedly turns his gaze on Steve, the two of them communicating without words.

Steve finally nods, his last word softer than his previous statements. “Together.”

“I might even be able to get us some temporary rehearsal space at the university,” Loki cuts in, hoping to lighten the atmosphere a little. “Classes are finished for the semester, but the campus is open for another week before the winter break. It’s not a permanent solution, obviously, but might be enough to get things together for a gig this large and specific.”

Thor brightens a little at that thought, and at the support of his friends, and the next words are out of his mouth before he really thinks them through. “Maybe we could even debut a new song?”

“Aren’t you always adding new songs?” Sam asks, always eager to hear what their next selections will be. “What are you thinking of this time?”

“A new _original_ song,” Thor’s grin widens at the surprised expressions around the table. “Loki said he would – _ouch_! Loki’s now kicking me under the table.”

“Deserved,” Val mutters, but then turns her attention to Loki’s suddenly pink-tinted cheeks. “Didn’t know you wrote songs?”

“Haven’t in a long time,” Loki shrugs, shooting Thor the tiniest of glares. “And only said I _might_ if a certain _someone_ helped with the lyrics.”

“And I said that I would,” Thor claps a hand down on Loki’s shoulder warmly. “Come on, show them what you were playing for me earlier.”

It doesn’t take much convincing to get Loki up at the piano to play the little snippet from this morning, and Thor is content to listen to his friends’ reactions to the music, his mind drifting as the chatter quickly turns to ideas for the holiday gig and finishing the decorations as they prepare to open Thunderstruck for the day.

Thor wants to do it all – write the lyrics, find a place to rehearse, rock this gig… and still find a way to keep performing at the bar with his friends – and even if the list seems daunting at the moment, he has to believe that somehow it will all work out. That he can handle the pressure and the expectations.

That this time he won’t fuck it all up.


	16. One Foot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

“Maybe it doesn’t actually need to be 7/4, but just swap between 4/4 and 3/4 until we hit the verse...” Loki mumbles to himself as he taps his stylus against the screen of his tablet, changing the time signatures in the sheet music again. Satisfied, he hits the playback button and plays the piano along with the recording, making certain that the slightly uneven feel comes across just as he hears it in his head.

The melody is still mostly a hum as he plays through the verse next, then another chorus… but it’s the bridge that really has him a little stuck. It feels like there could be an overlap or an echo in the vocals, but without the lyrics, it’s hard to tell.

Frustrated, he pulls his hands from the piano keys and pauses the playback. It’s not good to get too angry with himself when doing creative work like this, so he simply sets it aside as he glances at the clock on the wall. The rest of the band is due here momentarily anyway, so for the moment, he decides to indulge himself with something that came up on his playlist during his ride to the university this morning.

Thor wonders as he wanders through the nearly empty building if he’s actually in the right place, but so far Loki’s directions haven’t led him wrong and when he hears the faint strains of piano music drifting down the hallway, he knows without a doubt that it’s his lover playing. The tune is one he recognizes, but he’s never heard Carol of the Bells played quite like this before and he pauses at the doorway, peeking in, not wanting to interrupt.

Loki is quite obviously focused on his playing, his hands flying over the keys with a delicate touch, and the way the melody keeps repeating, each variation more complicated than the last, makes the sound just as hypnotic as the sight. His hair is pulled back from his face in a messy little bun at the nape of his neck, a few loose pieces falling out as he plays.

Thor thinks he hasn’t been noticed until the song finally draws to a close and Loki looks up at him with a soft little smile. His cardigan is as green as his eyes today and as he gets up from the piano bench, Thor’s eyes are drawn to the slice of a Billy Joel t-shirt just visible underneath. He can’t help but stare at it for a moment, feeling like he’s seen it before, but not quite able to place the when or where.

“Hoped if I left the door open, it’d help you find your way here,” Loki is saying as Thor’s mind finally snaps back into place. “It’s a little bit strange to be here when the whole place is so empty, even for me.”

“Drawn towards the music,” Thor smiles at him as their steps bring them both to the center of the room and he leans down to brush a kiss against Loki’s cheek. “That was beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Loki answers with that same little hint of a smile that tells Thor how much he appreciates the compliment. “I’ve been thinking of some things I could play during the gig to give us all a bit of a break from singing, or if the mood needs something a little lighter than a full rock band.”

“Always thinking ahead,” Thor beams at him with admiration that Loki waves off with one hand.

“How could I not? This is _quite_ the undertaking.” Loki’s words sound testy, but the twinkle in his eyes lets Thor know he’s more than up for the challenge.

“I’m really grateful to you for grabbing us a space to rehearse in on such short notice too,” Thor adds, turning in a slow circle to take in the large rehearsal room.

“HELLOOO?!”

Bruce’s voice bellowing down the empty hallway and into their room saves Loki from having to wave off Thor’s praise yet again as Thor turns towards the open door to call back to him. “End of the hallway on your right!”

Bruce appears in the doorway in minute later along with Val, who has her own bass strapped to her back today. “Figured if I was going to haul an instrument here, might as well be my own,” she greets them as Thor reaches her side, already curious to see what she’s brought.

As he crows excitedly over her bass, a rich blue with silvery wings etched on either side of the fretboard, Loki gestures Bruce towards the drum set to fine-tune the set-up to his preference. Thor’s brought his favorite electric with him as well, and Loki’s borrowed a few other pieces from what he has access to at the university. It’s decidedly not their usual set-up and in fact, it feels more than a little strange to be playing somewhere other than the bar, but it’s something they’re all going to have to get accustomed to if they’re going to be playing a gig somewhere brand new to them in a matter of days.

“Are there plans in the works for getting all our own equipment in and out of this shindig?” Bruce asks as they gather around the piano to share their list of song ideas for the event.

“Heimdall’s working with Sam and Natasha on that, actually,” Thor tells them. He’s relieved to have one less thing to worry about, and grateful for the advantage of having his manager at his side to help him coordinate everything and make sure nothing important slips through the cracks. “Apparently, Stark Industries has an entire audio-visual team that will tear down our set-up at Thunderstruck, transport it to Stark Tower and set it up there. They’d rather do it themselves than have us hiring outside help, security blahblahblah. Natasha’s going to bring them around tomorrow to do an initial assessment to make certain there’s enough space set aside.”

“I’m still carrying my own instrument,” Val insists, “But if you’ve got a trustworthy crew to handle the rest of it, I’m fine with that. I do not miss the days of lugging equipment around in the back of a van.”

“So all that’s left to us is the actual set list and the final day-of sound check?” Loki asks, visibly relieved to know that they don’t have to worry about _all_ of the logistics themselves. He’s used to doing everything himself for any gig, so it’s a rather unusual feeling to be working as part of a team and trusting other people to get things where they need to be.

“They even assured me there would be a baby grand,” Thor grins at Loki, a little bit of both his excitement and his exhaustion creeping into the expression. “Spare no expense, according to Nat, which is… great.”

“More like _nerve-wracking_ ,” Bruce shakes his head and gives a little shudder. “More like... we better be worth the investment.”

“But aren’t we?” Loki lifts a pointed eyebrow, Thor laughs and Val elbows Bruce.

“We _absolutely_ are,” she agrees with Loki. “But we better get started planning this setlist, because unlike you slackers, I’m due back at Thunderstruck to bartend in a few hours.”

The first part of the work is familiar and a favorite pasttime, because it’s easy to come up with a list of things they’ve played together before that they’d love to have on the set list again. This time, though, they stray just a little further away from the bar’s favorite sing-alongs and more towards songs that best show off their range as musicians. On top of that, with the event being a holiday party, it’s clear that they should add some favorite seasonal songs into the roster too, but not anything that will sound too out of place with everything else they’ve got planned.

It only takes about an hour to build a several-hours-long list for the party, but then things begin to go a bit south. A lot of the favorite holiday songs are older tunes, jazz standards, not the sort of stuff they’ve been covering at all. It takes another two hours to argue their way through the arrangements of tunes they all have different favorite versions of and strong opinions about, and by the time the alarm on Val’s phone goes off, they’re all a little more stressed and exhausted by the grueling rehearsal than expected.

“Sorry, guys, half hour mark,” Val sighs as she pockets her phone. “I’ve only got time for one or two more before I should head out. Steve and Bucky have got our backs, but I don’t want to leave them hanging either.”

“Please, I need a break from holiday hell,” Bruce demands, pushing his glasses up onto his head and pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

The tension in the air is thick, but not because they aren’t getting along or figuring things out successfully. It’s simply the first time they’ve really tried to work together, plan something like this together, and the size and scope of what they’ve committed to looms large over their heads. None of them want to see this go badly.

Thor and Loki meet eyes for a moment, each wondering if the other will bring up the topic of the original song, but after a moment of awkward silence, Loki finally pulls out his phone. “Why don’t we try something completely new, then?” he suggests, pulling up one of his playlists. “For fun. If you like it, we can add it. Let me grab a second acoustic while you listen to this – see if you can pick up the main groove, Bruce?”

The song starts and Loki points out a few things as it plays, asking Val to cover some of the high backing vocals with him for depth and asking Bruce to see if he can add the little yelled _Heys!_ with Thor in the background. “I know it’s rather electro,” he says as he starts to play, “but I think if we cover half the background on one acoustic, like this...”

Thor picks up on the rhythmic part almost immediately as he listens to Loki and starts to play it on his guitar, leaving Loki to move on to cover the other half, the quicker little broken chords. “Yeah, I know the original a bit, but this works too – split the vocals?” Thor asks Loki as they near the end of the recording. “You, then me?”

After a moment of fiddling from each of them on their instruments – working out little pieces here and there, grabbing a missing chord off a chart – Thor brings up the lyrics on his phone to keep track of how many choruses they need at the end. Bruce counts them off from the top with four clicks of his sticks.

_o/~_ _Not a soul up ahead and nothing behind  
There's a desert in my blood and a storm in your eyes  
Am I the king of nothing at all?  
Then you're the queen of nothing at all _ _~/o_

The three of them have gathered fairly close around Bruce’s drum set as Loki sings the first verse, abandoning the microphones, the amps, and the space they’ve been trying to fill. Loki hands the verse off to Thor, who winks at him halfway through.

_o/~_ _Well I remember the fight and I forget the pain  
I got my hand in your pocket and my key on your chain  
Am I the king of nothing at all?  
Then you're the queen of nothing at all _ _~/o_

Loki’s cheeks pink at the teasing but he doesn’t miss a beat, singing back at him.

_o/~ Oh, through the wilderness  
You and I, we're walking through the emptiness ~/o_

Thor answers with the next two lines and for a few minutes, they’ve all forgotten about the gig – they’re just enjoying jamming out a new song, figuring out how they fit together.

_o/~ Oh, my heart is a mess  
Is it the only defense against the wilderness? ~/o_

They sing the chorus together in unison, Val and Bruce joining them exactly the way they planned, each of them darting eyes and smiles around the little circle at each other as they play.

_o/~ Cross my heart and hope to die  
Taking this one step at a time  
Got your back if you got mine (oh~!)  
One foot in front of the other  
(oo-oo-oo-hey!) One foot in front of the other  
(oo-oo-oo-hey!) One foot in front of the other  
One foot in front of the other  
All that we have is each other  
One foot in front of the other ~/o_

Loki sings the start of the second verse, eyes drifting down for a moment as he plays, hoping the rest of the band, his – his _friends_ – will understand why he impulsively tossed this song at them.

_o/~ Not a soul on the road, not a star in the sky  
It's a desert in my heart, and I know where to hide  
I'm your king of nothing at all  
And you're my queen of nothing at all ~/o_

The next set of words is a quick little tongue-twister and Thor outright grins as he manages to pull it off, always thrilled by something that pushes his abilities.

_o/~ Well, out here in the dust if you don't have trust  
Ain't nothing left of us, this is the exodus  
They're just testing us, they can't flex with us  
They can't mess with us, they can't mess with us ~/o_

Near the end, the song pulls back to just Loki’s quick little guitar part and Bruce’s beat, and as he sings, the last word feels punctuated by the pleading tone in his voice.

_o/~ Oh, through the wilderness  
How come even together there can be loneliness? ~/o_

Thor’s a little surprised at how Loki’s delivery makes his chest ache and he answers with an affirmative instead of a question, the slightest subtle change in the lyrics as his rhythmic part kicks in again.

_o/~ Oh, our heart's a mess  
But it's our only defense to brave the wilderness ~/o_

They all sing through the last chorus together, adding bits of harmonies and descants, playing with flourishes on the groove, creating something unique that no one but the four of them will ever get to hear.

_o/~ Cross my heart and hope to die  
Taking this one step at a time  
I got your back if you got mine  
One foot in front of the other  
One foot in front of the other  
One foot in front of the other  
One foot in front of the other  
Oh, all that we have is each other  
One foot in front of the other ~/o_

“Yes!” Thor can’t help the exclamation or the extra little jam on his guitar as they finish, which only makes the rest of them laugh, but the sound and the feeling and the pure release of it is just what they all need to shake off the difficult rehearsal.

It seems as if they might all be content to leave it on that positive note for the day, but as they move to return their instruments to their cases, Val finally asks the question neither of the other two seem to want to. “So… are you two still working on a song?”

Loki and Thor both look up from their cases simultaneously and meet eyes, neither knowing what the other will say because they haven’t actually talked about it. There isn’t any reason not to be honest about it, though, so Loki answers her first. “I’m almost finished with the sheet music and chord chart, and of course, the piano part. A bit stuck on the bridge...” he gestures towards Thor, trying to keep his tone light. “About the same place I was in during last night’s recording.”

Thor falters instead of answering. Of course, he’s listened to Loki’s recordings, but with everything else going on with the gig and the bar in the last two days, he hasn’t had the time or space to think about the lyrics yet. “Why don’t you play it for us?”

Loki’s eyes cloud with something unspoken, but he shuts the guitar case and moves to sit behind the piano. Closing his eyes as he plays the first few chords, he sings what there is of the melody on a soft hum or an oo, depending on the dynamics.

There’s a longing in the music that wraps itself around Thor’s heart and squeezes, but even with that strong of a reaction, when he searches for the words to describe it, he frustrates himself by coming up blank. Even so, he can’t help humming along with Loki when he reaches the chorus a second time, giving that melody an underneath harmony that makes Loki finally look up from the piano with a note of surprise in his eyes.

Loki continues to play as Bruce, still sitting behind the drum set, adds a little bit of bass and cymbal as he tries to decide how to articulate the underlying pattern he can hear in his head. Val’s not plugged into the amp anymore, but her fingers move over the strings anyway, the very soft hum of feeling out the bassline vibrating low underneath the piano’s sound.

They reach the unfinished bridge and when Loki sings the last bit he’d been playing with before their arrival today, Thor answers it, not with an echo, but more of a call and response, and Loki stops playing quite abruptly.

“Sorry, did I-?” Thor starts in surprise at the sudden silence, but Loki merely waves him off, yanking his tablet off the side of the piano and hurriedly tapping into it with many quick and precise jabs.

Bruce continues to jam on the drums behind them, obviously still working out whatever groove he was hearing, and Val just laughs, shaking her head as she finally puts her instrument away.

“I gotta run, anyway,” she tells them as she flips the case onto her back. “Loki, send us all what you have so far? There’s definitely more than enough to start messing around with.”

“Yeah, agreed,” Bruce says, finally standing up from the drum set to stretch and yawn. “I wanna work this out at home in my own space, headphones on… wait up, Val, I’ll head back with you.”

Loki gives them a wave and a nod with one hand as he taps away with the other, not looking up until the thought is complete and in the music where it belongs. “It’s finished.”

“It’s finished?” Thor asks, taking a step closer to the piano as Loki swings around on the bench to face him, a pleased twinkle in his eyes.

“Well, the song itself is finished? We still need to sort out the various instrument parts and the lyrics, so...”

Thor actually winces, but as he opens his mouth to apologize, Loki continues speaking right over him.

“I’m sorry about the lyrics-” “Did you want to go to dinner together?”

Thor doesn’t miss the flicker of emotion in Loki’s eyes, but mistakes the meaning behind it. “I promise, if you end up writing them yourself, I won’t be upset.”

Loki frowns, finally rising from the piano bench and crossing the last few steps until they’re within arm’s reach. “I don’t _want_ to write them myself,” he insists quietly. “I want to write them _together_. I thought, perhaps over dinner...”

“I can’t,” Thor gives a frustrated huff, further guilty at the disappointed expression on Loki’s face. “I have to meet Heimdall to go over a bunch of possibilities. We’re seriously looking for… well, we’re seriously looking? I don’t really know if what we need is a rehearsal space, a venue? Do we rent one? Buy a new building? Do I relocate the bar as well? And my apartment? It’s… it’s a lot to consider.”

“Of course it is,” Loki nods brusquely, turning away, beginning to fuss over the remaining instruments and wires and, really, anything he can fiddle with to avoid having to watch the guilty apologetic expression on Thor’s face. He doesn’t have any right to be upset with him over this mess, when it’s a mess of both their making, but… but he wishes Thor would actually lean on him, let him help figure out what to do. “And if you decide you need anyone to talk it over with...”

“I _do_ want to talk it over with you,” Thor insists, following Loki around the room until he finally gets frustrated enough to reach out and grab his wrist, stilling Loki’s movements. “I want to talk about that, I want to talk about lyrics, I want...”

The tension across Loki’s shoulders softens when Thor wraps arms around him from behind, pulling him off balance, backwards and snug against his chest as he struggles to find the right words. " _I got your back if you got mine,_ " Loki sings softly and Thor squeezes him tighter in understanding.

“Dinner tomorrow,” Thor promises, his voice low and gentle against Loki’s ear. “Let me sit down with Heimdall tonight and then tomorrow, I’m yours – all night. We can rent out a place, order in, take-out, stroll the city… whatever you want.”

“Wherever we start, we end at the piano,” Loki turns in Thor’s arms, winding his own around his lover and turning his face up for a kiss. “And finish this song together.”

“I promise,” Thor grins as their lips meet to seal it.

Thor’s spirits feel much lighter as he heads back to the car waiting to carry him home to his meeting with Heimdall, and as they ride past the holiday decorations that have sprung up all over the city, an idea tickles him into texting Loki.

_{ meet me at the tree tomorrow? see the lights together on the way to dinner? }_

There’s a bit of a pause between Loki seeing the message and an actual response, but when it comes, Thor feels his whole face flush with warmth at Loki’s particular way of saying yes.

_{ Oh, Christmas lights, light up the street  
Light up the fireworks in me  
May all your troubles soon be gone  
Those Christmas lights keep shining on }_

Thor thinks he’s mentally prepared for this meeting, but despite his hopeful nature, the entire night overwhelms him even more than he could have guessed. Each possibility of what to do about the situation has become a stack of its own possibilities and when he finally bids Heimdall farewell for the night, his kitchen table is absolutely covered in folders of propositions – rehearsal spaces, venues, bars for sale, buildings for sale, from Brooklyn to Manhattan to Queens, plus things he hadn’t even thought about yet – recording studio prices, security companies, all of the paperwork surrounding their gig at Stark Tower...

All of the things he was used to his father handling in the past, when they’d been under the Asgardian label.

The buzzing of his phone in his pocket startles Thor out of his circling thoughts and he pulls it out, staring at it blankly as the words across the screen register to his tired mind.

“My dad…?” he murmurs out loud, eyes widening in surprise, then narrowing in suspicion. What could his father possibly want right now? They haven’t spoken in years and Thor’s terribly tempted to just ignore it, but… he can’t not pick up the call. It’s still his _father_ calling and they’re not actually on _bad_ terms, are they?

What if it’s something important?

The phone continues to vibrate in his hand as Thor swallows hard, and then he picks up the call, just before it gets sent to voicemail. “Hey, Dad,” he tries to muster as much fake cordiality in his tone as possible. “What’s going on?”

“Hello, son,” Odin’s deep bass resonates even over the phone, but after the greeting, there’s a long and awkward moment of silence between them before he actually answers the question. “I read an article in the paper about you tonight. It’s… good to see you doing something again.”

That’s certainly not what Thor is expecting to hear, and he answers the statement cautiously. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve been playing a little again.” His eyes slide over the enormous spread of paperwork and decisions he doesn’t know how to make, wondering if Odin’s words are meant to be support or an insult. “Is that what you’re calling me about?”

“I suppose it’s… related.”

There’s another long and awkward silence as Thor debates whether to press him for an explanation, but just as he’s trying to find a polite way to say _what the hell do you want?,_ Odin starts talking again.

“I see that you’re playing with Loki Laufey.”

Well, he’s doing a lot more than _playing_ with Loki, but… “Yeah, I am. Do you… know him?” Thor’s really uncertain now where this conversation is headed, but the way it’s making his stomach tie itself in knots tells him it’s nowhere good.

There’s one last lengthy silence before Odin finally clears his throat, seeming to steel himself for what he’s about to say, and then he intones gravely, “That’s… precisely what I’m calling about...”


	17. Silver Bells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_o/~ City sidewalks, busy sidewalks  
Dressed in holiday style  
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas  
Children laughing, people passing  
Meeting smile after smile  
And on every street corner you hear  
Silver bells, silver bells  
It's Christmas time in the city  
Ring-a-ling, Hear them ring,  
Soon it will be Christmas day ~/o_

Even on a weeknight, it’s an insane prospect to visit Rockefeller Center in December when it’s flooded with tourists all looking for the perfect selfie with this year’s tree.

It’s also obnoxiously romantic and classic, and Loki can’t help but admit to himself as he strolls up 5th Avenue that he’s more than a little tickled by the sentimentality of Thor’s invitation. The air has a bit of a nip to it tonight, as if unable to decide whether the incoming front will be rain or snow, and Loki tugs his green scarf a little closer around his neck to keep the wind out as he reaches the split between 49th and 50th streets.

This is by far the best way to approach the tree, to turn the corner and see it with that little bit of distance first, the multi-colored glory framed by the buildings and the glittery lights of all the smaller silver trees and decorations leading the way. Year after year, he’s been here to see it, but it always makes his breath catch, every single time.

Hurrying his footsteps, Loki smiles to himself as he thinks of the night ahead – strolling hand in hand under the lights, talking about their song over a candlelit meal, retiring to his place to write the lyrics, and eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms. The thoughts keep him warm despite the weather and he waits at their agreed upon spot, off to the side of the tree, until the massive crush of people finally parts to reveal Thor.

Loki moves forward to meet him with a smile, expecting an embrace, but Thor instead abruptly stops short when their eyes meet, stepping back and leaving Loki reaching into thin air. The unfamiliar gesture is an immediate red flag and Loki’s arms fall as he draws back in surprise, close enough now to tell that Thor is clearly not himself. His hands are shoved deep into his jacket pockets and his eyes are clouded with an emotion Loki doesn’t recognize.

“What’s wrong?” Loki’s thoughts immediately race over everything hanging in the balance right now – the song, the gig, the bar, the band, their friends. His instinct is to reach out to Thor, but having been rejected once already, he can’t quite bring himself to try again. Instead, he steps as far out of flow of traffic as possible, up against one of the smaller trees, crossing his arms instead and waiting for an explanation of Thor’s unusual behavior.

Thor can clearly see the hurt in Loki’s eyes, but he’s too shaken up to worry about it. He’s spent all day trying to rehearse this conversation in his head, trying to decide whether to even _have_ this conversation, but now that he’s standing face to face with Loki, he knows he absolutely has to. He can’t continue on without sharing what he knows. Loki is staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain himself, and he gnaws his bottom lip where it’s split open from worry before he finally admits, “My father called me last night.”

Loki is at once relieved and panicked. Relieved because it’s not an unknown – it’s not something unexpected, not something he hasn’t meticulously planned for or obsessed over. Odin is probably the only person besides himself who knows the truth and Loki has always known his cover might be blown. Panicked because it _is_ the one thing he’s been trying to avoid, the one thing he _has_ been worried about, and he really wasn’t expecting it to pop up here and now. “I...” he starts, all of his carefully thought-out explanations flying out of his mind under the intensity of Thor’s anguished expression. “I’m so sorry, Thor. Really, truly, I am. I’ve… I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but I didn’t want the past to get in the way of our relationship.”

“Our… our _relationship_?” Thor’s eyes dart around at the hundreds of people surrounding them, all busy walking and talking and taking pictures of the lights, as if expecting someone to be paying attention to them. “Can you really be so casual about this?!”

The disgust in that single word is a sudden slap across the face and Loki’s eyes narrow, his feelings swinging wildly between startled, confused, wounded and insulted. “What in the hell are you on about? Does that stupid song really matter that much when measured against what we have now?”

“What am I…” Confused by Loki’s confusion on top of his own frustration, Thor’s voice is hushed and strained as he leans in closer to Loki’s ear, to be sure no one else can hear what he’s saying. “I’m talking about the fact that we might be _brothers_!”

Loki stares past Thor’s hair and into the crowd as the world blurs, as if the words that have just come out of his lover’s mouth are in a completely foreign language. “This… this isn’t about…” he stammers, shaking his head in sheer bewilderment. “...me writing…?”

“You writing… what?” Thor draws back with a sharp jerk, as if stung, his eyebrows furrowing with befuddled impatience.

“The _song_. The _fucking_ song, Thor. I’m the one who wrote the song.” Panic is rising up in Loki quickly, curling his toes. He can feel his heart start to race, his hands going clammy as he lifts them palms up to shake them at Thor, temper flaring. “What are _you_ talking about? What – what would give you the insane idea that we’re _related_?”

“I’m not talking about _songs_!” And even though somewhere in his mind, Thor registers the words, the confession, he can’t actually bring himself to process that betrayal of his trust when he has yet to sort out what actually has him so wound up. “Put a pin in that and listen to me for a moment? _Please_?”

Loki’s temper deflates minutely with the last word and he nods curtly, wrapping his arms around himself, futilely trying to stop the vibration he can feel starting in his core.

Thor wishes he had the room to pace and wonders if he should have re-routed them somewhere more private, but it’s a little late for that and probably best if he tries to start at the beginning, as he realizes that Loki clearly has as little idea as he’d had before Odin’s phone call.

“The night at the planetarium, do you remember me speaking of my mother, Frigga, and her passing when I was a child?”

“You were five...” Loki says softly, the words hardly more than a whisper, an automatic response of recalled fact. “You said she’d been ill.”

“Yes,” Thor nods, then continues, his eyes slightly askance as he recalls the phone call as literally as he can. “I did not know until last night that my parents divorced about a year before she died. Public record. I looked it up because I had to know, because I didn’t know, just like I also didn’t know that my parents had an open relationship. Or maybe I ought to say, a turn the other cheek relationship.”

Thor snorts out a bitter little laugh before continuing. “She was beautiful, you know. Mom. Modeled for all sorts of couture, flew all over the world, same as my father with all his investments, and… and because they were apart so often, they didn’t fault each other for what they did when they weren’t together. Until she ended up accidentally knocked up by someone who wasn’t my father.”

Loki can’t help but flinch at the thought, knowing more than enough about Thor’s father to imagine what his reaction might have been, but too intrigued to do anything but nod.

“He says she… he says she offered to lie, to say that it was his. But she refused to tell him who the father actually was, and they fought over it. In a heated moment, he told her to choose… him, and me… or the unborn child. So... she left him. He doesn’t… he doesn’t actually know the details of her death.”

Thor pauses, choking up a little, but Loki remains frozen in place, completely uncertain about how to react. “I… I’m sorry to hear of the family tragedy, but I don’t… understand why…?”

“Loki, tell me about your mother,” Thor suddenly pulls both his hands from his pockets, gripping Loki by the shoulders, the intensity in his eyes burning a hole right through all of Loki’s defenses.

Loki doesn’t like the road that Thor is leading them down at all. There’s an icy shock of disbelief creeping up his spine, and he forces himself not to take Thor seriously as he collects enough words to respond. “My father is a _gay_ icon, has been for years,” he starts, shaking his head slowly, avoiding Thor’s gaze. “I was born artificially, via surrogate, Thor – raised by nannies and tutors until I was around twelve, old enough to fend for myself, old enough to be dragged around to learn my father’s business. I never _knew_ my mother. She never mattered.”

Thor shakes Loki a little bit, the first hint of genuine anger sliding into the slant of his eyebrows at the dismissal. “Are there any records that you know of?”

“Why would I have ever bothered to check?!” Loki retorts sharply, reaching up to knock Thor’s hands off his shoulders roughly. The truth is that he’s never had any reason to think otherwise, and now that he does, his mind is spiraling out of control with the implications. “Why would I doubt what I’ve known as fact for all my life?”

“Because it lines up with everything my father told me,” Thor spits out harshly, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He hits the screen on, turning it around to show Loki the image he’d dug up on the internet after hours of searching. “It’s the last photoshoot she did before she publicly ‘became ill’ and my parents split, shot in Paris, styled by up and coming designer Laufey.”

The image on the screen is definitely Loki’s father, with his trademark smirk and flamboyant style, sitting back to back on a purple velvet couch with a golden goddess of a woman, all legs and beaming smile and piercing green eyes and -

Loki knocks Thor’s hand away harshly with a choked up noise, the phone colliding painfully with one knuckle that’s sure to be black and blue by morning. “That proves _nothing_.”

“There’s no hospital records,” Thor pockets the phone again, his tone growing desperate. “I’ve been searching all day. There’s nothing. Not of the baby’s birth and not of her death. Someone buried them deep – and it wasn’t my father.”

“There isn’t any information about my birth mother,” Loki insists in frustration. “The whole thing was anonymous. Do you really think I’ve gone my whole life without asking my father at least that much?”

“Then ask him again,” Thor demands, his voice rising in agitation. “Or are you that certain that your terrible scum of a father hasn’t been lying to you all this time? You’ve already told me how he uses you, cheats you, how he mistreats you!”

Loki resents the low blow of Thor using what Loki’s opened up about and shared with him in the past to attack him, and this time, he outright yells into Thor’s face with every intention of dishing out the same in return. “How can _you_ be certain Odin’s not the one lying to you when he’s lied to you and the world for years about who wrote your number one hit?!”

Thor recoils as if Loki’s words have stabbed him, despite being the absolute truth. Even in their phone call last night, Odin had never once mentioned Loki’s connection to the song, never mentioned that he’d worked for Asgardian Records. But in all this time, even after everything he himself had been honest about, neither had Loki, and Thor’s response is measured and bitterly resigned when he finally answers. “It sounds as if the one who’s been lying to me all this time is _you_ , Loki.”

“For once in your life, you’re absolutely right, Thor, good of you to notice,” Loki rolls his eyes, letting his sarcasm cover the way his heart’s bleeding out on the pavement. Of course, Thor would think the worst of him. He was a fool to have expected anything else. “Yes, that’s right. I’m the liar. I’m the intern. I’m the idiot kid who got taken advantage of by the big bad record company – but Odin’s the one who _stole_ my song, Thor! And you _let_ him. You just went right along with it, didn’t you? Rode to fame and fortune on someone else’s talent.”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Thor tries to interrupt, outrage growing, hands balling into fists at his side. “And you _know_ that’s not how it happened-”

But Loki’s patience has evaporated, everything he’s held back and buried for months rising to the surface. Cornered with the idea that his entire life might be a lie on top of accidentally outing the truth about the song is too much – he’s hit fight or flight, and he’s not going down without taking Thor with him. “You had absolutely _everything_ handed to you on a gilded spoon – everything I’ve ever wanted, worked for, dreamed of – and you fucking _squandered_ it!”

Thor is momentarily speechless in the wake of Loki’s fury, unable to reconcile the hatred seething in those words with the deep affection he’s known for and from this man for months now. His chest feels as if he’s been engulfed in a fireball and he’s helpless, watching everything burn down around him yet again. “But if it wasn’t for _you_ _and that_ _damn_ _song_ ,” he roars at Loki, unable to contain his rage at having his worst mistakes thrown back in his face. “I’d still _have_ all of it! The band! My career! I’d. Still. Have. _M_ _y. Mother_!”

The instant the words are out of Thor’s mouth, he already regrets them, but it’s far too late to undo the damage.

Time seems to slow down to a crawl as he watches Loki slowly shatter into a million pieces from the accusation. His eyes flood with tears as Thor finally reaches out a hand towards him, but Loki slaps it viciously away, bolting past Thor with a hard shove and an elbow to the ribs that knocks the wind out of him.

“Loki, wait!” Thor chokes out, whirling around, but Loki is fast and light on his feet, instantly disappearing into the busy crowd. “Loki! LOKI!!!”

As if responding to his anguish, the skies decide to open up at precisely that moment, an icy hail raining down on the plaza with a flash of lightning and a crack of thunder that sends the crowd scurrying for cover in the surrounding stores.

Thor can’t even feel the sting of it as he dashes across the plaza, relentlessly pelted by the storm, searching for Loki in the scattering frenzy.

He can’t feel _anything_.

The fireball in his chest has been snuffed out, leaving him with nothing but a hollow black void.

  



	18. What Do You Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_o/~ I got a one-way ticket on a hell-bound train  
With nothing to lose and nothing to gain  
Nobody ever taught me how to live  
I'm feeling like I'm lost, like I'll never be found  
I'm twisted and I'm turned around  
Nobody ever taught me how to love  
I'm hurting everybody  
I'm hurting myself  
I'm desperate ~/o_

Thor finally gives up and hails a cab as the plaza empties of people, making it clear that Loki is long gone. He doesn’t feel like he has the right to try and follow him home, if that’s even where he’s run off to, and he doesn’t really have any idea where else Loki would go at this hour, especially in this weather.

The roads have swiftly turned to a sheet of ice in the sleet and multiple fenders benders are causing traffic to be redirected and held up all over the city. Thor doesn’t really care, though, as he has nowhere to go but home, and he’s not in a hurry to get there.

His feelings slowly well up in his chest as he stares vacantly out the ice-streaked window at blurry red tail lights, a heartbreak so acute it leaves him sick to his stomach. He’s angry at so very many things – Loki’s lie, his father’s lies, Laufey’s lies – but also at himself, for once again letting his temper get the better of him.

Yes, Loki had lied to him, but not only had Thor not given him any space for an explanation, he’d also simultaneously clocked Loki upside the head with information that had sent his own life and heart reeling in the last 24 hours. He’d thrown accusations, demanded answers – really, he blames himself 10000000% for Loki running off, even if his final angry response had just been blowback from having Loki spit his worst regrets and fears in his face.

Most of all, though, he’s bitter about how much like his father he really is – short-sighted, but well-meaning, always trying to do the right thing but in all the most spectacularly wrong ways. Why, _why_ do they have this in common? Why have they each managed to sabotage their own happiness with their own idiocy?

It hurts.

It hurts knowing how his parents’ relationship really ended, it hurts knowing he’s been lied to all these years, hurts knowing he’s been deprived of not only his mother, but also his little brother, whether or not his father is correct about it being Loki.

Hurts worst of all that he’s lost Loki, because in losing him, Thor’s lost his whole heart too.

Somehow, after all he’s been through, managing to find this piece of happiness and having it also turn out to be a lie feels like some twisted karma for the years of being the liar himself.

_o/~ So what do you do  
When it all comes down on you?  
Do you run and hide  
Or face the truth?  
So what do you do  
When it all comes down on you?  
Do you run and hide  
Or face the truth? ~/o_

When the taxi finally drops him off in front of Thunderstruck, it’s tempting to just head upstairs where he won’t have to face anyone else.

But there’s nothing to drink upstairs.

Past midnight on a weeknight, it’s rather quiet, and since it’s Thursday, only Steve and Bucky are behind the bar when Thor shuffles in and seats himself at the end closest to the door, as far from the few other patrons as possible.

“Hey, Boss,” Bucky calls out to him. “Didn’t think we’d see you tonight – beer?”

Thor clears his throat, his unused voice thick with silent tears from the taxi ride that have long dried out on his face. “Get me a whiskey.”

Bucky frowns, exchanging a wordless glance with Steve, who turns to the wall of bottles behind them, pulling one down and coming to stand behind the bar in front of Thor as Bucky sets a glass down between them.

“Will do, but on one condition,” Steve pauses and waits until Thor looks up, a bit startled by the red-rimmed eyes and wrecked expression he receives. “You tell us what’s going on.”

Thor gnaws at his split bottom lip, terribly uncertain of how much he wants to explain to his friends. While they’ve always been supportive, this mess is worlds beyond anything he’s ever dealt with before, and some parts of it he’s just not willing to share with them – now or maybe ever. But… he can’t leave them entirely hanging after showing up like this, after everything they’ve seen him through, everything they’ve done for him and the bar, and... maybe spilling even a little of what’s going on will help him figure out what, if anything, to do about it. “Okay,” he finally agrees softly, wrapping a hand around the glass to steady it while Steve pours. He takes a deep breath. “Loki… Loki’s been lying to me.”

“Lying to you?” Steve’s eyebrows lift in surprise as Bucky winces, then moves to pull out two more glasses for them to join Thor. “About what?”

“The song...” Thor starts despondently, but when they both look at him with equally blank stares, he sighs in vague annoyance. “ _The_ song, the #1 hit, the one they chanted at me to sing the other night? The one I... wrote?”

“The one that busted the barricade, wrecked the bar and sent you two running out of here with a fire under your asses?” Bucky mutters, holding both glasses as Steve pours again.

“That’s the one,” Thor nods morosely. “Well, I didn’t write it. Loki did.”

“Wait, wait, time out,” Steve makes a “ _T”_ shape with his hands. “I thought that song was from way back when – your old band?” and when Thor nods in affirmation, he shakes his head in confusion. “Nope, not making the connection. I think you better start back at the beginning.”

Thor lifts his glass and the other two lift theirs in commiseration, and so Thor rewinds the story, finally telling them the saga of his fame and the fallout, his inability to write a hit himself that equalled the success of the first, of confessing the whole story to Loki, and, finally, of tonight’s revelation and their fight, careful to leave out the rest of their more private drama.

“...so what?” Bucky’s the first one to speak when Thor’s sad tale concludes, crossing his arms over his chest and giving his friend a skeptical look. “It sounds like Loki was as much a victim in this whole mess as you, if not _more_ so. Have you tried putting yourself in his shoes and asking yourself what decisions you would have made in his place? ‘Cause it sounds to me like he chose _you_ over that song, and over his own pride too, which, considering what I know of him, says a lot.”

Thor visibly starts, as surprised to hear Bucky say so much at once as he is to hear Bucky choose to defend Loki. “I… I don’t suppose I have...” he admits slowly.

“I know it’s not cool that he withheld the truth from you,” Steve says gently, reaching out to grip Thor’s shoulder with one hand, his eyes flickering over to Bucky in a way that makes Bucky flush and look askance from them both. “And it’s definitely something you two need to discuss, calmly and with an open mind. But... but Loki’s here in your life _now_ , accepts you for you are _now_ , wants to write a song with you _now_. Does that matter to you at all?”

“I...” Thor’s gaze slips down to his empty glass, both of his hands clasped tightly around it, knuckles white, and lets himself recall how excited he’d been at the idea of them creating something together, and even in the beginning, just how grateful he’d been when Loki had taken the time to hear him out, accepting both the lies he’d told and his eventual truth. “...it does.”

“Good. It should,” Steve says firmly. “Because you’ve been the happiest any of us have ever seen you lately. Is it worth letting the past screw up what you have now?”

The words ring true, as true as Thor’s own words, as true as the multiple times he’s insisted to himself and to all of them, that he’s _not that guy_ anymore. He’s struggled and fought to not be defined by his past, and here is, sentencing both himself and Loki for things that neither of them really had any control over...

...things that neither of them deserved.

“...I see your point,” Thor finally looks up and nods at both of his friends. “I… I ought to at least hear him out, if he’s even willing to speak to me again.”

“Give it the night to cool off,” Bucky suggests, pointing at the clock on the wall. “It’s closing time. Go get some sleep, call him tomorrow, leave a voicemail if he doesn’t pick up, tell him you want to talk.”

“Tell him you want to _listen_ ,” Steve adds and then he shoos Thor towards the door.

Their advice follows Thor up the stairs to his apartment as he starts to think about the night that he and Loki first met, starts to replay their entire story from Loki’s point of view with the knowledge he now has about the situation.

Laying on his bed and playing back their karaoke date, Loki’s song choices, the way he’d broken down, the way he’d kept Thor from leaving only to run out of the room himself…that stormy night he’d shown up at Thor’s place as if ready to confront him, only to instead listen to him spill his entire story… Thor begins to see that all of Loki’s behavior makes a lot more sense now, and yet it leaves him with one pressing question.

Why has Loki never come out and told him the truth? The opportunity has been there time and again in a multitude of situations, moments and feelings, and yet he’d chosen dishonesty every time.

Why?

Thor desperately wants the answer to that question, but he wonders if the answer would be enough to help resolve the rest of the mess in his heart that he has yet to sort out.

Because if the answer is what he most wants it to be, there’s another dilemma still standing in the way: the very real possibility that they might be half brothers.

_o/~ If you were to tell me that I'd die today  
This is what I'd have to say  
I never really had the time to live  
And if you were to give me just another chance  
Another life, another dance  
All I really want to do is love ~/o_

Thor rolls over, burying his face in the pillow that still smells like Loki, too tangled up in his feelings to actually fall asleep. He needs to talk to someone outside this circle, someone who doesn’t know Loki, someone he can trust to keep a secret of this magnitude.

Only one person comes to mind and still he hesitates as he grabs his phone off the bedside table and flips through his address book for a number he hasn’t found a good enough reason to call in years. But they were best friends long before they were lovers, and friends they remain in spite of the messy aftermath, even if they’re more distant. Of that, he has no doubt.

“Thor? Isn’t it after 3AM where you are?”

Sif’s voice over the line is the most surreal and yet most familiar thing Thor’s heard all day and he can’t help his soft chuckle of relief. “I was going to apologize for waking you, but-”

“Don’t, it’s midday here.” There’s a faint pause and a rustling in the background. “I’m on location, but we’re about to break for lunch and I’m heading back to my trailer.”

“If I’m interrupting-”

“You’re not.”

“Are you sure-”

“Shut up, Thor,” she chirps at him good-naturedly. “I haven’t heard from you in years. It must be something really important.”

Thor smiles in spite of himself. “I need your advice… and your discretion.” Sif’s chuckle is so soft he almost misses it, but he knows that it’s because she could have ruined him in a heartbeat years ago with the ridiculous dirt she has on him. Thankfully, he’s extraordinarily lucky that she’s a better friend than that.

“Okaaaaay, you always have that, go on.”

“...are you alone?”

“Yes, Thor,” she gives a noise of exasperation and purposefully closes the door of her trailer loud enough for him to hear it. “Talk to me.”

“So, I...” Thor starts, squeezing his eyes closed and spitting the words out as fast as he possibly can. “I’m playing with, writing with, sleeping with… this person… and my father calls me up and tells me we might be half brothers through my mother, and from what info I can acquire, there’s a solid chance he might be right.”

Sif whistles long and low.“That’s… intense. Unexpected, I bet.”

“...completely.”

“And you have… feelings for this person?”

There’s a note of hesitation, but Thor can’t be anything but honest with her. She’ll know if he’s lying, just as she knew he was lying when he tried to tell her he wasn’t bisexual, just as she knew he was lying when he said he hadn’t been drunk when he punched Hogan, just as she knew he’d been lying about writing the song the night they argued and finally split up over his lies. “...yes.”

There’s a long moment of silence where Thor is desperately afraid that she might judge him for this, but then she asks him, soft and serious. “Does anyone else know?”

“That we’re fucking? Yes.”

“That you might be…?”

“I… told him. My… my lover. It… didn’t go well.”

“Anyone else?”

“I don’t think so...” Thor hadn’t stopped to ask himself that question yet. “But if my father is only coming to me with this now, then the most likely answer is no. I can’t see him risking his reputation over it, except...”

Sif immediately puts the pieces together and Thor’s as impressed and thankful for her brilliance as he ever was when she was the one trying to keep him out of trouble. “He’s guessed that you’re sleeping together and thought you deserved to know the truth because he disapproves.”

“Yes, pretty much,” Thor makes zero effort to keep the misery out of his voice.

“That’s a shitty reason to be honest with you.”

“Yes, pretty much,” Thor echoes himself.

“Fuck Odin,” Sif says promptly through gritted teeth. “Why should you care what he thinks? Do you really think he’s going to tell anyone else if it’s already been a secret for this long? He didn’t even want to tell _you_. He doesn’t even have proof. It might not even _be_ the truth. And even if it is, fuck him. Don’t play his mind games. Do what makes you happy.”

“...you don’t think I’ve done something unforgivable?” Thor whispers, swallowing hard.

“By whose standards, Thor?” He can hear her shrug through the phone, but doesn’t dare to interrupt her. “I watched you wreck yourself over and over for years trying to measure up to what that bitter old man wanted you to be, to be what you thought your fans wanted you to be. Always so stressed over who you were _supposed_ to be, instead of just being happy with who you _are_.”

“But this is...”

“No one else’s business but yours,” she cuts him off firmly before he can try to contradict her. “You get to decide how to handle it, Thor. Not Odin – _you_. And if there’s anyone’s opinion worth considering besides your own, then it’s your lover’s – that is, if you’re willing to be honest with him about wanting him to remain as such.”

“But do I?”

“Do you?”

The line goes silent, but Thor can tell that Sif is still there, waiting patiently for his answer. “I… I don’t know.”

“I think you do or you wouldn’t even be calling me,” she snaps back. “Also, for what it’s worth, Thor...” Sif’s tone softens as she hears the obvious hitch in her friend’s harsh and uneven breathing through the line. “I’ve _never_ heard you this broken up over anyone, not even me. If he means that much to you, then reach out to him. Find out how he feels. If you don’t, you’ll regret it.”

Thor takes a moment to compose himself again, inhaling and exhaling slowly before finally answering her. “...there’s one more thing.”

“Out with it.”

“He’s… he’s the one who wrote the song. My song. The song.” Thor rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, knowing that unlike his friends downstairs, Sif will absolutely know exactly what he’s referring to, which is part of why he’s telling her. The other part is because after all this time, if there’s anyone in his life that deserves the honest truth, it’s her.

“You’re shitting me...” she mutters incredulously. “How did you manage – no, never mind, I don’t have enough time for that story right now.”

“Probably not,” Thor admits, and then he laughs, just one soft little huff. It’s not much, but just the ability to find a note of humor in it, to feel something besides that crushing void, makes it seem like perhaps his entire universe _hasn’t_ been permanently rent in half. “But I… I just wanted you to know.”

Sif is quiet for a moment, obviously considering his words before she answers. “Thanks for telling me the truth, Thor. I appreciate it...”

Thor waits for the rest of the thought, finally prompting her gently. “What is it?”

“I don’t know if you really remember, but… before you hated that song, you _loved_ that song. You loved all your songs, and singing, and playing, and touring with the rest of the band, and...” The unspoken final word there is _me_ , but she refuses to say it. They’ve both long made their peace with it. “Don’t let Odin ruin it for you a second time.”

“I won’t,” Thor promises immediately, and then, “Sif… thanks.”

“Anytime… but I do need to go, if you think you’ll be okay? I should probably actually eat lunch before filming starts again.”

“Right, of course – Don’t let me keep you.”

“Do me a favor, Thor?”

“...anything,” he responds immediately, even though he knows he might regret the hasty answer.

“Call the guys sometime. I promise they don’t hate you.”

The line goes dead before he can respond, but the command leaves Thor with a sad little smile on his face. Perhaps, after he sorts all of this out, he will.

But right now, her last question, the one he couldn’t answer, is still rolling around in his mind, the crux of everything:

With all the truth laid out before him, does he still want Loki? Does he still...

_o/~ When all is said and done  
You could be the one  
With open arms and open eyes  
You're jumping off the edge  
and hoping you can fly  
Accept your fate for what it is  
Into the great unknown ~/o_

Impulsively, Thor scrolls through his messages, opening the last video he has from Loki, sent earlier this morning, and hits play.

He hearts twists as the camera starts on Loki’s face, close enough to see the green of his eyes before he leans back, at which point Thor can tell quite clearly that he’s sitting at his piano. He can’t see Loki’s hands as he plays, but that doesn’t stop him from knowing exactly what they look like, exactly what they feel like clasped with his own. Though it’s only a hum, when Loki starts to sing, Thor finds himself choking up all over again at the warm affection in those eyes, at the teasing smile he tosses at the camera.

“Mm, maybe something like… _what else can I do~_ ” Loki softly sings a few words and Thor closes his eyes, feeling his pulse race with the immediate and absolute truth of his answer.

He’s still every bit as in love with Loki as he’s ever been.

He doesn’t want to stop loving him, doesn’t think he even _could_.

But how can he reach Loki when the chasm between them feels so deep?

He’d driven Loki away with his anger tonight, sent him running yet again...

Thor rolls off of his bed and pads into the kitchen, where the folder with the print out of their new sheet music still rests untouched alongside all of the prospects that had been swept by the wayside in the wake of the day’s events.

Humming the tune to himself as he searches for a pencil, Thor finally sits down at the table, scratching out a few words underneath the first line of melody.

One word for every note…

...he’ll build a bridge over the chasm with a song – their song.


	19. Liability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_o/~ I'm losing ground  
You know how this world can beat you down  
I'm made of clay  
I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way  
I'm always falling down the same hill  
Bamboo puncturing this skin  
And nothing comes bleeding out of me  
just like a waterfall I'm drowning in  
Two feet below the surface I can still make out your wavy face  
And if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place ~/o_

Loki weaves his way into the throng of people as he hears Thor bellow his name, the sound vibrating through him even more powerfully than the crack of thunder that sends the mass of bodies around him running. The inky sky begins to spit ice at him and the crowd suddenly parts like water to his oil, scurrying for cover as he rounds the corner of the plaza and finally takes off at top speed. He’s soaked through in a matter of minutes, but it does nothing to alleviate the burning in his chest or the hot tears streaking his cheeks.

His emotions are a roaring cacophony in his mind, screaming and taunting and arguing and blaming.

He’s always known that not telling Thor the truth about the song might come back to bite him in the ass.

That dishonesty had always been a gamble to protect Thor’s feelings, with his own as the ante, but the closer they’d grown, the more worth it the wager had seemed. They were good together, they trusted each other… and as time went on, he had begun to convince himself that if the truth came to light, only understanding could follow. For how could a little thing like the song’s true composer possibly stand against what they’d actually built _together_ … their music, their band, their bond, their friendship, their – _love_ -

Loki chokes on the word even in his thoughts, coming to an abrupt halt, blocks and blocks away from where he’d started, his chest heaving in a sob.

How could he have expected that love to become the actual liability?

He could not.

It’s a blow far beyond any possible scenario he’s considered, if Thor is actually speaking the truth, if he’s right about their connection.

If they are… truly...

Loki can’t bring himself to finish the thought.

_o/~  
I do not want this  
I do not want this  
I do not want this  
I do not want this  
~/o_

But if there’s a truth to be found, then he must seek it out, and not even because of Thor.

No, it’s because Loki wants to know, needs to know, _burns_ with the desire to have the truth about whether he’s been lied to all of his life.

In all the years of neglect and abuse, for all the times he’s been used and cheated, toted around and demanded of, then forgotten and discarded, shamed and belittled... he’s always been able to tell himself that he was _useful_ , he was an _heir_ , he’d been brought into this world for a _purpose_ – a purpose he could either embrace or reject. That his selfish, judgmental, obsessive father had at least wanted someone to carry on his legacy, even if he didn’t have a damn emotional bone in his body, even if he didn’t care that what Loki really loved was music, even if nothing Loki did ever seemed to please him, ever seemed to be _enough_.

His furious fleeing has landed him on his father’s doorstep – not his home, but his office, for he’s every bit the workaholic that Loki is and if he’s not out of the country on location, then he’ll be here, even at this late hour.

In all technicality, Loki works for Laufey Designs, so he breezes right through the building’s security despite being a soaked bedraggled disaster and anyone that even dares to glance in his direction is met with an icy glare. His heart is in his throat as he keys in the code to ride the elevator to the top floor and stalks past the empty desks of his father’s assistants.

He throws open the office door without even bothering to knock, only stopping short to seethe silently when he realizes the room is silent and empty.

Ripping his phone out of his pocket, he dials his father’s number.

That act alone is impudence, because he almost never calls his father directly. He has the number for emergency’s sake, but almost all of his dealings with the man are through email with his assistants. All of his work is done remotely from home. He can’t recall the last time he was here in this office, the last time he actually heard his father’s voice-

“Laufey.”

The single word is clipped and professional, as if his father doesn’t even realize who is calling him.

“Hello, father,” Loki starts, hating the echo of his own voice inside the empty office as he tries to keep all emotion out of it.

“What do you want?”

Loki takes one deep breath and exhales quietly. It won’t do any good to get into a screaming fight. It never has. “I need to speak to you about something.”

“Couldn’t email an assistant?” Loki can hear the annoyance, but he ignores it, presses on.

“It’s… private.”

“Out with it, then. I’m about to leave for Italy and you’re personally delaying the take-off.”

This isn’t how Loki imagined this confrontation going, but he’s not going to give up either. “It’s… it’s about my birth mother.”

“Your – what? I don’t have time for this right now.”

“Tell me about My. _Mother_.” Loki hisses back, insulted and furious at the dismissal.

There’s a moment of complete silence on the line before Laufey’s voice echoes out of the phone again in a practiced and robotic response. “You were born via surrogate. The mother relinquished you to me immediately after your birth. You’ve seen the paperwork yourself.”

“I have reason to believe you’re lying to me.”

The silence is shorter this time, but still there. “There’s nothing more to say on the topic.”

“...I don’t believe you!” Loki’s voice cracks on the last word. He knows. He _knows_ the man is lying to him. “It makes too much sense. If I was an accident. If you never actually wanted me. It makes _so_ much more sense than-”

“Loki, I don’t have time for whatever personal crisis you’re being dramatic about tonight,” Laufey cuts him off abruptly. “The plane has to take off or we’ll miss the window. I’m hanging up. Don’t forget that I need the flats for the show in Brazil before the end of the month.”

Loki feels disgusted with himself before the pleading words are even out of his mouth. “Wait! Don’t hang up!”

“This conversation is over.”

The line goes dead before Loki can respond and he already knows there’s no use in calling back. His father won’t pick up or answer him. His father does not care at all about Loki, except as a tool and a slave and -

Loki draws back to throw his phone against the wall with a howl of rage, only stopping short at the last second when his eyes catch on the gleam of a familiar design behind the glass in front of him. It’s one of his own brought to life, one of his father’s half-assed sketches he’d taken and turned into the flats – the actual designs – for this new collection, that one crazy all-nighter shortly after he and Thor had met. The dress is a gorgeous waterfall of red and gold silk and lace in the reality of the photograph of the model and his father, beautifully framed alongside the award for the collection, newly hung on the wall beside last year’s accolades.

More accolades that ought to be his.

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Loki reaches out with both hands to lift the frame off its mount, carrying it away from the wall. He can feel the pounding of his pulse in his fingers, his toes, his eyeballs, a maniacal grin rising on his face as he lifts the thing over his head and brings it smashing down over the top of the computer sitting in the center of his father’s desk.

Glass shatters and wood splinters apart with a satisfying crunch, and the destruction is enough for Loki to rip the award and the photo from the debris, folding them up and tucking them into his jacket pocket. He wants to burn them, he wants to destroy them, he wants to obliterate every person who’s ever taken him in with their interest in his talent, with their praise and their curiosity, only to use him for his gifts and spit him out the other end.

_o/~_ _Don't you tell me how I feel_ _  
_ _You don't know just how I feel_ _~/o_

But he can’t. He’s never had that power. And he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He doesn’t know what to do about anything – where to go, who to talk to. Home is safe, but dangerously empty, and Thunderstruck is completely off-limits, as not a single soul there can be trusted when they are Thor’s friends, Thor’s family…

_...Thor._

The thought ravages him instantly, stealing his breath, and Loki angrily rubs the tears from his eyes.

_o/~ Don't tell me that you care  
There really isn't anything, is there? ~/o_

He doesn’t have anyone. It’s ground zero all over again.

And maybe all he really wants right now is to disappear. To not exist. To not think, not feel.

Or maybe.

To cry, to scream, to drink, to fuck, to do something, _anything_ that will make it all stop -

stop – stop, the noise in his mind

make it stop mattering so much

or maybe.

to find something that makes him feel like _he_ matters, like _anything_ matters.

_o/~ I want to know everything  
I want to be everywhere  
I want to fuck everyone in the world  
I want to do something that matters ~/o_

Loki doesn’t know if he wants to get lost or be found, but there’s only one place he knows of where it’s easy to do both.

_Sakaar._

He doesn’t remember leaving the office.

Did he walk here? Probably.

The sign on the front of the nondescript gray concrete building is the same – a golden neon cursive scrawl of the place’s name hung above a single black door that still leads to a tiny security booth, because no one gets inside Sakaar without first surrendering any and all weapons and electronics. Loki gives up his phone without a second thought.

Past the security check, the entrance opens up onto a metal second floor balcony that wraps around a crowded dance floor and a busy bar, and it looks like any of a dozen other clubs he’s been to in the city as he leans over the railing to survey the room.

It _is_ a club, after all. Also a bar.

At least, on the ground floor, and Loki doesn’t currently have intentions towards anything... lower.

Right now, he simply wants to be distracted… want to forget… wants to escape.

(...wants to think of anything besides the awful things he yelled at Thor and the heartbreaking accusation thrown in return.)

“Give me a scotch and a gram of Outer Space,” he tells the bartender once he’s made it downstairs and elbowed his way through the crowd. “I have an account.” He presses his thumb onto a fingerprint pad and then turns to regard the room with an unimpressed expression.

Everyone in here is drunk or high – probably both – and the techno music is cranked to an almost painful volume, the bass of it reverberating through his chest and making his ears buzz. Between the flashing lights and the colorful clothing on the mass of gyrating bodies, it’s an easy place to get lost in, which is exactly what he’d wanted the first time he’d ever come here, in the week after walking out of that damned internship. Fresh out of college, angry at his father for not even attending his graduation or his final concert; furious at Asgardian Records for dashing his dreams, Odin for stealing his song; lost, lonely, unwanted, believing all his hopes were only foolish grains of sand slipping helplessly through his fingers.

How is he right back where he started?

Shouldn’t he have managed to get further in life than this?

The drink and the vape return on a round gilded platter with a gold foil-stamped card beside them, but Loki ignores it until he’s downed the scotch and taken a hit, blowing the smoke out of his nose and waiting until his hands finally stop shaking.

He already knows what the card is.

Of course, he can’t just drop in for a drink and go unnoticed. This isn’t Thunderstruck.

There’s an instant flash of bitterness as the name enters his mind and Loki turns sharply, snatching the card up and breaking the seal to flip it open.

_Tonight’s on me._

Loki laughs out loud, the sound feeling raw in his cried-out throat, but he can’t actually hear the sound of his own voice over the noise level in the room.

He still remembers the _first_ invitation he ever received from the Grandmaster of Sakaar, as the owner of this establishment insists on being called.

He’d been hanging around the place for maybe a week or two, exploring the various smaller jazz and soul clubs on floors -1 through -3, breezing through the casino full of increasingly high stakes games of chance and strength on -4 and -5, and steadfastly ignoring the strip shows and brothels and stories he heard about the even lower floors.

You could do anything and everything at Sakaar, it seemed, but the more Loki had learned about its depths, the more he gave in and made a name for himself on the lower floors, the more he could not ignore the whispers:

The most privileged place to be was in the Grandmaster’s private circle. It was only for true artists.

It hadn’t taken that much to get himself noticed. Commandeering a piano in one of the clubs without an invite while high as a fucking kite and giving an impromptu Beethoven meets Broadway meets Beatles concert he only fractionally remembers had landed the same card in his hand, though the inscription had been different.

_You’re quite curious. Won’t you join me tonight?_

The immersive whirling starscape of the invitation-only elevator to the most subterranean floor in the place had awed him as he sunk down into the depths that first night, as had the sight of the doors opening up on a completely different universe, seemingly existing outside of any reality. It was an endless party wrapped inside an ancient painting, a celebration of art and emotion, of extravagance and indulgence, and -

_Oh_ _~_ how very captivating and magical he’d found this place the first time through the show, how elated and thrilled at being invited in…

The transparency of the illusion is far more evident to him now, but he can pretend, can’t he?

It’s too easy to slip back into an old role as he lets the waiting attendant lead him down the familiar marble hallway to a private dressing room. After all, _this_ is truly his old stomping grounds, his favorite escape – a place he’d lost track of time in, letting days and weeks pass by… a place he’d performed in, in so many ways… a place where’d he’d learned and explored all the facets of who he could be -

A place where he’d realized that sex and love were not at all the same thing, and that music meant more to him than either.

Still, he can’t help but take the smallest comfort in both the familiarity and the luxury of it as he strips out of his sodden clothing and allows the attendant to take it away to be laundered. Hot water pouring down over his head finally brings the feeling back into his icy fingertips and his mind is blissfully blank by the time he gets out of the shower.

A vase bursting with impossibly blue and black roses has appeared along with another glass of scotch, which he downs whilst inspecting a rack full of clothing. Loki lets his hands drift aimlessly over the fabrics until he finds one he enjoys the touch of under his fingertips, finally selecting a long-sleeved, low-necked sheath of slippery golden silk with a single slit up to the thigh, matching it with a soft pair of bejeweled slippers that will be easy to play the piano in. He hasn’t the effort for anything more, leaving his hair in still-damp curls messily framing his face, and he feels almost surprised when he sees himself in the mirror. He hasn’t worn anything like this in years, but even the beautiful attire can’t disguise the dark ugly circles under his red-rimmed eyes.

Loki finally arrives in the Grandmaster’s private cabaret amidst many a whisper, which also doesn’t surprise him in the least. He has no doubt that he’s a legend in this room, and that his ex has said plenty in his absence. There’s currently a ballerina in the center of the floor, her delicate twirls accompanied by a cello player, and Loki skirts the edges of the crowd, weaving between tables of people until the Grandmaster spots him, beckoning him towards the plush furniture he and his current entourage are sprawled across.

“Loki, Lolo, Lokitty, _darling_ , how absolutely marvelous of you to grace us with your presence. You look,” and he jumps off the chaise, snatching up both of Loki’s hands, a glint in his eyes as he squeezes them. “...absolutely ravishing. It feels like only yesterday.”

“If yesterdays were measured in years,” Loki responds tartly, to which he only receives a peal of laughter and an abrupt tug forward. He’s quietly glad to be greeted with flattery and not mockery or anger, but he hasn’t forgotten how things ended or why he left in the first place. You don’t trip that close to the edge and _ever_ forget it.

“Do you _desire_ anything?” the Grandmaster asks casually as he flops down again, making every attempt to pull Loki right down onto his lap. It’s an open-ended question, his golden rings glinting in the colorful lights as he tugs Loki’s hand, and Loki remembers too keenly when it was the only question he wanted to hear.

But Loki is no longer an easily wooed child and he resists quietly but pointedly, until the Grandmaster settles for having Loki seated at his side. “No, I’m content,” Loki murmurs, pulling his vape out of his pocket and shrugging as he gives it another drag. He has zero intention of offering any information about himself whatsoever.

“I must ask, did you miss me?”

“No.”

“Why are you here?”

“...I was bored.”

“Say that you’ll play something for us tonight,” a tattooed hand creeps up Loki’s thigh, fingers kneading through the silk of his dress. “The caliber of entertainment really hasn’t been up to snuff since your… departure.”

“Perhaps...” The advance is not unexpected, but it jangles Loki’s already frayed nerves.

Why is he here, again? (to forget-)

The Grandmaster chuckles darkly as he notices, but doesn’t stop. “Don’t kid me. You love the attention. I know your ego will hardly turn down the opportunity to inject some reality into the rumors, Lolo.”

“Rumors I’m certain you enjoy fanning.”

“What can I say, you were – are – truly... _multi_ -talented.”

Loki rolls his eyes. “...I’ll think about it.”

“You do that...” The Grandmaster withdraws his hand, but only to lean back against the sofa, slinging an arm across Loki’s shoulders as he inclines his chin towards the next act. “Ah, these sisters are a favorite of mine. So… _sensual_.”

Thankfully a little stoned at this point, Loki leans back to watch the show, letting his mind drift, fervently ignoring the burning in his chest. “...a dance?” he asks softly as the recorded music starts, rhythmic percussion with a low hum of harmony underneath it.

Two women, dressed only in scraps of black leather, stand facing each other in the center of the floor, surrounded by several buckets. Somewhere between combat and a dance, they circle each other, perfect mirrors in movement, but opposite in features – one is pale, her head shaved close, silvery lines of paint criss-crossing it, and the other is darker-skinned, her long ebony hair tumbling down her back, the tips dyed scarlet.

Loki can’t tear his eyes from the intensity between the two of them, for even though they have yet to touch, the bond between them feels tangible, a perfect yin and yang. As the music reaches a crescendo, they finally reach their hands into the buckets, one coming up bright green, the other bright blue, and as they resume dancing, they begin to paint, using each other’s bodies as their canvas.

Fingertips streak across cheeks, handprints remain on shoulders and stomachs, every connection they make evidenced by color. They add a vibrant purple and a vivid pink to their palette, mixing colors, back and forth between them as their hands meet, bodies slide and grind, their dancing growing decidedly more sexual.

Loki feels uncomfortably hot and bothered even before he realizes they’re about to kiss. The performance ends in total silence as the entire audience is riveted to them devouring each other’s mouths for nearly a full minute, and only the Grandmaster rising to his feet with enthusiastic applause breaks their spell.

It takes Loki a second too long to realize that the Grandmaster is also about to put him on the spot and he can do nothing to stop it. “I do believe we need the grand for our surprise guest,” he calls out with a wave of one hand and all eyes in the room turn on Loki.

And maybe it would be worse or more awkward if Loki recognized more than a face or two in the crowd, but he doesn’t.

It’s a room full of strangers, because that’s how his ex is – easily enamored by anything new or shiny, but just as quick to discard one piece of treasure for the next, no matter how rich, famous, talented or skilled in bed. He’s a consumer. His circle is forever turning over in his endless quest to be entertained, and all that remains of those who’ve come and gone are ghost stories.

Loki isn’t certain that lasting as long as he did here is a compliment to his talents or merely a testament to his own insanity, but rising from the dead for an encore has to be self-sabotage.

He doesn’t bother to get up or even acknowledge the attention until the paint has been cleared and the grand piano has been delivered to the center of the room. Even then, he only nods his head politely to the scattered applause as he makes his way towards it, somehow comforted to see that no one has yet covered over the fantastic swirl of colors he’d once painted across it.

A hundred different songs compete in his mind as he settles on the bench, but by the time he places his hands on the keys, one piece rises out of the cacophony.

He strikes the first c minor chord of Beethoven’s Pathetique Sonata and feels several people in the room jump, but that’s the last he thinks of anyone watching his performance. The dramatic opening gives way to the furious fervor of the Allegro and Loki vanishes inside his own mind, letting the music weave the story of his frustrations and joys.

Wasn’t it better, to stay alone inside the music where nothing else could reach him?

To keep running, as fast as it could carry him?

This was how he’d escaped the grief last time – how he escaped it every time. This was always the place he went running to…

If he didn’t _need_ anyone or anything else, then nothing could hurt him -

But that thought creeps inky around his focus and he fights to banish it, swallowing a lump in his throat as he plays the single Grave line before the closing of the first movement.

The second movement melts under Loki’s touch as he cracks, feeling his own tears hit the backs of his hands as he plays, because he wants to keep Thor out of his thoughts, but even here, inside his own dark little space, it’s as if that man has cracked a permanent window open to the sunshine. All of the warmth in this, one of his favorite songs, reminds him of nothing more than the swell of affection in that sky-colored gaze, and the melody weeps his regrets.

He’s been living in this vicious cycle of lies and betrayals, of never being able to trust anyone…his father, Odin, his ex, even his coworkers and collaborators… but instead of escaping it, he’s only become a self-fulfilling prophecy: Completely untrustworthy himself.

Certainly, it was cruel of Thor to hold Loki responsible for a mother he’d never had the grace to know, but perhaps he deserved it. Perhaps Thor was right. After all, he’d been correct to call Loki a liar.

Fate had finally handed him all the trust and honesty he’d been craving his entire life, but not only had he lied to Thor in the face of that honesty, but it seemed as if the universe was outright laughing at him over it.

For him to fall so hopelessly in love with his -

The second movement ends in a whimsical line that sounds almost like laughter, and then he launches into the Rondo, pulling his focus back to the music again, but still, he can’t escape what he’s done or how he feels, the little echoes bouncing through the music like two voices chasing each other across a playground, one phrase, one note, following each other in a playful dialogue.

Oh yes, he’s _still_ absolutely hopelessly in love with Thor, however deranged an idea it might be.

There’s nothing he can do to change that.

Loki’s heart starts to race again as his fingers fly towards the conclusion of the song, something important having worked itself out.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s right or wrong –

He’s still in love with Thor.

Thor, who’d called after him even as he was running away, yet again.

Always running.

Is it time to stop?

Can he?

Loki plays the last line with flair, pulling his hands off the keys and breathing hard, only dimly aware of the astounded applause from around the room. He’s been playing for almost twenty minutes straight, but before he can rise from the bench, the Grandmaster waves at him from his perch, pouting a little.

“Won’t you sing something for me too?” he pleads, his eyes boring into Loki’s with that same old manic curiosity. There’s no way he didn’t notice Loki crying his way through the second movement.

Really, Loki would like to escape the spotlight and be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes, but acquiescing is less effort than arguing, so he nods, closing his eyes, searching for something he thinks those who’ve found their way into this room of lost souls might need to hear tonight. The piano intro is gentle as the crowd quiets again, and even without a mic, Loki’s voice carries through the room as he starts to sing.

_o/~ Baby really hurt me  
Crying in the taxi  
He don't wanna know me  
Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm  
Says it was poison  
So I guess I'll go home  
Into the arms of the girl that I love  
The only love I haven't screwed up  
She's so hard to please  
But she's a forest fire  
I do my best to meet her demands  
Play at romance, we slow dance  
In the living room, but all that a stranger would see  
Is one girl swaying alone  
Stroking her cheek ~/o_

As he reaches the chorus, Loki looks up from the piano to cast his eyes around the room, unsurprised at how many sad little smiles he catches in the crowd.

_o/~ They say, "You're a little much for me  
You're a liability  
You're a little much for me"  
So they pull back, make other plans  
I understand, I'm a liability  
Get you wild, make you leave  
I'm a little much for  
E-a-na-na-na, everyone ~/o_

Loki’s gaze finally returns to his host as the piano part reduces to a single finger and he unapologetically directs the next verse at his ex-lover.

_o/~ The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy  
'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore  
And then they are bored of me  
I know that it's exciting  
Running through the night, but  
Every perfect summer's  
Eating me alive until you're gone  
Better on my own ~/o_

He smiles, a little too bright, and then the last chorus he plays for himself, a little louder, his voice hitting an ugly rasp when he reaches the word _wild_.

_o/~ They say, "You're a little much for me  
You're a liability  
You're a little much for me"  
So they pull back, make other plans  
I understand, I'm a liability  
Get you wild, make you leave  
I'm a little much for  
E-a-na-na-na, everyone  
They're gonna watch me  
Disappear into the sun  
You're all gonna watch me  
Disappear into the sun ~/o_

Loki lets the last chord fade out before he rises, bowing his thanks to the hushed audience.

The Grandmaster seems to have taken the performance in good humor despite the lyrics and he pats the open seat beside him. They meet eyes in silence as the piano is wheeled away and another act prepares to begin. He opens his mouth to speak, eyes narrowing in an expression somewhere between suspicion and concern, but then he seems to think better of it, shrugging a little instead.

For a moment, Loki wonders if perhaps he’ll receive an apology, a shred of empathy, of understanding, but his ex breaks their gaze and Loki realizes distantly that this is simply the way things are. He’s not going to ask Loki anything at all. He doesn’t care enough. If Loki wants back in, he’s welcome here, but there’s no love lost and there’s no promise to be had.

“We could be flyin’ high in the sky, just watchin’ the world go by,” he says instead, holding out an ornate tin, offering Loki his personal stash of every popular drug, because it’s the only thing he knows how to share.

“Constantly in orbit, but it’s always the same view,” Loki gently pushes the tin away and then says, “I think I’ll go grab another drink.”

“Leaving so soon?” The note of disappointment is sincere, at least.

“Getting a drink,” he repeats, but they both know the truth.

Loki could have had a drink brought to him, but this is an easy excuse to wander across the room to the bar, accepting compliments on his performance and waiting for the Grandmaster to be inevitably distracted with someone or something else. He doesn’t realize that the two dancers from earlier have become bartenders until the one with the shaved head is looking at him expectantly, waiting for his order.

“Scotch – you work here too? That’s unusual,” the words are out of his mouth before he’s thought them through, which is rather unlike him.

“Started out performing,” she answers, slapping a glass down on the counter and pouring him a generous amount. “But that doesn’t pay enough, especially here. Helping out means free food, a roof over our heads.”

Loki watches her eyes flicker towards the other woman, out of earshot, working the other end of the bar, green and purple to her blue and pink, and he swishes the liquid around in the glass, unable to help being nosy. “...you’re sisters?”

“Nebula,” she answers, and then inclines her chin towards the other woman. “Gamora.”

The conversation is interrupted by several other orders and Loki finishes his drink and contemplates asking for another one, simply so he can ask the unanswered question again, but to his surprise, Nebula returns to their conversation of her own accord. “Loki,” he offers, and waits to see if she’ll tell him.

“Half siblings,” she says, pouring Loki another drink without him even asking. “Through our father, an alcoholic who beat us on the regular. We emancipated as teens and made money exotic dancing.”

“...then it’s only a show,” Loki murmurs absently, swirling the drink, downing it in one gulp, wondering how many it will take until he stops feeling like he wants to cry.

Nebula stares at Loki pointedly until he realizes she’s doing so and looks up from his empty glass, and then she continues. “We realized that the more sexual our dance, the higher our intake. One night while rehearsing… we didn’t stop.”

Loki blinks at her in a rather owlish way, his mouth opening and closing twice before he recovers his voice. “Oh. I… I see...”

“I won’t apologize for it.”

Waving a hand in front of his face, Loki shakes his head, even offers her the barest hint of a smile that comes across closer to a grimace. “Not at all.”

“We’re happy,” she says simply, and then, after a beat of silence, she adds, “I’m also fairly certain you enjoyed our performance.”

Loki’s face flushes, which causes her to lean in closer, which causes him to fluster slightly. “I...”

“Why so nosy?”

Why _is_ he being so nosy? Should he just tell a complete stranger the intimate details of his life? But he’s already asked for hers, and this is Sakaar, after all – anything goes, but expect it to be talked about. “...you made me think about putting my hands on my brother in such a manner.” It’s a vague answer – not entirely the truth, but definitely not a lie, and then he suddenly realizes what he’s just said out loud, for the first time.

Nebula returns to her previous upright position, regarding Loki carefully and seriously. “It’s obviously wrecking you trying to convince yourself that it isn’t what you want.”

Of course he still _wants_ Thor. Their attraction has never really been a question, even when he was originally denying it on the false basis of Thor being the jerk who wrecked his life in the first place. Even if their bond goes deeper than he ever could have imagined… it doesn’t really change how he feels. “...it _is_ what I want.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” Nebula delivers the question in such a direct and unashamed manner that Loki can’t help the honest answer that spills from him, even if it’s maybe because he’s had a little too much to drink by now.

“I don’t know if he feels the same,” Loki whispers, blinking back tears again, remembering how Thor had shied away from his embrace earlier that night. “And I don’t know that it’s something I can live with wanting... if it’s not mutual.”

“Sounds like you should be talking to him about that and not me.”

Loki gives her a little hiccup of a sound in response, somewhere between a laugh and a sob both simultaneously held back. “You’re absolutely correct. Thank you for your time, Nebula. My best to you and Gamora.”

Not wanting anyone to see him in such a state, Loki sweeps away from the bar in a hurry. As predicted, his ex is already occupied with other patrons and the next act, and so he slips from the room unnoticed and returns to the dressing room before finally letting himself dissolve. Sinking to his knees, he bawls into his hands until the ache in his chest eases and the room stops spinning.

His clothes are waiting for him, clean and dry, and so slips out of the borrowed attire and back into the jeans and fuzzy green sweater he’d so much enjoyed picking out for their Rockefeller date tonight. That moment feels a million miles away from where he is right now, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting nothing more than to rewrite -

Rewrite what?

This night?

Their fight?

Their past?

His own birth?

Rewrite all of that and they wouldn’t even be who they are anymore.

And what he most wants to be... is Thor’s.

He doesn’t care if they might be related, doesn’t care if their fathers have lied to them or manipulated them.

He only cares about _Thor_ , and when he thinks of the awful things he yelled at his beloved tonight, lashing out in fear and distress, it makes his stomach roll.

It’s time to get out of here.

Loki collects himself enough to pull the earlier invitation, still on the vanity beside the roses, towards himself, scrawling a single word across the bottom.

_Thanks._

And after a moment’s hesitation: _Goodbye._

He’s tired of running and this is a dead end.

He can’t stay here. He can’t crawl back into this hole and forget all that’s happened.

He can’t forget how it feels to sing with Thor, to _be_ with Thor.

He can’t forget. He doesn’t want to.

The elevator takes him back to the ground floor and despite it being nearly dawn, the place is as hopping and crowded as it had been when he’d arrived. Loki collects his phone and swiftly exits out the front door, relieved to find that the storm has let up and he’s not immediately pelted with ice.

In the time that he’s been underground, the city has completely frozen over, appearing frosted with a sugar glaze in the pastel pre-dawn light, and the streets are more deserted than Loki thinks he’s ever seen them as he carefully picks his way towards the Brooklyn Bridge. It’s a long walk in the terribly icy conditions, but if he’s about to burn some bridges, it seems like a poetic place to choose to do it.

Once he makes it to roughly the center, he reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out the now crumpled award and photograph from his father’s office, along with a lighter he’d swiped from Sakaar.

Tonight – today – he thinks, as the edge of the sky starts to brighten with a rosy pink glow – he’s finished with both of these things and all of the trauma their lies have caused him.

Flicking the lighter, he catches the edge of the papers with the flame, watching them slowly burn up in his hand.

Maybe he’ll never know the truth.

But after all of his mental gymnastics, he finds one last thing waiting at the bottom of Pandora’s box.

If – _if_ – what he’s learned tonight is true…

…then he has a mother who thought her whole life was worth giving up, just so that he could live his.

And that’s not a gift he’s intending on wasting.

The fire has almost reached his fingertips and Loki lets both things go, watching as the lighter and the last curl of burning ashes are swallowed up the water, never to be seen again.

Loki takes a deep breath of the chilly morning air and lets it out slowly as the sun finally breaks the horizon, and then he nearly jumps into the river himself as his phone vibrating against his hip loudly interrupts the peaceful moment.

He can hardly feel his frozen hands right now, but he manages to pull it out of his pocket, squinting at the screen in the bright sunrise.

It’s Thor.

Loki’s chest seizes up with fear and hope alike as he thumbs the message open.

It’s a single photograph, a close-up on what seems to be a piece of sheet music, and he realizes with a start that it’s _his_ music, and that underneath the single line of melody, a handful of words are scrawled in Thor’s hand:

_o/~ Come back to me, baby  
I’ll come back to you ~/o_


	20. Comeback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_o/~_ _There's a pale winter moon in the sky coming through my window  
And the park is laid out like a bed below  
It's a cold, dark night and my heart melts like the snow  
And the bells of New York City tell me not to go _ _~/o_

The view from the top of Stark Tower is incredible. Thor stands in front of one of the large panes of glass, watching as the sun sinks, turning the sky a rosy color as all of the twinkling city lights blink on. Snow fell last night, dusting everything with an inch or two, but it’s all turned to slush already except for the long rectangle of Central Park, still dotted here and there with untouched patches of white.

Thor can hardly believe that this night has finally arrived, especially after what feels like one of the craziest, busiest, most trying weeks of his life.

Last night was the first Friday night without a concert at Thunderstruck in months, and despite having to supervise the packing up of all of their gear for the gig, it’d left him feeling melancholy. His friends had picked up on his mood and done their best to lift his spirits and build hype for the party tonight, and he had done his best to go along with it and maintain his cheery outlook.

Everything today has gone smoothly, thanks to the preparations overseen by Heimdall and Natasha, and final sound check finished successfully only a few minutes ago. They haven’t met either of the party’s hosts yet because they’re busy greeting the guests now starting to trickle in as the elevators carry them from the lobby to the penthouse. The whole place feels sleek and modern, a flowing open space built of iron, glass and steel, but it’s softened by the many intricate hanging light fixtures, the Christmas decorations, and the plush chairs and sofas dotting the rooms.

Thor’s mind should be here, in this place, at this gig, but… it’s not.

No, it’s out there wandering the city hand in hand with his heart, wondering where Loki is and if he’s going to show up tonight.

_o/~ It's always this time of year that my thoughts undo me  
With the ghosts of many lifetimes all abound  
But from these mad heights I can always hear the sound  
Of the bells of New York City singing all around ~/o_

They haven’t exactly kept in touch in the last two days.

Thor pulls his phone out of the pocket of his red leather jacket and scrolls through their messages – _his_ messages, really.

It only takes a few swipes to reach the last messages he’d received from Loki. Almost immediately after he’d sent that first piece of music at dawn yesterday, he’d received a reply:

_{ I need some time. }_

Impulsively, he’d answered it with:

_{ Can I still send you lyrics? }_

And, after a few minutes of silence, he’d received one more response:

_{ ...yes }_

At the time, that alone had been enough to give him a relieved swell of hope – at least he had received a response. He hadn’t been blocked or completely ignored, despite what he’d said, despite Loki running off… so maybe there was still a chance to set things right.

And so he had continued to send Loki scraps of lyrics whenever they came to him:

_o/~ I get scared when you’re scared but what else can I do? ~/o_

in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep...

_o/~ If you're lost on the way then I'll get lost too~/o_

in between reading all of the different proposals for what to do about Thunderstruck...

_o/~ Whatever we've done, whatever we'll do ~/o_

watching the snow fall late last night, guitar in his hands...

All of his messages had been read, and promptly, but not a single answer came in response, not even Loki’s usual emojis.

The temptation to call Loki or simply show up at his place was hard to ignore, but Thor didn’t want to be pushy when Loki had asked for time. He didn’t want to come on too strong and risk sending Loki running even further away than the distance he’d already put between them.

_o/~ Stay with me, stay with me  
Refuge from these broken dreams  
Wait right here oh wait with me  
On silent snow filled streets ~/o_

Slowly as Friday turned over into Saturday, Thor had started to wonder if he’d been too optimistic about Loki’s initial response. How much time did he need? And for what? Thor had thought hopefully that if Loki was receptive to the lyrics, then it meant mending things between them was possible… that if he still cared about their song, then maybe he still intended on playing with them, on showing up to their already booked gig.

But even _if_ all of that was true, it was no promise that there would still be anything more between them.

It was no promise of anything at all.

But seeing each other face to face was at least a chance to talk it out – or sing it out. It was a chance to lay all his cards on the table, show his heart, and fight for what they’d built together.

_o/~_ _Sing to me one song for joy and one for redemption  
And whatever is in between that I call mine  
With the street lamp light to illuminate the gray  
And the bells of New York City calling me to stay  
The bells of New York City calling me to stay _ _~/o_

Thor wants to hold on to hope.

He wants to believe that Loki will come back to him… that Loki feels the same as him.

To even consider otherwise feels suffocating and impossible.

But as Val finally approaches him at the window with a gentle hand to one elbow, he has to turn and face the reality of the moment.

Their set is supposed to start in 5 minutes and Loki’s still not here.

“Look, if you wanna bail, right now...” she starts, her words soft enough that only Thor can hear them. “We’re with you. You know neither Bruce or I would hold it against you.”

“The society page would,” Thor attempts to joke, but even the painted-on half smile does nothing to hide the pain in his eyes. He’d given the same truth to both of them yesterday that he’d shared with Steve and Bucky, and they’d both surprised him by being far more concerned over his relationship with Loki than the fate of their fledgling band or the high profile gig they’d booked.

“If Loki doesn’t show tonight, are you really prepared to do this without him?” Val frowns a little at Thor’s flippant answer, knowing full well that he doesn’t care even a bit what anyone thinks of him. It’s also not as if the three of them can’t manage to play for an hour or two even without Loki here, but that’s not what she’s really asking.

“Of course! We’re already set to go and I wouldn’t leave something like this hanging!” Thor can’t help but think to himself that neither would Loki. _So... where is he?_

“Thor...”

“For tonight, because we agreed,” he amends, a little more seriously. “Even if it’s just to play some holiday tunes for an hour, and then bail.” He pauses, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “After that?” He shakes his head, refusing to answer, hating the sad concern in Val’s eyes.

“Okay,” she nods, turning back towards their set-up. “You wanna start with some of the holiday standards then? Jingle Bell Rock, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree?”

“Sounds good to me.”

There are multiple levels to the Stark Tower penthouse, connected by various sets of stairs, and they’ve been set up on the ground floor, in the middle of the largest room. It’s not a raised platform, but the stage area is a little bigger than their space at the bar and far more open, viewable from three sides as well as from multiple overhangs on the second and third floors. Several Starki wireless systems are being used to run the sound and lighting, programmed to change colors by sensing the music, and to work seamlessly with another set of Starki systems projecting falling snow onto various surfaces all around the party.

No one’s really paying any attention as they get ready to play their first song and Thor doesn’t even bother to introduce them, figuring it’s not a terrible thing if they simply blend into the background ambiance of the room. He waits until they get a thumbs up from both Natasha and Heimdall and then he launches into the first tune, his mind feeling totally disconnected from his body.

It’s not as if he hasn’t ever played a show physically without having his heart in it, but after how much joy there’s been in all of his performances lately, returning to this emptiness feels crushing. His eyes wander across the room as he sings, doing his best to offer a smile or a nod at anyone that glances in their direction, idly wondering if anyone here will even recognize him. It’s not exactly his usual sort of audience, after all, and it’s at about this point in his thoughts, somewhere in the second or third chorus of the song, that Thor realizes with a start that Heimdall is on the phone with someone.

What phone call could possibly be important enough to pick up when they’re in the middle of a gig this big?

Thor is trapped on stage though, singing mindless jingles as he watches Heimdall turn sharply and swiftly exit the room.

_o/~ That’s the jingle bell ~/o_

This suddenly feels like the longest song in the entire universe.

_o/~ That’s the jingle bell ~/o_

How many times until the end?

_o/~ That’s the jingle bell rock ~/o_

Thor barely allows the last chord ring before he abruptly lets go of his guitar, letting it hang from the strap as he fishes his phone out of his pocket with a suddenly hammering heart.

_{ I’m in the lobby, but I can’t get in. }_

_{ Guest list? }_

Two messages from Loki, along with a missed phone call.

Certainly, if Thor didn’t pick up, the most sensible thing to do was call Heimdall.

Heimdall’s already gone to retrieve him, undoubtedly.

Loki is _here_.

Thor’s thoughts scatter in different directions with only one conclusion as he pulls his guitar off, setting it back on the stand.

“What are you doing?” Val whispers at him. She knows there’s no stopping Thor when he’s already made up his mind, but it would be nice to at least be informed about what’s going on.

“Loki,” Thor says simply, waving his phone at his friends.

“You’re leaving the two of us up here alone?” Bruce says, a little too loudly.

“Sing another Christmas song,” Thor calls over his shoulder with a bright little grin, as if the request isn’t totally ridiculous. Despite the fear in Bruce’s eyes and the incredulity in Val’s, he already knows he can make it up to them later. They’re his band and he trusts them to have his back.

Dodging through the crowd of slow-moving incoming guests to reach the elevators seems to take forever and Thor doesn’t see Heimdall anywhere, so he simply waits impatiently, foot-tapping, until the next car arrives and unloads before getting in to ride down to the lobby.

What will he say, once they’re finally face to face again? His words scatter as he thinks of Loki’s face and Loki’s eyes.

Because the elevators are all glass, much like the rest of the décor, Thor can see the car beside him rising up as his empty one descends. The two cars passing gives him a startling split second glimpse of green and black and he darts forward, pounding a fist against the wall and yelling, “LOKI!” even though he knows there’s not much of a chance he’ll be heard.

The elevator cars are indeed rather soundproof, so Loki doesn’t hear the shout of his name as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that Thor has finally read his messages, even though he hasn’t responded yet. Thankfully, all it had taken to get him in was Heimdall coming down to the lobby to meet him and having Natasha call to confirm that Loki was part of the band – yes, despite the rest of them having been signed in over an hour ago.

Loki can hear music the moment the elevator doors open, but it takes him a minute of weaving through the crowd and towards the sound before he realizes that it’s not Thor’s voice. Instead, Val is front and center in a blue leather dress and sparkly silver heels, singing Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree alone, backed by only her bass playing and Bruce’s drum shuffle, and the moment she spots Loki, she’s clearly torn between relief and murder.

Preferring to avoid the second, Loki decides to jump right in, no matter how awkward it might look to anyone watching. All of his instruments are waiting for him, but it takes only a split second for him decide that the easiest course of action is not to bother with any of the electronics. Instead, he slips right onto the grand piano’s bench, immediately sliding some chords in underneath Val and Bruce, filling the song out until they reach the end.

“Where’s Thor?” he asks them immediately, trying to stuff down the irrational panic that he’s shown up to this gig only to have Thor _not_ be here. Even as he queries them, his hands continue to dance across the keyboard, playing a light and charming arrangement of Jingle Bells that takes him absolutely no thought at all, but covers their voices adequately with the mics off.

“Went to get you, we thought,” Bruce answers, waving a drum stick towards the exit leading back to the elevators. “Glad you made it!”

“Thanks...” Loki starts in an exhale of relief as he glances over at Bruce and registers his attire. “What… what are you wearing?” Loki asks incredulously, his thoughts completely derailed by the blinking lights on Bruce’s chest, though his playing never falters.

“Are you knocking my sense of fashion?” Bruce responds with mock outrage, gesturing to his red and green plaid shirt and garishly blinking Christmas tree tie.

“Hello?” Val rolls her eyes at the both of them, but doing so feels so normal that she can’t bring herself to be sincerely annoyed. “Can we please focus on the gig we’re supposed to be playing?”

Loki nods at both of them, quietly grateful to not be asked to explain himself. He doesn’t know what Thor has or hasn’t told them, but they’re both treating him the same as ever. Thor will also certainly be back in a few minutes once Heimdall realizes what’s happened and locates him, but Val is right – there’s no need to leave the party without music for that long. “I’ll sing one of my solo songs off the first act setlist,” he offers, and as Jingle Bells finishes, he gives only a moment of silence to flip his mic on before starting the chords for the next song.

Besides, throwing himself into the music means not having to think about how they’ll be face to face in only a few minutes and he still has no idea what he’s going to say. Just thinking of Thor’s face and Thor’s eyes ties his tongue up into knots.

It’s still, as always, easier to sing it.

_o/~_ _Sorry it's late, I know I missed your call again  
Been tryna change, got stuck in my ways again  
I been feeling faded, disconnected lately  
Missin' what money can't buy  
All I wanna do is be brand new  
I swear I'd give it all up just for you _ _~/o_

Thor nearly busts his way out of his return-elevator only to hit a wall of people who haven’t yet filtered into the rest of the party space, but even over the din, he can hear the piano and he knows without a doubt that it’s Loki. Unable to cut quickly through the wall of people to head directly back towards the stage, he opts for the nearest stairwell instead, trying to find a way up, over, around, and back down to the main floor. As he gets away from the crowd, he can hear Loki’s voice, projected through the party by the Starki systems, floating delicately above the piano.

_o/~ Ah, ah-ah-ah  
(Closer to you)  
Ah, ah-ah-ah ~/o_

Thor’s path leads out onto one of the second floor overlooks and he can’t help but pause to glance down at the stage, simply for the pleasure of confirming to himself what his ears already know to be true.

Loki is really, truly _here,_ sitting at the grand piano wearing a forest green leather jacket that Thor’s never seen before, a tiny peek of gold silk shirt just visible underneath, passion written all over his beautiful face as he sings. In an instant, Thor’s falling all over again, taken back to the first night, the first time, he ever heard Loki sing. He’s not the only one drawn in by Loki either, as an audience has started to claim the couches and tables scattered around the room they’re playing in.

_o/~ Sick of the game  
Never holdin' on to what I start  
Hell of a shame  
I almost got the life I want  
Got no one to take to Paris, France  
To understand the man I am  
I feel like I'm runnin' out of time  
Well, tell me why our stars just don't align ~/o_

As much as he could stand here listening raptly to Loki’s entire song, Thor really needs to find a way back to the band, and so he continues on, weaving around the second floor until he finds another stairwell that leads him down on the other side of the stage from where he’d first entered. He’s only a few feet away from the piano now, directly in Loki’s line of sight, but he doesn’t feel the need to interrupt the magic of Loki’s performance.

Instead, he wants to sit inside the moment and listen to the lyrics Loki’s chosen to sing, lyrics that feel like they could be Thor’s own feelings, ripped right out of his heart.

_o/~ I would sink my house down underwater, ooh-ooh  
I would trade all my gold for dirt  
Let me tell you right now  
I would walk through fire just to hold ya  
Whatever gets me closer to you ~/o_

Loki’s delivered most of this song to the middle distance, focused on the piano and the lyrics and not the audience, but his heart’s on his face for anyone watching. He doesn’t even know what prompts him to finally look up until he does -

\- and finds the most unforgettable pair of blue eyes fixed upon him so intensely that his heart flips over in his chest.

_Thor_.

Thor is gazing upon him with such a tangled mix of emotions that Loki can’t immediately decipher them all.

It doesn’t matter.

No matter how Thor ultimately responds, Loki’s already decided that he’s leaving everything he has – his whole broken heart – on the stage tonight, and he unapologetically directs the entire high point of the song right to Thor.

_o/~ Whatever gets me closer to your church, your love  
I want it all too much, I'm cryin'  
I'd give my shirt off my back just to get you back  
Baby, baby, I'd lie in the eye of a hurricane just to have you comin' back  
To when you still believed in me  
Baby, believe me  
I would sink my house down underwater  
And I would trade all my gold for dirt  
Let me tell you right now  
I would walk through fire just to hold ya  
Whatever gets me closer to you  
Whatever gets me closer to you ~/o_

When Thor mouths the last line along with him, Loki nearly breaks down on the spot, directing his gaze back out at the audience for the finish so as not to completely lose his composure.

_o/~ Oh, yeah yeah  
Closer to you  
Oh, a little closer to you  
Closer to you ~/o_

There’s enthusiastic applause in response to Loki’s song and Thor uses the momentary break to re-join the band, heading immediately for his mic, but not bothering to pick up his guitar or try to talk to Loki directly. He’s not about to have what needs to be a private reunion in front of a bunch of strangers, but he can share his thoughts through the music too, same as they’ve done from the start.

“Let’s do Wanted next?” he asks lightly, pulling one his own planned solo songs from later in their set. It’s really just a cue for Loki to swap to his synth to play the string parts, because not a one of them is going to argue with his suggestion when they’re all too happy just to finally be on stage _together_ again.

Loki nods in agreement, unable to keep the smallest smile off his face as he resets at the synth, because of course Thor wants to sing yet another song with absolutely no intro. Once he’s ready, he catches Thor’s eyes and the two of them start together with only his vocals and Loki’s punctuated string chords.

_o/~ She said, every time I close my eyes  
I feel like I could disappear  
I could overflow an ocean  
With the cavalcade of all my tears  
And I know I sound dramatic  
But that's just how it feels  
She said, I'm holdin' to the notion  
That I'll find something real ~/o_

Loki can’t help being startled by how absolutely called out he feels as Thor sings the lyrics right at him, as if directly in answer to his song.

Are these Thor’s own feelings, or simply a mirror held up to Loki?

When did Thor start having any idea what was going on in Loki’s head? When did he start being able to see through to Loki’s heart?

The drums and bass kick in as they reach the chorus to remind them both that they aren’t alone in a karaoke room tonight, and their eye contact breaks as Thor directs more of the song outward.

_o/~ Yeah I just want to be wanted, oh  
I could use a little love sometimes  
I just need to be needed, oh  
Like to know I'm crossin' someone's mind ~/o_

Tears gather at the corners of Loki’s eyes as he finally sings the next few lines in harmony with Thor, because their voices are still glorious together and he aches with knowing just how close they came to never doing this again. But they both love it too much, want it too much… and need someone else who understands.

_o/~_ _I just want to be someone that somebody needs  
I just want to be more than a drop in the sea  
I just want to be _ _~/o_

It’s rare to see Thor sing without an instrument in his hands, but his presence is powerful when he has the opportunity to move around more and connect with the audience, and, by now, almost half the room has filled with curious, surprised and pleased party-goers. Loki watches the whispers bouncing around the room that tell him some of the guests have already recognized Thor by his unmistakable voice.

_o/~ She said, I'm countin' up my karma  
And I think it's time to cash it in  
So tired of livin' in a shadow  
Of a mountain of what might've been  
And I know I sound dramatic but that's just how it feels (ooh)  
I've been looking for somebody to tell me that I'm real (ooh) ~/o_

Thor sings the chorus again, living for the rare and perfect moments that Loki harmonizes with him, and he knows he’s really not going to last much longer without giving in to the urge to drag Loki off for a private chat, even if it’s only for a few minutes. He’s going to combust if they don’t.

As the music cuts to just the two of them for the song’s closing, Thor moves across the stage until he’s standing right next to Loki’s set-up, until Loki can feel the heat rolling off of him as he sings. He finds that he can’t look away from Thor, held in place by the intensity in his gaze.

_o/~ I just want to be wanted  
I could use a little love sometimes  
I just need to be needed  
Like to know I'm crossin' someone's mind ~/o_

They stare at each other, both breathing a little too fast and hard, as the audience applauds and whistles.

Before the noise even dies down, Heimdall appears at the edge of the stage, holding out some papers to Loki, who finally breaks the heated moment to jump up from his seat and retrieve them with a nod of thanks. He takes the three steps back to Thor’s side, his expression a winsome mix of barely contained excitement and vulnerable trepidation as he holds out one of the papers.

“Is this…?” Thor asks hopefully, even though he already knows the answer. His eyes meet Loki’s again as the music passes between them and he’s instantly flooded with the absolute certainty that everything’s going to be okay.

He’s been sending Loki lyrics, trying to reach him, determined to build a bridge… and here, at last, is the answer to his call.

Loki’s finished the rest of the lyrics – they’ve finally written something _together_.

Neither of them wants to give up.

Neither of them wants to let this go.

They’ve met each other in the center of the bridge, with everything that came before discarded in favor of what they might build from here.

“Are you game?” Loki asks a little breathlessly, first at Thor, then turning to hand a copy each to their bandmates. “Have you finished your parts?”

“What?! No!” Bruce yelps immediately as he realizes what Loki’s giving to him. “I mean, yeah, I have, but – right now? Here? No rehearsal?”

Val laughs halfway through his ramble, grinning as they all read through the lyrics. “Hell yeah, I’m game.”

“We can always fine tune it later,” Loki grins too, cheeky and mischievous, before turning back to Thor with all the hope in the universe shining in his green eyes.

Thor wants nothing more in this moment than to lean in and kiss Loki, but not here – not on stage, not when they haven't talked. _No_ _t_ _yet – be patient_. He settles instead for slinging his guitar back on, hoping Loki can read in his eyes everything he wishes he could say right now. "Ready when you are."

Loki smiles at Thor and Thor swears for a moment that there are actual stars in his eyes, but then he’s leaning past Thor, the back of his hand brushing Thor’s as he speaks into the mic.

“Good evening, esteemed holiday revelers. I’m Loki. This is Thor. Val on bass and Bruce on drums. And we are...” And he pauses for a heartbeat, just long enough to flicker his gaze up at Thor again, his eyes softening almost imperceptibly. “Thunderstruck.”

The word echoes for a moment as the audience claps politely and Loki moves to sit behind the piano again, and behind him, Thor can hear Val murmur, “Well, _that’s_ going to be confusing.”

Loki starts to play the warm and open set of chords that Thor originally heard as he woke for the first time in Loki’s bed, and over them, he distantly hears himself telling the audience, “Tonight, we’re proud to share our first original song with you – Comeback.”

This is a little crazy – he’s never sung some of these words out loud before, but he already knows the melody and the groove and the way the song makes him _feel_. Loki weaving all of his pieces together and seamlessly filling the in betweens seems so natural that when Thor opens his mouth to sing, it’s as if he’s always known this song.

_o/~ Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you  
You know the place that I go runnin' to  
I get scared when you're scared but what else can I do?  
Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you ~/o_

Guitar, bass and drums all kick in as Thor reaches the chorus, and the conviction in the words they’ve written together very nearly chokes him up too much to sing.

_o/~ Wherever you are right now  
Know somehow  
I'll be on the way like a bat out of hell  
Heaven knows I'm proud but I'll turn 'round  
Baby, if you stay then I won't to let you down, oh  
Whatever we've done, whatever we'll do  
Baby, if you come back now  
I'll come back to you ~/o_

Loki takes the second verse, reveling in how beautiful it is to finally hear out loud what had started inside his mind. It’s even better than he could dreamed, each of their parts a unique splash of color across the canvas he’d presented. Thor’s singing his words and he’s singing Thor’s and it doesn’t even matter anymore.

_They’re ours together._

_o/~ Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you  
Light up the world like only you can do  
If you're lost on the way then I'll get lost too  
Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you  
Wherever you are right now  
Know somehow  
I'll be on the way like a bat out of hell  
Heaven knows I'm proud but I'll turn 'round  
Baby, if you stay then I won't to let you down, oh  
Whatever we've done, whatever we'll do  
Baby, if you come back now, I'll come back to you ~/o_

They reach the bridge and the idea that Thor had given him during that first sketchy performance earlier in the week has now transformed into a beautiful call and answer between their two voices. Loki’s heart eases as they sing together, as if something in the universe has finally shifted in a way that can never be undone.

_o/~ Ooh ooh  
Come back  
Ooh ooh  
Come back  
Ooh ooh ~/o_

The song reduces down to only the piano again, and then finally, on the last line, goes completely a capella, Val joining them in a third harmony, Bruce’s voice a soft low hum underneath the trio.

_o/~ Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you  
You know the place that I go running to  
I get scared when you're scared but what else can I do?  
Come back to me, baby, I'll come back to you ~/o_

Loki only half-hears the applause, the whistles, and Thor on the mic telling everyone that they’re breaking for a bit. His heartbeat feels impossibly loud in his ears and when Thor wraps one hand around his wrist, tugging him up from the piano, he goes easily. He lets Thor haul them away from the stage and up a nearby staircase, but the party is far more crowded than it was earlier and he clearly doesn’t have a set destination in mind.

It’s been years since Loki attended an event at Stark Tower with his father, but he still vaguely remembers the layout of the place. Once his mind finally catches up with the present moment, he gently pulls his wrist from Thor’s grip, linking their hands instead as he leads him down another hallway. “This way might be quieter.”

With what he now knows about Loki, Thor isn’t surprised that the door he chooses to open – one that’s clearly marked _No Party Guests_ – leads to a library. The remains of a fire smolder behind a screen and one of the many enormous Christmas trees that have been sprinkled all over the party stands glittering in red and gold beside it, but the room itself is empty of people.

Thor pushes the door closed behind them and flips the lock as Loki lets go of his hand, turning around to face him. Only up close like this does Thor realize that Loki’s woven threads of silver and gold into the braids above his ears tonight, highlighting his tiny golden lightning bolt earrings. Loki takes a breath as if he maybe wants to say something, but Thor refuses to wait any longer when the music has already revealed their true feelings. He slides a hand around the back of Loki’s neck, his thumb dragging along Loki’s jawline as he angles their faces together, feeling Loki’s breath catch just as their lips meet.

The kiss is intense and passionate as they immediately open up to each other, an apology and a promise all at once in the tangling of their tongues. Loki’s hands find their way under Thor’s jacket, fingertips spreading across the silver silk of the shirt he’s wearing underneath, pulling his warmth closer, and Thor cradles Loki’s face between both of his hands as the kiss slows, tender and sweet by the time they finally part.

“I was starting to worry that this might really be the end…” Thor whispers against Loki’s lips, pulling back to search his eyes for further reassurance, swallowing hard. “...that you weren’t going to show up or give me a chance to…”

Loki shakes his head gently, but not enough to escape from Thor’s grasp, happy to be held with such affection. “I’m terribly sorry that I was late and I apologize that I’ve been so AWOL the last two days, but I’ve been stuck in meetings with lawyers. I… I needed to be free of a few things, for my own sake, before I could come back to you.”

“Oh?” Thor says softly, gently running his fingers back and through Loki’s hair, unable to stop touching him, to stop reminding himself that Loki is really here with him. He can tell this is a deeper sentiment than just ‘busy with work’, though, and waits for Loki to explain.

Loki closes his eyes for a moment, letting Thor’s touch ease his rapid-fire heartbeat and the very last of his jangly nerves. “I’ve cut ties with my father and his company. I needed to turn over all the original files of the work I’ve done and he’s taken credit for to have justification to break the legal contract. It’s… a mess, really. But I’m finished with his lies. And I’m not beholden to anyone anymore…” Loki’s eyes flutter open again, filled with resolve, certain about what he’s decided, even if he might still be rejected. “Except you, if you want me to be.”

Thor’s face slowly slides into a smile and then he’s kissing Loki again – short, sweet little kisses with words sprinkled in between them - “Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yes.” until Loki finally starts to laugh in breathy relief, letting go of Thor to poke a finger into his ribs until he stops the kissing, growing serious once more. “I didn’t have the chance to tell you the other night, but – I’ve also broken ties. Told my father not to call me again under any circumstance. And I… I don’t want anything to come between us ever again, Loki. So please, promise me – no more lies.”

“I promise you, Thor...” Loki answers immediately, taking one of Thor’s hands between his own two and squeezing it. “And… I’m sorry for keeping the truth about the song from you.”

The regret in Loki’s eyes is so very clear that even though Thor’s already forgiven him for everything, he knows he won’t be satisfied until he’s made things right between them with his own apology. “Forgive me, Loki. I’m so sorry that I said - ”

Loki lifts a hand, placing one finger gently against Thor’s lips, feeling like his heart could break all over again seeing the painful memory of their fight creeping into his beloved’s expression. “Ssh. I know. Me too. And I promise, we’ll have plenty of time to talk about all of it when we’re not in the middle of a gig, okay?”

_All_ of it is a lot, after all, and if he’s going to tell Thor the entire story of his time at Asgardian Records and his descent into the madness of Sakaar, if they’re going to talk about their fathers… or their mother… it’s not going to be in the middle of a Christmas party gig they’ve already been away from for too long.

Thor looks conflicted for a moment, but then he nods in understanding. “...I just need to know one more thing.”

Normally a statement like that would make Loki anxious, but it doesn’t anymore. He trusts Thor, and anything Thor wants to ask him, he’s willing to answer. “...I’ll do my best.”

Thor is silent for a moment, knowing this question might make Loki pull away from him again, but needing the answer too much to let it go. “...why didn’t you tell me? You had every opportunity.”

There are a dozen answers to that question, as Loki’s been asking himself the very same thing almost since the moment he figured out who Thor was. He can’t find an easy answer, though, and so he lets his thoughts spill openly, hoping it will be enough. “I debated it from the moment I realized who you really were...” he admits softly, wrapping his arms around himself and resisting the urge to take a step back. “The truth is, I goaded you into that karaoke date with half a mind to confront you about it, but… but then we sang together and you _kissed_ me and my whole world turned upside down.”

Thor smiles fondly at the memory, but he doesn’t interrupt Loki, grateful to finally hear his unguarded thoughts.

“And then, after you sang… the song... my own song… _at_ me in that video, I showed up at your apartment with _every_ intention of confronting you, but instead I…” Loki trails off, shaking his head, and Thor finishes the thought for him, his hand landing warmly on Loki’s shoulder.

“...you ended up listening to _my_ truth instead, which I’m so very grateful for… but after that, why didn’t you…?”

Loki averts his eyes a little, silent for a moment, taking a deep breath before admitting on the exhale. “...I was afraid.” He lets his eyes settle on the twinkling of the tree lights, his words quicker now, impassioned. “Afraid that you’d hate me for being the one who wrote it, the one who ruined your career. Afraid you’d reject me because of it. You… you already meant too much to me. And I… I was afraid of losing what we’d found.”

Thor can read in between the lines enough to understand now that Loki had very much fallen as hard and fast for him as he had for Loki, and that the dishonesty had been born out of fear and affection, and not malice, just as he’d been hoping. “You won’t lose me. You can’t lose me. Loki...” he says softly but firmly, fingertips at Loki’s chin, turning his face, gently demanding his eyes again. “I’m yours, if you still want me.”

Loki gives Thor the sweetest little smile, blinking too fast, both ruined and renewed by that declaration. “I do.” He slowly unwinds from himself, going up on his tiptoes to kiss Thor this time, both hands settling on his shoulders. “I truly do.” They melt against one another as they kiss, slower this time, wrapping their arms around each other and hugging tightly, rocking back and forth a little bit until both of their racing heartbeats finally slow.

They both know they really can’t spare any more time right now, but it’s enough. They know where they stand and what they want, and the rest will come in good time.

But first, they’ve got a party to rock.

As they make their way back to the main floor, they start to toss back and forth what songs they most want to sing together next, but it’s Thor who picks their lead-off. “Indulge me?” he says softly as they clamber back down the staircase hand in hand. “I want to play the first thing I ever heard you sing.”

Loki’s cheeks flush, but he nods a little. “Clocks, wasn’t it? I wondered why you were so adamant about that being on tonight’s setlist...”

“ _Nothing else compares_ ,” Thor sings softly and squeezes Loki’s hand as they approach the stage, where Heimdall’s arranged for a tray of snacks and champagne flutes to be brought over for all of them.

“To Thunderstruck?” Loki asks, daring any of them to challenge his suggestion as he lifts the first glass off of the tray and holds it out to them. Making peace with Thor has given him wings and he’s absolutely ready to rock the rest of the party.

“Both the bar and the band,” Thor adds with a chuckle at the return of Loki’s confident spark, snagging the next glass from the tray.

“ _That’s_ gonna be weird once we’re home.” Bruce says with a shake of his head, but he holds out his glass too. “Hello, Thunderstruck, we’re Thunderstruck?”

“Like they’re not all here with us in spirit,” Val smirks, holding out her flute in one hand and her phone in the other, where Sam’s sent them all a selfie from the bar with Steve, waving, and Bucky, giving them the finger, in the background.

“To Thunderstruck,” Thor laughs, and they all clink glasses and down their champagne with a gulp.

Said set list that they’d all carefully created for the night is already in a shambles, but none of them really care at this point, more than content to play anything and everything on it in whatever order they so desire. They blow through a bunch of their favorites, including Creep and Under Pressure and More Than A Feeling and Wonderwall of Broken Dreams, as they’ve dubbed their mash-up, as well as plenty of the holiday songs on their list, making their second set easily three times as long as their first.

It certainly helps that they’re all a tiny bit tipsy and relaxed now, content to play on and on as the room and the overhangs both grow crowded again with people watching them. Halfway through a slow and crooning version of I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Thor finds himself distracted by catching Heimdall conversing with two gorgeous blondes, one of whom he assumes might be the party hostess.

The bass drops out of their song quite suddenly, startling all of them, and then Val rushes right between them in a blur. Confused, Loki catches Thor’s eyes over the piano, but it’s at least one last chorus to close out the song, so all they can do is watch as Val elbows her way through the crowd with relentless determination.

“Oh hey, it’s Carol!” Bruce finally says behind them, standing up as the song finishes to see where Val’s taken off to, and Thor quickly tells the audience that they’re going to take another break.

All three of them turn to watch as Val finally reaches Heimdall and the two blondes, one with long hair, wearing a navy blue dress, and the other with close-cropped hair, wearing a red pants suit without a blouse. There’s a few seconds of conversation and then Val and the woman in red collide in a tight hug that quickly turns into a rather steamy kiss.

“It is!” Thor exclaims with a beaming grin. “I didn’t recognize her with the new haircut!”

The crowd in the room thins a little with the band on break and Heimdall leads the group over to the stage so that introductions can be made. Steve had apparently clued Carol in to Val’s location when she hadn’t been at the bar to surprise, and a line of communication from Steve to Bucky to Natasha to Pepper had gotten Carol an immediate invite to the party.

“Do you guys mind if we take off for a little while?” Val asks, unable to keep the grin off her face as she introduces her bandmates to her girlfriend, home late or early depending on perspective. “I know it’s unexpected, but...”

“Take whatever time you need,” Loki is the first to answer her, absolutely certain he’s never seen Val look so happy. “Thor and I can easily keep things going at just the piano for awhile even if you’re not back by the end of our break.”

“Please, it’s the least we can do,” Thor agrees immediately, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder and grin at Carol. “Go on. We’ll be fine.”

Val doesn’t need to be told twice and Carol nods her thanks to them before the two disappear into the party crowd, leaving Heimdall to introduce the rest of the band to Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries.

“Natasha was absolutely right to sing your praises,” she smiles warmly at all three of them, shaking each of their hands in turn. “Though I must admit that it’s my husband who insisted on extending the invite. I do believe he used to be a fan of yours, Thor? Said to tell you there’s a song he wants to hear you play for us later on.”

Thor and Loki exchange a pointed glance, both knowing that there’s only one song she can possibly mean, but thankfully Bruce saves them both from having to answer by lifting one hand to interrupt. “Does that mean we’ll get to meet Mr. Stark tonight?”

“Of course!” she replies, and both Thor and Loki have to stifle their laughter at the way Bruce’s face lights up with delight. It’s too easy to leave him pestering Pepper with questions while they return to the piano to play a few more favorites. Sharing the piano bench in their usual opposite-facing shoulder to shoulder way, they sing their duets of Stay, Happy Days/Get Happy, Give Your Heart a Break and more, for whatever else Loki comes up with to play, Thor certainly already knows. The set list is all but forgotten between their own whims and the party guests growing bold enough to start making requests.

Most of the party is on the drunk, chill and merry side as it approaches midnight until someone can be heard calling out, and suddenly the words go flying across the party like an old-fashioned game of telephone. “It’s snowing! It’s snowing!”

It isn’t the first snow of the year and it’s not even Christmas for another few days, but watching the millions of flakes fluttering all around the tower from every side through the glass windows is a magical experience, as if they’re all caught inside a perfectly shaken snow globe together. Thor bumps his shoulder against Loki’s as Loki starts to play a deliciously jazzy and slowed-down version of White Christmas, and they let their voices echo and dance around each other in an easy harmony as everyone rushes to the windows to gasp and point at the sight.

_o/~ May your days be merry and bright  
And may all your Christmases be white ~/o_

As they reach the end, Loki lets the pedal hold the last major 7th chord and tips his head over to rest against Thor’s shoulder. Thor presses a kiss into Loki’s hair before leaning his own head against Loki’s and they’re content to sit that way for awhile, watching the snow fall along with everyone else.

The quiet moment ends when the party’s host finally arrives on the scene, and, as if on cue, Val and Carol reappear too.

“Tony Stark. Thanks for a night of great tunes. Nothing but rave reviews from the party guests!” Tony shakes each of their hands in quick succession, including Carol’s, and Bruce is too momentarily star-struck to have the courage to say anything back to Tony, who talks faster than even the fastest of New Yorkers. “Thor! Thunder God, right? Right! I’m quite a fan, VIP seats when you played at MSG! But I heard it’s now Thunder _struck_ and it’s all of you! Congrats on the new band. Even so, you wouldn’t mind doing me the favor of playing an old hit? Far From Me? Did Pepp tell you? About how we danced to it at our wedding? About how we used to -”

Pepper can’t quite stop Tony from snagging her hand and tugging her into a dance hold, but she does manage to keep him from spilling any further private details of their life by interrupting him, one hand over his mouth and a huge smile tossed at all of them that clearly says _help me out here!_ “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble to indulge us?”

Thor can’t keep the grin off of his face, but he’s not sure if it’s because of how much this song obviously means to the both of them or how embarrassed he can tell Loki is about it. He’s used to hearing these sorts of comments about this song from his fans, but it’s fun seeing Loki exposed to them for the first time. “Pretty sure that’s a request we can handle.”

The four of them re-take their places on the stage while Tony commandeers one of the closest couches to share with Pepper, and Carol stands off to the side with Heimdall where she can easily watch Val play.

“Hey, everyone! For our last song of the night, we’ve had a request from our hosts...” Thor pauses as everyone watching claps for Tony and Pepper. “... for a song that’s very special to both of them, called Far From Me. It’s a pretty special song for me too, as it’s the one that used to end all of my shows, and tonight, I’m proud to be able to share with you that it was written by my partner, Loki.”

Thor smiles over at Loki’s completely startled expression, uncaring about the whispers going through the crowd as more people start to connect the dots about who he really is. A statement like that about his most famous hit will certainly be all over the tabloids by tomorrow and that’s exactly what Thor wants: No more lies. “Please enjoy Thunderstruck’s version of a classic,” he winks at Loki, who looks appropriately thunderstruck by his decision.

In the time since the night they ran themselves out of their own bar, Val and Bruce have both had time to pick up their parts on the song too, but it’s Loki who has to start the piano intro and there’s a good long moment of stunned silence before he finally shakes off his shock and starts to play.

Truly, he hadn’t expected Thor to put the truth out there about the song after all this time, but he has, and Loki can’t help but turn it over in his mind as they sing it together... until he realizes that it must be because they feel the same way.

_o/~ I am not alone, I am not alone ~/o_

The success of this song came from their union, however unknown at the time, but the glory of that success isn’t worth as much to either of them anymore as their actual bond is. This song had upended both of their lives once upon a time, but they’ve come to the same conclusion: it doesn’t matter how they got here – they are better together. They deserve the credit together.

They’re equals, in every sense of the word. Partners.

_o/~ in my heart of hearts, you are never far from me ~/o_

The whole room follows Tony’s lead in getting to their feet to applaud the band, and even though this isn’t the insanity of Thunderstruck’s usual crowd, calls for an encore still echo around the room.

“One more?” Thor directs the question at his bandmates, already knowing the answer is _yes_ , but the real question is _what_.

“Do you know Fly Me To The Moon?” Loki asks them almost simultaneously, quietly enjoying the revenge of making Thor flush with surprise.

In answer, Bruce starts to play the shuffle on his drum set and as he repeats it a second time, Val adds the bass, and all four of them grin at each other as several couples in the audience pick up on what song it’s going to be and start to dance, including their hosts. They can’t stop the whole room from also singing it right along with them, but that’s just fine, and it’s a loud and joyful rendition to close out the night.

_o/~ Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more_   
_You are all I long for, all I worship and adore_   
_In other words, please be true  
In other words  
I love you ~/o_

What matters most, though, is that when they reach the finale this time, they sing that last line together, Thor draped over the end of Loki’s piano as they beam at each other across the keys. They’ve truly had the time of their lives playing tonight, but they’re also both vibrating with the need to escape and finally be alone.

Tony eases the transition from their live playing into a gentler background by snagging Thor’s mic to thank the band for their performance and the guests for attending before asking his Starki system to kick on a holiday playlist. There’s another round of champagne toasts before Val and Carol bid everyone farewell, and to Bruce’s shock, once Pepper properly introduces him to Tony, it turns out that their host already knows exactly who he is.

“Dr. Bruce Banner! I know that name – No kidding, you’re a rock n roll drummer now?”

“Side job while I look for a grant for my research.”

“Didn’t you write the paper on gamma radiation and its uses for -”

“Yes! I did!” It’s hard to say whether Bruce’s eyes or grin are wider, but soon the two are rambling at each other faster than anyone else can possibly keep up with or understand.

That leaves Pepper fending off the start of the many guest farewells and when Heimdall makes a _shoo_ motion at Thor and Loki, they do as he suggests, blending into the crowd and slipping towards the exit before anyone can ask anything more of them.

“Where do you want to go?” Thor asks Loki once they escape out the front door of the building.

Flakes are still falling very lightly as Loki links his arm around Thor’s elbow. “I have someplace in mind.”

Thor guesses pretty quickly from the direction Loki chooses, but remains quiet about it until they’ve strolled a number of blocks and rounded a corner or two.

It’s much, much less crowded at the very late hour and the Rockefeller tree glitters under the light dusting of snow as they stand not far from where their altercation had taken place. The memory is still too fresh and vivid in Thor’s mind for his comfort, and he swallows around the lump in his throat, keeping Loki tight against him as he intones softly, “...the tree looks beautiful tonight.”

Loki slides his arm from Thor’s, but only so he can seek out Thor’s hand instead, intertwining their fingers and then wondering at how Thor’s hand can still feel so warm even in this weather. “I don’t want to forget what happened here the other night...” he starts, equally soft, his eyes focused ahead on the lights. “...but I also don’t wish for that memory to cast a shadow over us or this place in the years to come.”

Talk of their future immediately springs tears into Thor’s eyes, the idea competing with the memory of how wounded Loki had looked right before bolting past him after his ugly words. “I’m so sorry, Loki. I went too far that night with what I said to you.”

Loki shakes his head slowly as he squeezes Thor’s hand. “As did I… and I’m sorry too – for that, and for running off on you.”

“...but you came back,” Thor squeezes his hand in answer. They both finally pull their gazes from the tree to look at each other instead and Thor realizes he’s not the only one blinking back tears.

“You gave me a place to _come back_ to,” Loki smiles up at him, his expression soft, with just a hint of teasing in his glassy eyes.

“Well, I suppose I did give you my key,” Thor half-jokes, leaning down to brush his lips against Loki’s forehead. He’s not at all expecting Loki to unwind their fingers, turning Thor’s hand over to press a cool metal key into his palm. He knows instantly that it’s a key to Loki’s place.

“Come home with me tonight?” Loki murmurs softly, and Thor feels all the hair on the back of his arms rise in a chill. “My place is yours.”

Loki enjoys watching Thor’s gorgeous face fly through a myriad of emotions – surprise and gratitude and joy – until he impulsively lifts Loki right off his feet, spinning him around in a circle. The dizzying whirl makes Loki clutch at him and laugh until Thor smothers the sound with a kiss. “Should I count that as a yes?” he says breathlessly once Thor’s finally let him down again.

“Let’s go home,” Thor beams at Loki and hand in hand they make their unhurried way back to the apartment.

Thor’s cheeks hurt from grinning as he lets Loki show him how to use the key to unlock the elevator and when the doors open up a few minutes later, his first sight is a curtain of white snowflake lights hanging over the entranceway. Fenrir comes racing down the hallway to greet them, jingling from the tiny silver bells on his holiday collar, and he swirls all around their legs, almost tripping Thor with his exuberance.

“Someone missed you,” Loki remarks as he kicks off his boots and slips out of his jacket, reaching to take Thor’s as he does the same. He hangs the red and green leather side by side in the closet with an amused smile as Thor scoops up the cat and scritches under his chin. Fenrir is too excited to see them to be still for long though, and he hops out of Thor’s arms, leading them back down the hallway with an insistent meow.

Thor realizes as they head through the kitchen and into the library that Loki’s entire apartment looks as if he’s stepped into an enchanted winter wonderland, strung end to end with hundreds of the tiny snowflake lights. Wreaths of fresh greenery with velvety red bows hang over arches and doors, and the tree is real, twelve feet of fir topped off with a gilded glowing star, the tiny turning lights inside it throwing little flickers of stardust across the ceiling. The lights on the tree slowly change from clear to rainbow and back again, and as Thor leans in for a closer look, he realizes that many of the ornaments are actually miniature instruments and intricately detailed snowflakes.

“It’s gorgeous, Loki. I can’t even remember the last time I even decorated my place for Christmas,” Thor finally says, shaking his head in astounded wonder.

“There’s always tomorrow,” Loki teases him, but really he’s thrilled at Thor’s reaction. He’d intended to surprise Thor the night of their date, and for the last few days, keeping the lights on has helped him to not lose hope that eventually they really _would_ be standing here together again.

Thor steps closer, wrapping his arms around Loki from behind, resting his chin on Loki’s shoulder as he asks softly. “And what about tonight?”

Loki leans back into Thor’s embrace, his hands rising to cover Thor’s hands, and then he impulsively calls out, “Starki. Play my favorite love song.”

In the Still of the Night starts up and Thor gives a surprised little chuckle. “Really? This song?”

Thor’s breath tickles Loki’s neck and he sighs dramatically to cover his shiver. “I know, I know, _everyone_ loves this one. It’s not exactly original of me.”

_o/~ In the still of the night  
I held, held you tight  
For I love, love you so  
Promise I’ll never let you go ~/o_

Thor shakes his head, loosening his hold on Loki, turning him in his arms, settling his hands on Loki’s waist once they’re face to face. “No, that’s not it,” he insists.

Loki loops his arms around Thor’s neck as they start to sway back and forth in a slow dance, still defending his choice and likewise avoiding the last thing they need to discuss. “It’s such a sweet tune, simple lyrics... But I’ve loved it ever since I heard it as a child over the speakers down at the beach one summer on -”

“Coney Island,” Thor says fondly and dreamily at exactly the same time as Loki.

They both stop speaking, giving each other the funniest, silliest expressions of surprise, and then suddenly Loki’s dissolving into laughter against Thor’s chest, and Thor’s laughing too. They’re both in stitches as they hold on to one another, far more giddy over the tiny detail in common than they ought to be, and then Loki abruptly pulls back, looking up at Thor again with wide, nervous eyes, searching for words until Thor suddenly blurts out:

“I really think we might be brothers.” He doesn’t know exactly why he’s finally spit the words out, but he also knows they can’t keep dancing around the idea forever.

Loki honestly thinks so too, but that isn’t what he says. Instead, he takes one deep and steadying breath and then quietly asks Thor, “Does it matter if we are?”

“It wouldn’t make me love you any less.” Thor’s answer is instantaneous, his expression serious again despite his red-faced flush from their laughter.

Loki’s reply is just as immediate, another question, making no effort to hide the vulnerability in his expression. “Would it make you _want_ me any less?”

Thor knows that Loki must assume the answer to this question already, for there was equal heat from each of them when they’d kissed at the party earlier. But if Thor needs to say the words to make them real, to make Loki believe him, then he will, because he’s not afraid of anything as long as Loki is by his side. “ _Nothing_ could ever make me desire you less…. my dearest brother.”

Thor’s words strike something deep in Loki’s heart, something he doesn’t have words for, and it shatters the last of his doubt. He surges up into Thor on tiptoe, crashing their lips together in a kiss. It’s messy and passionate this time, hands tangling in each other’s hair as they nip at each other’s lips and drink in each other’s taste, and Loki feels himself grow deliriously light-headed from the lack of air.

They break apart suddenly, both breathing hard, and then Thor says it again, right against Loki’s lips, his voice a soft and wrecked rasp. “Brother.”

Loki jerks back a little bit – flustered, flushed and wild-eyed as he whispers, “Thor…”

“Loki...” Thor gives him the smallest little smile that somehow still makes his eyes twinkle.

Loki says nothing in response and Thor’s smile widens into a smug little grin, silently goading him: _D_ _on’t you want to say it too?_ Loki takes two shallow and unsteady breaths and then finally murmurs the word, his eyes locked with Thor’s. _“_ Brother.”

Thor makes an unintelligible noise in response and starts to pop open the buttons on Loki’s golden silk shirt, his voice fond and yet a little desperate as he begs, “Say it again.” This is absolutely turning him on – he can tell it’s turning both of them on, because it doesn’t matter if they call each other friend or partner, lover or brother. They are all of these and more than words could ever label, and nothing will ever come between them again.

Loki is Thor’s mirror, undressing his lover, his brother, with the same deliberate leisure. “I love you,” he breathes against Thor’s ear, enjoying the shiver he receives in response.

Thor pushes Loki’s unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders and lays a line of kisses over the newly bared skin. “I love you too,” he presses his lips to the pulse beating fast under Loki’s jaw.

Finishing with Thor’s buttons, Loki lets go long enough to drop his shirt off his wrists and onto the floor, and then he runs his hands over Thor’s bare chest while he does the same. Thor’s hands spread warm across Loki’s back, pulling him in again, and Loki backpedals Thor a few steps until they reach the couch.

Loki moves with Thor as he sinks down, straddling his lap and melting into the heat of skin on skin contact after days of not being able to touch each other.

“I’ve missed you,” Thor breaths, holding Loki close and tight against him. “Missed this.”

“Missed your touch,” Loki admits, pulling back just enough that he can cradle Thor’s face between his hands, stroking his thumbs along Thor’s beard at his jawline, gazing into eyes the color of a perfect cloudless sky. “Missed your kiss.”

“I’ll kiss you a thousand – a million – times,” Thor promises him, reaching to catch one of Loki’s long and elegant hands, drawing it to his lips to kiss each fingertip one by one.

“It will never be enough,” Loki shakes his head slowly as each kiss sends a little ripple of pleasure down his spine, and then he tugs his hand away, tapping Thor on the nose with one fingertip. “I will always want more.”

“Then I should hurry and kiss you again,” Thor slides his hand around the back of Loki’s neck, angling their faces together, repeatedly teasing Loki’s lips with tongue and teeth until his lover nips back in protest, insisting them into another deep and ardent kiss.

Thor’s hands continue to wander as he tries and fails to catch Loki’s teasing tongue, needing to touch every inch of Loki’s skin that he can reach, fingertips finally slipping into the back of Loki’s pants in an unspoken plea for more. Loki answers by rolling his hips down into Thor’s in a slow and sensual grind, letting each of them know just how much they’ve turned the other on already.

Loki finally breaks their kiss to put the smallest bit of distance between them and they simultaneously move to unzip each other’s pants, hands colliding in their sudden haste to feel the evidence of their mutual desire.

Neither can help a soft huff of laughter.

Thor pulls his hand away, letting Loki do as he pleases first, waiting until Loki’s slender fingers have freed his cock from his pants before leaning forward, sinking his teeth into Loki’s collarbone with a low growl in the back of his throat.

“Thor!” Loki chokes out, the pain sparking pleasure that crackles like lightning in his blood, and he shudders as Thor gently bumps his hand aside until he can free Loki’s cock too. They aren’t anywhere near drunk this time, but having Thor wrap his large hand around both of their cocks feels so reminiscent of their first time together that Loki’s chest aches with the sensory memory.

“Loki...” Thor murmurs his answer into the skin of Loki’s neck as he leaves a line of kisses up Loki’s throat, _knowing_ that they are thinking about the same thing as Loki interlaces his fingers with Thor’s, just as he’d done that first night.

“Surely you don’t want this to end so quickly?” Loki asks as Thor slowly slides their linked hands along the lengths of their cocks, making both of them shudder.

“No…” he admits slowly, grazing one more kiss just underneath Loki’s ear before pulling back until they meet eyes again. “...but I’m not in the position to do what I want to do here.”

“Oh?” Loki’s voice is a soft, teasing purr, but he’s honestly curious to hear Thor’s thoughts. “Then where do you want to be?”

Thor’s movement stalls and he lets go of them abruptly to slide both his hands under Loki’s ass instead, suddenly rising to his feet in a casual display of his strength. Loki winds his arms around Thor’s shoulders as Thor carries him towards the bedroom, his voice low and husky in Loki’s ear. “I want to be inside you… I want to take you, slow and deep... watch you fall apart underneath me... little brother.”

Once they reach the foot of the bed, Thor sets Loki down, but he feels almost too wobbly to be standing anymore, leaving one hand on Thor’s arm to steady himself. He’s flushing to the tips of his ears from Thor’s words, but if he’s embarrassed, it’s only because of how very much the entire sentiment makes him happy.

Taking advantage of the momentary stun in Loki’s eyes, Thor drags the remainder of his clothes off his hips, and Loki steps out of them as Thor yanks his own down too, kicking them aside.

“Starki,” Loki says, grateful that his voice is steadier than his body. “Show me the sky right now, without the city’s lights.”

Loki’s planetarium comes to life all around them and Thor can’t help but turn his eyes upwards to take in the sight of thousands of stars undiminished.

Over their heads, the constellation of Gemini glitters brightly as Loki closes the distance between them, winding his arms around Thor and following his gaze. “...only if you fall apart with me... brother.”

For the first time, the softly uttered word sounds like an endearment and Thor smiles, wrapping his arms around Loki in response as he sings softly, “ _Promise I’ll never let you go_.” He doesn’t wait for an answer this time, but lets the world tilt madly as he falls onto the bed, taking Loki down with him.

Loki lets Thor roll them until he’s on his back with Thor’s warm weight pressing him down into the mattress, Thor’s hard cock dragging underside to underside against his own, and Thor’s hot mouth claiming his with another hungry kiss. Tangling his hands in Thor’s golden hair, Loki wants to laugh and cry with the sweet relief of finally being exactly where he wants to be.

There’s nothing to be afraid of… nothing to run away from… he’s perfectly safe – trusted, wanted and loved, just as he is – here in Thor’s embrace. When he finally breaks their kiss, it’s only to murmurs Thor’s name against his lips in a lustful, breathy whisper. “Thor...”

Thor props himself up on one elbow, his breathing quick and uneven as he gazes down at Loki’s flushed face, his beautiful eyes gone almost black with his arousal, and reaches to tenderly brush a lock of dark hair away from his face.

It’s finally just them – nothing else matters. There’s no anger, no reason for mistrust, no need for anything but to be completely present in this moment they’ve both fought for and chosen together. “Loki...” he rumbles softly, knowing without words what’s being asked. He reaches for where he knows Loki’s oil is, sliding a hand between them to slick both of their cocks, but when he moves to tease into Loki with a finger, Loki grips his shoulders with one sharp shake of his head.

“You know what I want...” Loki whispers, heart in his throat with a shiver of anticipation. “I know what you want.”

Thor breaks apart a little at the unchecked desire in Loki’s words and he leans down, brushing their lips together, feather-light. “Surrender,” he breathes against Loki’s lips before taking his cock in hand, guiding it until the slick head is pressed up against Loki’s hole. “Yours and mine.”

Framed by the night sky, Thor glows as if he were a star himself and Loki melts under the affection in his gaze as Thor takes him just as promised – achingly, lovingly slow, making Loki tremble as his body adjusts to being stretched open and split apart by the thick heat of Thor’s cock pushing inside him.

Thor watches Loki’s eyes squeeze shut for a moment as he finally sinks all the way into him, but when they drift open again, the reflection of the starscape shines in their depths. Something else shines even brighter from within him, though, and it steals Thor’s breath, captures his heart all over again. He knows what Loki’s next words are because they are also his own, and they utter them in the same exhale.

“I love you.”

They’re finally in perfect harmony.

Finding Loki’s hand, Thor intertwines their fingers, and then he begins to fuck into Loki with long, slow thrusts as words of adoration tumble from his lips. Loki rolls his hips up to meet Thor each time, squeezing tight around him, loathe to let him go as he moans out his own breathy replies in lovely counterpoint.

“Loki.” “Thor.”

“Baby.” “Lover.”

“Darling.” “Dearest.”

Loki’s pulse throbs in his ears and in his untouched cock when Thor finally pauses, pulled almost all of the way out him. He knows without a doubt what Thor’s next endearment will be as their eyes meet, and they murmur the word together.

“Brother.”

Thor groans in response, lifting one of Loki’s legs up over his shoulder as he moves to his knees, wanting to be buried as deep as possible inside his brother, wanting to sear his mark within him – so that Loki will always be his, so that Loki will never feel alone again, so that they will be forever linked. “Come,” he chokes out, his thrusts growing faster, harder. “Come with me, Loki. Together.”

Loki moans again, helpless to the love and desperation, to the pleading demand in Thor’s voice, and the hand not desperately squeezing Thor’s wraps around his own cock, stroking himself in time with their rhythm. Every thrust of Thor’s cock into him explodes stars behind his eyes and Loki arches his back as he feels the crescendo of ecstasy sparking at the edges of his mind, almost upside-down as he cries out. “Yes! Yes, Thor, yes. Together.”

And they do, each surrendering and falling apart in response to the other, tumbling end over end together in a blissful composition of their own creation.


	21. Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is heavily music-influenced and we recommend listening to the songs as they appear in the story.  
> You can find the entire playlist [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1_0InctjP7wQsrRX0_9epczWMwPmu-5l).
> 
> Please note: If you are reading this on mobile, the pictures will probably be too big for your screen. We recommend opening the pictures in a separate window or tab which will allow them to resize properly!

_o/~ Look at the lights  
Twinkling bright  
Twenty four seven  
Every inch of Central Park  
Is covered in white  
This could be heaven  
And I don't wanna miss a single thing  
Don't wanna put end to all this cheer  
But as long as you're with me  
It's always the time of the year ~/o_

Loki’s hands settle over the keys of the piano as the very last of their patrons exits out the front door and Val flips the sign to closed. Technically, they still aren’t supposed to be performing or rehearsing here, but it’s Christmas Eve and Loki’s convinced that both stray fangirls and the police have better things to be doing tonight than showing up to stalk or fine them for playing some Christmas songs at an after-hours party.

And this is _definitely_ a party that’s being set up inside Thunderstruck tonight, even if it’s a small and private one.

Thor and Heimdall are already pulling a bunch of tables and chairs together in the center of the room as Loki starts to play, never one to waste the opportunity to entertain. Val returns to finishing all of the unique drink requests for tonight, including what he’s heard from Thor is the “best damn spiked eggnog on the planet”, and in front of the bar, Carol and Bruce are keeping her company, the three of them talking and laughing. Steve, Bucky and Sam have run next door to pick up a huge order from their favorite Bagel & Deli, but once they return, a low-key night of drinking and feasting and singing is in the plans.

It isn’t anything grand or spectacular, but it’s warm and cozy and absolutely where each and every one of them wants to be tonight. The feeling that glows inside Loki’s chest as he plays for all of them is still new, but as he looks up and catches Thor’s eyes from across the room, and they grin at each other, he thinks he knows what it is.

He’s _home_.

He’s happy. They’re all happy, just to be here together, and he realizes with a giddy thrill how much he can’t wait to surprise their friends – their family – with their big news.

_o/~ You make every day feel like it's Christmas  
Never wanna stop  
Feelin' like the first thing on your wishlist  
Right up at the top  
I can't deny what I'm feelin' inside  
Nothin' fake about the way you bring me to life  
You make every day feel like it's Christmas  
Every day that I'm with you  
I can't deny what I'm feeling inside  
No matter the reason, no matter the season  
My heart’ll keep beating, you better believe ~/o_

The door to Thunderstruck opens again to admit their missing friends, carrying platters of meat and cheese and fresh-peeled shrimp, bags of bagels and various sides, and a huge array of Italian cookies and pastries. The mood ought to be festive, but Steve looks visibly bothered, and the three of them are somber as they set everything down on the tables.

“What’s with the heartbroken expression?” Thor immediately queries them in alarm. “It’s Christmas Eve and we’re closed for the night – isn’t it time to celebrate?”

“We’re just a little bummed,” Bucky answers first, glancing at Steve, who sighs and crosses his arms over his chest before addressing the group.

“Our fave deli next door?” Steve starts and Thor nods in a go-on sort of manner. “They’ve got a closing sign in the window dated for next week! Owner’s gone for the night already, but the guy at the counter said he thought the building had been sold.”

“Sounds like they’ll be relocating,” Sam adds, but he looks equally disappointed. “But the new place won’t be up and running for a bit, so we’re gonna be eating more pizza.”

“No bagels _and_ new neighbors,” Bucky summarizes with a heavy sigh, pulling one out of the bag and holding it up in sad tribute.

Thor meets Loki’s eyes from across the room as his partner rises from the piano and comes to join them, both of them knowing the cat’s now out of the bag. “Well, about that...” he starts tentatively.

Everyone’s eyes instantly shift to Thor, who gives them a soft laugh and a sheepish expression before Heimdall rescues him, suggesting they all sit down and talk over dinner. Val, Bruce and Carol carry the drinks over from the bar as Steve, Bucky and Sam crack open all of the platters and Thor waits until everyone’s settled with plates of food before starting in on an explanation of his mysterious comment.

“You all know I’ve been going through a list of proposals Heimdall put together about what to do in response to the whole police mess and while it would probably be easiest to simply completely relocate, there isn’t any existing space in the neighborhood that would really accommodate us. None of us really want to relocate Thunderstruck anyway, and I wished for it to be as easy as buying out the space next door, but it’s not like I want to run our fave place out of town either.”

Thor pauses, because what he really wants to say is _I refuse to be my father_ , but it’s not necessary. He already knows he’s better than that, and even if he’s dabbling his hands into the family business of real estate, it’s only because it suits his purposes. “It was actually Loki who came up with the idea of making it equally beneficial for them to relocate too.”

Loki understands Thor’s pause because they’ve talked about all of it – both of their fathers, both of those ugly legacies – and they’ve made their peace with it. They’re both on their own now, out from under the family umbrellas, but they’re in this together, and he picks up where Thor’s left off. “We bought a great space up a block and a half – one that’s too small for what we want to do with Thunderstruck, but big enough that it would be an expansion for the deli, with the understanding that we’d then sell that larger property to the owners next door for the same value of their smaller place. They’re absolutely getting the better deal because we also made sure they’ll have enough money to cover the relocation too, but it’s worth it for us because we’ll have exactly the space we want and need.”

“Wow, that’s… quite the clever Monopoly move,” Bucky laughs as he teases, genuinely impressed.

“But just being bigger isn’t going to solve all our problems,” Steve points out, though he’s quietly grateful to know they’ve done right by their next door neighbors and their community in general.

“Hold up a moment,” Loki says, lifting one finger, and now he seems even more excited as he strides quickly across the room to the piano and pulls out a huge tube of paper they’d secreted behind it hours ago. “Part of the reason we went with this solution instead of a full relocation is because Thor insisted that not losing the essence of Thunderstruck was of utmost importance to him.”

“I still want the people who’ve supported us all this time,” Thor nods towards Bucky, remembering his earlier comments on the subject, “To be able to drop in for a beer at any time, but I also don’t want to split the music off from the bar and have it be in a separate building… so we need to create a space that will work the ways we need it to, when we need it to...”

With Loki’s help, Thor roll out the plans they’ve been working on together in the last few days, pointing out how they’re gutting the deli next door and taking out the wall dividing the two buildings, replacing it with an insulated partition. The stage and all of the instruments will be moving next door, opening up the back of the bar for more tables and chairs. By day, next door can serve as a rehearsal space, and when they want a concert, the top half of the wall will accordion into the back of the building.

“Stark Industries?” Bruce notices the name at the corner of the diagrams. “Is Tony working with you?”

“Yes,” Loki answers this time. “On the audio portion and the mechanics of the wall, especially. We’ve been over at Stark Tower for the last two days drawing up plans for the sound system and debating about how best to contain the concert space, but still allow free flow in and out of the bar half of the building.”

“The bathrooms in each building are back to back, so that can stay as is,” Thor leads them around the diagram for the changes and additions with one finger, letting Heimdall take over holding his end of the paper. “But the real trick is having a secondary bar down the center of the room. When the wall is closed, Thunderstruck won’t look much different than it does now, but when we open the partition, the other bar divides the space easily and doubles our ability to handle patrons too.”

“More bar space means more staff for concert nights,” Steve says, to which everyone nods in agreement, but he’s intrigued now, leaning forward in his seat to take note of the new layout, his sandwich all but forgotten on his plate. “So, only staff can move freely between the two halves of the new building by going through the bar, but the music will still be able to be heard throughout the whole space. Interesting.”

“But this doesn’t solve the issue of the insane crowd you guys draw,” Sam reminds them gently. “You really can’t hold _free_ concerts anymore and not expect to be overrun.”

“Absolutely true,” Thor admits ruefully.

“Hear us out, though,” Loki jumps in again, the argument going exactly where he and Thor had already speculated that it would. “We offer a choice on concert nights: if you want in on the stage side of the bar, it’s a flat cover charge, akin to a concert ticket, and drinks are extra.”

“And if you just want in on the bar side, it’s a 2 drink minimum and a very obstructed view of the stage,” Thor finishes, waiting to see what they’ll all make of the idea. Having an actual cover charge satisfies some of the legal issues the bar is having and isn’t something they can really get around, but he hopes this compromise might let it bother Steve and Bucky a little less.

“Hmm,” Val finally chimes in thoughtfully, having listened to the whole argument before deciding to weigh in on the thing she’s been most worried about the whole time. “It’s true that most of your crazy fans would want to be up close and personal with the stage, and there’s going to be a huge space around it once the whole deli is cleared out if it’s standing room only.”

“Any regular here to hang in the bar with their buddies on a Friday night wouldn’t have a problem with a drink minimum, in my opinion,” Bruce adds. “It’s not unreasonable to expect people to buy drinks and not just loiter – lots of places have rules like that during busy times.”

“But are we a bar or a club, then?” Steve frowns, not ready to agree or disagree with the idea just yet.

“Neither,” Thor says at the very same time that Loki answers, “Both,” and then they glance at each other, both coloring and chuckling softly.

Heimdall finally rolls up the papers and decides to add his assessment to the situation with what he regards as the bottom line of the dilemma that’s arisen. “It’s impossible to continue on as you were without making changes. This expansion will help with the crowd issues while retaining as much of Thunderstruck’s integrity as we can manage. It may not entirely solve the crowd problems, but to keep music inside Thunderstruck, you must accept that the ability to hold concert nights will require tickets or a cover charge, along with hired security to keep track of occupancy and any lines outside.”

Everyone is quiet for a moment until, strangely enough, Carol decides to interrupt the group’s tense silence with one simple, but truthful remark that not a single one of them can argue. “You won’t know unless you try.”

“...I think we gotta have faith that our regulars aren’t going to abandon us so easily,” Bucky is the first to speak up in support.

“And if the alternatives are completely relocating, or parting the bar and the music?” Sam says with a slow shake of his head. “Then I think you’ve made the right choice. We’ve always had live music at Thunderstruck and long-time patrons have been enjoying the concerts just as much as your old fans.”

Everyone’s eyes shift to Steve, waiting to hear what he’ll say, and he gives a begrudging little noise before asking. “So… how long are these renovations supposed to take? Thunderstruck staying open as usual in the meantime?”

Thor grins at him long and hard before answering, “Absolutely. First priority is keeping things here business as usual, as much as possible. But honestly, there’s no way I can be worried about the bar if I’m overseeing the renovations.”

“ _A_ _nd_ working on new music for the band,” Loki cuts in to add, spilling the next layer of their plans now that it seems as if everyone is still willing to hear them out.

“Every article in every paper about you guys has been wondering whether you’ll record an album,” Sam enthuses. “It sounds like you’ve already got plenty of hopeful fans.”

Loki’s eyes flicker over to Thor as he smiles, but Thor doesn’t give away that they’ve already got a framed copy on the wall of the paper that came out the day after Stark’s party, excitedly covering Thor’s comeback and Loki’s dramatic entrance onto the scene, how they’d revealed the truth about his old hit at Stark’s big holiday party and then dropped a song with their new band. They’d laughed about it in bed for hours, actually, and then they’d- “We’re planning on turning the second floor into a recording studio,” Loki interrupts his own wandering thoughts as he feels himself growing warm at the memory. “But that won’t happen until after we get the first floor finished -”

“A studio too!” Sam exclaims, brightening even further at the thought. “Wow, you two really _have_ been doing some planning.” He looks from Thor to Loki like he _wants_ to ask something further, but before he decides if he should, Bucky steals the opportunity out from under him.

“So you’re moving out of the upstairs apartment and in with Loki then?” Bucky queries them lightly with a knowing little smirk.

Both Thor and Loki look at each other, then anywhere but at each other, and the whole table snickers.

Loki clears his throat before answering. “Eventually, yes. But for now, with the renovations happening...”

“We’ll be here as much as there, probably,” Thor finishes. “But I definitely won’t be here all the time anymore, especially as things move forward. And I need to know that Thunderstruck’s in good hands.”

“Of course!” Steve laughs, because he’s been running the place without a lot of Thor’s input for several years now and their mutual trust is why he’s still here.

“I want it in _your_ hands, all three of you,” Thor continues as if he hasn’t even heard that confirmation, pointing in turns at Steve, Bucky and Sam, who all nod as they look around at each other, none of them quite certain what Thor’s getting at.

Loki can’t help a soft laugh as he elbows Thor. “Stop teasing them or they might say no.”

Thor keeps grinning because he _knows_ they don’t quite get it yet. “Let me be plain: I want to give the bar to you. I want you not only to run it, but to also have a stake in it. I meant it when I said I can’t possibly do all of this alone.”

Steve is instantly floored. “What?! You can’t just… give it away!”

“Loki and I will own the club half – we’ll all be partners on the same deed once it becomes one building, technically?” He waves a hand towards Heimdall who nods in agreement.

Val turns to Steve before he can protest further and says, “I overheard you and Bucky talking a few weeks ago about maybe someday wanting your own bar.” She shrugs and inclines her chin towards Thor and Loki. “And maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to them about it, but...”

“This _is_ your bar, Steve. Bucky. Sam.” Thor insists, his voice and his eyes shining with warmth and reassurance.

“I… don’t know what to say...” Steve mumbles, raking one hand through his hair in a gesture that’s both awkward and flattered.

“Say yes,” Bucky leans in to bump shoulders with Steve. “You say _yes_.”

“ _Hell_ yes,” Sam enthuses, leaning in to bump Steve from the other side, and they both jostle him back and forth until he finally yelps at them to knock it off, the tips of his ears flushing at their teasing.

Thor, ever more hopeful, takes a folder from Heimdall as he pulls it from his briefcase and then pushes it across the table towards the three of them. “…..Merry Christmas?”

Steve looks up at Thor, but when all he can see in his friend’s face is happiness and gratitude, he can’t find any real reason to say no. This place and everyone here right now – they did build this _together_. “I’m in.”

Thor whoops loudly, darting around the table to crush Steve in a huge hug before he can even get out of his chair.

Sam is way past accepting the idea at this point. He’s fully on board and ready to poke Loki about what he’s quietly pieced together from their plans. “So what you’re also telling us is that this means no music until… when?”

Loki winces, knowing the question would eventually come up, but hating the answer to it all the same. “… a few months, at least?”

Sam groans loudly, but Bruce gives a strangled noise of relief that makes everyone turn to stare at him immediately.

“Whaaaaat?” he waves them all off, but that does nothing to satiate their curiosity and he huffs a little before explaining. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that I need a few months off before I can commit to anything regular!”

“Well, are you going to tell them _why_?” Val prods him both verbally and under the table with the toe of her boot.

“Ah, well… that is...”

Thor connects the dots immediately and blurts out the conclusion. “Tony funded your grant, didn’t he?!”

“Way to steal my thunder!” Bruce complains, having been about to finally spit the words out himself.

Thor grins wide in answer, coming around the table again to offer Bruce his fist to bump. “Sorry, the thunder’s all mine! Now give us the details.”

Bruce is almost bashful with how thrilled he is about the outcome as he bumps his fist against Thor’s. “Yeah, yeah, he funded it. Wants in on the development of the project too. We’re starting the week after the new year with the first round. It’s gonna take me being on site every day for awhile to get everything set up. But a few months down the road, once we’re just monitoring and analyzing the data? Then I’ll have a little more time again.”

“Aaaand?” Val gestures at him with one circling hand.

“What?” Bruce gives her a baffled side-glance.

Val rolls her eyes and prods him one more time. “And what should we _call_ you now?”

Bruce is even MORE embarrassed as he realizes where she’s leading the conversation, but even as he turns red, he’s also straightening up with pride. “ _Dr._ Bruce Banner.”

“So my ears weren’t mistaken at the party when I heard Tony refer to you that way,” Loki teases him. “Well, Dr. Banner, it sounds like your hiatus is perfectly timed – but do keep in touch so I can send you new songs?”

“Will do,” he promises with a grateful grin.

This reveal results in a big round of celebratory cheers and clinking of glasses, the tension in the room now thoroughly broken as they all begin to realize that piece by piece, they will figure out how to make all of it work together.

Taking advantage of the moment, Bucky leans away from Steve and in the other direction, nudging Val this time. “I hear that’s not the only news we have to celebrate tonight, though, right Val?”

Val gives Bucky a glare, but it has zero effect on him, and he only laughs in response as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms expectantly. Val then turns to Carol, Carol shrugs, and they appear to have an entire conversation that seems to consist of minute facial expressions before Carol finally holds up her hand to show off the gorgeous and unusual ring – not a typical diamond solitaire, but instead, a band of tiny sparkling sapphires and rubies.

“We’re going to be a little busy trying to put together a wedding before Carol’s out on assignment again,” Val finally admits. “You’re all invited, whenever it is.”

“We could just get married at the courthouse,” Carol suggests with a shrug, but she’s at least halfway teasing, just to rile Val up.

Steve decides it’s time to break out the champagne at about the same moment that Val decides she should really escape the ribbing to retrieve the spiked eggnog from the fridge, and the group dissolves into everyone toasting in rounds – one for the girls’ engagement, one for Bruce’s degree, and one for their plans for Thunderstruck.

Before long, everyone is pleasantly tipsy and spirited, talking about Bruce’s project, wedding ideas, and the renovation diagrams. Thor knows there’s still a ton of details to work out, but the most important thing has been accomplished – everyone’s on board. He’s got the bar and its crew, he’s got the band, even on temporary hiatus, and most importantly, he has Loki, who is… Thor glances around the table, realizing that his lover’s gone missing during the revelry.

Where is he?

Oh. Of course. He’s back at the piano, and when Thor catches his eyes, Loki beckons to him with one black-painted fingernail.

“Let’s sing their song for them,” Loki suggests warmly as Thor sits down beside him on the piano bench, opposite-facing as usual, leaning into him as he begins to play the opening chords. He sings the words soft and tender, in celebration for their friends, but also in a quiet promise to Thor.

_o/~ When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love ~/o_

Thor’s known this song for ages and he remembers the night Val first asked Loki to sing this – it feels like yesterday and at the same time, a thousand years ago. They’ve come so far since then, and he sings the second verse with a comfortable ease, a promise in answer.

_o/~ When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
Oh, I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love ~/o_

As they start to sing the chorus in harmony, the conversation among the rest of their friends begins to dwindle. Val rises to her feet and offers a hand to Carol, and after a bit of nudging from the others, she accepts the invitation to dance. Steve slings an arm each around Bucky and Sam’s shoulders where they sit in a row at the table and they both lean into him, and everyone pretends not to notice Bruce rubbing at the tears in the corners of his eyes.

_o/~ I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I will never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong ~/o_

As they reach the next verse, Thor takes the main melody and Loki starts to sing in a descant over the top, his voice soaring on the word love in a way that makes all the hair on the back of Thor’s arms stand on end.

_o/~ The storms are raging on the rolling sea to make you feel my love  
And on the highway of regret my love  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free my love ~/o_

Loki startles a little as Thor turns on the last line, swiveling around until they are sitting side by side, both facing towards the piano as they sing, his hand landing warm and comforting on Loki’s thigh.

_o/~_ _You ain't seen nothing like me yet_ _~/o_

Somehow, Thor always manages to do the unexpected, and Loki smiles up at him with delight in his eyes as then they croon the ending in a delicate harmony, heads slowly leaning in together, just the barest hint of the piano remaining under their voices.

_o/~ my love, my love, my love ~/o_

The room is quiet for a moment, feeling too intimate even for applause, and then Val finally breaks the silence with just one touched and grateful, slightly choked-up word. “...thanks.”

“You two really have a gift,” Carol adds, a soft and genuine smile on her face.

Such sentimentality coming from the two of them is more than Loki can handle, especially with Thor beside him beaming back at them, and he feels the sudden need to lighten the atmosphere again, especially as Carol’s left him the perfect opening to do so. “Hmm~...” he hums mischievously. “On the subject of gifts...”

Thor eyes him curiously as Loki bumps him gently off the piano bench. “What are you scheming?”

“That’s a dangerous expression,” Bruce adds immediately. “Should we be worried? I’m worried.”

“Just another song I’d like to share with you,” Loki intones lightly, managing to sound completely innocent as he plays the opening jazz lick to Billy Joel’s Piano Man. “As I said, a _gift_.”

Steve whistles at the opening as he recognizes it instantly and Thor drops into a seat between Heimdall and Bruce to listen.

Loki grins coyly at all of them just before he begins to sing – not the original lyrics, but a creation of his own, dedicated to affectionately calling out each one of them in turn.

_o/~ It’s eight o’clock on a Friday  
The regular crowd shuffles in  
There’s a scientist waving hands at me  
He’s definitely at least 3 beers in  
He says, Loki, I’ve got a request tonight  
You know really well how it goes  
It’s sad and it’s sweet and I drum it complete  
In secret where nobody knows ~/o_

The entire group snickers their way through the first verse and even though Bruce pretends to be outraged, he’s really laughing too hard for anyone to take it seriously. Loki sings the first chorus alone as they all get ahold of themselves, and then launches into the second verse with just as much gusto.

_o/~ Now Val at the bar is a friend of mine  
She gets me my drinks for free  
And she’s buying a ring for a girl on the wing  
Carol’s someone she’s longing to see  
She says o/~_

And here Loki stops singing for a moment, nodding towards Val, who mutters with a shake of her head, even though she’s grinning. “Honestly, you guys are all crazy.”

Loki picks right up from there to finish the verse, unsurprised by the teasing “awws” that Steve, Bucky and Sam toss her way at how it ends.

_o/~ But you can see there’s a smile on her face  
She used to think she could go it alone  
But she’s gotten quite fond of this place ~/o_

The next verse teases the three of them, though, and Loki can hardly keep the smirk off his face at watching all three flush with equal embarrassment as everyone else gets their turn to laugh.

_o/~ Now Steve is a former army man  
And he captains this team quite fine  
But he wouldn’t be lucky if he didn’t have Bucky  
By his side ‘til the end of the line  
Sam probably thinks I’ve forgotten him  
But let me remind him before he moans  
That his ad brought this family together  
So there’s no need for drinking alone ~/o_

This time, when Loki reaches the chorus, Thor starts to sing along with him, with Bruce and Steve right behind, and as they reach the last verse, Loki slows the song down a little, playing some rolled chords underneath instead of the usual waltz style.

_o/~ It’s a pretty good crowd for a Friday  
And the bar owner gives me a smile  
‘Cause he knows that it’s we that they’re waitin’ to see  
Up on stage playing songs for a while  
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival  
And the microphone smells like a beer  
But who gives a fuck, this is Thunderstruck  
There’s nowhere we’d rather be than here ~/o_

Thor finds himself blinking back tears and Bucky pounds his fist against his heart with a hearty laugh before pointing at Loki, and this time, they all sing the final chorus together.

_o/~ Oh, la la la, di da da  
La la, di da da da dum  
Sing us a song you're the piano man  
Sing us a song tonight  
Well we're all in the mood for a melody  
And you got us feeling alright ~/o_

Everyone dissolves into laughter as Loki reaches the end, quoting bits of it back and forth to tease each other, and he grins to see everyone in such high spirits. “I hope it was an acceptable gift?” he asks all of them, but his eyes are on Thor and the pure joy radiating from his entire being.

“A gift that could only come from you,” Thor laughs happily. “Certain to become a classic.”

“Play us another, piano man,” Steve jokes amiably, Bucky and Sam chiming in just as loudly. Hearing Loki roast the entire crew only means that he’s truly family now in Steve’s eyes – fair game for just as much roasting in return. “Why else are you here?”

“What do you want, Cap?” Loki sasses him back. “I know – _more_ Christmas music?”

Bruce and Val both groan simultaneously, practically falling out of their chairs with dismay. “Nooooooooo.”

The room erupts into laughter again and okay, maybe they’re all more than a little drunk at this point, and Loki’s eyes drift over their happy faces before pausing on some of the rainbow-colored lights strung across the bar behind them.

This is the happiest Christmas Eve he’s ever had and maybe he doesn’t mind... if they can all tell that this place feels like home to him. It’s home to _all_ of them and even though he’d been planning to save this song to play for Thor later, when they’d be alone, Loki suddenly feels that… maybe it’s okay if he lets everyone hear how he really feels.

The song is in 12/8, feeling like 3 and 4 all at once, and he plays the bassline in octaves in the lowest register of the piano, letting it vibrate through him as he starts to sing.

_o_ _/~_ _We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January  
This is our place, we make the rules  
And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear  
Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?  
Can I go where you go?  
Can we always be this close forever and ever?  
And ah, take me out, and take me home  
You're my, my, my, my lover _ _~/o_

Of course, Loki _would_ somehow pick the song that’s been following Thor around everywhere he’s gone for the last few weeks. And from the twinkle in his Loki’s green eyes, Thor also knows it’s another wink at him – another gift – this time, to that teenaged boy who was brave enough to admit his crush in a karaoke room with both a song and a kiss. Thor swallows back the lump in his throat and doesn’t bother to ask Loki whether he can join him on stage – he already knows the answer will always be yes.

Loki’s eyes meet Thor’s as he rises from his seat, sauntering back up to the piano as he sings tenderly to Loki.

_o/~ We could light a bunch of candles  
And dance around the kitchen, baby  
Pictures of when we were young would hang on the wall  
We would sit on the stoop  
I'll sing love songs to you when we're eighty ~/o_

Thor reaches the last line of the verse as he sits down beside Loki again, and they sing together in sweet harmony.

_o/~_ _See, I finally got you now, honey, I won't let you fall  
_ _Can I go where you go?  
Can we always be this close forever and ever?  
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)  
You're my, my, my, my lover ~/o_

Loki had entirely expected that Thor might be unable to resist joining him on this song, but it doesn’t stop him from singing the entire bridge from the original, leaning his head against Thor’s shoulder when he reaches the last two lines. He’s all but forgotten that there’s anyone in the room but the two of them.

_o/~ Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?  
With every guitar string scar on my hand  
I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover  
My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue  
All's well that ends well to end up with you  
Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover ~/o_

Thor reaches to place one finger under Loki’s chin, turning his face until their eyes meet, trusting that Loki can play for a moment without needing to look at the keys.

_o/~_ _Look in my eyes, they will tell you the truth  
The __one_ _in my story has always been you  
I'd go down with the Titanic, it's true, for you,_ _lover_ _~/o_

They tease each other with the next two lines and manage to draw a few snickers out of their friends, and then Thor echoes Loki as they rock back and forth together to the underlying swing of the song. No one else is able to resist either, with the everyone either dancing or swaying along to the final chorus too.  
  
_o/~_ _And you'll save all your_ _dirtiest jokes for me  
And at every table, I'll save you a seat, __lover (_ _Save you a seat_ _)_ _  
__Can I go where you go? (_ _Can I go where you go, baby?_ _)_ _  
__Can we always be this close forever and ever? (_ _Forever and ever_ _)_ _  
__And ah, take me out, and take me home_ _  
__You're my, my, my, my_ _  
__Oh, you're my, my, my, my_ _  
__Darling, you're my, my, my, my_ _lover_ _~/o_

The last word is sung completely a capella and then Thor leans down and Loki leans up, their lips meeting in a sweet and tender kiss. It’s not the first one they’ve shared in front of their friends, and it certainly won’t be the last.

More songs and rounds of drinks continue as Christmas Eve slides into Christmas Day with not a one of them noticing, and the sun’s almost come up by the time everyone’s worn out their revelry. Hugs and kisses and well wishes go every which way before everyone bids their farewells until the 26th. There will be plenty waiting for them to do after the holiday and into the new year, but for now, it’s time to rest.

Thor and Loki finally find themselves alone in Thunderstruck as the door closes gently behind their friends and Thor holds out a hand to his lover as he crosses to the center of the room, singing to him softly, “Can I go where you go?”

“Can we always be this close?” Loki sings back as he offers his hand in return and lets Thor pull him in close. His other hand lands on Thor’s shoulder as Thor’s other hand fits snugly against the small of his back. They dance as they sing, swaying back and forth, turning in a slow circle under the lights, their voices echoing around the empty bar.

_o/~_ _forever and ever?_  
_And ah, take me out, and take me home_  
_You're my, my, my, my lover_ _~/o_

Thor lets go of Loki’s hand to instead card his fingers through Loki’s dark hair, finally curling them around the back of Loki’s neck as he softly asks, despite already knowing the answer. “Do you mean it, lover? Forever and ever?”

It’s a question that would have sent Loki running once upon a time, but now he only smiles up at his lover, warm and trusting, placing the palm of his hand over Thor’s heart, his eyes soft as he answers. “And always, Brother.”


	22. Coda

Thor finally breaks their kiss with a gasp and rolls off of Loki, both of them panting for air, and Loki finds his hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing as intensely as the sparks still flying over his skin.

After a moment of catching their breath, Thor tugs and Loki rolls over and into his arms this time, until his head is pillowed on Thor’s shoulder and he can listen as his lover’s heartbeat calms.

The winter light of the newly risen sun drifts across them in shades of gold and Thor gives a low hum of contentment as he strokes his hand through Loki’s hair.

Half-asleep already, Loki hums back… but then the hum slowly becomes a melody, a warm expression of Loki’s own contentment, his voice vibrating into Thor’s chest and making his breath catch.

“Loki…” Thor murmurs, his hand suddenly stilling as the music jars his memories. “That song…”

“Hmm?”

“I recognize it.”

“Do you? It’s just an old tune I’ve known for ages – can’t remember the words anymore,” Loki sighs, yawns, his eyes drifting closed as he curls in closer to Thor.

Thor hugs him a little harder, a little tighter. “...it’s the lullaby Mother used to sing to me.”

There’s a long moment of silence before Loki lifts his head from Thor’s shoulder, meeting his eyes with a soft and hesitant, “...oh?”

“Yes.” Thor lets go of a choked-up little laugh, because clearly Loki doesn’t understand, doesn’t realize that the only way he could know- “...the one she made up for me when I was a child.”

And as Thor sings the words Loki’s been missing all these years, Loki’s eyes fill with tears, because he absolutely understands what it means.

“Merry Christmas, Brother,” Thor kisses the tears from Loki’s cheeks as he laughs in happiness, and then Loki’s laughing too, and kissing him back as he echoes their truth.

“Merry Christmas, Brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Thorkis. 
> 
> Thank you for taking this journey with us.
> 
> Until next time. 🎶


End file.
